Blessings and Curses
by WhoMe-2
Summary: A trip to a planet in crisis has life-altering consequences for the Doctor and Rose, and the strength of their relationship is put to the test. **4th in the Falling Slowly series**
1. Chapter 1

***Note* **I've upped the story rating to M to be cautious, but although chapters 8 and 34 contain implied love scenes, they are the edited versions and not explicit.

This is the sequel to "Falling Slowly" but can be read alone. Some things referenced throughout will make more sense if that's read first, though. The key points to know are the Doctor and Rose are now in a bonded relationship and still together after Doomsday.

This first chapter is pretty light and innocent, but by the second chapter you'll see exactly where this story is headed. The Doctor and Rose are in for an emotional journey.

**Disclaimer:** Nope, not mine. Doctor Who and its characters belong to the BBC.

I've been anxious to finally get this story started. I hope you enjoy the ride! And remember, your reviews keep me motivated to write. ;)

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 1<span>**

Somewhere in the limitless expanse of time and space, a blue box drifted through the heavens, its occupants about to engage in an all-important discussion as a crucial question was asked.

"So, forward or backwards?" the Doctor asked Rose as he pulled himself out from beneath the console and brushed off his hands on the pinstriped fabric of his trousers. The binary circuitry connecting the matter control projectors had gone on the fritz, and the Doctor had spent the last hour making repairs while Rose sat nearby on the jump seat reading a book, occasionally pausing from her reading to hand him various tools as needed.

Rose was absorbed in her current chapter and didn't quite register the Doctor's question that had been posed to her. He stood in front of her, bouncing impatiently on his heels as he awaited a response.

"Hmm?" she replied inattentively as she finally lifted her eyes from the page to look up at his expectant face.

The Doctor was a little irked at her lack of attention; but to be fair, when she had tried to hold a conversation with him earlier he'd been so engrossed in his repairs that she had finally given up and sought out reading a book.

The Doctor was fiercely devoted to the women in his life – Rose and the TARDIS – so whenever the TARDIS needed some of his attention, Rose understood that she'd just have to share him. Perusing the shelves of the library, she had chosen a romance novel to occupy the time. Not that she needed fiction to bring a dose of passion into her life – the Doctor fulfilled her every desire in that regard quite thoroughly (when he wasn't engaged in TARDIS repairs, that is). Reading had given her something to do other than staring at the Doctor's feet sticking out from beneath the console for the past hour, though. She loved watching him tinker, but the soles of his trainers weren't exactly the best view he had to offer.

Well, the repairs were finally finished and they could get back to exploring the wonders of the universe. The Doctor, as always, was eager to go.

"Forward or backwards?" he repeated, since she'd apparently missed the question the first time.

Rose put the book aside, her full attention now resting on the exuberant Time Lord in front of her. "You're all finished, then?" she asked hopefully.

"Yep," he answered, popping his 'P' with pride. He made a grand sweeping gesture with his arm, meant to indicate the universe at large. "All of time and space is once again at your doorstep. Just say the word – it's all yours for the choosing."

Rose grinned as she stood, then thrummed her fingers against her chin as she pondered his question. "How 'bout you set the coordinates to random?" she suggested.

He quirked an adventurous brow. "The mystery tour, eh?"

"The mystery tour," she agreed. "And I'll bet you ten quid – speaking of which, you've owed me that other ten quid ever since Scotland, so this will make it twenty – that we'll end up somewhere you've never been for a change."

He nodded and accepted the challenge. "Deal. But you should know the chance of arriving in a location I haven't been is only 7.8934628%. Which means there is a 92.1065372% chance that _you_ will _lose_."

Rose rolled her eyes at his superior prediction and lifted her hand, tapping a finger to the side of his head, then couldn't resist the temptation of running her hand through his gorgeous brown locks. "I think you pull that stuff out of this giant Time Lord brain of yours at random just to sound impressive."

Something close to a purr rumbled deep in his chest from her ministrations, but the Doctor managed to keep his train of thought. "It might be random, but it's random fact. And it _is_ impressive," he rebutted, then captured her hand, whose magic fingers were sensually massaging his scalp, and placed a lingering kiss to her palm. He raised darkening eyes to hers as his voice dropped a note lower. "And as for another fact, there is a 99.9586734% chance that if you keep this up we'll never even make it out of the TARDIS."

Rose grinned saucily, the pink tip of her tongue peeking out alluringly between her teeth in the way she knew drove him mad. "Are you saying that running my fingers through your hair is all it takes to seduce you and get your supposed barriers of arousal to tumble and fall?"

The Doctor sniffed, tilting his chin aloft and straightening his tie. "Certainly not. I have a bit more control than that. But I know what running your fingers through my hair makes _you_ want, and far be it from me to deny you your desires."

She smirked. "Riiight. Know what I think? I think you and your hair are just trying to divert my attention to keep from losing this bet."

He scoffed, wagging a stern finger at her. "Just for that, your irrepressible desires are just going to have to wait." He walked back up to the console and punched a series of buttons with a flourish, then spun a final dial.

Rose gripped a firm hold on a nearby strut to keep from losing her balance and falling to the floor as they landed at their mystery location with the usual grace.

"Prepare to cough up ten quid," the Doctor said with a confident grin as he sauntered towards the door, grabbing his long brown coat on the way and slipping it on.

Rose followed after him and stepped out of the TARDIS to see where the randomly-set coordinates had taken them. Oh, she would never grow tired of this.

Rose stood outside in the warm breeze and lifted a hand to her forehead to shield her eyes from the bright midday sun as she gazed out at the scenery before them. They stood atop a lush green hill overlooking a picturesque city below, which sat in a valley surrounded by fertile, hilly terrain. The architecture and landscape with its subtle romantic ambiance reminded Rose somewhat of an Italian village, with the exception of the hover-car type vehicles moving about in their designated routes.

"Ah, lovely!" the Doctor exclaimed with enthusiasm. "I haven't been here in, ohhh, centuries."

Rose sighed. She should have known. "Well, so much for the 7% chance."

He turned to her and held out his hand, wiggling his fingers in request. "It was actually 7.8934628%. And this means...time to pay up."

Rose waved him off with a flick of her hand. "No, this means, Mr. Know-It-All, that now we're even for the ten quid you still owed me."

He frowned, having somehow managed to win yet still lose. "Well, if you want to get technical..."

Rose laughed. "Oh, look who's talkin' about getting 'technical'." She looped her arm through his as they began walking down the hill. "C'mon, let's go see this place you haven't visited in centuries. Allons-y!"

The Doctor stopped in his tracks. "That's _my_ line."

Rose gave him a wink, then leaned up to kiss him lightly on the jaw. "What's yours is mine, my beloved Bond Mate."

A slow grin made its way across his face. "So it is, Rose Tyler." It had now been just a little over a year, but no matter how much time passed, he would never cease to marvel that he and Rose had come so far in their relationship and were able to have this life together. There wasn't a single day either of them took that for granted.

They walked arm-in-arm down the grassy hill towards the city as the Doctor filled Rose in on the details of their location.

"This is the lovely planet Janyeer, and we've arrived in the Capital City of Shenreen. It bears some similarities to Earth, but it's about one-quarter the size. Quite small, relatively speaking. Quaint in some regards, but they've made some impressive advances, particularly in the medical field. It's a level five planet, but even though their own space travel is limited, they've become quite accustomed to extra-planetary visitors," he explained.

As they reached the moderately bustling crowds of the village, Rose noted the population appeared to closely resemble humans, though were maybe just a little taller on average. Their clothing style was somewhat uniform and conservative. Although the flowing, minimally embellished empire waist dresses worn by many of the women had a simple elegance.

"They all look human," Rose remarked as the two of them meandered through a stone-paved marketplace.

"No, actually, they look Time Lord," the Doctor corrected.

Rose chuckled. "Fair point."

"It's a fairly common physical form found throughout the galaxies. Particularly well-suited to these types of planetary climates."

Rose nodded. "So they look human _and_ Time Lord, but outward appearance aside, humans and Time Lords have their differences. So, what's different about the people of Janyeer?" she asked curiously.

Rose sensed a shift in the Doctor's mood and saw a slight tensing of his features. When he answered, his voice carried the same care-free tone, but Rose knew him well enough to see through the façade. "Oh, all species have their various differences. It's what makes each one unique and interesting."

They both knew that didn't answer her question. Despite the closeness they now shared and the deep inner parts of himself the Doctor had opened to her, there were times he still kept himself closed off. Rose had learned to sense when he needed to be pushed to open up further about some things to keep them from weighing him down unnecessarily; she had also learned when to just let it go and give him some space.

Rose knew this was one of those times when if he didn't want to talk about it further, she should just let the matter drop. She wished he would always be more of an open book with her, of course, but that just wasn't who he was. Rose didn't take it personally or love him any less for it. She knew his nature before she accepted him as her Bond Mate. Nearly a millennia of carrying burdens alone was not a characteristic that would change overnight or even in a few years, and maybe to some extent it would never change.

The Doctor and Rose continued milling through the open-air marketplace, taking in the sights and sounds of the pleasant village atmosphere. They stopped at a canopy-covered stand selling fresh produce. Rose sampled a fruit which resembled something like a blue peach, but tasted like a watermelon, while the Doctor ate a purple, prickly skinned, oval-shaped fruit which he swore tasted just like a banana. He offered her a bite, but she couldn't get past the prickly texture on the outside, which he warned her must be carefully peeled to avoid being poisoned by swallowing one of the small barbs. While not fatal, he told her the agonizing stomach cramps and projectile vomiting might make you think you were dying – and reach the point where you wished that you would. She passed on his tempting offer and just stuck to the safety of her blue peach.

They continued along and emerged out of the marketplace and closer in to the heart of the city. They stopped and looked ahead at a large building just a little ways beyond, which seemed to have nearly the entire population of the city congregating there as a steady crowd flowed in and out of the building.

"That looks like a _very_ popular place," Rose commented.

"It's a hospital," the Doctor informed her with a frown. "But why does it look like the busiest place on the planet? Mind you, hospitals are usually busy places; but not _that_ busy. I wonder why...?"

Rose turned to him, a glint forming in her eye. It seemed they had a mystery to solve. "Well, you and I are quite good at nosing around hospitals." She gave him a venturesome smile and bumped him with her shoulder. "What'd you say we find out for ourselves why it's overly occupied, yeah?"

He cocked his head to the side, his own intrepid eyes sparkling. "Are you suggesting we do some investigating?"

"I think I am."

He held out his hand to her and wiggled his fingers as she slipped her hand in his, fitting like a glove. "In that case, to borrow your line, Allons-y!"

The Doctor and Rose walked hand-in-hand towards the hospital, believing that for them this was just another ordinary day, another ordinary adventure. The coordinates may have been set to random, but the events poised to take place here had been woven throughout the fabric of time like the strands of an unbreakable thread.

The players were in place, the cards were about to be dealt, and destiny would soon play its hand.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N **As promised, this chapter reveals a fair glimpse as to where the plot is headed. Did I mention this story will have a bit of angst...? ;)

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 2<span>**

The Doctor and Rose made their way through the crowd and into the hospital, then waited their turn to finally make it up to the front desk to ask a few questions and see if they could find some answers.

The woman behind the desk, who looked overworked and overwhelmed as she sorted through stacks of admittance charts, barely looked up as they approached. "Are you here to check in or to visit a patient?"

"Neither, actually," the Doctor replied. "I'm the Doctor and this is Rose, and we–"

The woman's head snapped up. "A Doctor? You're here to help, then?" she asked with a note of hope and a look of desperation.

The Doctor smiled. This was the one question he never refused. "That I am. I'll help in any way I can."

"Just a minute," she said, quickly turning, "I'll contact Dr. Kedra and inform her you're here."

The Doctor turned to Rose and shrugged as the woman spoke into the comm-system. "Didn't even need to use the psychic paper for credentials," he said under his breath.

"Apparently they're desperate for more doctors," Rose replied, looking around grimly at the mass of people about.

The woman turned back toward them and handed the Doctor a pass to be worn around his wrist. "She'll meet you in her lab. Take the lift straight ahead to the fourth floor, then turn right. It's the second door on the left. Scan your pass and it will give you access to the lab." She looked at Rose. "You'll have to wait here, I'm afraid. Medical personnel only."

The Doctor shook his head. "No, she's with me. She might not be a doctor, but the help she can also give is invaluable."

"I'm sorry, but–"

"She's with _me_," he repeated firmly. "No exceptions."

"Doctor, it's fine," Rose spoke up. "I'll just–"

"No exceptions," he repeated.

The woman lifted her brows but nodded slightly. "I see. Am I correct in assuming you are a mated pair, then?" she asked with a trace of mirth, sensing if that were the case, they weren't getting much further here if an allowance wasn't made.

Rose blushed slightly at the overt title, dead-on accurate as it was, but she was also feeling a pleasant rush of heat from the Doctor's show of possessiveness.

"We are," he confirmed in a straight-forward tone. Gone were the days when he would try to deny – to himself or to anyone else – just what they were to each other. Rose was _his_. On that same token, he was _hers_. He couldn't deny that the magnitude of it was sometimes frightening. He had never lost himself so completely to one person before. Bottom line, no one was separating them. End of discussion.

The message clearly received, the woman turned back to the comm-system. "Very well. I'll inform Dr. Kedra of your...rules."

"Thank you." The Doctor looked back over at Rose, lowering his voice to speak only to her. "I'm not having us get separated again in another hospital. You know what happened the last time."

Rose chuckled. "Oh, I dunno. Our run-in with Cassandra wasn't _all_ bad, was it? I seem to fuzzily recall you getting a thorough snog out of it."

The Doctor made a pleased sound in his throat that matched his smile. "There was that, yes." His smile vanished. "But there was also the less pleasant aspect which included me getting taken over and parading around like a lunatic – a _female_ lunatic." He grimaced as the words, '_Goodness me, I'm a man!_' played back uninvited in his thoughts. "I don't fancy giving a repeat performance."

Rose stifled a snort of laughter behind her hand, vividly recalling his entertaining 'performance.'

The woman behind the desk turned back to them and handed Rose a pass as well. "Here you are."

Rose smiled. "Thank you."

They walked toward the lift and stepped in as the Doctor gave the voice command for the fourth floor. He glanced over at Rose, who stood rigid with her eyes tightly shut.

"Rose, what are you doing?" he asked with a note of humor in his voice.

She cracked an eye open. "This time I'm gonna be prepared." He lifted both eyebrows in question. "The disinfectant," she said, enunciating the word slowly. "Remember?"

"Ah," he replied with a chuckle. "They don't use that system here."

Rose relaxed and opened both eyes. "Now you tell me."

They stepped out of the lift upon reaching their designated floor and approached the room they'd been directed to. Rose lifted her wrist and scanned her pass. The double-glass doors slid open and she and the Doctor stepped inside.

The medical lab resembled what would be found in a typical Earth hospital, but there was some technology throughout that Rose didn't recognize. The Doctor picked up a small, spherical shaped device on a nearby table. "A chromosome rheostat!" he remarked with enthusiasm. "I've been meaning to pick up one of these for the TARDIS infirmary."

A moment later the doors again slid open as a man and woman entered and approached. The woman appeared to be in her late fifties to early sixties, her dark hair flecked with gray and pulled back into a tight twist. The tall man beside her seemed a few years younger, perhaps mid-fifties.

"Welcome," the woman greeted, then got right down to the matter at hand. "I understand you are a doctor."

"That's right," the Doctor confirmed. "I'm the Doctor and this is Rose."

Rose lifted her hand and waved. "Hello."

The woman shook the Doctor and Rose's hands as she made introductions. "I'm Dr. Kedra and this is my associate, Professor T'neer. Were you sent by the Medical Institute of the Northern Province? I thought I had already exhausted their available personnel."

The Doctor tugged at his ear. "Ah, no. Actually, Rose and I are off-worlders just traveling through."

"But you _are_ a doctor?" she sought to reconfirm.

"Yes, I am. And if you're in need of some kind of help, I'm glad to offer assistance."

"Are you familiar with the condition of our people?" Professor T'neer inquired.

"A current medical condition? No."

"Is there some sort of epidemic?" Rose asked, judging by the large number of patients here.

Dr. Kedra and Professor T'neer exchanged heavy glances before she indicated to a table nearby. "Why don't we sit?" They each took a seat, and she began to explain. "Our people are dying. Our entire race is nearing extinction," she said gravely. "There was a war three generations ago. Our planet was invaded by the Shodorans, who were trying to gain control over our resources. Our people eventually won and the Shodorans were driven from our planet, but the cost of that war had been great. Many of our soldiers were exposed to chemical weapons in the fighting. Of those who survived, irreversible damage had been done to their genetic structure. Those genetic mutations were inevitably passed on to the next generation, and so on."

Professor T'neer took up explaining. "It is estimated that over two-thirds of the populace have now been affected, and those numbers continue to rise. Our population has always been small, due in part to limited fertility. That is one of the areas we've made great advances in, with even those from nearby systems coming to us for fertility treatment when they have otherwise not been able to reproduce. But our advances in fertility have done nothing to save our people from succumbing to this genetic deterioration. All we've managed to do over the years is produce generations who continue to fall prey to this affliction. The lifespan of our people is growing shorter and shorter. Those who once would have lived a full life of twenty years began dying at ten. And now, some even less than that as the degradation worsens."

The Doctor and Rose listened silently, absorbing the severity of the situation faced by these people. They were obviously in desperate need of help from anyone who could provide it.

Dr. Kedra stood from the table. "If you'll wait here just a moment, Professor T'neer and I will gather some of our research files for you to take a look at, if you're willing."

The Doctor nodded. "Yes, of course."

Rose turned toward him as the two briefly left the room. "A _full_ life for them is twenty years?" she questioned.

The Doctor drew in a long breath before replying. "Most species vary in their lifespans – just like Time Lords and humans." Rose didn't miss the tightness in his voice as he spoke. "The people of Janyeer reach adulthood by the age of seven. Their physiology, their intellect – it all develops rapidly. But their cellular structure also decays rapidly. And now, apparently even more so."

Rose sat back in her chair and nodded silently. This was undoubtedly the 'difference' of this species she had asked the Doctor about earlier when he'd been hesitant to discuss it. This naturally brought to the forefront of Rose's mind the contrast in lifespans between her and the Doctor, and she knew this brought it more acutely to his thoughts as well. This wasn't a topic they often broached. They knew he would live on long after she was gone, but they simply embraced each day and lived it for the moments given to them.

For Rose, this was a stark eye-opener. Looking at these people made Rose realize just how the Doctor must see her. Their lives were so comparatively brief, so fleeting. This was how her life appeared in his eyes. She realized all the more the sacrifice the Doctor had made in allowing himself to love someone with a lifespan that was only a fraction of his. What if to her, the Doctor's lifespan had been like these people? Would she have had the same courage to love completely, knowing by comparison it was only for a passing moment, were the circumstances reversed?

Dr. Kedra and Professor T'neer returned with data for the Doctor to look over. He reached in his jacket and pulled out his glasses, slipping them on as he quickly scrolled through the data-pad. "You said this began three generations ago?" he asked.

Dr. Kedra nodded. "Yes, that's right."

"Hmm. Must have been after I was here last."

Kedra and T'neer exchanged puzzled looks. "Just how long ago was that?" Professor T'neer asked.

The Doctor glanced up. "Oh...a few centuries, or so." They both looked at him in disbelief. "My species is...very long lived," he explained. "I'm a Time Lord."

Dr. Kedra gaped at him in silence before finally speaking. "A Time Lord? But...I thought they were just a myth."

The Doctor gave her a lopsided grin. "That's me. The Man, The Myth, The Legend." He nudged Rose, who simply smirked. "I should get that on a T-shirt." His expression then sobered along with his tone. "I'm the last of the Time Lords. The rest of my people are gone. So I understand the importance of preserving your species."

She turned to Rose. "And you? You're not...?"

Rose glanced over at the Doctor, who didn't quite meet her eyes, then back at Dr. Kedra. "Oh, no I'm not...a Time Lord. I'm human."

T'neer nodded and spoke up. "From what I understand, humans are quite long lived as well."

He sounded impressed by her lifespan, but somehow Rose was having a hard time seeing it that way herself. She briefly glanced down at her folded hands. "Well, I s'pose it's all a matter of perspective."

Dr. Kedra stood back up. "I have some more data I'd like you to take a look at, Doctor, if you don't mind. Professor T'neer and I will only be a moment."

The Doctor nodded as the two left the room.

Once outside, Kedra quickly turned to him. "A Time Lord. T'neer, he's a _Time Lord_. The only one in existence, and he has come to _us_. Do you realize what this could mean? This could be the answer we've waited years for," she said with exuberance.

"It's very possible," T'neer agreed, though tried to remain cautiously optimistic. "Of course, we will need to do some testing for compatibility before we know for sure."

"That should be fairly simple to achieve. We must keep this to ourselves for now, however," she warned. "We simply cannot take a chance on a refusal of cooperation for any reason. Too much is at stake here."

"Yes, agreed."

-:-:-:-

After the Doctor had finished reading through some of their medical files and research, Dr. Kedra and Professor T'neer escorted him and Rose through the hospital to familiarize them with the various stages of progression of some of the patients being treated. Before continuing, they stopped off at another lab along the way.

"Before coming in contact with the patients, it is important we screen the two of you for any possible pathogens, just as a precaution," Dr. Kedra stated. "The immune systems of those we are treating are already compromised. You understand, of course."

The Doctor and Rose consented, and a quick bio-scan was taken of them both for examination. Kedra and T'neer excused themselves and stepped into an adjoining room to run an analysis of the results.

"This is unbelievable," Dr. Kedra remarked as she examined the Doctor's triple-helix DNA. Her mesmerized thoughts were already journeying much farther than just the eradication of the gene mutation. She saw the potential to bring more to their civilization than she had ever dreamed possible. "If we could introduce this into our gene pool, our people could achieve near...immortality."

"It's not just the lifespan," T'neer commented. "His DNA shows incredible regenerative capabilities. With this ability, the mutations in our own genetics could be easily overcome." He paused, sounding disheartened when he continued. "The problem is, however, his DNA is genetically incompatible with our own."

"But look at the _human's_," Kedra pointed out. "Hers has many similarities to ours."

"Yes, that's true," he agreed. "And she as well has an extended lifespan in comparison to ours. But without the regenerative abilities his possesses, I'm afraid her DNA introduced into our genetics would be overcome by the mutation."

"But what about a cross _between_ the two?" she suggested, her excitement growing ever higher. "That could serve as the link between his genetics and ours. Her genetics are slightly more compatible with his than ours are, yet hers are still similar to ours. If the two were then hybridized, those hybrid cells would be more compatible with our own, making it very possible to bridge that gap between our chromosomal differences and make this work."

Professor T'neer's thoughts began traveling down the same path as hers. It didn't take a leap in deduction to know what was being proposed by this. "And you're suggesting that a child between these two would achieve this, are you not?"

"Exactly! Part human, part Time Lord, with a genetic makeup that, with some manipulation of the extracted cells, could quite possibly be compatible with our own. Without harming the fetus, cells could be harvested and a vaccine could be developed using those hybrid genetics."

T'neer shook his head, seeing a flaw in the plan. "But you can see here with just this scan that these two are not capable of reproducing together."

She didn't see that as an insurmountable hindrance considering their field of expertise. "Not at the moment, no; but we could change that. T'neer, fertility intervention is one of the areas we thrive in. You know that. By giving her a series of tailored treatments using this biological data we've extrapolated, we could cause reproduction between the two of them to become possible."

T'neer paused for several moments as he thought it through. "Yes. Yes, that could be a possibility. The question here is would they both agree to this?"

She squared her shoulders and spoke firmly. "We can't take the chance that they won't. The Doctor has agreed to stay here and help us. During that time, we can find a way to give her the series of treatments needed to facilitate this without their knowledge."

T'neer shifted uncomfortably, not at all at ease with this plan. "Could we really do that? Go that far?"

"Could we _not_?" she quickly countered.

"But there are ethical implications to consider here."

"Yes, and there is also the fate of our entire race to consider. I think that goes beyond an ethical dilemma."

She stepped closer and placed a persuasive hand on his arm. "T'neer, this could be the miracle we have waited generations for. We simply cannot take the chance that either one of them could refuse. A pregnancy of this nature could very likely pose a risk to the female, and I can sense the Doctor is highly protective of his mate, as evidenced by the fact that he wouldn't even meet with us if she wasn't allowed as well. If conception takes place, we will do what we can to mitigate the risks, of course; but there is too much of a chance they would refuse this plan if they had foreknowledge." He still appeared greatly hesitant. "We _will_ do what we can to lessen the risks. And it is not as if the end result of this would be bringing about something sinister...something evil. We would be giving them a chance to reproduce where otherwise they never could. A child is a blessing, not a curse."

T'neer ran a hand down his face as he briefly closed his eyes, the weight of this decision pressing heavily. He knew they would be risking Rose by doing this, to say nothing of violating both her and the Doctor by orchestrating this behind their backs. He also knew his entire race hung in the balance. That was the factor that tipped the scale.

"I...I suppose you are right," he finally replied, feeling guilt even as the decision was made. It wasn't an easy choice, but he saw it as the only choice. "This seems the only way." He paused, thinking it through further. "But suppose we do this, and yet they do not engage in reproductive activities for quite some time. How do we ensure they _would_ procreate while here?"

Kedra smiled empathetically. "Oh, my old friend. You have spent too many years within the confines of your laboratories. Have you not seen the way he looks at her and she at him? Trust me. If we do our part, they will most certainly do theirs."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N **The plan is put into motion; meanwhile Rose finds an area where her help is needed.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 3<span>**

It didn't take long for Dr. Kedra and Professor T'neer to devise a plan for administering their bio-transmuting treatments to Rose without her or the Doctor's knowledge of what was really being done. The process could also be achieved within a relatively short amount of time. The people of Janyeer had made advanced strides not only in fertility intervention success, but also in the speed in which it could be brought about.

No time was wasted in getting this underway. When they rejoined Rose and the Doctor, the first treatment had already been formulated.

"I apologize for the delay," Dr. Kedra said upon returning. She then looked to address Rose. "But in analyzing the results of our scan, we detected a pathogen within your system. Nothing serious to you, of course, but it appears you were recently infected with a case of acute viral rhinopharyngitis."

Rose wrinkled her brow and looked at the Doctor "A cold," he clarified for her.

"Oh! Yeah, nasty one about a week back. We stopped back on Earth to pick up some milk at the market, and apparently I picked up a cold, too." She glanced over at him and spoke in mock-accusation. "The Doctor just _had_ to land us right in the midst of cold and flu season."

"Don't blame me for your cold. It was _your_ milk run. Of all the species in all the universe and you _still_ think it has to come out of a cow," the Doctor teased.

"Shut up," she quipped back, grinning.

Professor T'neer spoke up, upholding his part in this despite lingering unease. "The pathogen has been diminished by your body's humoral response, but the antigenic material now in your system could still pose a risk to those who are extremely weakened and susceptible. You would no longer be contagious to humans at this stage, but our biology is different."

That part at least was true, and it also kept them from suspecting that anything more was being done.

Dr. Kedra produced a vial and a syringe. "This will suppress the residual pathogen for now, and a series of this given over the next week and a half will completely eradicate all traces of it from your system."

"All that just to get rid of a leftover cold virus? Blimey, nasty bugger," Rose muttered.

The Doctor took the vial and scanned it with the sonic screwdriver, then handed it back with a nod once he confirmed it was harmless to Rose. Dr. Kedra's assessment of the Doctor's protectiveness of Rose was confirmed, and she had already taken a precaution by bringing two vials, concealing the one which contained far more than just a neutralizing agent for a cold.

"Do I have your consent, then?" she asked.

Professor T'neer flinched inwardly at the question but remained quiet. Consent was the one factor starkly lacking here. Yet in spite of the moral implications, he told himself he had to keep the survival of his people at the forefront of his mind, believing in which case the crucial ends justified the highly questionable means.

"Yeah, okay," Rose agreed.

Dr. Kedra smiled slightly and turned to the nearby counter to fill the syringe. With her back to them, she switched vials and filled it with the one laced with the prepared fertility treatment designed to begin making human and Gallifreyan pronuclei capable of joining as Rose's reproductive physiology became compatible with the Doctor's.

She turned back around and walked over to Rose, administering the first injection.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor and Rose were led by Dr. Kedra through the overflowing hospital wards filled with the ailing and infirm who were declining before their time. They were then taken to see some of the most heart-wrenching victims as they arrived in the pediatric ward, where young children and even infants were already succumbing to genetic deterioration. These were the youngest victims with the most virulent form, its effects taking hold rapidly rather than manifesting years later.

On arrival, they were introduced to Nurse Leedra, the nurse overseeing the ward.

The Doctor looked on beside Dr. Kedra as Rose approached one of the cribs where Nurse Leedra was administering medication to a baby who appeared to be about six months old, but considering the rapid development of the race, Rose assumed was probably much younger. Once the task was complete, Rose leaned over, reaching out and taking the baby's tiny hand in hers. She smiled softly down at the infant whose large, inquisitive eyes were focused on her. Rose felt her heart break.

"This is Kessa," Nurse Leedra said, standing beside Rose. "She was born two weeks ago, but her father didn't live long enough to see her brought into the world. Her mother also passed just last week. Both parents had a more aggressive form of the mutation."

"And now she's sick, too?" Rose asked quietly, already knowing the heartrending answer.

She nodded. "Her genetic deterioration has had a rapid onset. Her cardiovascular and respiratory systems are already declining."

Rose glanced over her shoulder back at the Doctor, whose eyes reflected the same sorrowfulness as hers. Some things in life were merciless. She looked back down at the child. "How..." She cleared the lump in her throat and asked softly, "How long?"

"With medication, a few weeks...maybe three."

Rose straightened back up and looked around the room filled with the children suffering this tragic fate.

"Our people are falling prey younger and younger," Dr. Kedra said bleakly. "At this rate our population will be gone within another generation. This ward houses the children whose parents have already passed, and we're growing more and more short staffed. There simply aren't enough personnel to meet all of the needs."

"I'd like to help here, if I can," Rose replied without hesitation, feeling the need to do whatever she could to help, particularly these most helpless who were orphaned by and suffering from this affliction.

"We would be very grateful for any help you could give, Rose. Nurse Leedra can familiarize you with the medications and instruct you on how to administer them."

Rose nodded. The Doctor turned to Dr. Kedra. "I want to take a look at the latest genetic extractions you've been testing."

"Of course. I'll escort you back to the lab to rejoin Professor T'neer."

He looked at Rose. "I'll see you in a bit, okay?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I'll see you later."

-:-:-:-

The Doctor and Rose remained at the hospital for the rest of the day and worked late into the evening. The Doctor finally met back up with her in the pediatric ward later that night. Rose was putting away a cart stacked with empty bottles after helping to give the evening's feeding to the infants in the ward.

His familiar form caught the corner of her eye, and she turned toward the Doctor as he approached her. "Hello," he greeted with a soft smile.

"Hi. We just finished with the scheduled feeding," she said to him.

The Doctor nodded, both keeping their voices quiet to avoid waking the sleeping children. "Speaking of feeding, have you eaten anything yet?"

She shook her head. "There hasn't been time. There was too much work to be done. What about you?"

"Same," he replied. "We can grab something on our way back to the TARDIS if you'd like. But it's getting late. I thought I'd come walk you back so you can get some rest."

"Are you gonna keep working?" Rose knew he could push his sleep cycle and go awhile without rest, which was fine for now; but she could already see he was going to drive himself to exhaustion with this until he found a way to help these people.

The Doctor retrieved a data-pad from his pocket. "I'm going to run this information through the TARDIS data banks and see what I can find; but once we're back and you're settled in bed, I'll join you for a few minutes until you're asleep, if you'd like," he offered, his voice and his eyes equally soft.

Rose stifled a yawn behind her hand as she leaned into his side. "Mmm, that'd be nice."

Even though the Doctor didn't need a full night's sleep, he would often stay with Rose until she was asleep, or sometimes slip into bed with her in the early morning hours to be there when she woke. Often was the time, however, when their passionate pre-sleep 'activities' would exhaust them both and he'd stay and sleep with her the full night. With the work to be done, tonight wouldn't be one of those nights, though; but Rose was nonetheless touched by his offer to stay near to her despite his focus on continuing the work he'd begun.

A moment later, Dr. Kedra came into the ward. She hung back for a minute and simply observed the Doctor and Rose from a distance. They were such a lovely couple and so clearly in love. She had assured Professor T'neer that everything would be done to lessen the risks this type of cross-species pregnancy could pose to Rose. But if the worst happened and the Doctor were to lose Rose in this, Kedra briefly wondered if she would be able to live with the guilt. She had dedicated herself to _preserving_ life.

However, a glance around the room filled with dying children quickly reminded her that more was at stake here than personal feelings of culpability or the fate of just one. She convinced herself the needs of the many took precedence. Once again resolved to carry out this plan to completion, she approached them both.

"Doctor, Rose," she greeted as they both turned to face her. "I wanted to let you know that we have made arrangements for the two of you to stay at one of our villas nearby. The location is ideal, and you'll find it to be one of the best accommodations within the city of Shenreen. I'm sure the two of you will be quite comfortable there."

"Ah, that's very kind of you," the Doctor replied, "but we can stay within our ship. It's just on the outskirts of the city."

"Oh, but we would be most grateful if you would accept this small bit of hospitality. I feel it is the least we can do with the help the two of you are giving us." If the Doctor and Rose were going to be used by them in such a profound manner, Kedra felt the least they could do was extend the two of them every courtesy.

The Doctor looked at Rose and she smiled, giving a small nod. "Well, alright, then. I can move our ship to the villa. It's...compact. That way I'll have access to the equipment on board I'd like to use."

"Splendid. I'll have someone show you the way. And thank you both again. I cannot tell you how grateful we are for the help you are giving us."

The Doctor smiled. "I'm glad we can help in any way possible," he replied, unaware of just how immense the nature of the help being planned for them to give would be.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N **Once alone, the Doctor and Rose have a chance to talk about the current situation and an unpleasant issue is inevitably brought up.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 4<span>**

The private villa arranged for the Doctor and Rose during their stay was situated in a prime location in the city and within walking distance of the hospital. Once again, Rose was reminded of something reminiscent of Italian architecture as she walked through the villa.

The floors were tiled throughout in warm earthen tones similar to terracotta. The open kitchen was not unlike what would be found on Earth, though it was more simplistic. Its large brick oven and stone sink added a touch of old world charm. The sitting area at the front of the villa was tastefully decorated with a daybed-style couch situated in front of a stone-hearth fireplace. To the left was a room which served as a study, and behind the sitting room was an open central courtyard featuring a tranquil fountain in the center of the space. The sound of the gentle trickling water carried throughout the open rooms, creating an ambiance of serenity.

The rear of the courtyard led to an arched doorway opening into the spacious bedroom. The bed was draped in a sumptuous, light sage coverlet, the headboard crafted of a dark, rich wood. The attached en-suite contained double basins and a large stone tub, which was already tempting Rose for a long, luxurious soak. The villa's back portico had a stunning view overlooking the lush, hilly terrain surrounding Shenreen.

After meandering through the villa, the Doctor and Rose came to stand once again in the front sitting room.

Rose turned to him. "I'll see what I can find in the kitchen for making a late dinner – I'm _really_ starved."

The Doctor nodded. "I'll just go fetch the TARDIS and be back in a tick."

Rose wandered into the kitchen and explored further, opening what appeared to be a type of chilled cupboard, already stocked. She rummaged about and began assembling ingredients for their meal. She found an assortment of cheeses and a loaf of fresh bread, similar to a crusty ciabatta. Finding a pungent, herb-infused oil, Rose poured some into a small bowl for dipping. She took a long, appreciative whiff as her empty stomach rumbled all the louder.

Rose was just setting the items out on the large wooden table as a familiar whirring sound filled the room. The TARDIS materialized across from her in the middle of the sitting room.

The door creaked open and the Doctor stuck his head out. His eyebrows lifted as he spotted Rose in the kitchen. "Oh, blimey. I was off by just a bit. I was aiming to park in the bedroom," he admitted a bit sheepishly as he stepped out and walked towards her, hands tucked in his pockets.

Rose chuckled. "At least you didn't end up in the fountain out in the courtyard. I'd call that progress."

He huffed. "Are you insinuating my driving skills are less than perfect?"

"No, I'm saying your _parking_ skills are less than perfect. Your _driving_ skills are another issue altogether. I suppose we should just be glad you didn't wind up landing in that same spot, but a year in the future." Rose smiled teasingly as he cast her an affronted look.

"You're never going to let that twelve month miscalculation go, are you?" he muttered as he came into the kitchen.

Rose laughed and handed him a butcher block holding the loaf of bread. "Here, put this on the table."

He took it from her, then walked to the table and took a seat.

Rose joined him, setting out a pitcher of water as they both sat down together and began assembling their meal.

"This place is lovely," Rose remarked, her eyes sweeping about their surroundings once again.

"Mmm, not bad," the Doctor agreed as he tore off a piece of bread, dipped it in the oil and popped it into his mouth.

Rose smiled wistfully as the two sat there together, simply enjoying a normal meal within a home. The situation brought a few memories to the surface.

"Being here sort of reminds me of that time we spent in Kendal sharing a flat. Y'know, just...sitting together, in a house, doing something ordinary."

The Doctor swallowed and took a sip of water. "Well, we eat ordinary meals together in the TARDIS every day," he pointed out.

She shrugged. "I know, but this just feels...I dunno...different."

The Doctor paused in quiet thought, mulling over her words. "Is this something you want, Rose?" he asked at last, his voice carrying a trace of uncertainty. He gestured to their surroundings. "A house, with four walls and a roof."

Rose reached across the table and took his hand as she smiled. "No. I already have what I want. And I wouldn't trade our life in the TARDIS for anything." She released his hand and focused back on her meal as she cut a slice of cheese. "I'll always love the memories of the time we spent in Kendal, though. Well, maybe not _all_ of them," she amended, remembering a few of the unpleasant details, like being attacked in an alleyway, for one. "But I suppose you could say that's what started all this and led us to where we are now – the _way_ we are now."

Having nothing but each other – no TARDIS, no buffer of time and space, and no more excuses – had finally brought the walls down between them in that time.

The Doctor's warm brown eyes were soft as he looked at her. "Yeah," he agreed in reflection, "I suppose it did. _Although_...it really all started in the basement of a shop with the word 'Run.'"

She smiled slowly, her eyes twinkling. "You're such a romantic, you know that?"

"Rose Tyler, don't you _dare_ repeat that," he warned in mock-seriousness. "I can't have the Oncoming Storm's reputation reduced to the Oncoming Romantic. It kills the effect."

Rose laughed as a smile twitched at his lips and he gave her a wink.

They ate in companionable silence for another few minutes. Despite the lightness of their conversation, Rose could sense the heaviness currently weighing down upon him. She decided it was time to draw him out and talk about it rather than having it simmer silently within him.

"Do you think there's anything you can do to help them," she finally asked softly.

The Doctor breathed out slowly. "It's too soon to say. But this...this isn't going to be easy."

"It never is. But that doesn't stop you from trying your best, and I know that's what you'll do now. That's _all_ you can do, really."

He considered her words, a shadow darkening his face. "And what if my best isn't good enough this time?" he asked, his gaze distant.

Rose sighed deeply. "Doctor, whatever happens with these people, the responsibility doesn't rest on your shoulders. You'll do everything you possibly can, yes. But sometimes you just can't save everyone."

He chuckled bitterly and turned his head. "I think that's something I'm well aware of already, don't you?"

His voice was taking on a dark edge, but Rose wasn't backing down from his current mood. "I think sometimes you need to be reminded," she replied, her tone gentle but her words firm.

He turned his eyes back to hers and spoke sharply. "Remembering all the times I have lost in life isn't something I need to be reminded of, believe me. That's something I never forget."

Rose kept her voice even. "I'm not talking about you losing, Doctor. I'm talking about not every battle being yours to begin with. You always try to take the responsibility for fixing everything and making everyone better, but sometimes there's only so much you can do, yeah? It's like that saying, 'All you can do is what you can do, and the rest is up to God'."

He laughed cynically and shook his head.

Rose narrowed her eyes and spoke a little firmer. "I hate to break it to you, Doctor, but you are not the most powerful, almighty being in the universe. You're not God and you can't control life and death."

The Doctor sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, Rose, I really appreciate your confidence in me. It's good to know you've labeled me a failure before I've even begun," he quipped sarcastically.

Rose started to speak out of provocation, but then she stopped herself, knowing exactly what was at the root of his feelings and the reason for his contemptuous armor. "You _know_ I don't think that," she replied, her placidness a contrast to his tone. "If anyone has a chance of being able to help these people, it's you. I just don't want you to feel responsible if you _can't_."

His tight shoulders relaxed slightly as he deflated and ran a hand over his face. "I know. I'm sorry. I know what you're trying to say, Rose. I also know that I can't always feel responsible if I'm not able save everyone."

"But you always _try_, and that's what counts." Rose covered his left hand with hers where it rested on the table. Time to get to the heart of the matter, she told herself. "Do you want to talk about what else is bothering you?" she asked softly.

The Doctor's eyes fell away from hers. "Something more than an entire race bordering on extinction?"

"The fact that they remind you of me. They remind you that our lifespans don't match."

His eyes instantly snapped back up to hers. "Rose," he said slowly, his voice carrying a distinct note of warning, "we've talked about all this before. We are _not_ going into this again."

He might have pushed aside his fear of losing Rose in order to allow himself to have this relationship with her, but that didn't mean his heavy dread over her inevitable loss simply vanished. It meant he now had to fight all the harder to tamp it down.

"We _never_ talk about this," she countered.

"Really? Because I seem to recall an incident last year on the beach in Antigua where I bore my soul to you and we talked about _everything_." His voice was beginning to rise once again.

When Rose replied, so was hers. "Once. We talked about this one time. It's never been discussed again."

The Doctor abruptly stood up from the table, his chair screeching back across the tile. He thrust a hand through his hair before turning his eyes sharply back to hers. "What more is there to say, Rose? Hmm? Do you want me to keep a calendar and mark off each day we have together, counting them down? Do you want me to make mention of every sign of aging I begin to see in you – catalog every gray hair and wrinkle that appears as you begin to wither and say, 'Look, Rose, you're slowly yet rapidly dying right in front of me.' Is that what you want?"

"No!" she shot back. "That's _not_ what I want. What I want is for this not to have power over us. I want to talk it through so this isn't something that you keep silently buried inside, letting it eat away at you." Rose stood up and came around the table to stand in front of him. "I always _know_ when this is weighing on you, Doctor. I can feel it. Yet you never open up to me about that. You just keep it locked away. But I've told you, I don't want you to carry these things alone." It was times like this that made Rose so frustrated with his bipolar emotions. Sometimes he was so completely open with her, and other times she had to plead with him to let her in. Even if it was painful, why couldn't he _share_ that pain with her?

He stared at her for a long moment, his body stiff. "This is who I am, Rose," he finally responded, with a cool calmness that belied the tempest within his eyes. "You knew my nature before you accepted me. Contrary to what you believe, talking about some things doesn't help and it doesn't change them."

"And keeping everything locked inside _does_ help?"

"Yes," he replied staunchly.

Rose felt her shoulders sag in defeat. She knew she wasn't going to get any further with him on this. Not tonight, at any rate.

She silently turned back to the table and gathered up their empty plates, then set them in the kitchen sink. His eyes remained fixed on her but both stayed silent.

Rose turned back around to face him. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed." She began walking past him towards the courtyard leading to the bedroom, but paused to add, "I'll leave you alone with your work since you insist on being the lonely god."

She slipped out into the darkness of the courtyard as the Doctor turned and walked back into the TARDIS alone, closing the door behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N **The one good thing about an argument is the making up that comes after. ;)

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 5<span>**

Despite being tired when she went to bed, Rose had a fitful night sleep. Peaceful sleep was hard to achieve after the words that had been exchanged between her and the Doctor. The two seldom argued, and when they did it was usually resolved quickly – and passionately. She hated when the tension between them festered. In hindsight, she wished she hadn't walked away without settling things between them. But maybe they also just needed time alone to calm their emotions.

Rose was used to giving the Doctor space when necessary, but sometimes she felt things that were so obviously weighing on him needed to be talked through, and she wished getting him to do so wasn't such an impossible task. Yet she didn't want to try and force the Doctor to talk about things that were painful for him, either. She only wanted to share his burdens because she loved him. Arguing over that point hadn't exactly been her intention, though.

The Doctor felt the same regret over the night before and wanted to clear the air with Rose sooner rather than later. He could have no peace if there was unresolved tension between them. Rose was the stabilizing factor in his life, the peace within the turbulence, and the one area where he couldn't bear to have unrest.

When Rose woke the next morning, she felt a mixture of surprise and relief as her eyes opened to the sight of the Doctor reclining on the bed beside her. His jacket and trainers were off and his tie hung loosely. It was obvious he hadn't slept, but he'd moved his work to the bed to be near her, and that alone made Rose momentarily forget she'd ever felt an inkling of frustration toward him. He sat propped up against the headboard, his glasses perched on the end of his nose as he poured over copious research notes that were scattered around him on the bed.

His eyes briefly flicked over to her, and then settled fully on her as he realized she was awake. He pulled off his glasses and gathered the papers, setting them aside as Rose lifted herself up on her elbow, turning on her side to face him.

"Morning," he greeted her softly.

"G'morning," Rose replied with a small smile.

He reached forward and tucked a lock of messy blonde hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger on the side of her face. "Rose, I'm sorry about last night," he said regretfully.

Rose lifted her hand and ran the backs of her knuckles along the line of his jaw. "I'm sorry, too."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed the crown of her head as Rose settled against him, mulling over the words she'd spent half the night thinking. Her hand slid down his chest, coming to rest over his right heart.

"I know your nature," Rose spoke softly. "I don't expect you to always talk about every single thing you're thinking and feeling, and that's not a requirement I have of you. It's just...you've carried your burdens alone for so long. But you're not alone anymore. I want to be here for you, Doctor – for everything. Even for the things that hurt. _Especially_ the things that hurt."

The Doctor drew in a long, slow breath before releasing it. "It's not that I want to shut you out, Rose. Please understand that. It's that I want to shut those _things_ out. There are some things I just don't want to dwell on, and putting them aside is easier for me."

Rose nodded against his chest.

He gazed down at her, placing his hand on the side of her face and tipping her head up to look at him. "For the record, out of the many regrets I may have, I don't regret a single thing with you. However much time we have together in life, I don't regret opening myself to you in order to have this relationship – even if we only had a single day together."

Rose lifted her arm and placed her hand on the back of his neck, wordlessly urging his head down toward her. Their lips met, and the Doctor sank with her down into the pillows, his body alongside hers as they kissed slowly and passionately, pouring their love for each other into the kiss as it deepened. The link between them flared to life in moments like this, always sending a feeling of electricity through Rose, straight down to her toes. It never ceased to take her breath away. Any lingering regrets of the night before melted away as their love was affirmed.

The issue that had sparked the argument between them hadn't simply vanished. It would always be a difficult matter for them, especially for the Doctor, and both knew it wasn't something they could just 'kiss and make better.' But it also was not something that could hinder their love – as they were in the midst of proving quite thoroughly.

Sometimes the Doctor felt like the love he had for Rose bordered on frightening – almost as if it possessed him. Maybe because he'd fought so long to keep it restrained; now that it was free it was unquenchable. No matter where he was or what he was doing, there were moments when Rose consumed his every thought and all he wanted to do was make love to her for eternity.

That very tantalizing idea springing to his thoughts drove his rapidly escalating desire and the need for more contact with her heated flesh. The Doctor's cool hand skimmed slowly down her ribcage, catching the fabric of her camisole on the way back up as he slipped his fingers beneath the thin garment, connecting with her soft, warm skin.

Rose moaned into the kiss and sank her fingers into his thick, soft hair, grazing his scalp with her nails as he groaned deeply, the husky sound passing from his lips to hers. His hand crept higher, brushing along the underside of her breast with his thumb, causing her to arch up into his touch, instinctively seeking more.

More was something he was all-too willing to give _and_ receive, but other pressing matters left him feeling torn in two directions, caught between a battle of priorities.

After one last exquisite sweep of her mouth with his tongue, the Doctor slowly pulled back, his forehead pressed to hers as his fingers continued their sensual, leisurely stroking of her creamy flesh. Rose shuddered with a wave of desire, her eyes falling shut as their breath continued to intimately mingle. Slow and subdued as it was, her nerve endings were hyper-sensitive to his every touch. Always. And it was never a one-way street. Even if she was the one being caressed, those sparks of pleasure rippled back through him.

Gazing down at his gorgeous Rose, her lips parted and plump, the last thing the Doctor wanted to do was end this; but he knew there was more to be done today than simply fulfilling his own desires. If he didn't stop now, he'd let those barriers of arousal (which were already teetering precariously on the edge) tumble all the way and he'd never stop.

"There's so much work to be done today," he whispered, nuzzling her cheek with his nose and not able to hide his rueful tone.

Rose knew he was right, but at the moment she couldn't resist him as she pulled him to her and stole one more kiss, drawing his soft bottom lip into her mouth and lavishing her attention there before releasing. Momentarily distracted, he chased after her retreating lips, but she stilled him. A very large part of her wanted to remain in this bed with the man she loved, but she also knew it was a selfish thought when they were needed so desperately at the hospital. If they continued this much longer, stopping wouldn't be a viable option for either of them.

"You're right," she whispered back, stroking down his face with the tips of her fingers, "we should go."

With an almost painful groan, he leaned in, catching her lips once again and getting one last taste of her before pulling himself up to face the day ahead of them. Rose soon followed, getting dressed and ready for the day's work, still feeling pleasantly dazed from the attentions of the sexy Time Lord who'd just left her bed.

They could both live without the arguments, but there was something to be said for the making up afterward.

-:-:-:-

Rose resumed her work that day helping in the children's ward. Upon arriving, she was met by Dr. Kedra who administered another injection, Rose still unaware of the true implications this would have if the plan being orchestrated succeeded.

The Doctor once again joined Professor T'neer in the laboratory. The two continued the work they had begun the day before as they examined genomes and exchanged possible theories.

"There's unusual activity of the mitochondria of those affected," the Doctor noted as he examined a specimen under a microscope. "It seems not all of the FADH2 is able to transfer its hydrogen atoms to the Cytochrome C Complex."

"Yes, I've noted that," Professor T'neer replied. "Early on we developed a way to attempt an improvement in cellular respiration by enhancing pyruvate production; but of course, if normal unloading is not possible this does little to help."

"Mmm," the Doctor nodded, continuing his examination. "In any case, there's a definite malfunction of the Ligase during the Telomere formation in the S phase of replication in the genes carrying the mutation." They understood the problems. The daunting task now before them was to find solutions.

The two continued their work together, trading ideas and noting potential new findings. Eventually, Professor T'neer changed the nature of the topic, engaging the Doctor in a different type of discussion.

"I stopped off at the pediatric ward in passing earlier today," he began conversationally as he handed the Doctor another specimen under a slide. "I must say, Rose seems to have quite a way with children."

"Hmm, yeah, I suppose she does," the Doctor replied absently as he continued his scrutiny of the genome sample. "Rose has a way with most everyone." He paused to consider. "Weeell, I say 'everyone', but she can be quite the fearsome wolf when need be, so just don't get on her bad side." A slight proud grin crossed his face as he added, "More's the pity to the creatures that have. The Nestene Consciousness, the Daleks, those possessed by the devil...," he trailed off.

Professor T'neer's expression was bemused. He wasn't exactly sure just what to say in response to that. It seemed whatever kind of life these two led, it was far from ordinary. He cleared his throat and tried to regain his focus. "Yes, well...at any rate, she does seem to have a special regard for the children."

There was a pause before he continued, trying to maintain a conversational tone as he ventured further. "And...what about you?"

The Doctor straightened back up and looked over at him. "What about me?" he asked, having lost track of the conversation as he worked.

"Children," T'neer clarified. "Do you...have a fondness for them?"

The Doctor shrugged, not seeing the relevance of the question. "I don't have a particular partiality to anyone based on age. I see everyone as deserving of the same respect and consideration."

T'neer nodded. "A fair assessment." A brief look of regret then passed over his face. "I myself have never had much time for such things as family, having always been a dedicated man of science."

The Doctor gave him a pat on the back and a toothy grin. "Ah, science. That's why we get on smashingly, T'neer me mate. I always have a lark with a person of science. Take me and Einstein," he reminisced. "Oh, did we ever have rousing good times!"

T'neer chuckled slightly, trying to steer the conversation back on topic. "Yes, I'm sure. But still, I envy one such as yourself. You have taken the time to find a mate. The prospect of offspring is not out of the realm of possibility for you."

The Doctor tensed. This wasn't something he wanted to discuss. Why was it things he didn't want to discuss kept cropping up in conversation lately? "Having a mate doesn't necessarily mean you'll have children. Rose and I already have the life we want together and we're happy just as things are."

T'neer turned back to busy himself with the specimens. That was the type of answer his conscience feared he might receive. "Yes, well, you never know. Things can often change in life," he replied quietly.

The Doctor turned back to his work as well. "That's _not_ something that will change," he said in an equally quiet but firm voice.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N **A bit more of a glimpse into the Doctor's thoughts on the idea of having children (plus a scene I couldn't resist writing). After this, the story moves them close to the inevitable.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 6<span>**

The Doctor met back up with Rose later that evening in the children's ward. He entered the doorway and paused in his steps as his eyes found her. He stood just watching Rose for a minute. She was holding an infant, talking softly and soothingly as she fed the child a bottle, gently rocking the baby in her arms. Upon seeing her, the Doctor's earlier conversation with T'neer came back to his thoughts and inevitable questions began to form in his mind.

Did Rose feel deprived not being able to experience motherhood since conception wasn't possible for them? This was one of the doubts the Doctor had before he asked Rose to be his Bond Mate, knowing this was something he could never give her. He could give her all of time and space – unending adventures and unfathomable possibilities stretched out before her just for the taking – but the one thing he could never give her was a child. Rose had told him she was happy without having children in their life. Was she _really_, though?

Watching her now, the Doctor felt a wave of guilt knowing that even if they _could_ have children, he didn't think that was something he could bring himself to ever have again in his life – especially considering the implications of having a part-human child. He couldn't reopen a raw, ugly wound that had never properly healed, only to have his soul further ripped to shreds in the end by the cruelty of loss that seemed to hound him. The Doctor concluded it was better for him that the decision was out of their hands due to the impossibility of it, because he knew what his decision would be given the choice.

He was drawn out of his reverie when Rose glanced up and saw him standing there.

Rose felt a pleasant flutter in her chest just upon seeing him. Call it clingy or call it being in love, but she'd missed him during the day. Simple as that. A natural smile that lived in his presence blossomed on her face as her eyes met his.

She took several steps closer and greeted him. "Hi."

"Hello," he smiled warmly back, walking towards her as they met halfway. "Are you ready to head back for the night?"

She nodded, adjusting the baby in her arms. "Yeah. Just let me finish here with Kessa, and then I promised I'd say goodnight to those two little rascals down there." She indicated towards two young children sitting in their beds and waiting anxiously for her at the other end of the room – twins, a boy and a girl. They appeared to be around the age of three, but were actually a little less than a year old. It still boggled Rose's mind a bit trying to wrap her head around the age differences of these people. To her, a normal lifespan was eighty or so years. Anything significantly more or less was out of the realm of ordinary; but she realized her thinking in that way was still limited to human terms. Even after all this time, traveling with the Doctor continued to expand her horizons. Considering the sheer vastness of the universe, that would never cease.

Rose looked back to the Doctor. "Tell you what, if you could finish feeding her, I'll go tell them goodnight and tuck 'em in."

The Doctor blinked, looking between Rose and the baby suddenly being offered to him. But after a pause he nodded and extended his hands. This wasn't exactly something he did on a regular basis, but he was experienced enough. Universal expert, him. Fortunately for his sake, the Lord of Time had only been asked to feed the baby and not change a nappy.

Rose carefully placed the baby in his arms and handed him the bottle. "She likes conversation, so you two should get on quite well." Rose grinned at the pair, then turned and walked towards the children at the other end of the room.

The Doctor looked down at the baby in his arms and lifted an eyebrow. "Is that so? Well then, what shall we discuss?" He sat gingerly down in a chair nearby and resumed the feeding Rose had begun. He looked back down at the baby. Two little round eyes were riveted to his, as if hanging on the every word of this curious, spiky-haired man who held her. "Ah, I know! How about Einstein's Theory of Relativity?" He lowered his voice conspiratorially and shared a secret. "You know, they call it 'his' theory, but that's okay. I told him he could take all the credit. I was just talking earlier today about my old mate Al..."

After finishing with the children and saying goodnight to Leedra and the other nurses on rotation, Rose returned to the Doctor. She couldn't keep the grin off her face as she came back and overheard the tail end of his stimulating conversation with the baby. Somehow she wasn't surprised by his intellectual version of 'baby talk'.

Rose walked up to him just as he stood. "All set?" she asked softly, so as not to wake the now sleeping baby in his arms.

The Doctor nodded as he handed Rose the empty bottle, then placed the baby back down in the crib. If he'd needed a renewed reason to continue fighting to find a cure for these people, this child not expected to live past infancy would have just given it to him.

"It looks like you bored her to sleep," Rose whispered teasingly.

The Doctor shot her a frown as he stepped back from the crib. "I most certainly did not," he whispered back. "I stimulated her mental faculties to the point of needing rest in order to process it all."

Rose muffled a laugh as she looped her arm through his and they began walking out. "I'll remember that reply the next time I fall asleep during one of your long-winded babbling sessions and you get offended."

-:-:-:-

After dinner, the Doctor and Rose had settled together in the villa's front sitting room. Rose had gone into the library on the TARDIS and retrieved a few books, and she now sat reclining back on the sofa reading through them, picking out stories the children might enjoy hearing when she went back to the hospital the next day.

The Doctor's own reading wasn't quite as relaxed. He sat on the floor in front of her with his back leaning against the sofa as he poured over his research. He scrawled furiously at his notes – the swirling-patterned language now scattered in ever-growing piles around him on the floor.

Rose eventually got up and went to the kitchen, preparing two cups of Janyeer's version of tea. She had quickly come to love the spicy-sweet blend and made a mental note to take extra along with them when they left.

She sat back down on the sofa and placed a cup beside the Doctor, then leaned back, cradling her own mug between her hands. The Doctor briefly glanced up, reaching for the mug and taking a sip as he thanked her, then turned his attention back to his research. It was the first word the Doctor had spoken in the past hour. He'd been so engrossed in his work.

Rose continued quietly observing him through lowered lashes. Was it wrong of her to want him so badly when his attention was needed elsewhere? Her thoughts kept drifting back to that morning and the fervent kisses and tender caresses they'd shared that ended all too soon. Passion was certainly one thing never lacking between them, and they usually didn't go for any stretch of time without fully expressing it.

Rose felt as if she grew more madly in love with the Doctor with each passing day. She still found it extraordinary at times to realize they were now bonded, body and soul. The bond they shared wasn't as strong as it could have been if Rose were Gallifreyan – she couldn't withstand that. If the full magnitude of a Time Lord mind were opened to hers she would burn. It did, however, give them a subtle awareness of each other within their minds, and the link between them could be heightened during times of intense intimacy.

That shared bond between them made Rose ache for him all the more. There wasn't a single time she set eyes on him where her soul _and_ her body didn't respond intensely. It was slightly unfair, however, because while the Doctor could drive her mad for him with a single glance, he himself possessed Time Lord barriers that allowed him to be selective with his arousal. She knew those barriers were undoubtedly up now, because with the two of them alone like this, he would never be able to concentrate on his work otherwise.

Rose knew she could make those barriers fall, though. A few touches, a few whispers, and they would fall in surrender at her feet. But as incredibly enticing as that thought was, she wouldn't try to seduce him. Not tonight. She knew he needed to keep working.

That didn't mean Rose could completely ignore her desire for him, though. Sometimes she just needed to touch him. Rose put her tea aside and leaned forward, placing a hand on his shoulder as she dropped a kiss to the top of his head. His suit jacket had already been tossed aside. Without that extra layer she easily noticed the tightness of his muscles beneath her hand, and she began kneading at the base of his neck and shoulders, feeling the knotted tension within him.

He voiced his appreciation in a long sigh and let his eyes briefly close.

"Do you think you'll sleep tonight?" Rose asked softly.

The Doctor pulled off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. "No," he answered honestly. "I need to keep working."

"Just don't try to push your sleep cycle too far or you won't be any good to anyone," she advised.

He angled his head up to look at her and smiled. "I'm fine. Honestly. But it's late and you should get some sleep."

Rose stood, sliding her hand off his shoulder and extending it out to him. "Come with me?" she asked.

The Doctor nodded as he gathered his research to bring into the bedroom. Even if Rose was sleeping, he was able to concentrate better if she was near. Rose's presence bolstered him in the midst of his current frustration over his minimal progress. There was also another reason having her near always gave him a feeling of peace. Even though a year had passed, they had come so close to forever losing each other at Canary Wharf. That was something neither would ever forget nor completely shake off, and it made them both hold on just a little tighter.

Rose changed for the night and slid under the covers as the Doctor settled beside her on the bed. He slipped on his glasses and resumed his work by the muted glow of the bedside lamp. Rose lay on her side with her head propped on her hand, gazing up at him. The Doctor's left hand instinctively reached for hers. His thumb rhythmically stroked back and forth across the warm skin of her knuckles as he continued reading a book on genetics from the 69th century. He had complained it was grossly outdated, but he still managed to find a few useful bits of information.

"You're staring at me when you're supposed to be sleeping," he finally spoke into the night's stillness, a slight smile curving his lips as he released her hand and turned a page in the book.

Rose sighed dramatically. "I can't help it. It's the glasses." She lowered her voice. "You _know_ what they do to me."

The Doctor briefly set the book aside and turned to her, arching a brow over the dark rim of his specs. "When this is all finished, remind me again, in detail, just what it is they do to you," he said huskily as he lowered his lips close to hers.

"Gladly," she replied, just as he brushed her lips with the softness of his. It was chaste and searing at the same time – a feat only the Doctor could manage.

Rose smiled fondly up at him as he pulled back, remembering the endearing sight of him prattling on about Einstein to the baby he held in his arms earlier that evening.

The Doctor tilted his head questioningly beneath her gaze. "What's this look for, then?"

"I was just thinking," she replied, continuing to smile.

"Care to share?"

"You were good with the baby tonight."

"Was I?" he replied, sounding immediately disinterested as he reached once again for the book. "Weeell, I'm good with most everyone I meet, you know. Big, little and in between. I'm a people person, that's me. Although the term 'People Person' is highly limited in my respect. It certainly doesn't just have to be a person for me to have a brilliant way with them. Animal, vegetable or mineral, you could say. Why, just take me and the–"

Rose placed her hand on his leg, sensing his underlying discomfort as his words gained speed, retreating into babbling mode. "Doctor," she cut in, "it was just a simple compliment. It didn't carry a deeper meaning. Seeing you with a baby didn't suddenly stir feelings in me about things we don't have."

The Doctor couldn't help but smile inwardly. Of course Rose would see through his rambling for what it really was and know what he was thinking underneath. She could always read his true feelings, even when he tried to cover them. Maybe _especially_ when he tried to cover them.

The Doctor turned his head back to look at Rose, and he surprised her with what he said next, so softly she almost missed it.

"It did me." Rose was looking back at him intently. "Seeing you with the baby, that is. It made me think that maybe...maybe you regret the things I'm not able to give you. It made me think about the things you might want but could never have."

Rose reached up and drifted her fingers down his cheek, her eyes honest and tender. "The only thing I wanted but thought I could never have was you. Now that we're together like this I have so much more than I thought I ever could. I told you before, Doctor, all I want and need is you."

The Doctor took her hand from his cheek and kissed the inside of her palm. "Rose Tyler," he spoke, almost in awe, "what did you ever see in me?"

The Doctor could have such cockiness and bravado, but when it was just the two of them alone that all fell away. He still had those moments where he measured himself according to his losses and regrets and came up short in his own eyes every time.

Rose spoke with sincerity as she looked into his eyes. "I saw _you_. Just you. Always."

The Doctor pulled her close and held her in his arms. How could he have ever had any doubts about them for any reason? Look at all the two of them had already come through, yet here they still were. They were the Doctor and Rose – the Stuff of Legend. They were unshakable.

Or so he thought. They were about to be shaken.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N **It's clear by the end of this chapter _exactly_ where these two are headed next. With the chapter that follows I'll be writing two versions, giving two ratings options for those who do or do not want the steamy details. I'll be keeping the story T rated here, but it will be going up to M on Teaspoon.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 7<span>**

The Doctor and Rose had now been on Janyeer for two weeks. Against their knowledge, the fertility treatments Rose had been receiving designed to cause her reproductive physiology to become compatible with the Doctor's had been completed. As Dr. Kedra had told Professor T'neer, with this done, it was now up to the Doctor and Rose.

Some preliminary evaluations had been made, and they didn't foresee any major complications for Rose if pregnancy did occur. She was young and healthy, and her body should be able to adapt to the additional stressors this could place on her without being overcome by them.

At least that was the optimistic opinion. In truth, the biggest issue faced in this was the unknown. There just wasn't any information at all for them to go by on Time Lord pregnancies. Human, yes; but any information on the nature of Time Lord reproduction was starkly lacking – to say nothing of a human carrying a Time Lord child. It simply wasn't documented.

Whatever complications might arise, Dr. Kedra was counting on the Doctor's protectiveness of Rose to _keep_ them here if conception did take place. Even if the two were unhappy about the furtive methods used in this, certainly he and Rose would both want her to have optimal care through this, and she believed their advanced medical facilities could provide that. And once the Doctor and Rose learned of what this could mean for Janyeer, surely neither could deny allowing this to save an entire race, could they?

It was now just a matter of time to find out if the treatments had been a success. Through more clandestine testing, she knew Rose was now entering the height of her fertility cycle. If everything went to plan, they may not have much longer to wait.

There was also another reason for even more optimism. The Doctor had begun to make notable progress in his efforts of finding ways to slow the mutation and the rate of cellular decay. Nonetheless, Dr. Kedra still believed her solution was the only certain and permanent answer for stopping this and eradicating it from her people.

Even still, the progress the Doctor had made together with Professor T'neer had led to the creation of treatments that were already showing the promise of extending lives. It was a time for celebrating the beginnings of success.

As another day ended after this second week of their stay, Rose had returned to the villa that night at the end of her shift, but the Doctor had stayed on a little longer at the hospital and told her he would meet her back there after he finished for the night.

Before he left, Dr. Kedra joined the Doctor and Professor T'neer in the laboratory and brought a bottle of vintage Janyeerian wine to toast their achievement thus far. After celebrating the long-overdue prospect of hope they were all finally feeling, the Doctor bid them goodnight and left to join Rose at the villa.

The Doctor didn't know the wine he'd sipped from his glass had been laced by Dr. Kedra with a potent Janyeerian aphrodisiac.

Dr. Kedra didn't know the aphrodisiac had been neutralized by the Doctor's system instantaneously.

It mattered little either way. The Doctor needed no aphrodisiac when it came to his desire for Rose.

-:-:-:-

Upon returning to the villa, Rose was feeling a little tired from her day of work at the hospital. She enjoyed helping care for the children – heart-wrenching as it sometimes was – but it was also demanding, especially with the hospital being so overcrowded and short staffed.

Despite her tiredness, Rose felt a lightness in her mood over the progress that had finally begun to be made. She was relieved not only because of the hope this brought for the people of Janyeer, but also because she'd seen the Doctor finally begin to relax marginally for the first time since they had been here. If the treatments that had just now begun at Shenreen's hospital had the success that was anticipated, they would soon be distributed throughout Janyeer. It was the first ray of hope that just maybe things could turn around for these people. It wasn't a cure, not yet; but at least it was a start, and she had every bit of faith in the Doctor that he would build on this success.

The Doctor was staying on late at the hospital, as he often did, so Rose decided to draw herself a bath and relax a little as she waited for him to return. She crossed the villa's courtyard into the bedroom, and then slipped into the en-suite. She'd not yet had the chance to take a long, proper soak in the tub since they'd been here, but it had been tempting her for quite some time. The TARDIS boasted an impressive tub with all the enhancements one could possibly want – including a convenient sonic setting for dry showers (the Doctor's usual preference), but there was something to be said for the simple pleasure of a traditional bath.

Rose turned the faucets and began filling the large stone tub with steaming water as she stepped back and shed her clothes, dropping them in a pile beside the tub. She then swept her hair up and pinned it on top of her head.

Although the inside appeared to be made of the same smooth beige stone as the outside of the tub, the curved interior was comprised of a slightly cushioned material, offering maximum comfort. Rose added several drops of floral-infused bath oil which filled the room with a soothing yet enticingly exotic scent.

Dimming the lights to a soft glow, she then turned off the faucets and stepped into the filled tub. Rose let out a deep sigh as she sank down into the soothing water. Curling vapors of steam rose from the surface, wafting through the air. She reclined back and closed her eyes, just enjoying the blissful moment of total relaxation and let the stress of the past couple weeks slip away.

Rose lost all track of time as she basked in her watery oasis. She slowly opened her eyes and scooped up a handful of water, watching it slowly trickle through her fingers. It was then her peripheral vision caught sight of a silhouetted form in the doorway. It wasn't startling, but the realization did cause her heart to skip a beat as a wave of heat passed through her, and this time the rush of warmth wasn't because of the steamy water. She turned her head toward the shadows to meet the eyes of her admirer.

The Doctor stood leaning against the doorway, his darkened eyes fixed on her alone. His intense gaze slowly traveled down her body, following every curve and dip. The calm, clear water afforded an unhindered view as he took his time drinking her in. Pupils dilated with just a hint of chocolate on the periphery, his eyes slowly journeyed back up and settled once again on hers, locking in place. The two didn't speak for a moment as their eyes remained joined, but a silent, mutual language passed between them. Through their mind-link, the Doctor sent Rose his love, his passion, his desire in a rolling wave that passed through her entire being.

The intensity took her breath away as his name escaped her lips. Rose's eyes fell shut and her head lolled back as the sensation passed through her like sparks racing across her skin and setting fire to her soul. She opened her eyes and turned her face to him, once again speaking his name, but this time his true name, spoken in Gallifreyan. It wasn't something she used often – only in the most sacred moments between them.

The effect on him was like the pull of the Moon on the ocean's tide, drawing him instantly to her side. The Doctor crossed the space between them in a few long, purposeful strides. He lowered himself to his knees beside the tub, his darkened eyes now level with hers.

With one arm resting on the side of the tub, his other hand lowered and dipped inside, gently swirling the water around her in a slow, circular motion, the sensual rhythm almost hypnotic.

"Hello," he spoke to her at last with words, his voice rich and low.

"Hello," Rose echoed back, utterly lost in his eyes.

He didn't say anything more for a moment, nor did he make a move to touch her – not yet. He just beheld her with a look that spoke of what she was to him: the most precious thing in all the universe, and she quivered beneath the intensity. There were moments when their love was overwhelming.

Brimming with that love until he felt he couldn't contain it, the Doctor drew in a deep breath, and as he let it go, uttered four more words.

"I love you, Rose."

The Doctor was not one to simply say the words on a daily basis at the drop of a hat; but he didn't need to. He said it each day in big and small ways. Every look, every touch, every smile – every time he took Rose's hand and grinned at her madly as they ran for their lives, or just being there, holding her when she closed her eyes at night or opened them in the morning. Whether spoken or not, the words were always there, tangible and real.

Yet when he did speak the words, uttered with such fervor, it always stole Rose's breath. This time, however, they were spoken with a tinge of regret flickering beneath the surface of his eyes. "I...I know I don't say that to you enough," he added quietly.

Rose lifted her hand from the water and placed a single finger across his lips. "You say it every day," she softly whispered. "Not always with words, but I don't always need the words because you've put them in my heart."

She let her finger slip from his lips as a soft smile curved at hers. She knew exactly what she wanted in this moment. What they both wanted. What they would always want because it was a desire that would never relinquish. "Join me?"

If possible, the Doctor's eyes darkened further at her words. He slowly stood. Never taking his gaze from her, he began removing his layers of clothing one article at a time. His right hand went to his blue, swirly-patterned tie, tugging the knot loose until the silk slipped from his neck in a swoosh and he dropped it to the floor, adding it atop Rose's pile of shed clothing. He unbuttoned his brown pinstriped jacket and shrugged it from his shoulders. Next he worked on the cuffs of his dark blue oxford before untucking it from his trousers and bringing his fingers to the front buttons. He revealed his lithe form to Rose button by button until the shirt parted and he cast it aside. Rose's eyes had drifted from his in order to take in the sight of his gorgeous body, lean and strong and completely hers. He kicked off his trainers and removed his socks. The Doctor straightened back up as his fingers went to the button of his trousers.

Finally, his husky voice broke the weighted silence as his fingers toyed teasingly with the button. "Liking what you see then, Miss Tyler?"

Rose's eyes raked back up to his, her mouth parted and her breathing noticeably accelerated. She swallowed once to keep her reply from being nothing more than "_Guh_." Drifting over to the edge of the tub, Rose draped her arms across the side and rested her chin on her forearms. "The only thing I _don't_ like about what I see is that you've stopped." Her eyes twinkled back at his. "Your trousers are going to get awfully wet if you plan on getting in like that."

A smoldering grin appeared across his lips as he spoke in a slow, seductive voice that had the ability to turn her instantly to liquid. "Well, we can't have that, now can we?" Done teasing, the Doctor unfastened the button and lowered the zip. Hooking his long fingers in the band of both his trousers and pants, the Doctor slid the last of his clothing from his hips, stepping out of them and shoving them aside with his foot.

Speechless. The sight of his gorgeous masculine body rendered her speechless every single time. This was a sight Rose could spend a lifetime drinking in and never be quenched. She was not disappointed to see that he was not yet as aroused as he _could_ be in this moment. He was still holding himself back, but that was okay because she knew once he fully dropped those barriers and allowed his desire for her to take complete control, it would be instantaneous. It would also be unstoppable; and right now Rose wanted this to be slow. She wanted to savor each and every second of this night.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N **This chapter is rated M, but it has been edited down and is not sexually explicit. If you prefer to read the full, unedited chapter, it can be found at the website _A Teaspoon And An Open Mind_, where this story is posted under the penname WhoMe.

Extra special thanks to **A Who Down in Whoville **and **T'Kirr** for helping me keep this edited version from becoming too hot to handle. You ladies are FANTASTIC!

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

The Doctor stepped into the tub and settled himself across from Rose, the water sloshing gently as he positioned his legs on either side of hers. The barest trace of a smile, which spoke a promise of things to come, graced his lips as he gently lifted Rose's left leg from the water and dropped a kiss to her inner ankle before placing it to rest atop his thigh. He ran his fingertips up and down the slick skin of her calf as Rose breathed out a slow, deep sigh.

"Your skin is so soft," he marveled in a hushed tone. "Like warm silk." The Doctor bent forward and placed a kiss to her knee before cutting his eyes up to hers. "Come here," he gently requested.

Rose's heart began beating that little bit faster in her chest. This was a request she would certainly never refuse. She moved across towards him and turned, leaning her back to his chest as her head lay against his shoulder. Her hands came to rest on his knees as his arms encircled her. The Doctor nuzzled the nape of her neck, then followed a descending path, drifting his lips lower, kissing his way to her shoulder as his tongue swirled in tantalizing patterns on her skin. His hands moved to caress her in long, sweeping strokes.

Rose moaned softly as she turned her face into the crook of his neck, kissing the juncture of his shoulder and neck as his intimate touch continued to bring them both pleasure.

"Oh, Rose," he murmured into her hair, "do you know how much I love to touch you like this, knowing you're mine?"

Rose peppered kisses along his jaw until he turned his face to her and she captured his mouth, tracing her tongue along his upper, then lower lips. He opened willingly to her. Their tongues met and glided languidly against each other, the moment unrushed and every second relished, before Rose pulled back, placing another kiss to his jaw.

"And you're mine," she breathed, raising her arm to wrap around the back of his neck.

His hands continued exploring her, fingers like those of a skilled musician playing an instrument, and he could elicit the most beautiful melody from her.

Rose turned in his arms as he dipped his head and stole her rapid breaths in a searing kiss.

With her left hand threaded in his hair, Rose moved her right hand between them. Now it was his turn to gasp as he wrenched his mouth from hers, breathing heavily and erratically as his eyes fell shut and he lost himself to her touch.

The Doctor gave himself completely over to Rose as he dropped the last shred of his barriers with a resounding thud. There was no stopping or slowing this now. An aroused Time Lord with his barriers removed would have the primal, untamable need to join with his mate even if the universe itself was disintegrating around them. Fortunately for them and the universe, there was nothing in their way tonight.

Rose continued, knowing just how to touch him to make him come undone. With his head thrown back and eyes clenched shut, Rose kissed the hollow of his throat as his low groans vibrated against her lips. It was quite possibly the hottest sound she'd ever heard.

Somehow, the Doctor was able to find some fading thread of control as he lowered his hand and wrapped it around hers, urging her to cease even though his body was screaming for her to continue.

"Want to share this together," he panted.

His words and the look in his eyes were enough to send her over the edge then and there. Rose kissed him roughly on the mouth. His hands tangled in her hair, freeing her golden strands from the messy bun as her hair cascaded through his fingers and down her shoulders. They kissed hungrily and desperately, and somehow Rose managed to whisper breathlessly into the kiss, "Bedroom?"

"Don't care," he growled, nipping at her neck. "I just _need_ you. You're everything to me, Rose. How much I need this, how much I need _you_, it's uncontrollable."

If Rose wasn't already off her feet, her knees would have just given way beneath her. Yet despite his ability to turn her to molten liquid, Rose found the strength – spurred on by urgent need – to stand from the tub, grasping his arms and urging him up. His mouth was upon her as soon as he stood.

"_Rose_," he rasped into the kiss, low and deep. Their kiss became bruising and frantic. Each and every time they made love, it only seemed to make them more desperate for each other. The honeymoon was _far_ from over. Knowing the level of their passion, it never would be.

In spite of the heat coursing through Rose's veins, a slight chill passed over her skin as she stood in the open air. The Doctor, in tune to her every sensation at this moment, felt her slight shiver and slowed their kiss. She was his priority. Always. He stepped away from her long enough to grab a large, fluffy towel hanging on a hook, then turned back to her. With infinite tenderness despite his ardent need, he ran the towel over her body, drying away each drop of water from her skin and adoring every inch of flesh along the way.

When he had finished, Rose took the towel from his hands and did the same for him, adoring him from head to foot. She dropped the towel to the floor as he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

They simply kissed for a span of time as Time itself seemed to be suspended around them. Their kisses alternated from frenzied and ravenous to heartbreakingly tender as they feasted upon each other's love.

The Doctor forced his eyes to open, to look into the eyes that held his entire universe as Rose looked through his and into his soul. The Doctor thought his hearts might burst then and there as he gazed down at his Rose. _His Rose_. It still astounded him.

"Oh, I love you...so much," Rose breathed out, her voice hushed.

The Doctor lowered his lips to hers in a breath-stealing kiss that would've had her quivering if her entire body wasn't already trembling from the sensation of pleasure, love and passion surging through her.

-:-:-:-

Later, the Doctor held Rose in his arms as she settled into his chest, delighted to feel his hearts still beating out a fast rhythm and knowing she was the cause. The Doctor dropped a kiss to her temple as his hand trailed up and down her back. He whispered to her in Gallifreyan, repeating his pledge of love. Rose felt tears form in her eyes as his love once again consumed her. Her entire body hummed within and without in the afterglow of their passion. They had long since learned this is truly what it meant to make love, because that is exactly what was created.

And yet, love was not the only thing that was made on this night. The first spark of a new life had just been created between them.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N** A BIG thank you to everyone who has, and continues to review so far! It's your encouragement that keeps me writing. And to those who've reviewed anonymously that I'm not able to reply directly to, just know your reviews are VERY much appreciated too. :)

On a side note, I realized I've just passed the one year mark since taking the plunge and finally writing my first story. Who knew what I was getting myself into? :D

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 9<span>**

A week had passed since the progress the Doctor had made in helping to create life-extending treatments for the people of Janyeer. Now, he stood on the verge of the final breakthrough.

Sometimes for the Doctor, the universe was kind and saving people came relatively easy. Sometimes it was just a matter of dispersing nanogenes and "_everybody lived_." Other times all it took was cooking up a 'cocktail,' dousing it on the sick and having them pass it on while he proclaimed, "_I'm the Doctor and I cured them!_" But sometimes it came with more of a fight, more of a struggle, sleepless nights and ceaseless work. Yet the Doctor often managed to live up to his name none the less. Rose knew this and had stood witness to it many times. She had said early on that if anyone had a chance of saving these people it was him, and her faith in the Doctor had not been misplaced.

A way to reverse the mutation was no longer a distant hope but now almost a reality. He had yet to tell Dr. Kedra and Professor T'neer just how far he'd actually come and how close a cure now was because he didn't want to raise their hopes until he was 100% certain of success. After double checking his results at the lab and running a few more tests, he then planned to reveal the news.

If everything went to plan with his findings, then today would be the day – tomorrow at the latest; but he was so, so close, and the Doctor was overanxious to get this day started.

Rose, however, didn't quite seem to share in his eagerness for an early start.

Rose wouldn't necessarily call herself a 'morning person,' but she wasn't the type to want to stay in bed all day, either (unless, of course, there was something more than sleep taking place. That changed the matter entirely). Staying in bed and _sleeping_ was all she wanted to do today, though. The Doctor had fallen asleep with her the night before after making passionate love – repeatedly – but had gotten up after a few hours of sated slumber to resume working, having fulfilled his needed amount of rest.

If only Rose could feel like she'd gotten the same. She barely even stirred when the Doctor gently woke her with a kiss and said something about fixing her breakfast.

He returned sometime later with buttered toast and jam, some sliced Janyeerian fruit and the tea Rose loved so much. Setting the plate and steaming mug on the table beside the bed, he sat next to Rose and leaned down to place another soft kiss to her lips, then one to each sleepy eyelid.

"Breakfast is served, Dame Rose," he said with a bright smile.

Rose mumbled something indistinct and snuggled further into the warm covers.

"Now, now," he admonished, "you're supposed to be getting _out_ of bed, not burrowing further in. With just the crown of your blonde head showing you look like a Slagrat in hibernation." This time Rose's comment was not indistinct. The Doctor raised a brow at her grouchy expletive. "And after I went to the trouble of making you breakfast in bed! I'll have you know that's not something I do for just anyone." He pointed an accusing finger. "That was just rude, Rose Tyler. That was rude and I am shocked. Shocked and offended, and..."

"Shut up," she groused into her pillow. "You're the one who called me a...Slugrat."

"A Slagrat," he helpfully corrected.

Rose cracked an eye open and peered at him with a hard look, but her sour mood instantly dissolved when she looked at him. His chocolate eyes were dancing and a silly grin was stretched out across his face. There was no denying it. He was utterly adorable – even if he was being a pest and had no right to be so chipper this early in the morning, which was exactly what she told him.

"It's not exactly early," he informed her. "We're due at the hospital in fifteen minutes...and actually, I'd been hoping to get there earlier today."

Rose groaned and closed her eyes again. "I don't know why I'm so _tired_," she murmured weakly.

The Doctor's smirk and the voice that accompanied it was nothing less than supremely smug. "Three words: No Refractory Period."

She opened her eyes again, taking in his prideful expression. "You think you're so impressive," she mocked, yet her breathy voice sounded just the opposite.

"I _am_ so impressive, and I think you agree," he husked, as he trailed a long finger across the line of her jaw.

Rose sighed dreamily, unable to continue the pretense. "Mmm...no arguments from me."

The Doctor leaned forward, nuzzling at the side of her neck before bringing his lips to within millimeters of hers. "You're quite impressive yourself," he replied in a low, sexy tone as his lips slowly moved toward hers, but then he paused, and quickly retreated before she could claim his lips. "But _not_ when you're lying in bed like a lump all day. C'mon! Up and at 'em!"

Rose groaned once again as she reluctantly pulled herself up to sit, trying to ignore the unpleasant spinning sensation in her head that accompanied the movement. She didn't mention this to him. Rose knew if the Doctor thought she was feeling anything more than simply tired he'd be hesitant for them to leave. That was the last thing she wanted – today of all days – considering how close he was to being able to reveal his success. Plus she really didn't think it was anything worth mentioning anyway.

The Doctor handed her the plate of food and she eyed it dubiously. Rose didn't want to turn it down after the Doctor had made it for her. He wasn't exaggerating when he said fixing her breakfast wasn't something he did for just anyone. Simple as the act was, for him this pushed his boundaries of domestic. She really didn't feel like eating anything at the moment, though.

The Doctor spread an excessively proportioned glob of jam across a piece of toast and snatched a bite for himself before handing her the rest. "Eat up," he encouraged as he chewed.

Rose looked up at him and back down at the proffered plate of food. Her stomach did an unpleasant rolling. "I think I'll just...have the tea for now. I'm really not that hungry this morning," she finally had to admit.

The Doctor cocked his head to the side, eyeing her skeptically. How could she possibly _not_ want jam? "You sure?" he asked, passing her the tea.

Rose nodded as she took a sip. "Yeah, I'll eat something more later. But you should get going. I've held you up long enough already and I know how anxious you are to get started today."

"I can wait," he offered, yet he was practically bouncing on the bed with nervous energy.

Rose smiled and lifted her hand to his cheek. "No, you go ahead. I'll meet you later." Her eyes shone with pride as she stroked his cheek. "You, my brilliant Doctor, have a planet to save."

He took her hand from his cheek and turned to kiss her palm. "I'll meet you for lunch, okay?"

She nodded and smiled as he hopped up from the bed and made his way out of the room. Rose slumped back on the pillows and heaved a sigh. Now if she could just get herself out of bed.

-:-:-:-

Rose had learned through experience these past couple of weeks that working in the children's ward could be draining at times, but today it seemed especially so. She just couldn't seem to shake the feeling of sluggishness that had been hanging over her all day like a cloud. It wasn't just today, either. The past couple of days she'd been feeling more and more tired for what she could only assume was no reason at all. Admittedly, the stress of working with terminally ill children was heavy, but the past week had brought such hope. With the new treatments, baby Kessa was already improving, as were so many others. So if it wasn't stress, why was she feeling so completely drained?

A few hours into her shift Rose realized it was getting close to lunchtime and the Doctor would be meeting her soon. Knowing how he was when he began working, though, she would no doubt have to be the one to go find him. He could get so single-mindedly focused in on a task that he'd go the whole day without remembering to eat if she didn't see to it that he took a break to do so. Although, Rose pondered, eating really didn't seem like an appealing idea to her at the moment either. She had promised the Doctor that morning she would eat something later on, but she just never felt like it. She wasn't really feeling nauseous, per se; her appetite just wasn't there. She decided to wait a little longer before going to meet the Doctor. Maybe her appetite would pick up by then.

Rose was locking away a tray of medication in the pharmaceutical cabinet when it suddenly felt as if the entire planet tilted sharply on its axis. A glance at the medication sitting perfectly still on the shelf told her that maybe it was just her and not the planet. She felt the room beginning to tilt once again as she grabbed the door of the cabinet in an attempt to steady herself.

Nurse Leedra was coming up behind her and saw Rose beginning to wobble, her face noticeably pale. "Rose, are you okay?" she asked quickly.

Rose vaguely registered the sound of a voice, but it seemed strangely distant. The floor suddenly came up to meet her as her vision went black.

The next thing Rose was aware of was opening her eyes groggily and squinting at the bright light which shone from the ceiling overhead. As her vision swam into focus, she turned her head to the side and saw Nurse Leedra hovering nearby and Dr. Kedra flitting quickly around the room, setting up some type of medical equipment. Rose realized she was lying on a bed in an exam room and she quickly remembered passing out. The unpleasant memory hit her just as she began to sit up, and another wave of dizziness passed over her. Rose groaned, pressing the palms of her hands into her eyes. What was wrong with her? Sudden feelings of fear, disorientation and physical distress battered her all at once.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor sat in the lab with Professor T'neer, intently scrawling notes and simultaneously entering information into a data-pad, when his focus was interrupted as he was suddenly hit with a mental wave of distress. The acute flash of disturbance upon his own mind jolted him. It was Rose. He knew that immediately. Since their bonding and the mental link they shared, the Doctor now had that sense of awareness of her presence just at the very edge of his consciousness. Most of the time it was subtle. It was anything but subtle now. That connection suddenly blazed to life, making him keenly aware that something was causing her distress.

With a single focus and without a word, the Doctor abruptly stood and headed for the door.

"Doctor, what is it?" Professor T'neer called after him in confusion.

"It's Rose. Something's wrong, I can feel it." the Doctor replied without looking back as he dashed from the room.

Professor T'neer quickly followed after the Doctor, his mind beginning to race.

It had not yet been two weeks since the treatments given to Rose had been completed, but it was certainly possible she could be pregnant this soon. But to already be having symptoms? If something was now wrong with Rose, as the Doctor had sensed, and that _something_ was what he thought it was, already causing her difficulties, then the Doctor was about to find out about all this in quite probably the worst way possible.

He had a dreaded feeling a storm was about to be unleashed.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N **The truth is finally revealed. Enter the Oncoming Storm...

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 10<span>**

Bolting out of the lab and into the hallway, the Doctor broke into a sprint as he headed straight for the children's ward, seeking Rose and the source of whatever had caused the distress he had sensed from her. He skidded to a halt upon reaching the doorway to the ward.

"Where's Rose?" he quickly asked the nearest person as his eyes darted around the room in search for her. He didn't need to ask _if_ something had happened to her, he only needed to know _what_. "Tell me what's happened."

One of the other nurses who'd been on duty when Rose passed out came over to the anxious Time Lord and explained what had happened with her. "She was working and just collapsed. We're not yet sure why. She was taken to the exam room next door. But it's alright," she sought to assure him. "Rose is being taken care of. Dr. Kedra is with her now."

The nurse hadn't even finished speaking before the Doctor turned on his heel and dashed to the room next door. He burst in just as Dr. Kedra was trying to reassure and urge a distressed Rose to lie back down on the exam bed so she could finish the scans she had begun.

"Rose!" the Doctor exclaimed as his eyes fell upon her. A pinstriped blur, he rushed into the room and straight to her side as Dr. Kedra stepped back to allow him space. Upon reaching her, his hands roamed her face and his eyes flitted back and forth between both of hers, seeking to find answers within them while at the same time drawing small comfort in finding that she was at least now conscious. At the sight of him, Rose realized any distress she'd been feeling had just been thoroughly topped.

"What's wrong, love? What happened?" he asked gently but with obvious concern.

The Doctor rarely used such endearments for her around others – that was too private for him, and if he spoke them it was usually only when they were alone. Now Rose knew the extent of his alarm. She wasn't sure if she could really give him an answer, though. She still didn't know what was wrong herself.

"Dunno," Rose replied, still sounding dazed. "Last thing I remember was the room feeling like it was startin' to spin, and then I guess I must've hit the floor."

He stroked down her hair, his brows knitted together in concern as he studied her pale face.

Professor T'neer came into the room just a minute behind him. He and Dr. Kedra exchanged a significant glance. She gave him a slight nod, silently confirming his single question before she turned and spoke to Nurse Leedra who had been helping attend Rose.

"Thank you for your assistance, but I can manage from here. Would you mind giving us all a few moments?"

Nurse Leedra nodded and dismissed herself from the room, closing the door behind her.

"There's no need for all this fuss," Rose insisted as she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, firmly ignoring the dizziness that once again threatened her balance as she did so. She was beginning to feel a little embarrassed for causing such a commotion and generating all this unnecessary attention. She was sure all was fine, and especially hated worrying the Doctor over what was probably nothing. He had a fierce protective streak when it came to her as it was – the fragility of her human mortality always at the back of his mind – and he didn't need an unnecessary catalyst to enhance that fear. "I didn't feel like eating this morning and I haven't had any lunch yet. I probably just got dizzy from low blood sugar, or somethin'," she reasoned.

The Doctor pursed his lips. He wasn't convinced that's all it was. "You shouldn't have had a lack of appetite regardless." He pressed his open palm to her cheek and then her forehead. "And you should have told me this morning that you weren't feeling well," he added softly. "I never would have left."

She took his probing hand in hers and smiled back gently. "And that was the reason I didn't. I'm fine, though."

Still skeptical and not taking any chances, he pulled out the sonic screwdriver to scan her, but Dr. Kedra held up her hand and quickly spoke up in order to stop him. She needed to break this news carefully.

"Doctor, wait, please. If you'll give me just a moment to explain, I can tell you exactly what is happening with Rose."

The Doctor lowered the sonic and looked between her and Professor T'neer.

"What'd you mean?" Rose asked cautiously. She had now convinced herself there was nothing wrong, but Dr. Kedra's face said there was definitely _something_.

Dr. Kedra paused for a heavy moment before speaking, weighing each word with care. "Professor T'neer and I have found a way to save our people, and it involves the two of you."

The Doctor shook his head impatiently, not following and already not liking _anything_ that involved Rose that he apparently had no knowledge of. "What are you talking about? And what does any of this have to do with Rose?"

She took a step closer and spoke earnestly, imploring him to accept what was about to be said. "Doctor, are you aware that your own biology could have the ability not only to eradicate the genetic mutation we've been fighting but also to extend lives exponentially? If a vaccine could be created using your genetic material, then–"

"That would never work," he abruptly objected, and still didn't see what his physiology had to do with Rose. "Your people are in no way compatible with–"

"No," she cut in, "but we _are_ compatible with humans. Like Rose." She took a deep breath at the same moment the Doctor stopped breathing. "If a genetic cross between the two of you was created, those genetics could be the salvation of Janyeer."

The Doctor's words, when they came, were spoken so low they were barely audible. "What have you done?"

Dr. Kedra looked at Professor T'neer, then between the Doctor and Rose. "_Please_ understand the extreme importance of this...why we felt it necessary to do it this way. Too many lives were at stake to risk a refusal." She paused. "With the injections Rose has received, we have made it possible for the two of you to conceive a child. A child that could save our race."

The Doctor fell deathly silent. Rose felt as if she might pass out again, but not because of what she'd been feeling earlier. Dr. Kedra's words came as an utter shock. This was positively the _last_ thing she ever expected to hear.

Rose fought to keep her voice steady as she sought to speak the impossible question now rushing through her mind. "Are you saying...are you saying that...?"

Dr. Kedra smiled, albeit tentatively. "You're pregnant, Rose. According to the scan I've just run, you're one week along."

Rose's mouth fell open limply as her hand instinctively went to cover her abdomen. _Pregnant?_ Dr. Kedra continued speaking, but Rose's mind was reeling and she barely even heard the words.

"Even though it is early for you to be exhibiting symptoms, it's not a cause for alarm. Dizziness early on in pregnancy is quite common due to a drop in blood pressure as vasodilation increases blood flow to the developing fetus, and blood sugar fluctuations occur as your body adapts to changes in metabolism. Due to the baby's more complex physiology, it's causing your body additional exertion just a bit earlier." She was desperately trying to downplay any fear.

The Doctor somehow regained his ability to breathe but not his control over it as it came out rapid and erratic. His hands were clenched so tightly at his sides he nearly shook. He didn't look at Rose. His eyes remained blazing into Dr. Kedra's. "Do you know what you have done? Do you have _any_ idea? Any idea _at all_?" A chill ran down her spine at the darkness in his tone. "This could kill her."

Mustering the courage, Professor T'neer spoke up. "We will take every precaution necessary to see that no harm comes to her or the child. As you know, our medical facilities are advanced, and I assure you we will do everything we can to ensure–"

The Doctor suddenly rounded on him, looking for all the world like he was going to throttle him then and there as the man took a sharp, stumbling step back. "YOU WILL NOT TOUCH HER!" he shouted. "Neither of you will so much as come near her _EVER_ again, or I _SWEAR_ you will live to regret it!"

"Doctor, p-please just listen," Professor T'neer stammered. "We ran some preliminary assessments and have no firm reason to believe any serious harm will come to Rose through this."

The Doctor's chest was heaving as his eyes, flaming with fury, bored into him. His blistering voice rang out. "You really think that's all that matters here? You believe that if Rose is physically alright then us having a child together could actually be something _good_? Is that what you think?"

Rose had previously been lost in the midst of her own tumultuous thoughts, but her defocused gaze snapped to attention as the Doctor's words hit her like a physical blow and was more of a shock than anything else she'd heard yet.

The Doctor swallowed down hard as he looked between the two people in front of him. His words were strained, the rage in his voice barely contained. "I have been helping you, and this_...THIS_ is how you repay me! I've been working to save lives while you have been working to destroy mine."

Rose mentally and physically recoiled, pressing back further into the bed. She began to shut down and shut out everything she was hearing. She couldn't even begin to process it all. Her head was spinning and the blood was roaring in her ears. She wanted to curl in on herself and block out everything and everyone else.

The Doctor slowly reached into his jacket and pulled out the data-pad from his pocket. He held it up before them. His voice was suddenly deathly calm, and the cold fury in his tone was more bone-chilling than the explosive rage. "I was waiting to tell this until I was absolutely certain. I have found the cure. I've found the way to reverse the mutation and restore your people's lifespan to what it once was, _without_ making them into something they were _never_ meant to be."

Dr. Kedra felt her heart momentarily stop. He had done it. He had actually achieved what she had thought to be impossible for him. If she had just given him time, if she'd _trusted_ him. What had she done?

A voice she had effectively locked away these past few weeks was now free and telling her it was _far_ too late for remorse. Rose was now at possible risk for something that never even had to be in the first place.

The Doctor looked down at the life-saving information held within the palm of his hand, then back up at the two of them as his eyes flashed dangerously. Was there any reason at all why he should save these people now? Cold vengeance began seeping through his veins, its icy tendrils unfurling and twisting around his hearts. The ease in which he could make these people suffer for what they'd done was frighteningly simple.

In this moment he felt once again like a battle-scarred soldier holding a gun, with Rose the only one standing between him and the annihilation of his enemy. All he knew in this moment was he had to get out of here, had to leave, had to run before he did something he would regret – or would _never_ regret – and that chilling realization was now risking his soul in this crucial moment of decision.

Rose had made him better than the man of blood, anger and revenge he had once been, so he knew what he _had_ to do even if exacting revenge was what he _wanted_ to do.

The Doctor's voice nearly shook as he spoke. "As the people of Janyeer are able to continue on, you had better hope that the next generation does not follow in your same path. God help them if they do." Releasing it to them, he threw the data-pad onto a table across the room where it landed with a sharp thud and skidded across the surface. The harsh sound reverberating through the room was the only thing to be heard for several breathless moments.

The Doctor finally turned back to Rose and held out his hand to her, not in gentle request but in command. "Rose, let's go. We are leaving. _Now_."

Maybe Rose needed his commanding tone to spur her into action, because before that she'd been too immobilized by shock to even move.

Rose followed along with the Doctor out of the hospital, his pace hurried, almost desperately so, and neither one able to even speak. His vise-like grip on her hand would've no doubt been painful if she hadn't already been completely numb.

They walked each step in loaded silence as they made their way from the hospital and across to the villa, reaching the TARDIS. The Doctor couldn't even think beyond this moment. His only immediate intention was to leave this planet far behind. What had taken place here, however, was not something either of them could outrun.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N **Heavy tension settles in following the aftermath of the previous chapter. To say the Doctor and Rose now have a lot to talk about is an understatement, but being ready and capable of doing so is another issue.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 11<span>**

The Doctor wasted not a second of time in putting the TARDIS into the Vortex as soon as he reached the console. He was fleeing this while at the same time realizing that no matter how far or how fast he ran this could never be escaped, undone, or changed. This had happened. There was no going back from that. The insurmountable question now was how would they go forward?

Rose stood numb and unmoving, having barely made it past the top of the ramp. Her mind was reeling as feelings of fear, confusion, disbelief and pain crashed over her from what felt like every direction, the latter of which came from the words of the one man she never imagined would ever hurt her. Yet the words that had erupted from the Doctor minutes before had done exactly that. Rose honestly didn't know what shocked her more – the news of this impossible pregnancy or the Doctor's caustic reaction. It wasn't his anger over how this had been devised that shook her. It was his clear loathing of the thought of having a child with her.

Maybe at some point she could somehow begin to process all this, but considering only a few minutes had passed since her world had been turned on its head, she wasn't even close.

Rose was drawn out of her immobilized state as the Doctor slowly rounded the console and walked back towards her. Their eyes met, yet there was nothing within his that gave her the comfort or assurance that was always there when she needed it. This time she saw only turmoil itself staring back at her.

The Doctor, the man who was never without words and had an answer for everything under the sun, looked as if he didn't even know what to say or do next, which was currently true. Where would they even begin? In the midst of uncertainty incarnate, Rose was certain of just one thing: If his words were going to be anywhere even remotely near to what she had already heard him speak, then Rose didn't think she could bear it again and preferred he remain silent.

Almost hesitantly, the Doctor reached his hand out towards her, hovered in the air halfway between them, then pulled back. Could he not even stand to touch her? Rose's tumultuous mind questioned. Was the thought of her carrying his child that repulsive to him?

The Doctor opened his mouth to speak but was unable to produce words. Rose had heard of cases of extreme shock causing people to become mute. Some part of her brain briefly wondered if that had now happened to them.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, if not shakily, trying to gain some semblance of control to at least make it through this moment here and now. Later, well, he'd deal with that when it came. For now, he was functioning one minute at a time.

"Rose," he finally managed, his voice painfully tight. "I need to get you to the infirmary."

Rose didn't reply. She couldn't. She merely nodded her head and followed silently behind him. Despite walking mere feet apart, it felt like they were on either side of a gulf. There was no arm brushing the other, no intuitively reaching for each other's hand, and both were uncharacteristically stiff, due to the effort of holding these pent-up emotions inside.

Upon reaching the infirmary, Rose sat on the exam bed as the Doctor began gathering devices and setting up equipment – equipment he never imagined he would be using for this purpose, and certainly not on Rose.

As he went about his work, his movements were methodical, clinical. Rose couldn't help but feel like he'd slipped into the role of doctor with a lowercase 'd.' The Doctor began running scans, took a sample of blood and poured over the readings that he had begun to gather, all the while neither one speaking a word and barely even making eye contact. The reason they didn't speak was not because the words that needed to be said were few; it was because there were far too many, and where would they even begin?

The moment the first scan was complete which confirmed without a doubt to his own eyes the reality of the situation, the Doctor felt the air leave his lungs in a rush. There was no refuting the evidence before him.

Rose didn't have to ask for confirmation of whether or not she was pregnant. She knew it was true. She could feel it. She could also see the truth of it in the Doctor's eyes as his earlier anger that had erupted in the hospital now congealed into fear and uncertainty and another emotion which gripped her heart and wrenched it from her chest: regret.

The Doctor fought with everything within him to detach his emotions from the task at hand. Rose's well-being was his priority right at this moment. He had to focus on making sure she was alright – at least for the time being. Whether she could continue to be alright through a pregnancy such as this remained to be seen. If he allowed his emotions to overtake him now he wouldn't even be able to function. Later, he could succumb to the crushing weight that was bearing down on him. For now, he had to fight past it.

He continued working, scanning and analyzing, neither one speaking or able to speak. Finally, Rose broke the weighted silence that had fallen between them as she forced words to her voice.

"Is the baby okay?" she asked on a near whisper, yet the words seemed to resound loudly in the previously silent room.

The baby. Those words on her lips felt strangely foreign to even speak. Yet it was real. This baby, _their_ baby, was now a very real presence in their lives. Rose couldn't even begin to comprehend the numerous consequences of all this just yet, but if she was now carrying a child, she at least wanted to know it was safe.

_Is the baby okay? _

Her words hung heavily in the air. _Was_ the baby okay? A voice inside the Doctor said _no_. Nothing about this baby was okay. But at this moment Rose needed temporary assurance, so he had to give her an answer. His eyes slowly lifted from the monitor he had been reading and looked into hers, _properly_, for the first time since they had been alone with this news.

"It's..." His voice cracked. He swallowed down forcibly. "The scans indicate that it's not in jeopardy at the present moment."

Rose nodded as she took in a shaky breath. Their equally turbulent eyes remained on each other's for a few brief seconds before his fell away and back to the monitor. He couldn't face the questions swirling in her eyes because he couldn't yet form answers to them himself.

Silence stretched on between them for several more minutes. So many thoughts were churning in Rose's mind, but the one reverberating the loudest that she could not tamp down was the one that finally escaped past her lips in a broken voice.

"You don't want it, do you?"

From across the room, the Doctor drew a sharp breath. It was a direct question, yet so much hinged on his reply. His answer could further expand this gulf which now seemed to have wedged itself between them. But should he lie to her? It was pointless because she would see right through him if he did.

The Doctor stood unmoving, facing the monitor which sat on a table in front of him. His shoulders were rigid as he gripped the sides of the table he was leaning over so tightly his knuckles were turning white. "I didn't say that," he finally answered hoarsely, not looking at her.

A bitter laugh rose like bile in her throat but came out sounding like a choked sob. "You didn't have to," Rose all but whispered. "You already made your feelings perfectly clear."

He straightened up abruptly and turned towards her. The Doctor raked a hand through his hair, then let it fall to his side, slightly shaking as emotions continued to surge through him. His posture was tense and the sharp edge to his voice could cut through steel. "Rose, those people _violated_ you – they violated us. They schemed, manipulated and engineered this...occurrence without our knowledge and against our will, thinking only of their own gain and giving absolutely no regard for how this could affect _us_. So do forgive me if I'm not jumping for joy right now."

Rose suddenly found her previously-diminished strength and used it to stand up in front of him. "This 'occurrence,' as you so lovingly put it, is _our_ child." She paused and took several deep breaths to try and gain her control. Rose spoke a little more quietly the second time. "We didn't think we could ever have children, and now–"

"And now...," he abruptly cut in, "now you're _truly_ happy, right?" The Doctor stared at her hard. "Now that you can have a child with me you have the happiness you didn't before. So were you lying to me before this, Rose?"

"_What?"_ she cried.

He took a step towards her. "You told me you didn't want children – that you were happy with _me_, and that I was enough. But was that even true?"

In hindsight the Doctor would regret ever questioning her unconditional feelings for him like that, but at the moment his emotions had wound him so tight he was about to explode, and he was speaking without filtering or putting thought behind his words – only raw emotion.

Rose clenched her eyes shut and attempted to calm herself down. She waited several moments before focusing her eyes back on his and answering. "I never said I wouldn't want children if we could have them. I said I didn't need to have children with you in order to be happy, and _that_ was true. _You_ have always been enough for me. But like it or not, and quite apparently you _don't_, we are now having a child. A child that _we_ created. I'm sorry if you want me to say this has destroyed our lives, but I can't see it that way, regardless of what _they_ did."

No, she couldn't, he thought. She couldn't possibly see this in the same heart-wrenching way he did because she obviously didn't understand what this child being part human would mean for _him_. She didn't live beneath the crushing curse of the Time Lords. She had never lived through centuries of loss and experienced how that silently destroys you inside in a way no other pain ever could. She wouldn't be the one to live on alone after all those she loved eventually fell prey to the march of time, this child now being one of its eventual victims, added to the tragically-long list – one he fought desperately hard _never_ to add to. In dropping the protective walls he'd built around his hearts in order to open himself to loving Rose, she had inescapably made the waiting list. Now it was growing ever larger.

The weight of silence filled the space between them once more as they both looked away. The Doctor couldn't even bring himself to speak of these things – not yet. And there were yet other immediate reasons why his emotions were now waging war within him; other reasons why happiness was the last thing he could feel at this moment, any trace of it smothered by fear.

The Doctor spoke up at last, his voice now low and restrained and his words requiring effort. "I don't know the full danger this could put you in, Rose, and that terrifies me." The rare, exposed vulnerability and open fear was evident in his voice, in his features, in every line of his tense body. "I don't even know what to fully expect with a human/Time Lord pregnancy, but there could be any number of risks, and I never would have chosen to put you in that position. There is a very real chance you may not even be able to sustain this pregnancy."

Rose fought to keep her voice from shattering as she spoke with excruciating honesty. "Would that solve everything for you if I couldn't? Would you be happier if I lost this baby?"

The Doctor swallowed hard. "Rose," he whispered painfully, "how could you think that?"

Stinging tears began to build in her eyes. "How could I not? After...after what you've said?"

He drew a long, deep breath then released it shakily. Though his voice was strained, the fight had gone out of him. "Rose, I never meant to hurt you with those words. And I certainly don't wish for harm to come to this child. I just..."

"Never wanted it in the first place?" she finished for him. Rose stepped closer to him and looked into his eyes. "Doctor, I know this was never planned. Never even imagined. And I'm not exactly thrilled with how they secretly engineered this possibility behind our backs. But regardless of what they did, _we_ are the ones who created this life. They might have made it a possibility, but you and I made this child out of our love." The Doctor dropped his eyes from hers as she continued in a near whisper. "They said I was one week along. Do you remember last week? That night?" she breathed. "_We_ did this, Doctor. Through our _love_."

The Doctor squeezed his eyes shut before opening and slowly raising them back up to hers. He was shutting himself off and she could feel it. She could see it in his dark, impassive eyes – the look he always took on when he internalized his feelings. "Rose I just...I need some time to process this. To think it through. To catch my breath."

Rose didn't have the strength – physically or mentally – to put effort into drawing him out. She nodded her head. "Yeah. So do I. We both need time to process this and try to figure out what it is we're even feeling." A look of pain mingled with fear flickered in her eyes. "I just hope once we've had a chance to do that, we won't reach such different conclusions that we'll be driven further apart by this than we already are right now."

The Doctor opened his mouth to speak in reply, but the words just wouldn't come as Rose walked silently past him and out of the room. Maybe it was better that way. He had already said enough.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N **In light of this frankly depressing chapter, I think I need to say now that the entire story isn't going to be one long angst fest. I promise there will be some lighter, some rather adorable, and some _very_ romantic moments to come. Just not in this chapter!

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 12<span>**

The Doctor stood in stricken silence, staring after Rose as she left the room. His eyes turned away from the empty corridor and he walked over and collapsed into a chair in the infirmary. The Doctor buried his face in his hands, fighting to gain some form of control over his tumultuous thoughts. He felt like he was being torn apart in a thousand directions. So many thoughts and emotions were warring inside him, each one vying for dominance.

He was so _angry_. Angry at Kedra and T'neer – people he had been working to _help_ while they were secretly experimenting on and violating Rose, using her body, her very life, for their own gain. He could scarcely even allow himself to see their reasoning or the desperation that had been driving their actions because to him _nothing_ could justify what they had done to Rose.

He also felt a sickening fear for the immediate future. Could he even ensure Rose's safety throughout this pregnancy? A 'normal' human pregnancy in and of itself carried a variety of risks and didn't always go smoothly. But this? Could her body handle a cross-species pregnancy and whatever additional risks might present themselves along the way?

In the midst of the fear and anger he felt the crushing weight of grief pressing in on him. He desperately wished he didn't feel that way, but he just couldn't escape it. The Doctor knew the ramifications of having a part human child. It was the very reason he never would have chosen to have children with Rose if the choice had been in his hands. He honestly didn't believe he could find the strength for this. Not again.

He had been a father before, but never in quite this way. He had been a genetic donor in the looming process, fulfilling an emotionally-detached duty. But then there was Susan, and he found his emotions could no longer remain detached from his beloved granddaughter. In many ways she had been so much like himself that he'd whisked her away with him upon leaving Gallifrey. But he had lost her, too.

He lost them all.

Just as he would continue to lose everyone he ever held dear. How could he face this _again_? The very thought was far too much.

He had fought a long hard battle in finally allowing himself to open his soul and love Rose, yielding access to the deepest recesses of his hearts. Allowing it had been a struggle because he knew he would one day lose her while he would live on...alone. That was his curse in life. Rose was right when she had confronted him on Janyeer about keeping his fear of her loss bottled up inside. He had never fully made peace within himself on how he would cope when Rose was one day gone from his life. How could he? He had simply thrust it aside, locked it away as best he could and taken hold of what they could have here and now and lived for each day, each moment. Now, what he'd tried to lock out of his thoughts was screaming at the front of his mind that it wasn't just Rose he would one day lose. He would have to watch their child wither and die as well. How could he bear that? How could he live through losing his entire family – _again_?

The Doctor took a long, shuddering breath and stood. He slowly walked to the monitor displaying the data from the scans he had performed. A painful lump swelled in his throat as he reaffirmed what he knew to be true. Part human. Specifically the aging part. Human lives were so very fragile and so very fleeting. A new life was just beginning, yet he was already feeling grief over the loss that would one day come and, without mercy, strip his soul bare.

-:-:-:-

After leaving the infirmary, Rose walked in solitude down the corridor until she came to a stop outside the bedroom, the room she and the Doctor now shared. The thought of retreating to her old room briefly crossed her mind, but despite how things currently stood between her and the Doctor, she needed the comfort of their shared dwelling more than ever and didn't want to feel further isolated from him. Just like the Doctor, she needed time to try and process this, but she didn't even know where to begin. She was feeling mentally and physically exhausted, and she had never felt at such a distance from the Doctor. It hurt.

Now was a time when she needed him most. She needed his love and assurance in the midst of this. Instead, she felt as if he couldn't even stand to look at her now that she was carrying this child. How could they get through this? What would this do to them? Rose had thought nothing could ever shake their love. Now, the one thing created _by_ their love was coming between them. Maybe it was fitting for a child of the Doctor to be such a paradox, Rose thought wryly.

She didn't understand how the Doctor could possibly feel the way he did. Yes, the method of engineering this without their consent was wrong. But regardless of outside manipulation, this was _their_ child that she and the Doctor created together. Rose had honestly never given thought to the idea of the two of them having children because she knew it could never be, but she never would have imagined that if they _could_ have children this would have been the Doctor's reaction. How could he not want a child they had created together, regardless of how the possibility was brought about? True, their lifestyle might change just a bit. For one thing, they might have to slow the running once her center of gravity shifted. Their life of traveling in the TARDIS would not come to an end, though. Where better for a baby who was partly a child of Time to begin and live its life than amongst the stars? She saw the possibility of their life together becoming something more breathtaking and awe inspiring than it had ever even been. This baby was part _Time Lord_. The Doctor would no longer be the last, and he would have this part of her long after she was gone. Wasn't that a good thing? Wasn't that incredible?

With heavy steps, Rose walked into the bedroom as the lights dimmed for her, the gentle ambient glow soft and soothing. At least the TARDIS seemed to be considering her feelings in creating a calming atmosphere, Rose thought. She walked over to the bed and climbed in, not bothering to turn down the covers as she lay down atop the deep blue duvet. She curled up on her side, her back facing the door. Rose placed her hand over her abdomen where the fragile new life was now growing inside of her, a sense of awe coming over her at the very thought. Even now she felt a connection to this child – a deep and instinctual love. Her wistful thoughts led her to the future. Who would this child one day be? Would it have the Doctor's eyes and her smile? Would it have the same exuberance for life and passion for justice as the Doctor?

Would it have its father's love?

Rose closed her eyes as a feeling of sorrow washed over her. Despite the circumstances surrounding the conception, she wanted nothing more than to feel joy over the possibility of this new life. Considering how the Doctor felt, she didn't know how that could be possible.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor remained in the infirmary running analyses and studying the scans and tests he'd performed on Rose, trying to project the possible variances with this pregnancy and how to handle them when they arose in order to ensure Rose's safety. As he worked, his own turbulent emotions were beginning to be pushed aside and he could sense Rose's growing, troubled feelings through their link. Her normally placid, reassuring presence in the back of his mind was now unsettled. He felt his hearts constrict all the more knowing he had contributed to that. He knew he needed to go to her. He couldn't hide from this. But how could he begin to make things right? How _could_ this be made right?

The Doctor realized Rose at least needed to know the full reasons for his feelings, so he left the infirmary behind to go find her. Even if talking about this killed him, at least she would know the reason why he felt like a part of him was dying.

By outward appearances Rose looked to be resting, but she was able to do anything but. Her still form on the bed was a contradiction to the turbulence within her. Rose heard the quiet footsteps of the Doctor from behind her as he came into the room. She questioned whether he was coming to actually _talk_ about all this or if he was just making a quick check on her. Rose didn't have the strength to try to force him into talking about this if he wasn't ready or willing, so he would have to be the one to make the move, Rose decided, as she continued lying with her back to him.

She heard the clinking sound of him placing something down on the table beside the bed, then felt the mattress sink down as he gently sat himself beside her. The Doctor placed his hand on her head and softly stroked his fingers through her hair. Rose bit her lip to stop the quivering and tried not to tremble. She held it together because she didn't feel she had the ability to pick up the pieces if she let herself fall apart.

"I'm sorry, Rose," he spoke softly, his voice carrying the weight of sadness.

_I know, and that's what hurts, _Rose thought to herself in silent reply.

She turned over to face him and looked up into his deep, sorrowful eyes. "I don't want you to be sorry for this, Doctor," she said quietly, then sought to manage a little bit of reasoning. "I know what they did to us was morally wrong, but is the thought of having a child with me so horrible to you? Isn't there at least some small part of this that brings you joy?" she asked openly. Rose didn't want a confrontation; she only wanted honesty.

The Doctor closed his eyes for a brief moment before responding. When he opened them his gaze was distant. "Rose, it's...it's just not that simple."

She half-smiled sadly. "Nothing ever is with us, is it?"

"No." The Doctor looked back down at her and could see the weariness behind her red-rimmed eyes. This day had taken its toll. He turned to the bedside table and picked up the glass he had brought with him. He turned back to her and held it out. "Here, I brought you this. You haven't eaten yet today and you need to keep your strength up. It's a special mix of nutrients tailored to your needs. It should make you feel a bit better...and it's banana flavored, too," he added with a tiny smile.

Rose sat up and took the proffered glass. "Thank you," she said softly. He nodded.

After a few sips, she lowered the glass and brought her eyes back to his face. There was no easy place to start with any of this, but if nothing else Rose at least needed to know more about what to expect with this pregnancy. "So," she began, "you said there could be possible complications. Do you want to tell me more about that so I can have an idea of what to expect?"

The Doctor drew a long breath. He may as well start with the physical, then move on to the emotional. "In the things I've told you about my planet, I've mentioned before that Gallifreyan offspring were most often loomed through a process of genetic material being contributed by the parents," he explained. "A mother carrying the child wasn't unheard of but it wasn't common. But even though pregnancy occurred, any data or point of reference pertaining to that doesn't tell me what I need to know as far as what to expect with a human/Time Lord pregnancy."

Rose nodded, trying to give it some logical thought. "Since I'm already having symptoms this early, do you think that means...the course of the pregnancy will run shorter and developments will come more quickly?"

His face took on a look of equal parts fear and apology. "Your body is under more of a strain with a part-Time Lord pregnancy and that's why you've already begun feeling symptoms. This will be more difficult for you than a fully-human pregnancy would be. Even part human, the development of a Gallifreyan fetus is more intricate, and just the fact that it's a different species from you puts more of a strain on your body to try to adapt and compensate. As for the pregnancy running a shorter course, it's still early to tell yet, but due to the development of a more complex physiology, it's likely the gestation period will last longer than nine months." He paused, his hand ruffling the hair at the back of his head and his eyes not quite meeting hers. "Probably closer to twelve."

That little revelation jolted her. "No wonder your people chose looming," Rose murmured.

He puffed out his cheeks and blew out a rush of air. "As for other complications, I just don't know. I'm sorry, Rose. I wish I could tell you more."

Whatever difficulties may arise, as long as they faced them _together_ Rose believed they could make it through this. Aside from the physical, the question in her mind was how they would make it through the emotional complications of this.

"And what about the other complications?" she finally asked, her voice sounding as vulnerable as she felt inside. "What's gonna happen to _us_? Can you tell me that?" Rose turned fully towards him and took his hand, drawing his eyes deeply into hers. "Doctor, no matter _how_ this came about, why can't you just see this as a good thing? This baby is a part of _us_, of you and me. And in this way..." She hesitated with the words for a few seconds but kept going, finishing on a whisper. "In this way you'll always have a part of me with you...even after I'm gone."

The dam nearly broke upon hearing that and tears began to fill his eyes. When the Doctor spoke, his voice trembled and he nearly choked on his words. "Oh, Rose. Don't you see I'm going to lose you _both_?"

Rose didn't understand, but she felt her heart constrict at the raw pain in his voice. "But...but the baby's part Time Lord..."

The Doctor nodded sadly. "And the baby is also part human." He sucked in a sharp breath. "It will age like a human. It will grow old and never regenerate. It will only have one life."

The sorrow encasing his words pierced her own heart. Rose knew the Doctor had made a sacrifice in allowing himself to love a human, to tie his soul to someone with a lifespan that compared to his was a mere breath. Now his loss would be multiplied, faced with losing both her and their child. The loss of a child was something no one should have to endure. It might be easier for Rose to try and reason that it wouldn't happen for quite some time; but it _would_ still happen. The Doctor would have to face it one day and then be forced to live on, alone once again.

The Doctor wasn't a man who had the fear of what it _could_ be like to lose his family; he had the knowledge that came from experiencing it. Rose knew the Doctor had been a father before. When they bonded and he opened himself to her, he allowed her to see the family he had once had, the family he had lost, and she had felt a measure of that pain. It seemed for the Doctor history was destined to repeat itself.

Rose could now understand at least a little of what he was feeling inside. She lifted her eyes back up to his, seeing the shining tears that threatened to fall. She didn't even know quite what to say so she simply reached for him and held him. The Doctor clung tightly, and she could feel he was mourning the losses that would one day come to him. It broke her heart.

The Doctor took a shuddering breath and drew back as he spoke with pain-filled honesty. "It isn't that I don't want a child with you, Rose. It's that I don't want to one day have to lose you _both_. But I can't escape that."

Rose silently nodded. She now at least understood his reaction to the news of the pregnancy. It still hurt, but now she felt not only her pain but his, too.

There were no easy answers in this. Rose wished she could simply tell him to live for today, take joy in the moments they had and worry about tomorrow _tomorrow_. But that was so easy for her to say, wasn't it? Putting herself in his place and imagining what it would be like to one day lose both the Doctor and their child while she would be left alone gave her a glimpse of understanding.

The Doctor finally spoke up again, softly breaking Rose out of her distant thoughts. "You should try to get some rest, Rose."

She looked back up at him. It felt like there was still so much more that needed to be said, but for now Rose really didn't know what else to say, and in all honesty she was feeling exhausted. She did have one question to ask of him, though.

"Will you stay?" Rose asked, almost hesitantly. She didn't want any more distance between them than she was already feeling.

"I'll stay," he quietly assured her.

Rose prepared for bed and settled back in beside the Doctor. Each remained quiet through the night but the words churning in both their minds were not. Rose knew they needed to somehow make peace with this, or else she feared the Doctor would come to resent both her and the baby and see them as objects of pain in his life. She couldn't bear that, for her or the child's sake. He had finally come to accept loving her in spite of mismatched lifespans because he realized it was far better than never having her at all. Rose could only pray that in time he would reach the same conclusion about this child.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N **The Doctor's opened up to Rose about the reason for his feelings, but it hasn't yet resolved the issues as that tension in the air persists.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 13<span>**

Rose woke the next morning to a sight that had become familiar to her during the past few weeks. Her eyes blinked open and focused on the Doctor who sat beside her on the bed, intently engaged in research. A large book lay open in his lap with a writing pad beside him. Rose could tell from seeing a glimpse of the script across the book's cover that it was Gallifreyan. No doubt a text pertaining to pregnancy, she surmised. His focus would shift from the page, then over to the side where he was scrawling his notes. Rose had lately grown accustomed to waking up like this as the Doctor worked to preserve the lives of the people of Janyeer. Now he was working to do what he could to safeguard her and the baby.

At least for now, Rose thought to herself as a dismal cloud settled over her. The day would eventually come when there would be nothing he could do to save either of them as the march of time took its toll. First he would have to lose her, and then...

Rose quickly halted that depressing train of thought before she mentally had herself and this child dead and buried. This wasn't exactly the best way to begin her day. Rose pressed a hand to her forehead, squeezing her lids shut as she inwardly scolded herself for thinking so bleakly. Now she was beginning to think just like the Doctor.

The man in question looked up from his reading when he realized Rose had woken, and he saw her pressing the heel of her palm to her head with her eyes clenched shut. Considering the razor's edge he was already on in fearing for her condition, he instantly thought the worst. Alarmed, he took the quickest course of action, bypassing time-consuming words, and immediately sought to probe her mind to find out what was wrong. Intensifying the connection between them through their shared link, his mind pushed forward into hers without warning or a polite mental nudge the equivalent of asking permission.

Rose startled at the unexpected sensation of him, essentially, barging in on her thoughts. Both were respectful of the bond they shared and never entered each other's thoughts unannounced, although it would have been more difficult for Rose to do so with his highly complex mind and honed barriers. Some barriers had to remain in place because he had explained to her before they bonded that a human could not handle the full magnitude of a Time Lord mind without burning. But still, they could join minds on a certain level, but usually only did so to the point of sharing thoughts at highly intimate times or during other instances of mutual consent. The rest of the time the link between them served as a gentle awareness of the other at the edge of their consciousness. The Doctor's usually-subtle presence was now suddenly charging in and throwing the door off the hinge, and Rose gasped at the unexpected intrusion, her mind's reaction the equivalent of taking a sharp step back as he lunged forward.

"Sorry!" the Doctor said as he quickly withdrew, sensing her startled reaction from his sudden incursion. "I was just afraid something was wrong. You looked...distressed." He paused, her eyes met his, and in an instant that heavy atmosphere between them was back. He realized now, of course, the number of things Rose could have been thinking which explained why she'd appeared upset.

He rubbed at the base of his neck, an unconscious gesture of unease. "Are you feeling okay, Rose?" His voice had calmed, and both knew his question extended beyond just asking about the physical, though neither was quite sure what more to say that hadn't already been covered the night before. More needed to be said between them at some point, though, because despite his opening up to her about why he felt the way he did about this pregnancy, it still didn't resolve the issues.

Rose gave him a small smile, her eyes dropping a fraction from his. She supposed it wasn't a lie if she answered only in terms of how she felt physically. "Yeah, I'm okay."

His hand motioned in the general direction of her recently intruded upon head. "Sorry about...er..."

She chuckled softly. Even in the midst of the tension, she was still aware of how adorable he could be when sheepish. "It's okay. I just wasn't expecting it."

"I was just...concerned."

Rose nodded, thinking that his overly cautious concern for her would have been endearing if it was in the form of the usual, nervous expectant father. But considering the way things stood between them, his heightened anxiety only served as a reminder to her of the loss he so feared.

Rose desperately wanted to break out of this oppressive slump she was feeling over all this. Despite how this happened or what may yet come, she wished more than anything that this could be a joyous time for them. Anguishing over it accomplished exactly nothing. She wanted to just be happy about this new life and wanted someone to be happy with her.

She wanted...she wanted her mum, Rose realized. She wanted her mum and the man who, thanks to this mad and wonderful universe, had now become her dad. Her family would have to know about all of this eventually, and she was certain her mum and Pete would be happy upon hearing the news. No doubt stunned, but happy. Jackie had shared with Rose just recently that she and Pete wanted to try and start a family together soon. They were waiting just a bit longer until Pete had Vitex firmly established and stable, then they were going to try for a baby. They, at least, knew the joy a child could bring, and right now Rose desperately needed to hear that from _someone_.

"Are you hungry?" the Doctor asked, drawing Rose from her thoughts. "I can fix you something."

Rose thought about it. "Yeah, I am a bit. I feel better than yesterday morning. I'm not as tired and have more of an appetite."

A look of at least marginal relief came to his face. "The nutrient-infused drink I gave you probably helped. You had begun to develop a few deficiencies, but with careful monitoring that shouldn't be a problem for now." At least that's what he hoped, and Rose didn't miss the way his voice caught on the words 'for now.'

The Doctor closed the book and shifted his notes aside as Rose pushed back the covers and sat up. "I think I'll take a shower while you get breakfast," she said.

"Okay," he nodded. They paused and looked at each other before standing. The Doctor gave her a tight smile. He leaned in and kissed her briefly and chastely.

It was almost worse than if he hadn't kissed her at all. It certainly wasn't the type of good-morning kiss they usually shared, and Rose hated this tension that was between them still. Although it was a slight improvement over how things had been the day before, Rose conceded with a sigh as she stood up from the bed and walked to the en-suite.

Rose stripped off her pajamas and stepped into the shower, wishing for a nice hot spray to relax her thoughts. That's just what the TARDIS delivered, bless the sentient ship. She could feel a little of the tension easing out of her body as she lathered herself in a lavender-scented foam. As Rose showered, her hands glided down and lingered over her flat belly. Her thoughts drifted ahead to the changes pregnancy would bring to her. This was still so hard to believe. It was something Rose thought she would never experience. She pondered over what the Doctor would think of the changes in her once she started to show. If she _had_ allowed herself to imagine it in the past she would have pictured the Doctor as being fascinated by the total experience and lavishing attention on the life growing inside her. She could see him hovering over her baby-bump and prattling away to her rounded abdomen about things like Einstein and how to pilot the TARDIS and which planets had the very best bananas.

She certainly never would have pictured things to be as they were now. Even still, she couldn't imagine the Doctor as being anything less than a wonderful father once the time came. Even if he struggled with his feelings for the next twelve months, she knew he would surely love their child once it was born. But then...that was also the problem for him, wasn't it? Rose thought with a heavy sigh. Love and loss. Why did the two always have to go hand-in-hand for the Doctor?

This was still such an unexpected shock for both of them. Rose hoped that once the Doctor had time to truly process this he would reach a point of acceptance. Was it too much to hope perhaps even happiness? They just needed time to work through this.

Rose finished showering, dried her hair and changed into a pair of jeans and a comfortable T-shirt before heading to the kitchen to join the Doctor for breakfast.

He was just pocketing the sonic (the only cooking device he ever used) and setting out two plates of scrambled eggs and toast with jam as she came in. He looked up and smiled at her as she moved closer, but again, the effort was strained. He placed a cup of tea in front of her as she sat down.

"This is infused with a special blend of nutrients and a few other things that should help keep your appetite up and hopefully keep you feeling well today," he told her.

"Thank you," Rose said, flicking her eyes up to his from behind her mug, then back down at the table.

The meal proceeded in heavy silence after that. Both wanted and _needed_ to say more, but where to even begin was the question. And since when were the two of them ever at a loss to even produce small talk between them? But forcing a conversation about...the weather or some other mundane triviality would have felt more unnatural than the silence currently stretching on.

Finally, Rose decided to at least tell him of the plans she had for the day. She cleared her throat, which sounded unnaturally loud in the silent room. "I was thinking that maybe we could stop by today to visit Mum and Pete."

The Doctor looked up from the food he'd been halfheartedly pushing around on his plate.

"They're gonna have to know about...the baby at some point," she continued, then added with a shrug, "And I'd just like to see them right now."

The Doctor knew exactly why she wanted to see them – to get the comfort she hadn't received from him, he thought guiltily. He was trying, he really was. It was going to take much more than tight smiles and restrained kisses, though. It was hard to mask the anxiety that was still rolling off him in waves. Like he had said to Rose, he just needed time with this. Time to somehow come to terms.

He didn't particularly feel like facing a host of 'congratulations' just yet, but if this was what Rose wanted he was hardly going to object. He could at least give her this for now if nothing else.

"Of course," he said, putting as much pleasantry into his tone as he could muster. The gloom was wearing them both down and he desperately needed to shake it. Maybe he needed this distraction, too. "I'd like to run a few more tests first, but after that we can stop by for a visit."

"Okay," Rose agreed as she stood and took her dishes from the table. At least they'd made it through breakfast.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor's 'few more tests' stretched on for the better part of an hour. Rose assumed this was going to become a frequent occurrence now. Not that she would have really minded if the time together wasn't spent in such unease. That time had given Rose plenty to think about, however.

As she stood in the console room with the Doctor while he set the coordinates to take Rose where she had requested, she finally spoke up with a question that had been silently plaguing her.

"Doctor?" she said with some hesitance as he stood fiddling with the controls. "_Doctor_," she repeated more firmly, drawing his full attention to her. She wanted him to look her in the eyes when he answered this. He turned, giving her his sole focus. "There's something I need to know." He shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded. The Doctor sensed he most likely was not going to like where this was headed, but he would answer whatever question she had as best he could.

Rose took a long breath. "You told me shortly after we arrived on Janyeer that you didn't regret loving me or regret allowing yourself to have this life with me, no matter how much time we may have." She took a step closer. A part of her was terrified to ask, but she _needed_ to know this. "Do you regret it now?"

At first the Doctor was stunned she would even ask such a question, but that thought was quickly followed by the realization of why she would. In the past twenty-four hours he'd succeeded in doing the one thing he would have once thought unforgivable: he had hurt Rose. For all of his brilliance, the Doctor wasn't always an expert when it came to matters of the heart, but he'd never mucked things up quite this badly before. He needed to somehow begin repairing the damage, but considering he was still so cut up from his own emotions he didn't yet know how to go about mending hers. He did have a significant question to answer, though.

The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again, struggling to find just the right words. He'd been complete rubbish with his words lately, and this time he wanted to be sure he spoke carefully.

Rose feared his slight hesitation gave her the answer. The TARDIS lurched to a halt, signaling their arrival. "Right. Well I suppose that answers my question," she said with a broken voice. Rose quickly turned away from him and sped down the ramp.

"Rose, wait!" he called after her, but she didn't stop. Of course he didn't regret loving her. Not for a minute – no matter how much turmoil he was in. But she didn't give him a chance to say it. The Doctor raked a hand through his hair and drew a fortifying breath as he turned to follow her out. He only hoped that _somehow_ the rest of this day would improve.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N **For those reading this who haven't read the previous story first, Pete's presence in this universe might be confusing. It's explained in chapter 30 of "Falling Slowly" where Doomsday underwent a bit of a rewrite.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 14<span>**

Rose was already in the arms of her mum when the Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS and into the Tyler living room. Jackie thought it was just the usual (albeit a little more enthusiastic) greeting, but the Doctor knew Rose was undoubtedly holding on to her mum just a little bit tighter. The exchange between them seconds before stepping out had done nothing to improve the current situation. He thought of pulling Rose back into the TARDIS and finishing the conversation they'd begun, or at least getting enough time to answer her question, but he honestly wasn't sure if he trusted himself to handle it correctly at the moment. And right now it seemed Rose was more content just to be in the arms of her mum, at last receiving a measure of comfort that he had not been able to give.

Later, the Doctor told himself. He would begin, somehow, to deal with all of this later. For now, they were facing the next hurdle of breaking this news to Jackie and Pete.

"Doctor," Pete greeted with a nod and a smile as he approached him. The Doctor nodded back but his smile, matching his inner emotions, was strained.

Pete cast a sidelong glance at the TARDIS now occupying the living room. Jackie had long since become accustomed to it, but he was still getting used to the ship materializing in the middle of the flat at random. He gave an imperceptible and slightly incredulous shake of his head. Never let it be said his life was now dull.

Jackie and Pete still resided at 48 Bucknall House at the Powell Estate. Despite bringing over a sizable amount of what he lightly referred to as 'pocket change' when coming to this universe, every cent had been invested in re-growing Vitex from the ground up. Pete's savvy business sense was already bringing rapid success, and it would only be a matter of time before he and Jackie could settle into a more lavish residence. For now, neither one minded one way or the other so long as they had each other. They were more than content simply having this extraordinary second chance at a life together.

Pete was also more than content to have Vitex as his sole focus, having left Torchwood behind. Early on, Captain Jack had extended the offer to have Pete join forces with Torchwood Three, knowing his experience with the organization in the other universe could prove valuable. Pete had declined, though. After the death of his first wife at the hands of the Cybermen, Torchwood had become his life. He spent three years chasing after Cybermen, doggedly hunting down those responsible for Jackie's death and contributing his steadfast commitment to the global effort of sealing them inside factories across seven continents. Those had been the emptiest years of his life, retribution his only companion. He was ready to put that behind him and move forward, having gained with this life a new-found enthusiasm for growing his corporation anew.

But Torchwood or no Torchwood, Rose's relationship with the Doctor meant Pete's life was far from void of alien encounters. One alien in particular was now standing in his flat and looking uncharacteristically tense. He and Jackie would soon learn the reason why.

"Oh, you're just in time!" Jackie announced enthusiastically as she and Rose broke their embrace, Rose somehow managing to allow a smile to her face upon seeing her mum. "I was gonna ring you up to let you know. Guess where Pete and I are gonna spend the next two weeks?" Before giving Rose a chance to respond, Jackie eagerly answered her own question. "New Zealand!"

"It's not entirely a holiday though, Jacks," Pete reminded her. "It's business."

"Well, maybe for you...," Jackie said with a cheeky grin, picturing the endless shops she would peruse while Pete attended stuffy business meetings.

The brief smile Rose had achieved instantly vanished as her face fell. "You're leaving?"

"We're taking a flight out tomorrow night," Pete said. "I've managed to secure a major investor there, and this is exactly the final break we needed to get Vitex soaring. We've been growing modestly well, but this will put us up front. No doubt about it. We're going to begin working out all of the details during this trip."

Jackie looped her arm through his, smiling up at him. She was so proud of her husband's accomplishments. Her smile slowly faded, though, when she finally noticed the Doctor and Rose's less than jovial demeanor.

"What's wrong?" she asked with a frown, looking between the two of them. "You two look like somebody died." Rose flinched at her choice of words. "And himself here hasn't even said two words yet. Now I _know_ the world must be comin' to an end." She chuckled and looked at the Doctor, amending her statement. "Although I've seen this one when the worlds about to end, and that usually makes him happy as a clam and his gob run wild," she teased.

The Doctor glanced downward at his trainer-clad feet while Rose chewed at her bottom lip. Teasing now aside, Jackie knew something must be wrong. "What is it, sweetheart?" she asked Rose with concern in her voice. "Tell me."

Rose hesitated. She had to try and force the recent exchange between her and the Doctor out of her mind and focus on the reason why they'd come in the first place. "It's just...well...I don't really know the best way to say it, but...there's something we have to tell the two of you."

Rose looked at the Doctor. This was their first time to actually announce this to anyone. Would he want to be the one to say it?

No, of course not, she thought to herself almost bitterly. His continued silence once again gave her the answer. She looked back at the expectant faces of Jackie and Pete.

"I'm pregnant." Those two words still felt oddly surreal, both for Rose to say and for the Doctor to hear.

Jackie's mouth fell open as she gaped between the Doctor and Rose in total shock. Never had she expected to hear such an announcement because she had been told this wouldn't ever be possible for them. Her gob-smacked expression soon bloomed into a full-blown grin of enthusiasm.

"Oh, sweetheart!" she cried in joy as she embraced Rose.

"Congratulations!" Pete told the Doctor as he shook his hand. The Doctor swallowed thickly and once again forced a smile.

Jackie pulled back and gazed down at Rose's middle. "How far along are you? How long have you known? And how is this even possible?" She fired off her questions in rapid succession. "I thought you said you two would never be able to even have children!"

The Doctor figured it was his turn to finally speak and tried _so_ hard to keep his conflicting emotions out of his voice. He was only mildly successful. "Ordinarily it _wouldn't_ have been possible for us. And we just found out yesterday – Rose is just over a week along."

"Only a week?" Pete remarked in surprise. "And you know already?" The Doctor nodded the affirmative.

Through her exuberance, Jackie began to realize the Doctor and Rose didn't share the enthusiasm, as evidenced by the continued somber looks on both their faces. They certainly were not two people beaming with joy. "Is everything okay, though? Is...is somethin' wrong with the baby?" she quickly asked, becoming alarmed.

_Was_ something wrong with the baby? Rose thought to herself. No, she realized. Other than being part human and having a lifespan like her, this baby was perfect.

"No, the baby is perfectly fine," Rose assured her, speaking the words with a firm confidence that she finally felt, even if she was the _only_ one who felt it. Rose looked to the Doctor. The look in his eyes, a gaze that didn't meet hers, told her once again that he didn't share that same sentiment.

"Then why these serious faces?" Jackie asked, sagging as she let go of a sigh of relief.

"It's just...this was so unexpected," Rose stammered for a reply, knowing that didn't even cover the half of it.

The Doctor cleared his throat so he could speak again. They may as well start getting this out in the open because it would eventually have to be told. "And I suppose that brings us back to your question of how this was possible."

"Why don't we all sit down?" Pete suggested, already sensing from the two of them that this was going to be a heavy conversation.

-:-:-:-

Upon hearing the full story of what had happened on Janyeer, Jackie and Pete were justifiably indignant learning of how Rose's reproductive physiology had been altered and manipulated behind her and the Doctor's back without their consent. But despite the unethical actions that took place, they couldn't help but see this baby as ultimately a good thing.

Jackie, seated beside Rose on the couch, reached over and took her hand, giving a reassuring squeeze. "The way they went about doing what they did to you was wrong. There's no doubt about that. But the way I see it, this baby is the one good thing to come out of all this, no matter _how_ it happened," she concluded.

Sitting in the chair across from them, Pete leaned forward on his elbows, addressing both the Doctor and Rose. "I'm with Jacks. I mean, what they did was morally reprehensible; but in the end, this has given the two of you the opportunity for the family you couldn't have otherwise had," he reasoned.

Rose felt considerable relief just hearing someone else affirm what she had been feeling, or at least _wanted_ to feel.

Jackie was now moving into full celebratory mode over the news of her first grandchild. Half alien and brought about by people exploiting Rose for their own means as it may be, this was still her grandchild and the baby she didn't think her daughter could ever have. Nothing could dampen her joy over that.

She stood up from the couch, now beaming. "It doesn't matter now _how_ it happened. There's no changin' that, so it's time to move forward. It happened, that's that, and what we should do now is celebrate this baby! I'm gonna make a proper meal – a regular Christmas dinner for us tonight!"

There was no stopping Jackie now. She was a woman on a mission to celebrate. She swept Rose up into the preparations as the Doctor remained seated on the couch and fought the increasingly-strong urge to retreat back into the TARDIS. As parties go, this was _not_ going to be history-making merriment.

Jackie quite obviously hadn't been joking when she said she was going to make the equivalent of a Christmas dinner. By the time she finished and all were seated, the table looked like it did the Christmas right after the Doctor regenerated, complete with a turkey and all the trimmings. All that was missing were the Christmas crackers and paper crowns.

Well, that wasn't the only thing missing. The joyous atmosphere that had been in the air at that meal was now replaced by an almost somber mood by at least two of the people at the table. Jackie had tried to create a festive spirit, thinking the issue here was just that Doctor and Rose needed to get past the circumstances of the child's conception.

Pete tried to do his part by keeping the conversation from dropping into silence. Halfway through the meal he'd finally run out of things to say about Vitex's business dealings. Proud as he was, even he had a limit to how much he could go on about the corporation and was frankly getting tired of talking about it to himself.

Jackie was getting tired of the glum atmosphere; and the residing tension between the Doctor and Rose didn't escape her notice either. Their body language was closed off, they barely made eye contact – it was almost as if they were two strangers. She had never seen them this way with each other, and she finally determined they needed to snap out of it.

"Oh, for goodness sake! Would you two just look at yourselves?" she spoke up at last. "You're having the baby you didn't think it was possible to ever have, and it doesn't matter now _how_ it happened. I know it was a shock, but let it go because that's behind you now. You need to just focus on the good and be happy about this baby."

The Doctor dropped his fork with a clatter and turned his eyes sharply on her, his jaw tight as he spoke. "It isn't that simple, Jackie. You can't just...just throw a party, prepare a gluttonous feast and think that solves everything here. For one thing there are possible complications with this to consider. Possible risks."

Jackie didn't like the clipped tone he'd taken with her one bit. She also noticed how Rose seemed to retreat in on herself just a little more when he spoke. "Are you sayin' that for all the brilliance you're always claiming, a man who can change his entire body to live again, regrow a hand when it gets chopped off, and save the planet over and over from aliens whose names I don't even want to try to pronounce, that despite all that you can't even keep Rose safe through a pregnancy?" She gave him a challenging glare, crossing her arms over her chest. She honestly didn't believe that. "Well, you're always calling yourself a _doctor_, so now's your time to actually _be_ one," she said brusquely. "And you had better..."

"Mum, the Doctor _is_ doing all he can to keep me and the baby safe," Rose spoke up, feeling the need to defend the man she loved, despite things between them being so strained. If there was one thing the Doctor couldn't be accused of it was a lack of concern for Rose's physical well-being in this. Though his concern for her heart was something Rose found herself questioning more and more.

Jackie opened her mouth to speak further but Pete intervened, placing his hand on her arm. "Jacks, they can deal with this in their own way. Just leave them be."

"I bloody well will not!" she replied. "Just look at these two, Pete, actin' like two strangers an' all. And I'm tired of sittin' here pretending like they're not. They need to _talk_ about this." She turned her eyes back on the Doctor and sharpened her gaze. "If Rose is being kept safe through this, like she said, then why, every time the baby's mentioned, do you look almost like...like you _regret_ this? Your own child," Jackie leveled at him.

The Doctor cut his eyes over to Rose, then dropped his pained glance back down to the table.

Rose sucked in a shallow breath and pushed back from her chair. She couldn't take it anymore. "I just can't do this right now," she choked out, practically in tears as she stood and hurried out of the room.

Jackie's eyes became daggers aimed directly at the Doctor before she, too, stood and followed after Rose. The Doctor dropped his elbows to the table and sunk his head into his hands. Before Pete could say anything, the Doctor then abruptly pushed back and stood, walking a swift path to the front door and going outside for some much-needed air. His emotions had him in a stranglehold that was growing ever tighter, and he desperately needed to _breathe_.

So much for any hopes of this day improving. The Doctor didn't know it was about to get a thousand times worse.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N **The Doctor nears a turning point, but their next challenge is about to be faced.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 15<span>**

Jackie followed after Rose to where she had fled to the safe and familiar comfort of her old room. Upon entering, she found Rose sitting on the edge of the bed, wiping the tears from her cheeks that were trailing down. Jackie sat down beside her and draped a comforting arm around her shoulder as Rose leaned into her mum's embrace. Jackie knew the atmosphere between the Doctor and Rose had been visibly strained since they had arrived, so she wasn't entirely surprised by Rose's question when it came.

"Can I stay here tonight, Mum?" Rose asked in an unsteady voice. "I just...I feel so confused by everything and I don't know what to do right now. I just want to be here."

"Of course you can, sweetheart," Jackie soothed. "But tell me what's really wrong between the two of you. It's not just the way those people brought this about, is it? There's something more, but what?"

Rose took in a shaky breath, then released it along with the words that were breaking her heart. "Oh, Mum. The Doctor doesn't want the baby. He just doesn't! This is the last thing he ever would have wanted, and now it's pushing us apart. S'like...like it hurts him to even look at me now."

Jackie shook her head and tried to reason with Rose's broken words as she pulled back and looked at her. "How could that possibly be, love? He's a right nutter and a puzzle to figure out, I'll give him that. but I don't see the Doctor as bein' the type not to want his own child. Alien as he may be, I think I understand him well enough to know that much at least. I know I said he was lookin' like he regretted this, but I was just tryin' to get to the real heart of the issue, because I know he can't feel that way...not really. I'm sure he's still shocked by how this happened, but I don't think he's a man who wouldn't love his own child, Rose."

Rose lowered her eyes. "It isn't that he won't love the baby; it's that he will, and that's what he's afraid of in all this."

Now Jackie was more confused than ever and was beginning to think maybe Rose's hormones were starting to play a role here. "Rose, sweetheart, how could him loving the baby be a _problem_?" she asked, genuinely puzzled.

When Rose replied, she sounded even more broken. "Because one day he'll lose us both, and he can't bear that; he said so. The baby's part-human physiology means it will age like a human. It won't regenerate and live on like the Doctor."

Jackie knit her brows together and shook her head slightly. "But...but that wouldn't happen for _years_," she reasoned.

Rose sniffed and swiped at her cheeks. "But it _will_ still happen. One day he'll be alone again. He knew he would have to eventually face that when he allowed himself to love me, but now that pain he'll one day feel is gonna be doubled."

"And so he's makin' you feel miserable over it in the meantime," Jackie concluded indignantly. "Oh, that great big STUPID alien!"

"Oh, Mum," Rose cried softly, "how can we get through this? I've been trying to see it from his side...to understand how he must be feeling, but this hurts so much! How can he ever be happy about this baby? Every day of our lives from the minute the baby's born, when I see our child as growing up each day, he'll just see it as growing old. If this is how he's letting himself see it, how can we live like that?"

Jackie didn't yet have an answer for Rose. She wasn't quite sure just how to get the Doctor to see sense, but she knew one thing: she would snap him out of this if it took putting him on the receiving end of the hardest slap she'd ever given in her life.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor stood outside in solitude, leaning his forearms on the balcony railing with his eyes fixed ahead. He stared vacantly out into the darkened grounds of the Powell Estate as his mind continued its tumultuous churning. From behind him, a light shone briefly across the dim space as the door to the flat opened. Pete stepped out and came over to stand beside him.

Pete didn't speak. He just stood beside the Doctor gazing out into the night. He sensed the Doctor needed time to gather his thoughts first, but his presence let the man beside him know he was there to listen when the Doctor was ready to talk about this.

Finally, the Doctor did speak, not turning but keeping his eyes focused blankly ahead. "I'm going to lose them, Pete. Both of them, one day. The baby will age like Rose, and I'll have to watch as they both slip away from me with each day that passes."

There was a time when Pete would have said that he'd never heard a man sound as broken as the Doctor when he spoke, but that wasn't true now. He heard his own self reflected in the Doctor's pained voice because he had once been at a similar place in his life. Unlike the Doctor, Pete hadn't lived with the foreknowledge that his loss would come, but he had lived through loss none the less. He was able to relate to what the Doctor was feeling, having once lost his wife. When he found the Jackie of this universe, he had the fear of letting her into his life because he might lose her too, and he didn't know if he could bear that again. When that fear caught up to him on his wedding day, it had been the Doctor's words that had given him the reassurance he had needed to overcome his fear of loss and take hold of the love he could have here and now.

Pete leaned forward on the railing next to the Doctor, mirroring his position and looking ahead as he spoke. "Do you remember what you said to me the day I married Jackie? I was having doubts because I was afraid I might lose her too, just like my first wife. I thought that maybe it would be easier not having her in my life at all than to have her and lose her all over again. I didn't want to ever again feel that kind of pain." He turned his head and looked at the Doctor, who was still staring ahead but listening intently to Pete's words. "But then you reminded me that we shouldn't let our fear of losing the people we love keep us from opening ourselves to loving them in the first place. I remember you said that we can't control our losses in life, but that we can choose to take hold of the miracles that come our way and not let them slip past."

The Doctor briefly closed his eyes as he recalled those words and felt the truth of them trying to sink into his hearts. "This baby you and Rose created is a miracle, Doctor," Pete continued. "Don't let that slip away from you. You'd fought past those fears to allow yourself to embrace the life you now have with Rose, and now this has brought all that back to the front of your mind. I understand that, believe me I do. But don't allow the joy of today to be stolen from you because of your fears of the future."

The Doctor was silent for another few moments before speaking in a low, uncertain voice. "I just don't know if I can live through losing my family all over again, Pete. How can I possibly face that again?"

"I'm not saying it's an easy thing, Doctor. Love never is. But maybe instead of thinking about the things you'll one day lose, you should focus on what it is you will _never_ lose. However much time you have with them, that will _never_ be lost to you. Never. No one can take that from you. It will be with you forever – just like the time I had with my first wife will always be with me. Regardless of how long you live on after them, the love they bring into your life will never fade, as long as you _allow_ yourself that love in the first place. If there's just one piece of advice I could give you it would be to let yourself have this _gift _and cherish it each moment."

There were a few minutes of contemplative silence between the two before the door behind them opened once again and Jackie stepped out.

"I'd like to talk with him, Pete." Her voice was calm and even, but the look in her eyes said she'd come to speak her mind and would not be deterred.

Pete nodded as he moved back towards the door. "Be easy on him, love," he said with a small smile as he brushed her arm with his hand and walked past. "I'll go check on Rose."

Jackie wasn't going to make any promises of going easy and she wasn't going to mince words as she stared the Doctor squarely on and got right down to it.

"Answer me this, Doctor," she spoke directly. "Do you want this baby?" Turning to face her, the Doctor opened his mouth to give a reply beyond a simple yes or no answer, but she spoke again, rephrasing the question so it was even more pointed. "Oh, I know you don't want to lose the baby, but do you want to _have_ it? However much time you'll have, do you _want_ that time?"

The Doctor's hands were shoved firmly in his pockets, his stance guarded as he finally replied without quite meeting her eyes. "Of course I do." In all of this it was the losing he didn't want, not the having.

"Then for heaven's sake _tell_ Rose that," she said sternly. "Doctor, pregnancy is hard enough as it is, then add in the shock of how this happened, only to now be made to feel like you don't even want this child. It's too much for Rose. She's strong, but there's only so much she can take here." Jackie took a step closer. "I don't care _how_ this pregnancy was made possible – it happened, so deal with it. This is also _your_ responsibility, you know. Don't act like you didn't have a hand in this, too." She paused. "It was significantly more than just your hand, actually," she added dryly. "_You_ are the father of this baby, Doctor; but have you even allowed yourself to call it yours?"

The Doctor stiffened. Those words hit him squarely because he knew the truth behind them. When he let the veracity of it fully sink in, he realized he had been fighting to remain detached from the very thought of this as _his_ child. He hadn't referred to the baby as his because he'd tried to maintain a protective distance. He had called it an occurrence engineered by others, thought of it as a weight crushing his soul, but never given it the intimate, precious title of _his child_.

Jackie continued, giving him a firm ultimatum. "If you're gonna keep on like this, making Rose feel this way and actin' like you don't even want _your_ baby that she's carrying then you can just leave now."

The Doctor had been avoiding her sharp gaze, but that brought his eyes quickly back to hers. "_What_?"

"Oh, you heard me. Rose already asked if she could stay here in her old room tonight because she didn't feel like she could even be with you. If you're gonna make her and the baby feel like you resent them for the rest of their lives then you can just get your skinny alien backside into that box of yours and go now. You won't be welcome here. Pete and I will be here for them and _love_ them if you won't."

The Doctor gaped at her. She couldn't be serious. "Jackie, I am _not_ going anywhere – at least not without Rose," he stated firmly. "I can promise you I have no plans to...to abandon her or the baby. That will never happen. And I am not _trying_ to make her feel this way." His voice lowered along with his eyes. "Do you think it doesn't kill me to know that she's hurting?"

"Then start acting like you actually care!"

The Doctor turned away for a brief second, then swiftly back towards her as he ran an agitated hand through his hair. "It's not that I don't care, Jackie. It's...it's that–"

"Yeah, I know what your problem is," she cut in. "You're afraid. Afraid of losing them. But do you know how long it could be before that happened?"

"And you think that makes it alright?" he retorted. "Jackie, you couldn't possibly understand this."

"Oh, you think?" she challenged. "You don't have a monopoly on grief and loss, you know. It's not just Time Lords with some...billion-year lifespan who experience losing the people they love. That's the risk _everybody_ takes in loving someone. I know you've already lost people you love and I know that it hurts because _I've_ been through it, too. You think I don't know what it's like to lose someone I love – and all too soon?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "Do you know how long I was married to Pete, my first husband, before he died? Barely two years. I had such a short amount of time with him and spent the next twenty years without him. And I can tell you I have missed him _every day_ since he died. But in all this time I've been without him I wouldn't have traded that time we had together for anything. Do you know why? Because it was worth it. Because _He_ was _Worth_ it."

That effectively silenced him. Jackie stared him down hard. "Now it's up to you to decide, Doctor. Are _they_ worth it?"

Jackie's sharp yet truthful words got his attention more than a slap ever could. If he had felt guilty before for how he had been making Rose feel then that guilt had just been multiplied. Everything Jackie and Pete had said to him was true. He had also known this for himself in the back of his mind all along and it had been fighting to break free. Maybe he just needed to be hit 'round the head with it to begin to open his eyes to what he had been missing in all this.

The Doctor's focus was finally beginning to shift off himself and on to Rose. She was the love of his life, his reason to endure and the one he would give his lives to keep from ever being hurt, and yet _he_ had been the one to cause her pain because he had been such a coward in this.

The Doctor found himself wishing he could go back in time, paradox or no, and relive the past two days over again, and this time maybe make things right. He couldn't go back but he could go forward. And forward was leading him right to Rose's side to somehow begin making amends.

He would not be given that chance, though.

As he had been fighting this struggle within himself, an unforeseen danger, the guilt of which would plague him for not realizing its possibility sooner, was overtaking Rose. It arose without warning, blindsiding him with the intensity as he was suddenly overcome with the sensation of tremendous pain in his mind, but it wasn't his own pain he was feeling. It was an echo of hers resonating through him, intense and searing like an inferno blazing a path through his cerebrum.

Burning. Rose was burning. Her mind was being consumed within his own.

In his barely-coherent state overtaken by the sudden firestorm, all the Doctor knew was he had to reach Rose quickly before it was too late. Gripping his head, the Doctor stumbled forward just as Pete called out from inside the open door of the flat.

"Doctor! Doctor, you need to come quick! It's Rose!"


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N **The Doctor had hoped for a second chance to start over with Rose. He never imagined it would come quite like this...

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 16<span>**

The Doctor struggled to get to Rose while fighting against the searing pain clawing through his mind, made all the more agonizing knowing that the pain he was experiencing was not his own but hers.

Upon reaching her room, the Doctor and Jackie found Rose lying on the bed and curled up tightly on her side. Her hands gripped her head under the intensity of the pain coursing through her mind. Pete moved back from her as the Doctor rushed forward. He dropped to his knees beside the bed and placed his hands on her temples, centering his focus and pouring all of his concentrated effort into what had to be done to save her.

After a few breathless seconds, Rose went limp, and the Doctor removed his trembling hands.

Breathing heavily, he pulled himself up and looked back at Jackie and Pete. "I have to get her into the TARDIS," he said urgently.

Pete moved back to her side to lift her, but the Doctor insisted he would take Rose himself. "Just open the door," he said, quickly handing Pete the key.

The Doctor lifted Rose's unconscious body in his arms and carried her out of the bedroom, through the living room and into the waiting TARDIS.

Jackie and Pete followed closely behind as he swiftly made his way to the infirmary and placed Rose down on the bed. He then turned and hastily began gathering the equipment he needed.

"What's happened to her, Doctor?" Jackie asked frantically. "What's wrong?"

"Not now, Jackie!" the Doctor replied briskly. "Just wait outside. Please. I'll let you know as soon as I have her stabilized."

Jackie stood rigid, her eyes rooted on Rose's unmoving form. She was roused by Pete placing his arm around her shoulder. "C'mon, Jacks," he urged. "The Doctor is doing all he can. Just trust him. Let's give him the space he needs."

Jackie let him guide her out of the room, but turned her head back over her shoulder, looking once more at Rose's lifeless body as the Doctor worked frantically around her.

-:-:-:-

The anxious waiting while not knowing what was happening was driving Jackie's mind to the worst-case scenario. She tried to fight it, and Pete did his best to reassure her, but as time ticked on, both their fears increased. It felt as if an eternity had passed by the time the Doctor finally emerged from the infirmary and met them out in the corridor.

"How is she?" Jackie quickly asked, rushing forward.

The Doctor looked and sounded worn. "She's stabilized. But she's still unconscious and probably will be for the next few hours."

"And the baby?" she tentatively questioned.

"Both stable, for now," he confirmed, as Jackie sagged against Pete in relief, his arm wrapping around her.

"What happened to her, Doctor?" Pete asked. Neither he nor Jackie had known what had suddenly overtaken Rose, other than her condition seemed critical.

"The baby," the Doctor replied, letting out a ragged breath. Jackie and Pete looked at him blankly as he explained further. "The baby began to form a telepathic link to Rose. Gallifreyans being a telepathic race, the child links with the mother during development if gestation takes place through pregnancy. Since this child is part Gallifreyan that's to be expected." The Doctor's voice and very countenance was filled with guilt. "Or at least I _should_ have expected it."

He paused, leaning heavily against the wall of the corridor before continuing. "In a fully-human embryo the neural tube begins to form and differentiate during the fourth week of pregnancy. In Gallifreyans it begins much sooner, though the entire process is one of the complex physiological aspects that takes longer to fully develop. As the neural pathway is forming, the telepathic link begins to establish itself. That's what was happening here. The problem was, by forming a link with Rose the baby naturally merged with the link she and I share. But our link is only a partial one. I've never been able to open my mind fully to Rose because the magnitude would be too much for her." The Doctor briefly closed his eyes. "She would literally burn. The baby did that, though. By linking with Rose in that way, it magnified the strength of her bond with me, allowing it to open fully. Everything suddenly rushed into her mind like a tidal wave, and it was too much for her to withstand."

Jackie and Pete tried to process this information. Jackie recalled that Rose and the Doctor had explained to her when they first broke the news of their relationship that they shared some sort of Time Lord Marriage Bond. She didn't completely understand it, and she just saw it as yet another alien aspect of the Doctor she would never fully grasp. She still wasn't sure if she totally understood it, but she was able to glean enough information to begin making sense of what had suddenly happened to Rose.

Jackie studied the Doctor's face, trying to gauge his full emotional state towards this. "You...you don't blame the baby for this though, do you?" she questioned, fearing this could make the tenuous situation with the Doctor's feelings about the baby even worse.

The Doctor scrubbed both hands down his face. "No, of course not," he replied wearily. "It's _my_ fault. I should have expected this. I just didn't realize it would be this strong, and truthfully...I...I hadn't considered this very much at all. I should have taken precautions and put more barriers in place to prevent this very thing from happening. If I had just...if I had been more focused..."

"Placing blame isn't helping anyone right now," Pete reasoned. "But is Rose going to be alright in the long term?"

A dark shadow fell over the Doctor's face, pain seeping through his voice. "I've all but severed our bond. All but a remaining trace. It was the only way. It can eventually be re-formed again, but not until it's safe for her. But before I was able do that, neural damage had already been done."

The rising fear could be heard in Jackie's voice. "Doctor, how bad is it?"

"I've managed to repair some of the damage, but not all. The brain is a very, very delicate thing, and there's only so much I can do. I don't believe she's suffered impairment to her motor or somatosensory regions, but I won't know the full extent of the damage I wasn't able to reverse until she regains consciousness."

"Can we see her?" Jackie asked.

The Doctor nodded. They turned and followed him down the corridor and into the infirmary. Jackie and Pete approached where Rose lay in the bed on the far end of the room. The lights had dimmed, and the still atmosphere was a contrast to the earlier frenzy as Rose now lay draped in a light blanket, appearing as if she were merely sleeping peacefully. Reaching forward, Jackie stroked Rose's hair and spoke softly. "You're gonna be just fine, sweetheart. You hear me?"

The Doctor kept his eyes on Rose as he spoke. "One of the most important things we can do when she wakes up is to make sure she isn't under any kind of stress whatsoever. Her mind needs to heal, and any stress could be detrimental." He paused, his gaze shifting from her. "I think it would be best if I move her back to her room in your flat."

Pete looked up from Rose and back to the Doctor. "Why?"

"Shouldn't she stay here where you can monitor her?" Jackie asked.

The Doctor shook his head. "For now I've done all I can for her. Her mind will have to heal on its own from here." Guilt once again laced the Doctor's tone as he continued. "When she wakes up I don't want her to be further stressed by...by being here. If Rose wanted to stay with you for the time being and be in her old room in your flat, then that's where she'll be."

Neither Pete nor Jackie brought up the reason Rose had been feeling that way. They didn't have to. The reason was written on the Doctor's pained face. He only hoped he wasn't too late for the chance of making amends to Rose for that now.

-:-:-:-

It was late into the night when Rose was moved out of the infirmary and back into her room in the flat. The Doctor placed Rose gently down on the bed and took a step back. Jackie drew the covers up over Rose as the Doctor scanned her once more with the sonic screwdriver to check her vitals.

He switched off the sonic and turned to Jackie and Pete. "You should both get some rest. I'll let you know as soon as there's any change."

"I don't want to just leave her," Jackie objected.

"She'll need you when she wakes up, and you're going to need some sleep before then. I'll be here with her the whole time Jackie, I promise," the Doctor assured her.

"The Doctor's right, Jacks," Pete gently urged, knowing how exhausted his wife was. "There's nothing more we can do right now, and she's in good hands with the Doctor."

"S'pose so," Jackie murmured. "But tell us the minute there's a change," she insisted, as Pete took her hand and they turned to leave. The Doctor nodded.

As Jackie and Pete left the room, the Doctor turned his full attention back to Rose. He wouldn't even allow his mind to go to the place of considering she wouldn't come through alright in this. That wasn't even an option. He pulled over a chair and sat down next to the bed, gazing into Rose's unresponsive face. The Doctor reached forward, lightly trailing his fingers across the pale skin of her cheek. "I'm here," he murmured as he began his vigil, his words also a vow to never distance himself from her as he had these past two days. "I'm right here with you, Rose. Always."

As the hours passed through the night, the Doctor spent the time in deep contemplation, finally reaching some much-needed conclusions as acceptance found its way into his hearts and settled there. He had been focusing on what could slip through his fingers, letting that blind him from seeing the precious possibility of what he could hold within his hands. Even if it only lasted a moment, that moment would be worth a thousand lifetimes.

Though he had already lost in life so many he held dear, would it have been better to have never had them in his life at all? No, he finally realized. Each person who had touched his life had played a part in shaping him into who he was. It was his dear Sarah Jane who said it best: "_Pain and loss – they define us as much as happiness or love_." Even if they were no longer with him, a part of those he loved would always remain. Despite the deeply-etched pain of loss, it did not have the power to steal what had been his for the length of time it lasted.

The light of this truth began to chase away the darkness that had been clinging to him like a shroud. If he only had a single day with Rose, that one day would be worth any pain that followed from a lifetime without. He knew that full well. How could he have ever seen it any other way? And now this child had the potential not to double the sorrow in his life, but to multiply the joy as long as he had the courage to grasp that and never let it go.

Rose was one of the greatest gifts ever to come into his life. She took his empty hand, ran with him and never looked back. She loved him without reservation and deserved the same from him. Rose once told him, in what she thought at the time would be her final words, that she wouldn't have missed it for the world. Neither would he. She was teaching him how to love again, unrestrained and without fear; and though he might have slipped up, he vowed here and now his mistakes would not be repeated.

Now that his focus was fully on Rose, he began to realize just how difficult he had made this situation for her. Yes, he had been scared, but so had she; and he had done nothing to give her reassurance. The first words spoken from his mouth upon learning of this was to say that this could kill her. He had no doubt terrified her all the more in a moment that had already left her reeling. He had then gone on to say this would destroy his life. The Doctor grimaced with painful regret, replaying that moment in his mind. He hadn't even been thinking of her feelings in that moment, only his own. It killed him inside to think of how he had made Rose feel, to the point of her being driven to ask if he would be happier if she lost this baby. He squeezed his eyes shut as remorse flooded him.

Up to this point he had not allowed himself to reflect on it, though Rose had tried to remind him of how this child had really been conceived – created out of their love. _"They said I was one week along. Do you remember last week? That night?"_ she had whispered, her heart open before him as she held out the truth. _"We did this, Doctor. Through our love." _

His mind fell back to that very night where the ardent passion flowing between them had affirmed their love, and he nearly trembled with emotion. This child, _their_ child, was meant to be.

The Doctor reached down and picked up Rose's limp hand. He enveloped it in both of his and cradled it near his face. "Oh, Rose," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But _not_ about having you or this child in my life. Never, _never_ for that. I'm sorry for the things that were said and my outlook on this that caused you so much pain." He brushed his lips across the tips of her fingers. "Pete was right, you know. This baby we created is a miracle. And that is exactly how I will see our child every day for the rest of my life. Even if I only had one moment to spend with you both, it's worth it. It will _always_ be worth it to me. Always."

His eyes slowly traveled down Rose's form and came to rest on her belly. He didn't just accept this child. He began to feel the deep ache of longing, of _wanting_ this child. The longer he allowed himself to dwell on that feeling the more intense it became. He wanted to see the brilliant being that would emerge from the center of the love he and Rose shared. The universe held many things which enthralled and even awed him; but this, _this_ took his breath away.

The Doctor carefully eased the sheet down to Rose's middle and nudged her shirt up, revealing the place where their child now grew within her. Reverently, he placed his hand over her womb as a sense of awe enveloped him. He was finally allowing himself to see this child as _his – _not as something devised by someone else. He saw it as something precious, and not an object of fear or dread.

"Hello," he spoke ever so softly, addressing for the first time the tiny being within Rose. A faint smile came to his lips as his fingers lightly brushed across her skin. He decided it was time he introduced himself. "I suppose it's time we got to know each other, isn't it? I'm the Doc–" He halted the familiar words and realized they needed to be replaced with a title he thought would never again belong to him. "I'm...well, I'm your...I'm your dad." He laughed softly to himself in amazement. "And this wondrous person you're currently living inside is your mum. Someday I hope you'll be just like her, because as for me...well, it's time you learn this now: sometimes I can be Mister Thick-Thickity-Thick. But for some reason I still haven't quite figured out, Rose loves me anyway; and someday I hope you will, too, because I..." He swallowed down the lump that had risen in his throat. Old habits die hard and some words were still difficult for him to set free. "Because I love you."

The Doctor heard a quiet noise behind him and turned his head to see Jackie standing in the doorway. She had woken and come to check on Rose. His shining eyes met hers as she walked closer. "They are worth it, Jackie," he declared thickly, having fought this battle within him and won. "For however much time I can have them in my life, for each and every second, they will _always_ be worth it."

Jackie continued closer and sat down on the other side of the bed, taking Rose's other hand in hers. "Well, I'm glad you finally came to your senses, you daft alien," she said softly, a fond smile crossing her lips.

He let out a watery laugh. "Quite right, too."

They both sat in silence for several minutes, watching over Rose. "Do you think she'll face any more serious complications with the pregnancy?" Jackie asked him.

The Doctor breathed in deeply. "It's too early to say. But I promise I will do whatever I can through this to–"

His words were cut short as Rose began to stir. The Doctor quickly stood and pulled out the sonic screwdriver to scan her as Jackie leaned forward and placed her hand on the side of Rose's face.

Slowly, Rose's eyes fluttered open and her bleary vision focused on the sight of her mum leaning over her.

"M-Mum?" she rasped.

"Shhh, it's alright, love," Jackie soothed, stroking her cheek.

Rose's hand went to her temple as she squeezed her eyes shut. "My head...s'killing me."

The Doctor flinched at the ominously-familiar words. How many times would Rose burn because of him? Hopefully never again.

He wanted to rush to Rose's side and draw her into his arms in a crushing embrace, but he didn't want to overwhelm her in the moment, so he drew near slowly.

"I know, sweetheart. But it's okay," Jackie said reassuringly. "The Doctor's right here and he's lookin' after you."

"I _must_ be bad off if I need a doctor," Rose murmured groggily. She slowly turned her head in the Doctor's direction and blinked several times as he moved closer. She peered at him through a haze of disorientation and spoke a question that made his hearts momentarily cease beating. "Are...are you the doctor?"


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N **Sorry for the bit of delay with this chapter. I'd been planning to have it up a little sooner but holiday preparations put my writing behind. I hope all of my American Who friends had a lovely Thanksgiving!

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 17<span>**

"_Are...are you the doctor?"_

The Doctor came to a halt mid-step as Rose's question hit him like a breath-stealing punch. The words then lingered heavily in the air, ringing in his ears. He and Jackie looked at each other, Jackie's eyes once again filling with concern.

The Doctor swallowed down hard, forcing himself to speak evenly and not stress Rose by showing the pained reaction those words had just caused two out of the three people in the room.

"I'm the doctor," he confirmed to Rose, taking one more step towards her.

Rose's eyes flicked between the Doctor and Jackie. "W-what happened?" she questioned weakly, rubbing once more at her forehead.

Jackie went to speak, but the Doctor quickly shot her a silencing look and gave a slight shake of his head.

"What do you remember?" he asked with measured caution, moving just a little closer.

Rose closed her eyes in concentration. "S'all just sort of...fuzzy."

"It's okay," he said gently. "Just take your time."

Rose finally opened her eyes again, the look within them blurred with confusion. "I...I don't...remember anything out of the ordinary."

_Then you definitely don't remember the Doctor_, Jackie thought, but not in a humorous way. Her concern over the apparent damage Rose's mind had suffered was mounting.

"Let's try something else. How about the date? Do you know that?" the Doctor asked calmly, as if his insides were not currently twisted in knots.

Rose screwed her face up as she fought to remember, confused as to why she couldn't. "Not...not the exact date. But the year...um, 2003? No...no, 2004?"

"Good, good, that's a start," the Doctor replied, trying his best to infuse his tone with encouragement. "Can you tell me the last thing you remember?"

Rose thought hard for a minute. "Just...just ordinary stuff, I s'pose. Mum, work, Mickey. Nothing...specific as a last memory."

The Doctor and Jackie exchanged a brief yet troubled glance before looking back down at Rose.

The Doctor lowered himself down to sit beside her on the bed and instinctively reached out to cup her cheek with his hand in a loving gesture, but he caught himself and pulled back, his hand falling limply to the bed. "You've had a bit of an accident," he said gently. "You've suffered a neural injury, but you're going to be just fine. I promise. What you need right now is just to rest, okay?"

Rose's mind was jumbled and she didn't remember any kind of accident, but this doctor's gentle, soothing voice felt somehow reassuring to her. Rose didn't have the strength to ask more questions about any of this. Right now she just wanted to fall asleep and hoped the splitting headache she had would be gone when she woke up.

Rose nodded slightly, her heavy eyelids already falling shut. Jackie leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. "Just sleep, love. We'll be right here for you when you wake up."

Sleep had already claimed her as Jackie re-arranged the covers around Rose and stood. She and the Doctor then turned and stepped out of the room and into the hall, softly closing the door behind them.

Pete had already woken and was just coming out to look for Jackie and check on Rose. "What's happened? Is Rose alright?" he asked, his tone concerned as he tied the sash around his dressing gown, looking between the Doctor and Jackie.

Jackie slowly shook her head, her hands clutched together beneath her chin. "She woke up, but she doesn't remember anything from the past few years. She thinks it's...what did she say...2004? She...she doesn't even remember the Doctor. She's forgotten all those things, Pete." Pete's face fell. He placed a comforting arm around Jackie's shoulders, drawing her to him.

She leaned into his embrace, then turned her eyes to the Doctor. "_Please_ tell me this is only temporary."

The Doctor scrubbed both hands down his face, still trying to catch up to what was happening. "I just don't know, Jackie. Like I said, the brain is a very delicate thing. There's a chance that this is only temporary and that in time she'll recover her lost memories once the damage to her mind has healed." His countenance darkened. "There's also the chance that she won't. For now, we're going to have to tread very carefully. If her memories are to return, they're going to have to do so on their own. We can't force them. That would only make matters worse. A shock or heightened stress could cause her to regress further, so she can't just suddenly be told of all the things she's forgotten. That would be too much."

"But...but what about the baby?" Jackie questioned, careful to lower her voice. "Is the baby still...linked to her, or whatever you called it? What's she gonna make of that? You said she shouldn't experience a shock. What happens when she finds out she's _pregnant_?"

The Doctor leaned his back heavily against the wall. "With Rose's link to me nearly severed, the baby's link with her won't be magnified, so its subtlety at this early stage most likely won't be detected by her. And because it's so early in the pregnancy, it will be awhile before Rose would even know she's carrying. Although she might currently experience some symptoms of nausea or dizziness, she wouldn't immediately assume pregnancy. We should have a little bit of time before that becomes an issue."

"Well, one thing's for sure," Pete spoke up. "I'm canceling the flight out tomorrow night. Jackie and I can't just up and leave with Rose like this. The trip can wait."

The Doctor shook his head. "Pete, I think it's best if you went ahead with your trip. And it would be better if you left as soon as possible, because Rose can't see you here," the Doctor reminded him.

Realization dawned on Pete. "I didn't even think about...I suppose seeing who you think is your long-dead father would be the kind of shock we have to keep Rose from experiencing." He looked at Jackie. "You should stay here though, Jacks."

"She's gonna need me," Jackie agreed. Then, nothing if not practical, she was the one who began thinking through all the immediate details they would have to address. "I s'pose I need to put away all the recent photos before she's up and movin' about." Jackie looked at the Doctor. "And you better move the TARDIS somewhere outside before she sees it sittin' in the middle of the flat and we're left to try and explain it."

Jackie went about converting the flat to the state Rose would have expected to find it in a few years earlier, while Pete arranged to take an early flight out. With reluctance, he left first thing that morning, but with Jackie's promise that she would keep him regularly updated on Rose's condition.

After moving the TARDIS to the corner next to the Powell Estate and re-analyzing the results of the tests he'd run on Rose when she had been in the infirmary, the Doctor returned to the flat and took up watch once again at Rose's side as she slept.

The Doctor had to force aside his own turbulent emotions because he had to be steady for Rose, but as was becoming an all-too regular occurrence lately, so many thoughts and feelings were churning inside and threatening to overwhelm him. What if Rose _didn't_ regain her memories? Their entire life together up until now would be lost to her. Once she'd had a little bit of time to recover, he could slowly begin working with Rose to try and help her regain those memories. But if those lost memories were beyond salvaging, then what? How would she react when she eventually learned who the Doctor really was to her and that she was pregnant with his child? If it eventually came down to having to tell her these things without Rose remembering on her own, would she come to reach the place of loving him all over again?

Those were not the only thoughts relentlessly circling through his mind. If Rose's memories did return, they would bring with them the remembrance of the pain he had caused her. The Doctor could not get past the feeling of guilt, thinking that if he had not been so preoccupied with his own emotions he would have been able to realize this risk before it had occurred and taken steps to prevent it. He also feared the severe mental stress Rose had been under before this happened might have made her mind more vulnerable and the effects that much worse.

A dark thought formed in the back of the Doctor's mind. He tried to push it aside but was unsuccessful. What if Rose didn't _want_ to remember that recent pain, which inevitably included him? What if subconsciously she wanted to forget the hurt he had caused her over his initial feelings about the baby? The Doctor told himself he had to rein in those kinds of thoughts. Yes, he had hurt her; and the knowledge of that tore his hearts in two. Yet he also knew their love was strong enough to overcome that. He knew he would receive her forgiveness. That is, if Rose ever even regained those memories.

The Doctor gazed into the sleeping face of the woman he loved, the woman who had irrevocably captured his hearts, and he felt his chest constrict. Having Rose look at him earlier without a trace of recognition felt like a knife through his hearts. With their bond now all but severed as well, he felt so utterly empty. Her missing presence in his mind made him ache for her. The moment they were cut off from each other felt like a limb being severed, and that pain persisted still. He needed her desperately. He could _not_ lose Rose to this.

When the Doctor had made the enormous decision to allow himself to admit his love for Rose, he had set out to win her heart, although it already belonged unequivocally to him. In time, he would win her heart all over again if that's what it took. He could do that. He knew he could. The insurmountable task currently facing him was going to be keeping himself at a passive distance from Rose until she was ready for that. His consuming love for her was anything but passive and not easily restrained. He had come to wonder how in the past he ever managed to be around Rose and keep his feelings masked, and he didn't know if that was something he could managed again. But whatever it took and however long it may by, their love would survive this. He simply would not allow any other option.

-:-:-:-

Rose began to drift awake again a few hours later. As her eyes blinked open she was once again greeted by the sight of the man she'd seen earlier – the doctor who had told her there had been some sort of accident, which apparently caused her current state of fogged memories and feeling like her head had been used as a conga drum. Though as she woke more fully, she realized the throbbing pain from earlier had lessened just a little bit.

Rose focused her vision on the Doctor sitting in a chair beside her bed, and he quickly leaned towards her upon seeing her wake.

He gave her a warm, gentle smile. "Hello."

Rose swallowed and licked her lips. Her mouth felt dry, as if it had been stuffed with cotton, but she managed to reply. "Hi."

"Here," he said, reaching for a cup of water sitting on the table beside the bed and offering her a sip. "Drink a little of this."

Rose lifted her head off the pillow and took several greedy gulps. "Easy," he advised. "Not too much all at once."

She slowed her pace, took one last sip then eased her head back down.

He sat the cup down and turned back to her. "How are you feeling?"

Rose's hands went up to her head to massage her temples. "A little better, I s'pose." She lowered her hands and looked around the room. "Where's my mum?"

"She's making some breakfast. We knew you'd be waking up soon, and you'll need to try and eat a little something. Do you feel up to it?"

Rose nodded slightly. "I feel half starved."

He smiled, his eyes briefly flicking to her stomach then quickly back to her face. "Good, you sh– That's good." He stood. "I'll go let your mum know you're awake again and ready to eat. I'll be right back, okay?"

"'Kay," Rose replied, still feeling drowsy as he turned and briefly left the room.

The Doctor found Jackie busying herself in the kitchen as he came in. "She's awake."

Jackie felt measurable relief. "How is she now?"

"She's hungry, which is good."

"Are you sure it's okay for her to eat just yet?"

"As long as she feels up to it then she needs to keep up her strength – especially now. Just something light to start with, though." The Doctor took the boiling kettle off the stove and went about preparing Rose a cup of tea with the nutrient infusion he'd given her before.

Jackie made some toast and set it on a tray with the tea, and the Doctor added a banana in case Rose felt like something more substantial.

Rose was just starting to sit up in bed as they both entered the room. The Doctor quickly hurried to her side. "Easy, easy...take it slow," he directed.

"'M fine," Rose insisted, although she felt a little dizzy even as she spoke. The Doctor positioned a few pillows behind her back for support.

"Here we are, sweetheart," Jackie said, smiling brightly as she placed the tray next to Rose on the bed.

Glancing down at the light meal, Rose's eyes lit up when she saw the banana. For some reason she suddenly felt like she was craving it. She peeled it eagerly and took a bite. Her eyes moved between the Doctor and her mum. Now that she was awake and alert she needed answers to the questions beginning to fill her mind.

"What happened to me?" Rose asked between bites. She didn't remember any type of accident that had been referenced earlier. But then, her thoughts still felt blurry.

The Doctor began to cautiously explain at least part of it. "You...had an accident and suffered a head injury, which caused some neural damage."

"An accident," she repeated. "What kind of accident?"

The Doctor hesitated just a moment before answering. "It's best not to overload you with all the details of that just yet. I'm confident it will come to you in time," he said, wishing he actually felt the confidence he professed. "But it needs to come to you slowly."

Rose thought it over for a minute. "Why am I home, then?" she questioned. "Shouldn't I be in hospital, or something?"

The Doctor briefly glanced at Jackie, then back at Rose. "I initially treated you in...a medical facility. I was able to repair some of the damage suffered, and then you were stable enough to be moved back home. You can continue to recuperate here as long as I keep you regularly monitored."

"But I'm gonna be okay now?" she asked with hesitance.

"You're gonna be just fine, sweetheart," Jackie assured her. "And like the Doctor said, he's gonna keep lookin' after you."

Rose turned her eyes back to him. "So, you're a doctor who makes house calls, then," she concluded with a tiny smile.

He returned her smile and replied softly. "Only for _very_ special patients."

Something about the deep warmth in his eyes held her focus and made Rose gaze into them just a little longer than perhaps she should have. Rose collected herself, dropping her eyes back to the tray and picking up her tea.

"Where's Mickey?" she asked, blowing across the top of her steaming beverage and taking a sip. "Has he been 'round?"

The Doctor and Jackie froze. The honest yet outlandish answer of '_he's living in a parallel world' _wasn't exactly the reply they could give.

The Doctor shifted his gaze to Jackie, rubbing the back of his neck.

"He's gone travelin'," Jackie answered, thinking quickly.

Rose frowned slightly. Mickey wasn't really the type to do much traveling, nor did he have the means. That irregularity wasn't what felt strange to her, though. What bothered Rose was this niggling feeling in her mind that there were other things she should know, but didn't – or couldn't; like trying to recall a faded dream. There were memories that just felt...blurry, cloaked in a thick haze.

"I can't remember the exact date or this...accident that happened," she said eventually. "What else don't I remember?"

Oh, that was such a loaded question, and one that could not be answered fully – not yet. "You do have some memory loss," the Doctor confirmed. "That's not unusual considering your injury."

"Will I get those memories back, though?" Rose asked hopefully.

The Doctor tried to sound more upbeat than he felt. "There's a definite chance that you will, but it might take a little time. I'll help you with that, Rose. Once you've had some time to recover, I'll assist you in trying to regain those memories, but it has to be done slowly."

Rose nodded in reply, but felt uncertainty surrounding her as she slumped back against the pillows. She was more than a little unsettled knowing there were parts of her life missing from her knowledge. Yet at the same time, this doctor's assurance that he would help gave her an inexplicable sense of calm. She didn't even know him, yet Rose found herself easily believing his words of reassurance. Rose thought to herself there was something about him she couldn't quite put her finger on, but whatever it was, it made her trust him when he said he could help, and she began to feel a spark of assurance in the midst of the confusion encompassing her.

Taking a last sip of her tea, Rose lifted her eyes to him from behind her mug as she contemplated this man who had been caring for her and had given his promise to continue doing so. In her limited experience with doctors, Rose knew some could be detached and not always entirely pleasant. But this doctor? She had only just laid eyes on him a short time ago, but something told Rose she was not going to mind being his patient.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N **With the Doctor's help, Rose is ready to begin the process of trying to regain her memories. And of course, there's the inevitable sexual tension between them right from the start. They are the Doctor and Rose, after all. ;)

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 18<span>**

Two days had passed since Rose had woken to find she had suffered a neural injury causing partial memory loss. As the third began, Rose was quickly growing tired of being treated like an invalid. Her mum hovered over her every waking moment, and the doctor..._well_... Then again, Rose found she didn't mind all the attention from him, actually.

She did wonder why a doctor such as himself seemed to have so much time to devote solely to her. Not that she was complaining, mind. It had not escaped her notice that this man was not only infinitely gentle and caring, but also incredibly gorgeous. Rose wasn't blind, after all. She might be recovering from injury, but her mental faculties were functioning quite well enough to know that much at least.

She was _not_ developing a crush on her doctor, though, Rose had told herself quite firmly. The very idea was just ridiculously predictable under the circumstances, considering he was devoting some much of his time to her, and the aside fact that he was gorgeous. But it couldn't possibly lead anywhere. He was a professional and she was his patient. Nothing more.

That didn't stop her from stealing a few appreciative glances or having one or two very pleasant daydreams creeping into her head, though.

Even though Rose had begun feeling much better, she'd had a few bouts of nausea. When she wasn't nauseous, she seemed to have a voracious appetite. For some odd reason she found herself craving bananas more than anything else. She couldn't get enough of them. Head injuries were strange things, indeed. Her mum and the doctor didn't seem overly concerned, although the looks she'd seen them exchange on more than one occasion made her feel like maybe there was more than they were saying. But the doctor assured Rose that her symptoms were normal for her condition, so she didn't concern herself over it too much. She was sure it would pass soon.

As Rose's mind began to clear a little more from her initial, muddled state, she was becoming more and more aware of subtle changes about herself. Outwardly, her features seemed a little more mature and her figure a little more defined; but it wasn't just subtle physical changes she had noticed. Though her memories told her she was, Rose just didn't _feel_ like she was eighteen. That in itself was complex, though, because she wasn't exactly sure _how_ she was even supposed to feel. Rose had also noted a few changes around the flat (on the occasion when her mum and the doctor had actually allowed her to get out of bed). Nothing major. Just little things. There was the odd piece of furniture arranged a little differently or knickknacks here and there Rose didn't remember. It just made her all the more frustrated about the other things she wasn't remembering.

There was also one more oddity Rose found herself puzzling over. Around her neck hung a silver key on a simple chain. She'd had it on when she first woke up to all of this, and it wasn't something Rose ever remembered having. Rose didn't know why she would wear a key around her neck or what door it even opened, but for some unexplainable reason she didn't want to take it off, either. The weight of it around her neck and the smooth metal resting upon her chest felt strangely comforting. She hadn't asked anyone about it; just kept it on – kept it close.

The doctor had come by first thing that morning to check on her, as had been the routine for the past two days. Rose wondered if he lived or practiced nearby. There were so many things about him she found herself beginning to wonder. He was certainly an intriguing man. He also seemed a little on the unconventional side as far as doctors go. His demeanor wasn't that of clinical, professional detachment – taking her temperature, taking her pulse, instructing her to stick out her tongue and say 'Ah' then bustling off. No, he would spend time just simply talking to her, and he had a penchant for nattering on about completely random things. Even if she hadn't felt up to doing much talking herself, it felt good just listening to him, and he had a way of being able to make her smile. He wasn't your stereotypical doctor, to be sure.

Jackie had left that same morning shortly after he had arrived to go do some marketing (and phone Pete on Rose's progress), and the doctor told Rose he would be staying with her while Jackie was out. And so as this third day of convalescing began, Rose had come to a decision. Her life might be mixed up at the moment, but one thing was clear: she was ready to begin moving forward and making progress. She wanted back whatever memories she was missing and the life that went with them.

This would be Rose's first full day out of bed, and now was her chance to get down to business. The doctor had told her that he would help her try to regain her memories when she had recovered enough to do so. She wasn't sure how he would go about doing that, but whatever it entailed, she was ready to start.

Just simply being out of bed and dressed in something other than pajamas made Rose feel much better that morning. After leaving her room, she stopped off in the kitchen for a snack, then walked to the living room, peeling the banana she'd retrieved on the trip.

The Doctor had been secretly amused by her particular craving. She was undeniably carrying his child.

He had been waiting for her as she got dressed, and he'd caught himself just short of asking if she'd needed help with the task. He could have justified it by saying he was a doctor, a professional; but that emotionless pretense would have gone out the window if he'd been in that situation with her. He didn't trust his wandering eyes beholding the woman he adored not to betray him, even if his only intention was to help her. No, best leave that particular task for Rose to manage on her own. She was well enough to handle that much at least.

As Rose emerged and made her way towards him in the living room, he found he couldn't take his eyes off her. She was wearing a pair of light blue sweatpants and a white T-shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail and not a trace of makeup was on her face. He had never seen her look more gorgeous. It sounded ridiculously trite to say she was glowing, but he couldn't think of any other description for her luminous state. She was carrying _his_ child, and the Doctor had never adored her more than he did right in this moment.

Rose sat down beside him on the couch, and when she glanced over at him, the look in his eyes as he gazed back at her made Rose stop mid-bite.

"What?" she questioned, looking a little puzzled as she lowered the banana.

The Doctor's eyes danced away. "Nothing. Just...glad you're feeling well this morning."

"I am," she confirmed with a smile. Not only was she feeling well and ready to begin working on restoring her memories, she was also ready to learn a little more about this man who over the past two days had seemed so single-mindedly focused on her well-being. "And now that I'm feeling better, I'm ready to start learning some things." The Doctor turned fully towards her with the look of a professional ready to begin working. "Let's start with you."

That threw him off. "Me?"

"You." Rose finished off the banana and put her empty peeling down on the coffee table.

"What do you want to know about me?" he asked, hesitant.

_Everything, _Rose thought to herself. The Doctor absently ran a hand through his tousled, dark brown hair, and Rose was momentarily distracted by the gesture, feeling the strangest sensation, almost a sense of déjà vu. Was it the gesture, or his _really_ great hair that had distracted her? Rose was almost startled to find her mind suddenly drifting to thoughts of running her fingers through it, tugging gently and...

Rose shook herself out of that particular daydream and forced her eyes to detach themselves from his sexy hair. She redirected her thoughts back to the questions she had for him. She cleared her throat. "Well, for starters, I've realized I don't even know your full name. I mean, ever since I first woke up Mum's just been calling you 'The Doctor,' so I s'pose that's how I've come to think of you. But...doctor who? What's your proper name?"

The Doctor once again had to fight down his own feelings of pain as her simple question stabbed his hearts. Rose was the one person in all the universe who knew his true name. The one person with whom he had shared that part of himself. Now, that was forgotten to her, along with the memory of the sacred night he had shared it with her, sharing his soul.

"It's..." He hesitated. The only suitable name that came to mind was the human pseudonym he often used. "Smith. John Smith. You can call me John, if you'd like." His words came out sounding as dull as the name he professed.

Rose pondered over that for a minute, her brow furrowed. "That doesn't...seem like you." She looked back at him and clarified. "I mean, that's such a common name and you're certainly not a common man," she absently let slip. Rose paused and rephrased that remark. "That is...you're a doctor, and it takes a special person to be a doctor, yeah?" She tilted her head in contemplation. "I dunno, I suppose I'd just gotten used to thinking of you as 'The Doctor.'"

Rose noticed how his eyes seemed to light up. "You can just keep calling me Doctor, if you'd like. Most people do anyway."

She thought about it. "Yeah," Rose smiled. "For some reason it doesn't just feel like a title for you. It fits. Doctor it is."

He slowly grinned, and Rose felt the pace of her heartbeat quicken. This man had a way of smiling that when directed at her, it made her breath catch. It might be an inappropriate response for a doctor/patient relationship, but when he smiled at her in that certain way, Rose found it was difficult to care about propriety.

Rose focused her somewhat inappropriate thoughts back to her more innocent questions. "Okay, Doctor, so on to my next question." She gave him a brief up and down glance, a slight smirk curving her lips. "Do you ever wear anything else? For the past few days all I've seen you in is the same brown suit paired with...trainers." She pursed her lips as she pondered it further. "The shirt and tie have changed, though."

The Doctor glanced down at himself. "Don't you like the suit?" he asked with nonchalance. He happened to know Rose _loved_ him in this suit.

"Oh, I do! It seems very...you."

"Well, to answer your question, I do have a blue one as well."

"_Really_?" she replied, sounding exaggeratedly impressed as she grinned teasingly. "You have _two_ suits?"

"I find two to be a perfectly adequate, non-superfluous number," he replied in a serious tone, straightening his tie. He then slowly cut his eyes back over to hers. "_Although_, I have been known to wear a pair of jeans on occasion." His mind went back to a particular time he'd done just that and driven Rose to complete distraction.

Although Rose didn't have that specific memory, it didn't keep her mind from visualizing it and her cheeks to subsequently flush at the pleasurable image her imagination created. Or maybe it was the way he looked at her when he said it, and the almost...seductive tone in which he spoke, which Rose had to tell herself was just her muddled mind playing tricks on her. Surely.

There was yet another question burning in her thoughts, and before she thought it through long enough to stop herself, Rose came out with it. "So, what about...your family? Do you have...I mean...are you...?" Rose trailed off and mentally kicked herself for being so forward. "'M sorry. That was a bit personal," she hastily added with a chuckle of embarrassment.

"No, it's fine," the Doctor assured her tenderly. "It's only natural for you to want to know about me since I'll be helping you learn about yourself. Fair is fair, after all."

The Doctor just wasn't sure how to answer the question. If Rose wasn't able to remember on her own, she would eventually have to be told everything about the two of them once she was well enough for that. He didn't want to tell her he had someone else in his life and have Rose misinterpreting that about him from the start. But how could he look at her and tell her there was no one else? Then he realized – that was the truth of it. When he looked at Rose he could honestly say there _wasn't_ anyone else, only her.

His penetrating eyes looking into hers made Rose momentarily lose herself in their depths. "There is no one else in my life, Rose. So that means patients like you get my full attention." He smiled slowly. "So, anything else you'd like to know about me, Rose Tyler?"

Rose felt heat rise to her cheeks and travel up to the tips of her ears simply from the way he spoke her name. Did she imagine his tone dropping a note or two lower? Oh, she had to stop this and get a hold of herself. Rose forced her mind back to her list of questions.

She bit her lip. There had been one more question niggling at her. "Why are you always here, spending so much time with just me?" Rose saw his face drop as he sought to answer. "Not that I _mind_ you being here," she quickly added, not wanting to give the wrong impression. "I love it when you're here with me." _Oh, subtle, Rose_, she chided herself. That wasn't the blatant impression she wanted to give, either. "That is to say...I really enjoy...or rather..." She was digging herself into a hole. Rose cleared her throat. "What I mean is, don't you have other patients to see, too?"

The Doctor had begun to conceal a grin as she'd tripped over her words of admitting how she _loved_ him being with her, but now it was his turn to slightly stammer as he came up with a reply. "Well, you're...you're a special case. And...I've taken you on as my sole patient for now."

Rose shook her head. "What's so special about me?"

_Oh, Rose. Everything. _"I...I believe I have a technique I can use that might help to regain your memories. Yours is the exact condition I need in order to put it into practice."

"So I'd be a...test case?" she asked dully.

"It's not a first-time trial. I've used the technique before," he assured her. "But it's something not many others are familiar with yet. It's a very new advancement in the field, and having someone such as yourself upon whom I can utilize the technique for further practice is...helpful." The Doctor scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, second-guessing the plausibility of his own explanation.

Rose felt a stab of disappointment. She wished she'd just let him leave it at saying she was a special patient to him. Now she just felt like an_...experiment_. Well, that explained his sole focus on her, anyway.

The Doctor could discern her feelings written on her face. He didn't want Rose to ever question her importance, to him or to anyone. "Rose, you're not just a special case because of your condition. I see you as a very special person, too. I think you're brilliant, actually."

Rose wasn't quite sure how to even respond. One thing she was sure of was this unmistakable feeling when she looked in his eyes that there was just something...more about him. It was both unsettling and exhilarating. Unsettling because it was so exhilarating.

But Rose had to put aside this developing infatuation, which she had already told herself could never lead anywhere anyway. She wasn't exactly in the condition to be swooning over her doctor. Rose had her life to try and put back in order. Now that she'd learned a few things about him, Rose now needed to know a few things about _herself_. She had not asked this question yet because she almost feared the answer, and her mum and the Doctor had done their best to avoid too many details, but she had to know.

Taking a breath, Rose brought her eyes to his. "Doctor, how much time am I missing? I know you and Mum have been trying to shelter me, but I need to know."

The Doctor knew Rose would have to begin learning these things gradually, and this was the first step – hard as the answer might be. He replied with gentle caution, gauging her reaction within her eyes. "The memories you're missing are just over four years."

Rose felt her heart drop. She knew she was missing a part of her memories, but she didn't expect it to be such a large chunk of her life.

"Over four years," she repeated in a murmur as the heavy revelation sank in.

The Doctor's voice drew her attention back to him as he sought to give her reassurance. "I've been made aware of the details of your life during that time." _And experienced it with you, _he wished he could add. "When you're ready, I can begin working with you to try to recover that missing time."

Rose nodded numbly. Once she had taken a minute to re-gather her thoughts, she turned herself fully towards him. She felt a certain vulnerability asking a virtual stranger about her _own_ life, yet at the same time she had trust in him. "Tell me about...myself. Have I still been living with Mum up 'till now? Where've I been working? And what about...Mickey? He's not just traveling, is he?" she questioned, going with the intuition she sensed. "Does he even still live around here?"

The Doctor pondered her questions, trying to decide on the best way to respond. "You still live here with your mum – when you're in town. You've done a bit of traveling lately, though. As for a job, the last place you were working was Henrik's." Rose felt a flash of disappointment. Still a shop girl, then. But still, it was an honest job and nothing to be ashamed of. "And you're right about Mickey," the Doctor continued. "He moved away a little less than two years ago and the two of you...lost touch." Sadness crossed over her features. "But I understand you both parted on good terms, as friends."

Rose had never really thought too far ahead into the future with Mickey. He had always just been there, and maybe in a lot of ways she'd taken that for granted. She only hoped he was now living the life he wanted and was truly happy. She wanted nothing less for him. With Mickey apparently gone, Rose briefly wondered if there was anyone else in her life, but since she had not woken up with a concerned lover by her side then apparently not. And she was _not_ going to ask the Doctor if he knew the current details of her love life.

Rose folded her legs up beneath her on the couch, drawing in a deep breath. "S'just so frustrating not being able to _remember_ any of that." She looked back up at him, a spark of hope briefly flickering in her eyes. "But you _do_ think you'll be able to help me get those memories back?"

"I'll do everything I can, Rose," he replied reassuringly.

"How, exactly? You said you have this...technique that not all doctors are familiar with. So what exactly is it, then?" she queried.

The Doctor paused, and watched her carefully to measure her reaction. "It involves the use of telepathy."

Rose's eyes got a bit rounder. "What? Telepathy – you...you're really serious? Like some sort of...Vulcan mind-meld...thingy? How...how is that even _possible_?"

"Well, it's a bit...complicated. As I said, it's a very new advance in the field of neuro-medicine. I know it probably sounds mythological, but there's nothing to be frightened of." The Doctor straightened his posture and went off on a technical ramble, his gesturing hands aiding his explanation. "In scientific terms, it involves quantum mechanics. You see, the mind is a unit of electrical and quantum impulses. Considering that fact, it's possible for those impulse fluctuations to be received by another if that receiving person possesses the knowledge and capabilities to do so, which I do," he finished with a casual shrug.

Rose gaped at him, suddenly feeling like her thoughts were being broadcast in high-definition. She _knew_ there was something different about this man! Was he...reading her thoughts this very minute? Rose chewed her lip as her eyes flicked up to his, then quickly skittered away.

"So you...you can read my mind?" Her voice rose a pitch and quavered with nervousness. Rose mentally began recapping the thoughts she'd had just since coming into the room with him. Had she been thinking of anything she wouldn't want him to see? Anything...inappropriate or otherwise embarrassing?

Oh, she was doomed! And now those thoughts were all she could think. It never failed that when you tried to put a thought out of your mind that became the _only_ thing you could think about. Rose chanced a quick glance in his direction, which did nothing to help clear her mind of those inappropriate thoughts as his gorgeous, deep brown eyes gazed entrancingly back at her. Rose licked her lips and quickly broke eye contact. There was a single thought in her mind when she looked at him, and if he was perceiving her thoughts then the words _'Dead Sexy'_ might as well be flashing in the space between them like a neon sign.

Rose blushed scarlet and sank a little deeper into the cushions of the couch.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The Doctor tried to restrain the smile tugging at his lips as he looked at Rose's flushed face, her eyes focusing on anything but his. He didn't want to prolong her unease over what she was clearly thinking, though.

"I'm not reading your thoughts right now, Rose," he reassured her. "I couldn't just project towards you and read your mind. It doesn't work that way." _Because our bond has been all but severed, _the Doctor's own despondent thoughts added. "And I would never do anything that you were not completely comfortable with. If you consented to this use of telepathy, you would be the one in control and I would respect any boundaries. I wouldn't look at anything you didn't want me to see. But this is something that would require complete trust." He placed his hand gently on her shoulder, drawing her reticent eyes back up to his. "Do you trust me, Rose?"

"I..." Rose was about to say she just wasn't sure...about _any_ of this; but that wasn't the answer she found herself giving. Her reply, though it surprised her own self, left her somehow feeling calm and certain. "I trust you."

The Doctor's eyes lit up as he grinned, slow and positively beaming. "Good," he answered simply.

With her feeling of sureness, Rose suddenly felt ready to begin right away. If this could help her regain those absent memories then she didn't want to lose any time waiting. She had already lost enough.

"Can we start this right now?" she asked anxiously.

The Doctor's smile faded. "Rose, I'm not sure if you're ready for this just yet. I think your mind still needs more time to recover before we begin. Your mind doesn't need any type of exertion this soon."

Rose set her face in a determined look. "I'm well enough to begin. I'm sure of it. The only thing that's gonna upset my mind right now is knowing I can't begin doing something that might help me recover my memories."

His Rose was ever the stubborn one. And she had a point. He was just as anxious as Rose was for her to begin recovering her memories if possible. The Doctor wasn't taking any chances, though. Regardless of how well Rose thought she was feeling, he needed to assure himself that she was ready to begin, albeit slowly. He had scanned Rose with the sonic once during the night as she'd slept, but that had been hours earlier and he needed a current evaluation before proceeding. The Doctor removed the sonic screwdriver from his pocket.

"Let me scan first to make sure you are as well as you think you're feeling, and then _maybe_ we can start out slowly."

Rose stared curiously at the long, thin, silver and blue device held in his hand. "What is that thing?"

He paused, looking from Rose back down to the sonic. Pulling this out spontaneously was second nature to him, as natural as extending a limb. He'd not even given thought to the fact that Rose now wasn't familiar with this, either. _Blimey_, nothing about any of this was going to be easy. "It's...a scanning device," he supplied.

Rose narrowed her eyes in inspection of the object. "It looks more like a...screwdriver."

His grin was slightly lopsided as he hummed his agreement. "Doesn't it just?" He schooled his features again. "It's a new type of portable scanning technology, and perfectly safe."

Rose chuckled, slightly bemused. "You're just Mister Cutting Edge, aren't you?"

"Oh, that I am. And this won't hurt a bit, I assure you." The Doctor switched on the sonic and did a quick scan of Rose's neural and overall physical condition, checking the baby as well in the process. They both seemed to be doing acceptably well. There was no reason to delay the start of this as long as they took it slow.

A distant look flickered in Rose's eyes as the sonic whirred to life, but the moment quickly passed. The Doctor switched off the sonic and replaced it in his pocket. "Well," she asked, "did your screwdriver thing tell you what _I_ already did?"

"You're well enough to proceed," he consented. "_If_ we take this slow."

Rose untucked her legs from beneath her and straightened her shoulders. "So...what do we do?"

The Doctor moved a little closer. "Turn a little more towards me," he instructed as she complied. "That's it. Now, just take a deep breath and relax. I'm going to place my hands on your temples and concentrate."

"This is so bizarre," Rose laughed nervously.

"It's alright...trust me. Now, if there is anything you don't want me to see, just imagine putting it behind a door, and I won't look. I promise."

Rose twisted the hem of her T-shirt in her hands. "And then what?"

"And then, _together_, we'll look for the memories that have been damaged. All I want us to do this time is try to identify them and see their condition. Anything further right now would be too much. Later on, provided they're still there and not completely lost, I'll try to help you clarify them, a little at a time."

"You can really do that?" she questioned out loud, more in amazement than skepticism.

His face and his voice were infinitely tender, conveying not only a sense of calm but of hope. "_We_ can do that, together. Are you ready, Rose?"

Rose drew in a bolstering breath and closed her eyes. "Ready as I'll ever be, I s'pose. Go ahead."

Gently, the Doctor placed his hands on Rose's temples, and equally gently, nudged her mind with his, merging into her consciousness. Rose released a soft gasp as she felt what could only be described as his presence slip into her own thoughts. He was there. He was _actually_ there within her mind. Rose had to actively focus on drawing air into her lungs. Otherwise, this experience which defied comparison would override her ability to breathe.

"_It's okay, Rose. We're going to take this slow_," the Doctor mentally calmed her, his voice a whispering echo in her mind as he sensed her tension ease just slightly. The Doctor had to put intense effort into focusing his own thoughts on this task and not get utterly lost in the sheer bliss encompassing him from being joined on this level with Rose once more. Even if it was on a diminished scale from what they shared when fully bonded, it was still enough to undo him if he didn't stay focused. He had missed his connection to her so, so deeply. His desolate mind literally ached for hers.

Rose began to feel unexpectedly at ease as his presence simply waited, allowing her to adjust to this experience. Having someone else actually within her mind should feel completely unsettling, but Rose found it to be the opposite. Her mind had been feeling so jumbled these past few days, but he seemed to impart to her a sense of soothing peace from within – like a comforting embrace. Though much more..._intimate_.

Once the Doctor perceived she was beginning to feel at ease with him, he slowly began the process of categorizing her most recent memories that were still intact – the ones from four years prior.

Rose sensed him beginning to move about. It felt like a sensation of inner warmth, drifting through the center of her being like a gentle breeze, and if she concentrated on it, she could almost make out his essence as a silver glow within her mind's eye.

As the Doctor proceeded to move through her memories, he got a little too close to one from a few years previous before he had known her, and he suddenly found a door slammed shut on him. "_I won't go through there. It's okay_," he assured her. The Doctor didn't have to look behind the door to know which memory it contained. Rose had already shared this with him. It was the painful memory of her time with Jimmy Stone. If anything could have been forgotten, the Doctor wished this would have been it.

Rose let any lingering anxiety ease, taking deep breaths outwardly as she relaxed inwardly. With her past, intact memories identified, the Doctor then moved towards the ones that had sustained the damage. He was able to detect the area of her memories that Rose had not been able to distinguish through the distortion. As he drew near, he was able to guide Rose's focus to them. They were like a distorted mosaic of mismatched pieces, tangled and strewn. Sorting through them would be like putting together the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. The Doctor was hopeful none the less because they were still there – not wiped out completely. Their condition was extremely fragile, however, and working to restore and unravel them would have to be done with the utmost care.

Though the Doctor could see this area more precisely, for Rose it was more like a vague sense of static. The harder she tried to focus in on it, the more difficult it became. The Doctor perceived Rose's frustrated thoughts as she strained in the effort. _"I...I can't..."_

"_Shhh," _he soothed. "_It's alright. Don't try too hard. It's not something that can be forced. For now, just let yourself become aware of this area." _ The Doctor could sense that Rose's mind was already beginning to tire from the experience. This had been enough for now. Slight progress had still been made. By drawing her focus to the location of those jumbled memories, a little of the haze had begun to lift. He had hope that accessing them would gradually become easier.

Just before withdrawing, there was one last thing the Doctor sought to examine now that he was in the position to do so. He journeyed to an area of Rose's mind which lay outside her realm of cognizance. Moving to the very center of her subconscious, he observed a luminous golden essence encompassing a tiny, glowing tendril within. The baby's link to Rose was undamaged, and at this point was still so small, especially so now that it was no longer heightened by their bond, that it remained outside of Rose's conscious awareness.

Held in captivation and unable to refrain, the Doctor drew closer, awed by this infinitesimal presence. It was the first mental glimpse he'd had of his child. _His child_. The idea still left him astounded. The Doctor sent out the tiniest of brushes and, nearly taking his breath away, felt a whisper of a touch in return as a wave of love consumed him the moment he sensed it. Its strength was barely a wisp, yet it would have had the power to bring him to his knees had he been standing. Never before had he been so wholly consumed by love.

Despite feeling like he could spend an eternity right in this moment of time, the Doctor knew he could not remain much longer or this would become too much for Rose, so he forced himself to pull back. He carefully withdrew then, easing from Rose's mind as gently as he had entered. His fingers slid from her temples, but he kept his eyes closed for another brief moment, trying to rein in his intense emotions from the experience. When he focused back on Rose, her eyes were just beginning to flutter open.

That last moment might have been outside of her awareness, but what Rose did experience had been enough to leave anyone speechless. This moment could have now felt highly awkward for her, but it didn't. This man had essentially walked among her thoughts, yet it didn't feel intrusive or prying. It felt...well, she wasn't really quite sure _how_ it felt since she didn't have anything even remotely like this to compare it to. But it was undeniably, if not strangely, pleasant.

"Well, that was...that was certainly...different," Rose eventually spoke, unable to think of any adequate words capable of describing the experience.

The Doctor breathed out, managing to find his voice as he held his own emotions in check and focused on Rose's physical state. "How do you feel now? That wasn't too much for you, was it? Do you have any dizziness or pain or..."

"No. No, I feel fine. And...maybe somehow just a little more clear." Rose closed her eyes briefly before focusing back on his. "That area with those...those jumbled thoughts I could sense – those are what I have to work on, aren't they?" she questioned. The prospect seemed daunting.

He nodded. "Yes. But the fact that those memories are still there at all, damaged as they may be, is still a very good sign. It means there's a chance they can be restored. They're very fragile, though. That's why we have to take this slowly and carefully. Too much strain and they could be further impaired or totally lost. This was enough for today."

Rose felt disappointed that more couldn't be done right away, but progress was progress. She felt more hopeful than before in the possibility that those memories could eventually return. She _needed_ to know everything, because something told Rose those missing four years of her life had been monumental.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N **Rose is ready to get back to a semblance of normal living, but she and "her doctor" don't quite see eye-to-eye on how much she's ready for.

This chapter was originally going to be twice as long, but it was becoming a beast to edit with my current schedule. Rather than delay posting longer, I'll break it in half so I can get this up quicker, with the next part to follow soon. :)

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 20<span>**

A week had now passed since Rose had lost her most recent memories of the past four years. Since their first session, the Doctor had worked with her a little each day in hopes of restoring what had been lost. Although there had been progress made with some of her clouded memories from between the ages of eighteen and nineteen becoming a little clearer, her more resent memories – specifically ones including the Doctor – had not returned. Although he had not voiced his fears, the Doctor knew there was the chance that the damage might prove to be just too extensive.

Trying to at least remain optimistic, the Doctor thought ahead on how to prepare for the best way to handle it if those memories did begin to return. If they began trickling in slowly, then Rose's first reaction would no doubt be to question what had become of the version of the Doctor she had first known. Now _that_ could get tricky. On the one hand, it would be much easier if all of those memories could return at once so there would be no anxiety or confusion or difficult questions to try to explain; but on the other hand, the Doctor feared the sheer magnitude of it all would be far too much for her to withstand in a single deluge and could cause her condition to regress. He would just have to take it with her one step at a time once that point was reached. _If _that point was reached.

Throughout the week, the Doctor had continued monitoring the progression of the pregnancy through scans with the sonic, but he was growing more and more on edge not being able to perform the comprehensive tests in the infirmary as he would like. Jackie had been the one to try and reassure him over Rose's current health, saying that physically Rose appeared to be doing fine other than normal symptoms such as nausea. The Doctor wasn't one to take any chances, though – especially in this case. He didn't plan on letting any more possible complications blindside him. If much more time passed without being able to give Rose a thorough exam, he was considering administering a sedative so he could bring her onboard the TARDIS. For now, he would give it just a few more days of settling for scans with the sonic.

As for Rose, she was ready to get on with living her life. She was glad for the memories that, with the Doctor's help, had become a little more clear, but she wondered if she would ever fully recover them all. During her sessions with the Doctor, those most damaged memories were still difficult for her to even focus her awareness on, to say nothing of being able to actually see with any kind of clarity. Rose wasn't giving up hope, but regardless of whether or not those memories returned, she wasn't going to let the past hold her back from living in the present. Her mum and the Doctor continued to seem overly watchful of her, and though she appreciated their concern, Rose just wanted to be treated normally again. Despite the Doctor cautioning Rose that her health was still in a delicate state, she thought she was perfectly fine. There was the nausea and occasional tiredness and weird cravings that still persisted, but otherwise she felt mostly recovered from her brain injury and she wanted to get on with living her life.

It was that determination which made Rose decide to leave the flat on her own early one morning without anyone hovering over her. She had a goal in mind, one that her mum and the Doctor might not agree with, so she made the decision without telling anyone first. She simply left a note behind in the flat telling her mum that she had gone out.

Upon waking that morning, the first thing Jackie did was quietly phone Pete, not knowing there was no need to keep her voice down since Rose wasn't even in the flat.

"_Good morning, love,"_ came Pete's voice upon answering.

Jackie folded her legs beneath her on the bed and smiled into the phone as she spoke. "S'pose it's good evenin' to you, with the time difference and all. How was your day, then?"

A sigh could be heard on the line. Jackie wasn't sure if he was tired, missing her, or stressed over, well_...everything_. Probably all three. _"The meetings have all been going well. We've made good progress and laid down some solid groundwork. It's just hard to focus on business, though, while thinking about how Rose is getting on...and how much I miss you."_

Jackie didn't want him to worry over the current situation when there was nothing he could do to change things, but a part of her was just a little pleased with the admission that he was missing her. "Well, Rose seems to be doing good, aside from still not getting back all of her memories. The Doctor keeps sayin' she just needs more time, though. Time for the damage to heal properly. So I s'pose we both have to just try not to worry. These past few days especially Rose seems to be feeling much better." She paused, twisting a strand of hair around her finger. "And as for missing me...I plan on makin' that up to you as soon as you're able to come back."

Pete smiled genuinely for the first time that day as he relaxed into an overstuffed chair in his hotel suite. "_Is that a promise, Mrs. Tyler? And while we're on the subject, just what exactly do you have in mind...?"_

Jackie tried for stern but knew the grin could be heard in her voice. "Well I'm not gonna say it over my mobile, am I? Cheeky man. I can just see where your thoughts are headed. Next thing you'll be askin' me what I'm wearin' and trying to seduce me over the phone in that deep voice of yours..."

"_Was that a request, my love?" _he chuckled, knowing she was rather enjoying the idea. He also knew that beneath their flirting, her mind was still focused on the situation with the Doctor and Rose, even if some of her initial worries had eased. His playful tone softened. "_So, you said Rose is still doing okay, considering; but how about you?"_

Jackie considered his question as she leaned back against the pillows. "I'm not as worried about her health like I was. I feel better about that. She's gettin' stronger and right now just seems to have normal pregnancy symptoms. Try telling that to the Doctor, though. He tries to reassure me about her memories coming back, but when it comes to her overall health right now I think he's starting to get more on edge than me. He was even talking last night after Rose was asleep about the idea of sedating her so he can get her on the TARDIS for a proper exam. I'm not against being cautious, but it's almost like he's just waiting for something worse to happen."

"_Well, you really can't blame him, I suppose, with what's already happened," _Pete reasoned.

Jackie sighed. "I s'pose not. I just wish more than anything right now that Rose's life could be back to what it was, back to normal for her and the Doctor both. Not that I'd call the life she had before 'normal,' mind you, but you know what I mean." Jackie smiled slightly. "She'll get there, though. I know she will. You should see the way she looks at him, Pete. Even if she doesn't remember it, I don't think she could ever stop loving that man."

"_They might still have some challenges ahead of them, but you're right, Jacks. They'll get through this. Even if it means starting back from the beginning."_ He hesitated for a second before asking a question that had been at the back of his mind through this. "_Speaking of starting new again, has seeing Rose's complications with this given you second thoughts about the plan of us trying to have a baby together sometime in the near future?" _Pete's question was asked in a curious tone, but beneath it there was also a little doubt.

"Well, considering my husband's not an alien, I don't think I'd have to worry about any complications quite like hers," Jackie half chuckled. She then continued coyly. "And...maybe you'll find out just how sure I am of the idea of still tryin' once you get back..."

-:-:-:-

After talking with Pete, Jackie slipped on her dressing gown and left her room, heading to the kitchen to start some tea. It was then she found the note Rose had left stuck to the fridge. She was at first surprised, but not overly concerned that Rose had stepped out. She had told Pete she wanted Rose to have her normal life back, and she was glad Rose was now feeling well enough to at least be up and about.

The Doctor, however, didn't take it quite as well once he found out. He came in a few minutes later at his usual time that morning after spending the night in the TARDIS researching all he could about human and Gallifreyan pregnancies, and also memory loss, as had become his new ritual.

When he arrived and learned Rose was gone, his concern kicked into high gear. "What do you mean she's _gone_?" the Doctor asked in an alarmed tone.

"That's all her note says." Jackie handed him the piece of paper upon which Rose had jotted:

_Gone out for a bit. Be back later. Rose xo_

The Doctor thrust a hand through his hair and began to pace. "She shouldn't just be out on her own! Any number of things could happen. She could–"

"Doctor," Jackie cut in, "I've been worried sick about Rose through all this, too. But she's gotten so much better now. Don't you think you're over reactin' just a bit? Let her have a little time on her own. Rose is pregnant, not broken," she pointed out with womanly wisdom.

The Doctor stopped his pacing and turned on his heel, looking at her with heightened agitation. "She's not just pregnant, Jackie. It's not that simple. In case you've forgotten this isn't exactly a normal pregnancy – and it almost _did_ break her."

Jackie's hands came to rest on her hips. "Don't go gettin' tetchy with me. I know _exactly_ how serious things have been for my daughter. And I also know that she's well enough right now to have a little time out on her own without expetin' the worst because of it. So you just relax, will ya? Honestly, you're beginning to get as jittery as an ol' woman."

Frowning, the Doctor shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away. He muttered a phrase Jackie didn't quite catch, but something told her he'd just cursed at her under his breath in an alien language. Ordinarily she'd call him on it, but decided he was already too worked up for his own good so she let it slide, shaking her head as she turned back to the kitchen to make breakfast.

After an hour had passed without the return of Rose, and not even knowing for sure how long she had been gone before that, the Doctor was ready to head to the TARDIS to track her whereabouts – whether he would have Jackie's agreement about it or not.

Just about the time he had decided enough was enough, Rose finally returned. Her smiling face as she came through the door was met by the Doctor's stern scowl.

"Where have you been?" he asked without preamble as he swiftly approached.

Rose was taken aback by his demanding tone. "Out," she replied, purposely vague in response to his demand. She wasn't feeble and helpless, and she was tired of being treated as such.

Rose pushed past him and headed to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. The Doctor followed on her heels, not about to leave it at that. He needed her to know the possible seriousness of the situation and that he didn't want her disappearing on her own like this again. Maybe Jackie was right and he was being unreasonably fearful, but he really didn't care.

Jackie could see a lover's row coming on (even if Rose didn't know that's what it was) and decided to detach herself from the situation, using the time to slip into the bedroom and sort through some of Rose's old baby things. She had been getting together a few special, gender-neutral items she wanted to give Rose for the baby – once Rose was actually able to _know_ about the baby again.

She would leave the Doctor and Rose to work this argument out on their own. She had already tried to tell him he was too uptight, and if his reaction to Rose's return was anything to go by then apparently she hadn't gotten through to him. If the Doctor now stuck his foot in it with Rose over this, then that was his responsibility. Maybe next time he would learn listen to her. Somehow she doubted it, though.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N **The Doctor learns what Rose was up to while out, and he isn't necessarily happy with the news.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 21<span>**

Having followed directly after her to the kitchen, the Doctor came up behind Rose as she filled the kettle at the sink. Over an hour spent in anxious wondering over where Rose was and whether she was alright had left him wound more than a little tight. The demanding tone in his voice persisted as he questioned her again. "I think I deserve more of an answer than 'out.' Where have you been, Rose?"

Rose spun back around to face him, feeling a little dizzy in the process but not letting on. She didn't want to give him one more reason to treat her like she was made of glass. "_You_ deserve an answer? Look, Dr. Smith, I'm sorry I'm late for our session, but I wasn't aware that I had to report my every move to you and first get your approval. I'm a grown woman – over twenty-one. Or have _you_ forgotten that?" she challenged. "Maybe I'm not the only one with memory loss."

The Doctor wasn't backing down. "This has nothing to do with your age, Rose. This has to do with your health. And if you're not able to act more responsibly concerning your health, then apparently your actions _do_ need my approval."

Oh, that did it. If his ridiculous overreaction wasn't enough, then his superior attitude just pushed her temper over the edge. "You might be my doctor, but you are not my parent or my decision maker. Why should it even concern you so much anyway?" she prodded, wanting to get more of an answer from him since he apparently thought he had a right to more answers from her. She pushed him just a little further. "Or are you just worried about your little project – your test case?"

The tension ran through the Doctor's body as his hands clenched at his sides. He _hated_ this. Hated the pretense of professional distance in a moment when he wanted to claim his rights as her partner in every sense of the word. "You are _not_ just a test case to me, Rose," he let spill out.

Rose stilled, their eyes remaining locked. The adrenaline running through her from this confrontation gave her the boldness to take that statement and prod further. "Then what exactly am I to you?" she pressed. "Tell me."

The Doctor's chest constricted. She was his wife, his bond mate, the mother of his child; yet she had to ask what she even was to him. And he couldn't say. The Doctor couldn't let her see into his eyes as he answered. He dropped his gaze to the floor as he replied to the tops of his trainers and tried not to choke on the words. "You're my patient."

"I'm your patient," Rose repeated tonelessly. Despite the heated moment and her present agitation, there was a part of her that had hoped, secretly desired deep inside that maybe, _just maybe_, it was possible he felt something more. His current actions, even if what could possibly be called passion manifested itself in anger, led her to momentarily think that maybe his feelings towards her did go beyond just that of her doctor. But that was nothing more than a foolish fantasy. Well, Rose was done fantasizing, and she was also done feeling like nothing but an ill patient. Yet even if she was no more than a patient, she still had rights and a free will, and this man had no call to think he could assume control over her like this. Rose's ire flared once more as she spoke indignantly. "I'm your patient and not your...possession. And I'm tired of being treated like there's something wrong with me. I'm fine now, and I'll do what I bloody well please _without_ needing permission from you!"

The Doctor's eyes instantly lifted and fixed firmly to hers as he took a step closer. He wasn't about to just let this drop and risk her doing it again. "You are _not_ fine, Rose. You're still recovering and you need to be careful! In case you weren't aware, healing from a brain injury is _not_ like recovering from the flu. Just what were you thinking in leaving like that? Did you even give any thought whatsoever about how others might worry or how you could be putting yourself at risk? Leaving without so much as telling anyone where you were was foolish and irresponsible and..." The Doctor stopped himself. The last thing he wanted to do was argue with Rose. He'd just been so worried about her and his emotions were on edge, but he didn't want to upset her by coming across as harsh, as he was now bordering on.

Apparently he had stopped himself just a little too late. Rose's face crumpled before him and she suddenly broke down into tears. The Doctor felt stricken. Forgetting their supposed doctor/patient association and focusing only on their Doctor/Rose relationship, he moved forward and gathered her in his arms.

"I'm sorry, Rose. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Shhh. There now, it's okay."

Rose was stiff in his arms. She wanted to slap him, not cling to him. But she suddenly found herself doing just that as her hands came up and fisted in his jacket and she buried her face into his chest. She felt so confused. She was _so_ angry, and the last thing she wanted to do right now was cry pathetically. So why couldn't she seem to stop herself?

Rose was currently furious with this man. The minute she walked in the door, he started making demands of her whereabouts, accusing her of being careless, and acting as if she needed his written permission to even leave the flat. Just who did this Dr. John Smith think he was, anyway? He might have been a caring physician this past week, but this current, dictatorial behavior should have her kicking his bum to the curb.

Just because he was now holding her in his arms, Rose told herself she was _not_ giving in to the sensation the embrace stirred within her. She was only his _patient_, after all. She would not lose herself in his scent – a scent which left her feeling like it was as necessary to her lungs as oxygen. She would ignore how his body, though for some reason cool, inexplicably warmed her to the core. And she most definitely would not continue crying when what she wanted to do was yell.

Rose finally pushed back from his chest, her breath hitching as she swiped angrily at the tears on her cheeks and fought to speak. "'I'm...I'm not really crying. I'm m-mad. So mad at you. You...you git!"

Despite the tension of the situation, the Doctor found himself having to fight very hard to hide the slight smile that was now threatening to show itself on his face. Rose's hormones were apparently getting the better of her and making her cry when she wanted to rage at him.

He took an appeasing step back and held up his hands. "I know. And you have every right to be mad. I was just concerned for you, Rose. I don't want to control you; I just want you well and safe. But my reaction and the way I spoke to you was out of line."

Rose shook her head, the tears abating. "Oh, you're supposed to give me a reason to yell – not agree with me and take away the chance!"

The Doctor stood in silence, assessing the best way to respond without causing further emotional swings. But then her lips twitched in the faintest of smiles, and he couldn't hold back his own. "Was that a smile?"

"No."

He moved a little closer. "That was a smile."

"No, it wasn't."

They both froze. The Doctor wasn't sure if Rose was having a flash of a past memory, but he certainly was.

As another second passed, it became clear exactly what Rose was having a flash of. Her face turned white as her hand flew up to her mouth. Rose spun around and hastily made her way to the rubbish bin where she began to heave the contents of her stomach.

The Doctor reached her in a few short strides. He gathered her hair and held it at the nape of her neck, keeping it back from her face as his other hand stroked soothingly up and down her back. Rose's stomach continued to spasm. She retched until her throat burned and her stomach muscles were throbbing. Coughing and finally catching her breath, the Doctor helped her to the sink where she splashed water on her face and rinsed the bile from her mouth.

"Better?" he asked softly, his eyes sympathetic as he handed her a dish towel and she patted her face dry. Rose nodded. He then guided her into the living room to sit on the couch.

Rose hated this. She was trying to make the point that she was well, then this had to suddenly happen – _again_. "Don't think this proves your point," she managed, her throat feeling raw. Rose might have lost her breakfast but not her stubbornness.

"I wasn't going to try to use that against you," he said gently, his tone dissipating any residual anger. "The nausea is still to be expected and not a cause for alarm." As terribly unpleasant as it was for her, he knew Rose's sickness was nothing out of the ordinary...considering.

"I might still have some leftover sickness from all this, but I _know_ I'm mostly well now. Well enough to stop being treated like I'm not. Please, just let me live my life like I'm normal again." Her eyes pleaded with him as she spoke.

"You're right," he conceded. "Maybe I have been overly cautious. I'm sorry if I've made you feel like you can't live your life. I just want what's best for you. But of course I want you to be happy, too. If spending more time out is what you want, then...I won't try to stop you."

Rose was encouraged by his apparent change in attitude. She was about to put it to the test. "Good. And since you're now being sensible, I'll tell you where I was this morning." She was a little hesitant to tell him but also proud that she had accomplished her goal. "I went and got a job."

Okay, so much for being sensible. The Doctor was willing to consent to letting Rose have some time on her own if she wished; but working all day, in her condition, without him being able to monitor her? That was pushing it too far. Rose could see the objections beginning to rise as his mouth parted, just as her mum came from the bedroom back into the living room.

Rose quickly directed her attention to Jackie, cutting off any response from the Doctor. "Mum!" she greeted brightly. "I was just telling the Doctor that I found a job today."

Jackie halted her steps, looking warily to the Doctor and back to Rose.

Rose's shoulders slumped. "Oh, not you, too. Can't either of you see I'm well enough to get back to living my life?"

Jackie moved closer. "Of course you're getting better, sweetheart. I just don't want you to try to do too much too soon."

"Your mum's right," the Doctor quickly interjected. "You should listen to your mother. Always listen to a mother's advice. They are right 99.98% of the time."

"Oh, of course you _would_ say that, since she's on your side," Rose muttered.

"Maybe Rose is right, though," Jackie reconsidered, now falling (not for the first time) into the Doctor's .02% category of being utterly wrong. The Doctor turned a blazing look on her, which she completely ignored. The Oncoming Storm might carry weight throughout the farthest reaches of the galaxy, but in her flat Jackie yielded to no one if she thought she was right. "Maybe gettin' back to doing some normal things is what Rose needs. She can't spend every day shut up in here."

"Thank you," Rose sighed in relief.

"But think about her _condition_, Jackie," the Doctor spoke through clenched teeth as he stood from the couch.

"I am thinkin' about her _condition_, Doctor. Which isn't bein' improved none by making her feel like she can't live normally."

Rose stood up between them both. "Um, excuse me, but _she _with the _condition_ is standin' right here. I'd appreciate being talked _to_, not about. And really, this decision isn't even up to either of you."

The Doctor was about to say something to the contrary, but paused, remembering where that had gotten him before.

Rose's stance and her features softened. "Look, I appreciate how both of you have been caring for me. Mum, you've hardly even had any time to yourself for staying at the flat to be with me all day every day, and I'm thankful to you for that. I really am. And Doctor, I know you only want what's best for me, too. I've never known a doctor to...to care so much for his patient. But I'm tired of just being a _patient_. I want to be _me_. I've already lost part of who I am. Please don't try to take this from me, too."

The Doctor sighed inwardly as his posture sagged. He knew it was pointless to fight her on this. "Just...just promise me you won't try to push yourself too hard. That if you feel tired or strained or unwell you'll stop."

Rose brightened. "I will. But I'm not gonna be trainin' for the Olympics – I'll just be working in a shop. I got my old job back at Henrik's. And I'm only gonna be working part-time to start with. Just three days a week."

With that sorted, Rose became aware again that her throat was still burning and she needed a few soothing sips of the tea she'd not had the chance to finish preparing. She went to head for the kitchen, but turned back to add conversationally, "Did you know there was an explosion there a few years back? They had to rebuild."

Jackie looked pointedly at the Doctor with a lifted brow, then turned to accompany Rose to the kitchen. The Doctor flopped back down onto the couch. He knew he had blown up that shop for a good reason, and he was contemplating doing it again. Either that or he was now going to become Henrik's best customer in order to keep a watchful eye on his pregnant, tenacious wife.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N **Rose receives a visitor while at work. Any guesses as to who?

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 22<span>**

As it turned out, getting the job at Henrik's had done Rose a world of good. It had only been three days, but already she was beginning to feel more like herself and less like a recovering patient. Having something to occupy her time had helped to take her mind off her issues for a little while.

Rose had found that one of her old friends still worked there, too. Paul Tanner had been a fellow shop assistant when she had known him a few years before, but he was now a merchandising manager for another department. Seeing her former youthful acquaintance, now responsible and in management, just made Rose all the more aware of the time that had passed – the time she was missing. None of them were teenagers anymore, yet in some ways it felt like she was having to start her life back as if from that point. Rose was determined to keep moving forward, though, and would not let that lost time hold her back.

Her first day of work that week had been an interesting one, if not a little humorous. It wasn't hard to spot the man in the pinstriped suit who just happened to be "casually" milling through the store, in very close proximity to where she was working. Rose wasn't entirely surprised when he'd turned up. She knew her doctor had not been too keen on the idea of her starting back at work, and apparently being his sole patient for the time being meant she would continue to be under his watchful care, whether at home or at work. She approached him that first day, and he gave up trying to pretend he was there for any reason other than to check on her. Rose really didn't mind, though; and it just made her realize all the more how extraordinarily caring and dedicated this doctor was.

After that the Doctor stopped by regularly each day to check on her during her breaks. Each time Rose found herself looking forward to seeing him. Those visits were becoming the highlight of her workday. In the evenings after she got off, they would resume their work on her damaged memories, though she felt frustratingly at a standstill in that regard. But the Doctor made efforts to keep her encouraged, reminding her that it had not yet even been two weeks. Rose told herself she would just have to try to remain hopeful and patient through the process, come what may.

Now into her third and last day of work for the week, Rose was just about to go on her late morning break when, like clockwork, the Doctor showed up. He seemed to have an innate sense of timing, she noted. Rose smiled at him from across the store as she carried a small stack of clothing to a nearby table where she was arranging a display. The Doctor, however, didn't smile back. Instead, his brow creased into a frown and he hurried towards her, his long brown coat billowing behind him.

"Rose, what are you doing?" he hastily questioned, while simultaneously extricating her arms from the clothing she was carrying.

"I could ask you the same thing," she replied with a smirk, though she let him take the clothes from her as her empty arms fell back to her sides.

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to do anything to strain yourself if you went to work. You shouldn't be carrying this load," he admonished.

Rose chuckled. "This load of...cloth? Honestly, I'm not made of porcelain, you know." The Doctor just gave her a look. The type of look which said there was more he wanted to say, but didn't. Maybe he just didn't want to get into a disagreement over the issue. They had already been down that road once recently, and neither one wanted to repeat the incident.

"I just don't want you over-exerting yourself while you're still recovering," he answered, having to leave it at that. "You should be about to go on your break now, anyway. Let someone else do this." The Doctor glanced around the store for a place to unload his armful of garments. "Where do you want this?"

Rose directed him to the display table near the front window where he sat down the stack of clothing. "I've still got a few more minutes to go, and I've got to get this display finished. But since you're so worried about me overdoing it, _you_ can help me with this." She grinned at him, the tip of her tongue appearing between her teeth.

That certain smile always had a way of being his undoing. It might have been innocent on her part, but the Doctor's hearts beat a slightly faster tempo at the tempting gesture that gave him the rather strong urge to pull her into his arms and snog her then and there. It also reminded him again that what he desired was something he had to suppress. With each day that passed, he wondered just how much longer he could continue like this. Rose used to tease him about his superior and selective barriers of arousal, saying a single look, touch or word from her could weaken his grip on control, then would often go about successfully, and much to his pleasure, demonstrating her point.

After focusing perhaps a few seconds too long and much too intently on that alluring pink tongue, the Doctor dropped his eyes down to the safer territory of the display table and began helping her arrange the clothing. Well, this was new. Time Lord turned window-dresser. The things he would do for this pink and yellow girl. His fingers stilled as he became aware for the first time just what it was they were arranging. Slowly, the Doctor lifted a tiny little garment, some sort of one-piece outfit with pale yellow stripes and a non-anatomically accurate but presumably cute representation of a smiling duck across the front.

The Doctor was drawn back out of his fixed state by Rose's hand waving in front of his face. He brought his eyes back to hers. "You alright?" she asked with a curious frown, then glanced at the tiny outfit still held in his unmoving hands.

"It's just so...small," he finally replied.

Rose chuckled slightly. "Well, yeah. I think they make them that way for a reason. Babies are usually small."

"They are, aren't they?" he murmured, as if just realizing it for the first time. His mind went back to the conversation he'd had on Janyeer when working with Professor T'neer, telling him that the size of a person made no difference – he viewed them all the same. But there _was_ a difference, wasn't there? An infant was so small and helpless and completely dependent on its parents for its every need. The Doctor once again felt a stirring of something within him, something basic and instinctual. A feeling of protectiveness and supreme responsibility for the tiny life now forming within Rose.

The Doctor was again awed by the thought that he was actually going to be a father. It had been centuries since he'd been a dad. And with methodical looming and children taken from their families to join the Academy at the age of eight, fatherhood for him had never been anything like this. After so many centuries – and losing his entire race – he was now going to have a family again. Regardless of how much time he would have them in his life, Rose and the baby were _his_ family. Sometimes he still had to remind himself it was true. Maybe he had been feeling overly cautious and overly protective through this, but when you've once lost everyone in life, you cling ever tighter to those you have. He would give his life for Rose and this child.

After helping Rose finish the display, the Doctor, having remembered he had a few pounds stuffed somewhere in the bottomless depths of his pockets, decided to make a purchase.

"You're gonna buy that?" Rose asked with amusement. "Whatever for?"

The Doctor gave her a silly grin which rivaled the one worn by the duck on the baby outfit. "Well, I suppose I have to make a purchase now and then to keep your boss from complaining about me being here all the time." His grin receded as his eyes softened. He had to force his eyes to stay on her face and not drift to her belly. "And I also know someone who's expecting a baby. Since this is the sort of thing babies wear, I suppose items like this will eventually be needed."

Rose didn't question him further. She just smiled and went to the register to ring up his purchase.

Afterwards, the Doctor accompanied Rose to the break room. It wasn't time for her lunch hour yet, but he thought she might be getting hungry none the less (and for a certain food in particular), so he'd brought her something just in case. As they sat down at a small, white veneer table currently not occupied by other employees, the Doctor reached into his inner jacket pocket and pulled out two bananas, offering one to Rose.

"Thought you might like a snack."

Rose's face lit up upon seeing the proffered fruit. "I don't know _why_ I can't get enough of these lately," she remarked, yet didn't hold back from taking it and peeling the yellow skin with eagerness. "It's just weird."

The Doctor took a hearty bite of his own banana as he shook his head in disagreement. "Nothing weird about it. Bananas are good."

Rose smiled amusedly, but here lately she had to agree. While now on the subject of discussing strange things, there was something else strange that had been on Rose's mind the past couple of days. Ordinarily she probably wouldn't have mentioned it to anyone or even thought much about it, but since the Doctor was trying to help sort out her memories, Rose thought maybe this had some sort of significance, and for some reason she hadn't been able to get it off her mind.

"Well, bananas might not be so strange," Rose replied back, now leading into this topic occupying her thoughts, "but there's something else I've been thinking about lately that definitely falls into the category of 'weird.'"

"And what would that be?" the Doctor asked, speaking around his mouthful of banana.

Rose hesitated, glancing around the break room to see that they were still alone. "It's daft," she chuckled with embarrassment. "But I've been having these really strange dreams. And when I say _really_ strange, I mean... Well, anyway, let's just say they're strange. It started about two nights ago, but last night was the most vivid of all. It's probably not even worth mentioning. I mean, dreams are usually strange, yeah? But this just...stuck with me. I keep thinking about it."

The Doctor crossed his arms on the edge of the table and leaned forward, angling towards her. "Dreams are a way for your subconscious to process information. It's possible those dreams were memories trying to come to the surface."

Rose snorted at that statement. "Not those dreams. Trust me. They couldn't have possibly been memories."

_Oh, you'd be surprised, _the Doctor thought to himself, trying to contain the hopeful excitement building within him at the possibility of her memories trying to surface. "Why don't you tell me what you remember about them?" he encouraged.

Biting her lip, Rose cut her eyes around the room again, then scooted her chair closer to his and lowered her voice. "Well, the dream I remember most started out here, at Henrik's. I was down in the cellar, and then suddenly the shop window dummies just...came to life and started surrounding me." Rose's eyes were distant as she relived the dream. "And...and then there was this man. This mysterious man who saved me from them just in time. I couldn't really see him clearly in the dream, but he took my hand and we ran."

The Doctor's pulse quickened. "Go on," he prompted, his calm voice belying the excitement welling up inside him.

"Then it was just...all jumbled up after that. It kept changing. One minute I was talking to...to Charles Dickens, and the next minute I was one of the guests attending my mum and dad's wedding. Then there were all these, I dunno, _creatures_ that I couldn't even begin to describe – it just kept getting weirder and weirder. And all the while that man, the man who was there at the start of the dream kept reappearing throughout." As she spoke, Rose's hand unconsciously went beneath the collar of her shirt and lifted the TARDIS key, fingering it absently.

The Doctor's eyes flicked to the key as he swallowed hard. Rose was remembering. The pieces were still scattered and they felt like a distant dream to her rather than a memory, but she was _remembering_. In time, surely this would grow stronger. He would still have to take this slow with her and couldn't shock her now by saying those outlandish dreams were _real_; she'd scarcely believe him anyway. But this was undeniable progress and the brightest ray of hope he'd had yet.

Rose couldn't quite meet his eyes once she'd finished telling him the dream. "So, this is where you tell me I don't need a neurologist but a psychiatrist, right?" she laughed slightly, shifting awkwardly in her seat.

The Doctor reached over and placed his hand on her arm. "Rose, those dreams might seem like strange and scattered nonsense now, but once more of your memories have been recovered you might find that some of what you've dreamed will start to make sense."

Rose furrowed her brow in thought. "Like...like maybe they're some kind of symbols representing something else?"

His gaze briefly flicked downward. "Something like that." The Doctor ventured a little further, highly interested in one element of her dream in particular. "Do you remember anything else? This man, for instance. Did he...have a name?"

Rose bit down on her bottom lip, her cheeks tinting red. If she told him the name her dreams had assigned to that man, he would undoubtedly know about another man she'd been dreaming of. Apparently the name 'Doctor' was lately occupying a large portion of her thoughts. Rose knew she had to be honest with him though, if he was going to help her sort through this.

She cleared her throat, shifting her eyes away from his as she made an almost inaudible admission. "He was called the Doctor." Rose then tried to rationalize it without making it sound like she was wholly infatuated with him to the point of him infiltrating and mixing with her dreams. "But I suppose that's just my mind trying to piece together present things and stick them with the jumbled thoughts in my head, trying to somehow make things fit, no matter how daft."

The Doctor took a breath, trying to keep his tone casual. "Daft as it may seem, I think in time you'll find those jumbled images will begin to make much more sense."

"So you don't think I'm crazy, then?" Rose asked with a chuckle.

The Doctor smiled at her slowly. "Oh, Rose Tyler, you have no idea just how brilliant you are."


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N **Things are about to get...sticky.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 23<span>**

_The Doctor smiled slowly. "Oh, Rose Tyler, you have no idea just how brilliant you are."_

Rose flushed as his words were spoken, and from more than just the compliment. Something about his voice when he said her name and his eyes when he looked into hers made Rose feel electricity pulse down her spine. He really _shouldn't_ be able to have such an effect on her. That didn't change the fact that he did. Without even fully realizing it, her body leaned ever so slightly towards him when she replied, as if drawn like the pull of a magnet.

"Somehow, when you say it, I almost believe it's really true." Her voice was a soft tone as she gazed into his deep chocolate irises.

The Doctor couldn't stop himself from reaching out to her. That magnet was pulling them both. He lifted his hand, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered at the side of her face for a few seconds longer, because the option of withdrawing his hand and giving up this small bit of contact was not an appealing one. "It is true, Rose" he replied, his voice low and carrying a note of sincerity so strong it was tangible.

Maybe Rose could use the excuse of her mind not functioning clearly as justification for her next action, but the truth was she never felt more clear-minded on what she desired than in this moment. Her eyes dipped from his down to his lips as a dangerous thought entered her head and refused to be silenced. What would it feel like to have those lips upon hers, soft and exploring? With that single thought burning in her mind, Rose found herself leaning even closer. Something about this man drew her like a moth to a flame. In this moment that flame was not one she could extinguish, nor did she want to try.

That same flame burned within the Doctor and was growing hotter by the second. He needed Rose desperately. He longed for his bond mate. He craved intimacy with her again on every level. Being with her now but not _being_ with her – not telling her and showing her his love – caused him to ache deeply inside. On the most basic level, he could feel his body already reacting to the proximity of hers. A thought briefly flashed in his mind, wondering what he looked like to her right now. Could she see the raw hunger in his dark eyes? A hunger making him want to reclaim what was his, right here, right now, in this very room.

And yet, if he were to give in to and act upon that desire right now with just a single kiss, he feared it would be too much for her. Rose had a powerful way of making him lose all control, and just a brush of their lips could cause their partially-severed bond to flare. He wanted nothing more, but he knew she wasn't ready for the intensity she would feel on every level, body _and_ mind. Their love was all-consuming. A simple kiss between them would be anything but simple.

The Doctor knew he had to stay in control and take things slow, lest more damage be done along the way. But as the distance narrowed between them in a matter of seconds, it was becoming harder to keep a grip on control. Her fingers tentatively touched his cheek as her lips drew closer to his, and he shuddered, feeling fire in each fingertip. He would either have to end this now or sonic the lock on the door and take it all the way. For him there was no middle ground. If he gave in to this right now he honestly didn't trust himself to be able to hold back, and he couldn't take any action that had the potential to strengthen what remained of their bond until her mind was ready. It was that knowledge that caused him to turn his head when they were a mere breath apart, just as Rose closed that last millimeter, so close that his nose skimmed her cheek as he then pulled back, his eyes falling shut as his emotions battled inside him. It killed him to turn away.

Rose instantly dropped her own eyes to the floor, unable to look at him as she pressed back into her chair, torn between feeling rejected and embarrassed and angry at herself for her actions. She had almost _kissed_ him knowing full well their relationship could not be of that nature. Unfortunately the rational part of her brain had not been the one in control a minute before.

The Doctor could still feel the lingering presence of her hot breath on his lips, burning them torturously for what he craved as he breathed out her name. "Rose..."

"No, don't...please just...don't say anything." Her eyes were still focused downward, the skin of her cheeks flushed hotly. It was one of those 'wishing for the ground to swallow you whole' moments. _Oh_, those were just never fun. "I wasn't thinkin'. At all. I didn't...mean anything by it."

Oh, if only she could truly know. The last thing the Doctor wanted was for her to feel the need to apologize for something that he, too, longed for intensely. The Doctor _hated_ that he couldn't just tell her everything, that they both had to dance around each other like this. Neither one could go on like this much longer. If the dreams she was now having didn't start to become memories of reality soon, he was going to have to cautiously begin revealing the truth. But where to even begin when that moment came?_ I'm your husband, I'm a Time Lord, we travel through all of time and space. Oh, and you're pregnant with our half-alien Time Tot_. Now there was a simple conversation not likely to cause her a moment of shock or anxiety whatsoever. _Rassilon, _when did his life become so insanely complicated?

Oh, who was he kidding? As far as his life went 'complicated' was the rule, not the exception.

The Doctor looked at Rose, who was still avidly avoiding his gaze as he answered, fighting the strain in his vocal chords to speak with gentleness. "Rose, there's nothing for you to be sorry for. Nothing at all. It's just that this is..." He blew out a breath of air in frustration. "Complicated."

Rose nodded her head as she quickly stood up, turning away to busy herself at the coffee pot behind them. "No, it's fine. I get it. I do. You're a doctor and I'm your patient, and that's all. Which is how it's supposed to be. And like I said, I just wasn't thinking and didn't mean anything by it." She was feeling mortified as it was, and standing here having to talk about that moment and try to explain it away was making her embarrassment grow by the second.

Rose made herself turn around to face him as he stood back up from the table. Her eyes finally met his again and were pleading with him to just let this incident drop. "My break's nearly over, and I really should be getting back to work soon."

The Doctor forced a smile to his face. He almost reached for her, craving to simply stroke her cheek with his fingers, but under the circumstances he could not, so his hand remained unmoving at his side. If her body language as she pressed herself into the counter was any indication, then right now he just needed to give her some space. "I'll see you tonight and we'll have another session, okay?"

Rose gave him a strained smile, hoping it didn't look as painfully tight as it felt. "Yeah, I'll see you then."

He turned and left the room. Rose released the breath she felt as if she'd been holding and dropped back into the chair once he'd gone. What had she been thinking? _Well_, she knew exactly what she'd been thinking, and that's what had gotten her in trouble. She'd now jeopardized the friendship that had developed between them by making things highly awkward, which was the last thing she wanted to have happen.

This just confirmed what Rose was already beginning to think: she had been getting much too close to the Doctor. She'd begun to develop feelings for him that, under the circumstances, were not at all appropriate. Those feelings didn't just stem from the simple fact that he was gorgeous – a fact that was plain enough – but also from the way he made her feel when she was with him, like she was the center of his world. No one had ever made her feel quite the way he did. Realistically though, Rose knew that just meant he had a special way with people and was gifted with his patients. She was his patient, Rose had to keep reminding herself repeatedly, nothing more. Even if it wasn't for the standing issue of doctor/patient decorum, she couldn't help but feel that a doctor of his caliber – a pioneer in his field – could never be interested on a deeper level in a simple shop girl from a council estate with a currently mixed-up life. She had to get a grip on reality here.

Waking a week and a half ago to find that the memories from the past several years of her life were missing had left Rose feeling uncertain and insecure. Aside from her mum, the Doctor had been a stabilizing anchor for her; yet Rose knew the time would come when she would have to move on with her life and not depend on others for guidance. It was time to face that now and back off from becoming too attached or dependent upon having the Doctor in her life and developing unrealistic expectations of their relationship. Which was a fine plan in theory, keeping things strictly professional, the problem was she was now embarrassed to even face him – at least tonight. How could she let him into her mind, let him walk around within her thoughts without those very thoughts going to the incident that had just happened between them? How would she be able to think of anything but? If being with him a few minutes ago felt awkward, that situation would take the awkwardness to another level.

Rose breathed out a deep sigh as she leaned forward, propping her elbows on the table and resting her chin in her hands. She didn't even notice that her former friend, Paul Tanner, had come into the break room until his voice drew her out of her thoughts.

"Contemplating the issues of the world, are you?" he asked lightly.

Rose straightened up and looked towards him. "Hey Paul."

Rose had noted upon meeting Paul again that the management position he now held wasn't the only thing that had changed about him. His once shaggy dark hair was now shorter, and he was more clean-shaven and put together than his younger self had been. But he still had that spirited spark in his hazel eyes.

It was clear at one point in their past that he'd had his eye on Rose, but at the time she wasn't interested in a relationship of that sort. Paul had a reputation for having a bit of a wild streak, and after her very unpleasant relationship with Jimmy Stone, that was the last type of person Rose had wanted to be personally involved with – plus she was dating Mickey at the time, who was stable and safe. They had all been friends, though. Paul had even dated Rose's friend Shareen for a bit before she eventually broke off with him and the two had gone their separate ways.

Paul walked over to the counter behind Rose and poured a cup of coffee, then pulled out a chair at the table beside her and sat down. "You feeling alright?" He knew of Rose's memory loss, but he hadn't made an issue of it.

Rose shrugged. "Just...wondering how I woke up to such a complicated life."

He took a sip of his coffee, then lowered the hot beverage, cradling the cup between his palms. "Well, from the look on your face I'd say maybe you're making it more complicated than it has to be."

"I wish," Rose chuckled ruefully.

"No, I mean it. I think you just need to loosen up, Rose. I've seen you these past few days, and it's obvious whatever issues you're trying to deal with are always on your mind, like right now. I know you're trying to sort through some things here, but I say don't worry about the past and just focus on life here and now. Have you even gotten out and done anything fun since this happened?"

Rose hesitated in her response because she knew the answer. "Well, there really hasn't been time. I mean, it's only been a week and a half, and I've spent most of my time with the Doctor trying to–"

"You see," he interjected, "that's what I mean. You've been spending all your time with doctors, doing nothing but focus on your condition. Why don't you give it a little rest and just do something...normal."

Her lips quirked in a half smile. "And what would you suggest for normal?"

"Well, why don't you spend a guaranteed fun-filled evening with me? I'm as normal as they come." He grinned and gave her a wink. The truth was he'd been looking for a chance to ask Rose out since they'd met again, but that doctor of hers always seemed to be around, hardly letting her out of his sight and monopolizing all of her time. Didn't the bloke know Henrik's wasn't a hospital and Rose was well enough not to need monitoring around the clock?

Rose laughed at his self-label of being so normal. "Oh, I don't know about that. I seem to recall some past instances, and one in particular, where you..."

"Oi! I'm tryin' to offer support here, and in thanks I get the past indiscretions of my youth dredged up and used against me," he responded, feigning offense.

Rose smirked at that, but she did consider his offer. She was in no way looking to get involved in a relationship just yet. She was trying to get her mind _off_ things like that and just focus on piecing her life back together. But then, maybe she was once again over-complicating things, because that's not what he was suggesting. He was just offering to take her out for the night. Simple as that and certainly no big deal. Maybe he was right and she just needed to loosen up and take her mind off everything else for a little while. This would also solve the awkward predicament of having to face the Doctor tonight, so soon after that embarrassing incident.

He spoke up, noticing her long, deliberating pause. "Look, I'm not suggesting something monumental here, Rose. We'll just grab a bite to eat together tonight, have a few laughs talking over old times, and then I'll take you home."

Rose smiled back. "Yeah, I think that sounds good."

He smiled in return. "Good. We'll meet up after work."

She nodded, then glanced at the clock. "Speaking of, I better get back to it." Rose stood, pausing to pick up the empty banana peel off the table from her earlier snack. She gazed down at it for a few seconds, her thoughts inevitably going to the Doctor, _again_. Rose shook herself out of her mental wanderings as she tossed it in the rubbish bin. Why was it so hard to get that man out of her thoughts?


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N** As a Christmas gift for all of my Who friends, I give you...a cliffhanger. And now I await a lump of coal in my stocking. :P

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 24<span>**

As Rose reached the end of her shift for the day, she knew she needed to let her mum and the Doctor know she wasn't going to be back at the flat for her usual session with him that night now that she'd made other plans. Rose realized she didn't have a phone number for the Doctor – she didn't even know where his office was. He was the one who always came to her. She assumed her mum would have his contact info, though. He had been treating her, he had said, in a medical facility before she regained consciousness, and her mum had no doubt collected that information from him before she was released back home. Maybe she was being a coward, but Rose was glad this gave her an excuse to not be the one to have to talk to the Doctor just yet, leaving that to her mum.

Jackie had just finished talking with Pete for the day when Rose rang her up. Pete would be wrapping up his business dealings and returning from his trip the following week. If at that time Rose still wasn't in the condition to be faced with her father's double from a parallel world, then it was decided he would stay somewhere out of the flat for a little while until she had recovered more fully – something everyone was hoping would happen quickly for so many reasons.

In talking with Rose, Jackie was surprised to hear she didn't plan to be there for her evening session with the Doctor. Rose seemed to look forward to her time spent with him more than anything else; and though Rose was anxious to regain her memories, Jackie knew her eagerness to spend time with him stemmed from more than that. But if Rose wanted to grab a bite to eat with a mate from work, she didn't see the harm in it. Besides, Jackie knew she had to remain the level-headed one, because she knew a certain Time Lord who undoubtedly _would_ see the harm in it. As of late, his protectiveness of Rose had been off the charts.

And she was right. When the Doctor came to the flat expecting Rose to be there after getting off work, he was not at all pleased to learn Rose wasn't back.

"You mean to tell me she's not back yet?" he responded to Jackie's statement after he'd questioned where Rose was. His tone quickly escalated. "Rose should have already been here by now. Jackie, you should have come to the TARDIS and let me know she hadn't returned so I could–"

"Doctor, just calm down, alright? Rose called and said she wouldn't be here for her session because she was gonna get something to eat with a mate from work."

The Doctor's hands raked through his hair. He was already counting off the reasons why this was not at all good, having made it up to thirty-two in a matter of seconds. And just who was this 'mate' she was with? His brows drew together as his eyes narrowed. "Who?"

"Paul. Paul Tanner. She an' him used to be friends years back."

The Doctor stood for a few seconds in non-reactive silence. After a pause, he regained his equilibrium enough to respond, an edge to his voice. "She's...gone out with another man. Rose has gone out with another man and you see nothing _wrong_ in this?"

Jackie softened. She could understand his feelings, though she believed they were unfounded. "Doctor, she's just eating with a _friend_, not going on a date. She can have male friends too, without it meanin' anything more. Besides, I know Rose, and I know she was never in the least bit interested in him in that way. I also know that even if she doesn't remember how or why, she is completely in love with _you_." The Doctor's eyes flicked downward. Maybe she _had_ felt that way until earlier today when he'd undoubtedly come across as rejecting her, he thought ruefully to himself. Jackie continued. "It's plain to see how she feels every time she just looks at you. I can promise she's not thinkin' about anyone else. Paul's just a friend."

"Paul...," the Doctor muttered the name to himself, making a mental recap of Rose's colleagues he might have met. He couldn't place him; but then, whenever the Doctor had been with Rose at work these past few days she was always his sole focus.

"He's a nice enough bloke," Jackie assured him. "She's just gonna grab a bite to eat, and then be back safe and sound."

The Doctor's face wore a scowl of firm disapproval. "I don't care if she's gone out to eat with the Pope. Any number of things could happen. What if she consumes alcohol?"

"With the Pope?" she smirked.

The Doctor's eyes were sharp. "I'm being serious, Jackie."

"Look, she's not going out to get _drunk_. And with the way her stomach's been feelin' lately, she's probably not gonna feel like even eating much, either. Besides, before startin' back at work you gave her a list of '_Doctor's Orders'_ of do's and don'ts. No exerting herself, no heavy lifting, and _no_ alcohol in any amount. And you know that Rose is responsible and committed to her recovery, so she's not gonna just go out and do something careless to jeopardize that."

The Doctor crossed his arms over his chest. "Alright, fine. But alcohol consumption aside, there are other things to be concerned about. What if–"

Jackie cut him off. "Doctor, you can 'what if' yourself to death, or you can just relax until she gets back."

That was not the course of action the Doctor cared to take, but what else could he do? Actually, his mind was calculating _exactly_ what he could do. He could find out where Rose was by tracking her bio-signature in the TARDIS and following her there to make certain she was okay. The Doctor's mind went back to the time, before their relationship had developed to this point, when he'd followed after Rose once before when she'd gone out with another man. He had donned a pair of jeans and strode into the club where Rose was, sat himself directly in front of her view and refused to take his eyes off her, thoroughly disrupting any previous plans she'd had for the evening. He had been making a statement and staking a claim. As it turned out, it had not been one of his more brilliant plans.

This time, however, his motivation was not simple jealousy, though the thought of Rose being out with another man made his blood run hot, regardless of Jackie's reassurance. The thought of another man even so much as looking at Rose in a way that went beyond friendship caused a storm to stir up within him; but his primary concern at the moment was over Rose's well-being. The Doctor reasoned to himself that he could simply keep a protective eye on her from a distance without Rose knowing he was there.

Jackie could practically hear the gears turning in his head as she eyed him suspiciously. "What are you thinking?" The Doctor focused his attention back on her. "No need to answer – I think I already know. You're plannin' to go after her, aren't you?"

The woman could sometimes be startlingly perceptive. The Doctor knew there was no point in denying to her what he was thinking. "I'm not planning on...on dragging her back. I just want to keep an eye on her to make sure she's okay. She won't even have to know I'm there."

"And what if she _does_ find out you're there? How would you explain that?" she countered.

He shrugged. "A happy coincidence?"

Jackie shook her head and pointed a finger at him as she spoke in a firm tone. "You just _sit down_ and relax, before you go runnin' about and making trouble out of nothing."

With the couch right there beside him, the Doctor momentarily complied with the sitting, but not with the relaxing. At least partially satisfied, Jackie turned to head into the kitchen. "I'll go make us some tea. Good cuppa's what you need."

The Doctor took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Rose once again fully well and once again fully his were the only things he needed. They were slowly working towards the former; would he ever again have the latter?

-:-:-:-

Upon leaving Henrik's, Rose and Paul had decided they would go for pizza, but as Rose sat at their table looking down at the greasy, peperoni-covered slice staring back up at her, she was beginning to wonder if it had been such a good idea. It seemed her nausea, which lately had just been affecting her in the mornings, was threatening to make an appearance now.

Rose had a feeling her stark lack of appetite also had to do with her jumbled feelings over_...everything_. Rose knew she needed to move past the attachment she had formed with the Doctor, but that might be easier said than done. The way he seemed to almost consume her every thought was somewhat startling. She literally could think of nothing else. The more she pondered it, the more an idea and possible explanation began to form – an idea that frightened her a little. Maybe this was an effect of having him within her mind, Rose thought. The experience wasn't exactly a typical thing between two people, and surely there could be some unusual side-effects with it.

Rose shivered. Not necessarily just from her uneasy thoughts. She had been feeling a chill all day – almost as if it had seeped into her bones and taken hold, despite the fact that the weather was mild.

"You alright?" Paul asked around his slice of pizza, noticing Rose hadn't touched hers.

Rose folded her hands and leaned back in her chair. "Just not very hungry, I s'pose."

He noted her deeply-furrowed brow. "It's more than that though, isn't it?"

Rose breathed a sigh. "I just feel so confused right now. And not just because of my lost memories. I feel confused about the here and now. The Doctor's treatments have helped some, but...I'm beginning to think that maybe they've somehow affected me in other ways, too."

"What'd you mean?"

Rose chewed her lip, then finally answered. "He has a way of...going into my mind, seeing my memories and helping to try and clarify them. It's amazing, but it's...it's kind of scary, too. I'm starting to think maybe there could be effects of that I didn't realize at first."

Paul was utterly bemused. "How is something like that even possible? I mean, is he some kind of...of psychic...or...?"

"No," Rose clarified, "nothing like that. He gave some scientific explanation about quantum physics or somethin' and new advances in neuro-medicine. And he's been strictly professional." Rose tried not to sound disappointed with that last remark.

"It all sounds dodgy to me," Paul frowned, not exactly alleviating Rose's uneasy thoughts.

She looked back down at her uneaten pizza, her stomach churning unpleasantly. "I think I just...want to go home, Paul. I'm just not feeling well right now."

He nodded. "Alright, I'll take you back."

He paid the bill and they walked back out to the street, getting in his car. After leaving and driving just a few blocks away, Paul slowed and came to a stop outside an apartment building.

Rose angled her head, looking out the side window. "What are we stopping here for?"

He looked at her with a hesitant smile. "Well, after promising a meal, I feel bad taking you back home without you having anything at all. Maybe just a cuppa, or something. This is my place. We could go in and you can just relax for a bit."

"Paul, I'd really rather just..."

"Oh, come on. It's just tea, Rose. And I think being out a bit longer will do you some good. We can just sit for a while and talk about old times. How 'bout it?"

Rose glanced once more out the window. She hadn't been very good company for her friend when all he'd been trying to do was make her feel better. Plus, the nausea she'd been feeling earlier had now eased. "Alright, I suppose," she finally consented. "But just for a few minutes."

They both exited the car, and Rose followed him up the steps and into the flat. Once inside, he flipped on the light switch by the door. It was a step up from the apartment she remembered him living in from before, but it was still rather modest. Decently clean for a single bloke, though.

"Just make yourself at home and I'll put on the kettle," he said, heading to the kitchen. Rose nodded and walked towards the lounge and sat down.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor sat on the couch in Jackie's flat, stood to pace, then sat back down again, a cycle he'd been repeating as Jackie now went about preparing some dinner. His anxious thoughts continued to center on Rose. Just because she'd seemed okay the past week didn't mean she was out of danger with this pregnancy by any means. The Doctor knew any number of complications could set in rapidly. What concerned him most were the unknowns with a human/Gallifreyan pregnancy. She needed continual, close monitoring. He already blamed himself for Rose's neural damage. If he hadn't been so absorbed in his own tumultuous feelings at the time, maybe he would have realized the possibility sooner and been able to take preemptive measures. There was no changing that now, but he _was _determined to take every precaution from here on out.

He couldn't do that, however, sitting uselessly on a couch in Jackie's flat, not even knowing where Rose was. Something else had been concerning him, too. The Doctor feared her delicate mental state had been upset by the incident between them earlier. The last thing she needed was anxiety, and he suspected that was exactly what she was feeling, and the reason why she didn't want to be here for their usual evening session. She was avoiding him. But prolonged mental anxiety could be detrimental at this point in her recovery.

The more time that went by, the more concerned he became over the situation. The Doctor finally decided enough was enough and he needed to know for certain if she was alright. There just might be a way for him to do that and know immediately. With their partial bond still lingering, he could reach for her mind with his, ever so gently. He had told Rose during their first session that he could not just project towards her and read her mind, which was true. This would not give him exact specifics like it once could have, but at least he'd have a vague sense of her current state, and it should be subtle enough that Rose wouldn't even be aware of it.

Testing the tenuous remains of their bond, the Doctor closed his eyes and concentrated, focusing on what remained of their link.

Underestimating Rose's remaining connection to him, his gentle probe was less subtle than he thought.

-:-:-:-

Sitting on the couch next to Paul, Rose was trying to focus on their friendly conversation and forget, at least momentarily, the uneasy thoughts she'd had earlier, when she suddenly gasped, her startled movement jostling her mug of tea and spilling a little over the edge.

"What's wrong?" he quickly asked.

Rose lifted her eyes, wide with alarm. "I think I just felt something in my head...right now. Like...like how it sometimes feels when the Doctor..."

"You mean like he's in your thoughts_...now_?"

Her voice rose a notch in fear. "Is that even possible? How could he do that – he's not even here!" Rose squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh, what have I opened myself up to with this?"

"Calm down, Rose. You're probably just overly stressed thinking about the possible effects you were talking about earlier."

Rose released her held breath and opened her eyes. "I just don't even know what to think anymore. I'm getting so mixed up over all of this."

-:-:-:-

Rose's sudden distress was felt by the Doctor upon reaching out to her, propelling him into action. He'd been sitting passively long enough. He was going to find her, _now_. He was beyond thinking of ways to observe her subtly. He was going to find her directly and would deal with any consequences later.

"Something's wrong with Rose, Jackie. I could feel it," he called out, bounding to his feet and making his way towards the front door.

Jackie swiftly appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. "What is it? What's wrong? And what are you gonna do?" she called after him.

"I'm going to find my wife!" he responded without giving a backward glance as the door shut behind him with a bang.

-:-:-:-

Upon reaching the console in the TARDIS, the Doctor scanned for Rose's bio-signature, soon locating her exact whereabouts and setting the coordinates.

Materializing across the street from the apartment, the Doctor made haste in exiting the TARDIS and heading for the building. The fact that this man apparently had Rose alone in his flat made the Doctor's feet pound that much harder on the pavement as he broke into a sprint.

Back inside, Paul was trying to ease Rose's tension, his plans for the evening not exactly going as he'd hoped. He brought her a small towel to dry the spilled tea, placing it in her hands as he sat back down beside her. "Just relax, Rose. Just try to forget about that doctor for now and instead focus on...us," he suggested.

She cut her eyes over to him warily, placing the towel aside once she was done. "Us?"

He edged a little closer. "Rose, there always seemed to be something standing in the way between us before. There was someone else, or maybe we were just too young, or whatever other reasons there might have been. But does it have to be that way now?" He reached forward and stroked a hand down her hair as he spoke softly. "Why don't we see where this takes us this time – give this another chance."

Rose positioned herself further back from him, feeling uncomfortable with his advances. She knew he wasn't the type to force himself on her, but she also knew he was the type who needed to be told 'no' plainly. "Give this _another_ chance? Paul, we were never–"

He placed his hand on the side of her face. "No, but we could change that now."

It was at that moment the front door to the flat abruptly opened. No knocking, no hesitating, the Doctor simply threw open the door and charged in with a single intent in mind. Glancing only briefly at the man sitting much-too closely beside Rose, the Doctor then focused his single gaze on her.

Rose and Paul jumped to their feet simultaneously.

"What the–"

"Doctor! What do you think you're doing?" Rose cried.

He extended his hand towards her and spoke evenly. "Rose, come with me. I'm taking you home."

"You bloody well will not!" she shot back indignantly. "I...I can't even believe this! I can't believe that you just–" Rose stopped short as her hand came up to her mouth, her face contorting. "Oh, not now of all times! Paul, where's your loo?" she asked in quick desperation.

He stammered at first, still thrown by the sudden turn of events. "Um, d-down the hall. First door on the right."

He'd barely gotten the words out before Rose was making a hasty dash for the bathroom, her stomach apparently choosing now to empty itself. The Doctor's eyes followed Rose as she disappeared down the hall to the bathroom, closing the door behind her. He then turned and faced Paul who was quickly moving towards him.

"Look, I don't know just what you think you're doing, but you are _way_ out of line here! I don't care if you are her doctor."

The Doctor's fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. "Rose is in my care, and right now she needs to be home. And I should be asking what _you're_ doing," he seethed. "Rose thought she was going out for a bite to eat and instead you lure her into your apartment!"

"I didn't _lure_ her here, and that's absolutely none of your business. Now get out of my flat before I call the coppers and have you thrown in jail!"

The Doctor's eyes were dark and his voice sharp as a blade. "I'm not leaving without Rose."

Paul took a challenging step closer. "What right do you think you have to just–"

The Doctor had _finally_ had enough. He really couldn't take much more in this situation. He wanted to be sure this man was abundantly clear concerning Rose. Knowing Rose was still in the bathroom and out of earshot, he lowered his voice but spoke with force as his eyes flashed. "I have _every_ right in the universe, and you do _not_ want to take me on. Assuming Jackie was right and you are even a halfway-decent man, then once you know this you'll keep it to yourself so as not to harm her recovery, but you Will. Back. Off. Rose is _my wife_, and she is pregnant with _my child_. She hasn't been able to regain those memories yet, or else she never would have gone anywhere with you. She _only_ belongs with me, and I am not about to let you or any other man anywhere near her. Do I make myself clear?"

Paul's eyes drifted from the Doctor to look over his shoulder. "Yeah, I think you have."

Time slowed to a crawl as the Doctor's hearts went to his throat. No.

_No, no, no..._

The Doctor turned on his heel to see the object that had caught Paul's attention, and it was as he'd feared.

Fortunately for Rose the moment of nausea had passed. Unfortunately, it meant she'd stepped back out in a moment of worst possible timing. Rose stood in the hallway, looking more ghostly-pale than when she'd retreated moments before. Her mouth had gone slack, her eyes wide in absolute shock and clear fright.

The Doctor took a tentative step towards her, which seemed to spur her frozen form into action.

"Rose..."

"NO! You just...just stay away from me!" She backed away from him, then took off like a shot towards the door and ran from the building.

"Oh, well done, mate," Paul murmured with a smirk.

Paul shook his head. Well, he supposed he and Rose were just never meant to be. But if what the Doctor had just said was true, then judging from Rose's reaction to hearing it the two of them might not be such a sure thing, either.

A split second later, the Doctor's legs were again capable of motion as he ran after her. "_Rose_!"


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N **Obviously, the Doctor and Rose now have a LOT to talk through. So much so that it's far too much to try and dump into a single chapter, but they at least get a start here.

A HUGE thank you to everyone who has, and continues to review, letting me know you're reading and enjoying. I can't tell you how much encouragement each one of you has given me!

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 25<span>**

The Doctor caught up with Rose, overtaking her as she reached the sidewalk outside the apartment building. He quickly moved around in front of her, taking her by the shoulders to bring her to a stop and prevent her further retreat from him.

He tried to keep the desperation out of his voice and remain as calm as possible as his eyes sought to catch hers. "Rose, please just listen to me. You need to calm down."

Rose was fighting against him too hard to even look into his face as she struggled out of his grasp. "Let me go!"

Twisting away, Rose ran to the edge of the street, frantically hailing a cab that was passing by. The Doctor thrust both hands through his hair, tugging hard as he calculated what to do. Obviously, chasing Rose down was only upsetting her further. Watching her jump into the cab, he decided to just let her go. He knew where she was headed, and he would take the TARDIS to the flat and approach her there, with the added assistance of having Jackie to hopefully help calm her.

Upon materializing outside the Powell Estate, the Doctor knew he had several minutes before Rose would arrive, so he went to the infirmary and prepared a sedative. He hoped it wouldn't come to that, but Rose needed to be calmed from the state she was in. This distress was the last thing she needed right now – physically and mentally.

Once Rose arrived, she took the stairs two at a time as she ran for the shelter of home. She was reeling. She knew now without a doubt that it must have been him she'd felt within her mind when she'd been startled by an intrusive sensation. Then he had hunted her down, burst in and made up that outrageous story (because at the moment her spiraling mind couldn't even comprehend the possibility of it being true) just to get her away from Paul and keep her in his clutches. She now wondered if he had been trying to use some sort of mind control over her all this time. Maybe he'd even somehow been deceiving her mum in all this, too. Just who _was_ this man?

Rose practically collided head-long into Jackie as she ran into the flat, breathing hard.

"Rose, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Jackie questioned, trying to calm her distressed daughter as she smoothed a hand over her hair. She had been growing more worried by the second after the Doctor's abrupt statement that something was wrong. She had initially been against the idea of the Doctor tracking Rose down, but as time went by without further word, Jackie was thinking of doing the same. She was greatly relieved to have Rose back, but now alarmed over her clearly-distraught state.

"Mum! It's...it's the Doctor. He found me. He followed me to where I was and just burst in. And just before he showed up, I think he was in my mind...without even bein' right there. And...and then what he said! He said that...that..."

Jackie's mind raced. Just what had he _done_? "Shhh, calm down, love. It's alright. Everything's gonna be alright."

Rose shook her head vehemently. "But it's not! He–"

Before she could finish, the door opened and the Doctor stepped in. "Rose," he spoke calmly, "_Please_ just give me a chance to explain this."

Rose backed away from him as he moved closer. She didn't stop until her back hit the wall behind her, able to go no further. "No...just...just don't!" Her breathing rate was rapid as her hands flew up to the sides of her head. This was too much, and the effects were overtaking her.

Rose squeezed her eyes shut, her face scrunched tightly. Something suddenly snapped, and past, distorted memories she'd once not been able to distinguish started to surface and break over her like a surging wave, pummeling her mind. "I...I can see it," she panted raggedly, "in my head...s-so many thoughts. It won't stop. It's so much and it won't stop...," she stammered as images barraged her mind in rapid-fire succession.

Rose sank to her knees, still gripping her head as the Doctor quickly reached her side, kneeling down. He couldn't just shut her thoughts down with a sedative while her damaged memories were trying to surface or they might be further lost, but this was _not_ the safest way for those memories to finally come forth. It needed to be gradual.

"Rose, easy, easy," he soothed, his hands clasping her shoulders. "Just try to calm down and relax. It's alright." Fumbling with one hand, he pulled out the sonic screwdriver and scanned, showing that, thankfully, despite his fears her brain waves were stabilizing.

With a final gasp, Rose began to catch her breath and slowly lifted her head and opened her eyes. She focused first on the Doctor, then Jackie, her eyes flitting between the two. With effort, she pulled herself to her feet as Jackie came to her other side and helped steady her, the Doctor quickly standing to his feet, too. "I...I remember," she whispered. "Everything. I _remember_ everything."

The Doctor and Jackie exchanged a brief glance, feeling at this moment more relief and hope than either had felt since this ordeal began.

Rose's hand clasped over her mouth as a sob bubbled up. She slowly lowered her trembling hand and whispered a single word. "_Doctor_."

"Oh, Rose." The Doctor's voice trembled with emotion as he moved to embrace her, but she backed away.

Her eyes flashed and her voice grew dark. "Where is he?"

"Rose, w-what do you mean?" he asked cautiously.

"The Doctor. Where's the Doctor? What have you done with him!" Her voice was loud and accusatory as the Doctor was hit with a sickening sense of déjà vu.

Just when the Doctor and Jackie had begun to feel hope rising up that Rose had recovered her lost memories, it was now becoming apparent that a significant portion of her past was still missing, meaning that what Rose now remembered was only complicating this already difficult situation further. Jackie placed her hand on Rose's cheek, seeking her eyes and trying to give her daughter reassurance. "Rose, this _is_ the Doctor."

Rose shook her head adamantly. "No! I _remember_ the Doctor. I don't know what this man has done, but I could feel him earlier, in my head. I know that was him doin' something to me. He's messed with my head, and he must have done the same to you, Mum, because I _know_ he is NOT the Doctor!"

The Doctor fought down the gripping pain in his chest as both hearts constricted at her words. He was trying desperately to think of the best way to respond in order to calm her, if even possible. Meanwhile Rose's mind was making frantic calculations as to what to do next. Could she just run out and leave her mum with this man, still under his spell? Yet she _had_ to find the Doctor. It was their only chance. Rose edged towards the front door as she continued with her frightened accusations against him. "This is why you were so interested in my dreams, my memories of him. Because if I was remembering, you'd wipe that out again so I wouldn't know what you had done. But I'll find him. I'll find him wherever he is and he _will_ deal with you!"

A moment of sudden realization could be seen on her face along with a faint, hopeful smile as she lifted the TARDIS key from around her neck. "The TARDIS," she murmured. "It's been there all along – I just didn't realize. I've been passing it by and didn't even..." She looked back up at him, her hands clenching the key as she breathed hard. "You better leave while you still can, because when I find the Doctor – and I _will_ find him – you're gonna regret whatever it is you've done here." She then swiftly turned and ran out the door.

"Rose, stop!" Jackie called as she made for the door to follow, but the Doctor stilled her with a hand on her shoulder, never taking his eyes off the direction Rose had gone.

"No, let me go to her. I just need time to talk to her and explain. I'll sort this, Jackie. I promise."

Jackie looked towards the door, then back at him. Hesitantly, she nodded. The Doctor hurried out of the flat, following after Rose.

Once outside, Rose glanced to and fro frantically, finally setting her eyes on the TARDIS standing in the distance as a gasp of joy escaped her throat. She hurried towards it and unlocked the door, stepping through and slamming it behind her.

"Doctor!" she called, her voice ringing out into the empty console room, followed only by silence. Where was the Doctor, her hero in leather to save her from this madman?

How could she have been so deceived, even developing feelings for this man? Sure, she had been attracted to him, but maybe that was all part of the plan. For all she knew he might really be some hideous slime creature. Maybe he was a shape-shifter who'd just taken on the form of Mr. Dead Sexy to lure her to him as part of the plot. Though just what that plot might be she hadn't quite worked out yet.

"Doctor!" she yelled again, desperate. She started to head down the corridor just as the door opened and the man she'd fled away from stepped inside.

"How did you get in here?" she demanded, moving to position herself behind the jump seat for whatever small bit of protection the barrier afforded.

"The same way I always do: with this." The Doctor's voice was calm and measured as he lifted his key to show her.

"You took that from him!" she accused.

The Doctor took two cautious steps up the ramp. "No, Rose. I've always had it, because it's always been mine. I _am_ the Doctor."

"Stop sayin' that," she warned.

"It's true, Rose. I just need a chance to explain. Will you let me do that?" He walked the rest of the way up the ramp and stepped aside from it, leaving a clear path to the door. "Look, I've left the door open and you can leave any time you wish. I won't try to keep you here and I won't try to stop you if you want to leave, but _please_ just hear me out. Will you give me that chance?"

Rose cut her eyes to the door, then back to him. What choice did she have? She needed answers. This had absolutely nothing to do with his infinitely-gentle tone, which matched the look within his eyes. Nothing at all, she told herself. Rose swallowed hard. "I'm listening."

The Doctor had given forethought to how he would explain these things when the time came, had even practiced a few rational and detailed explanations of regeneration in his head. So much for planning. He hadn't exactly planned on a scenario quite like this. Rose's turmoil-filled expression made all of those rehearsed words go straight out the airlock.

The Doctor knew he now had his work cut out for him. Rose had once struggled to believe who he really was right after he had regenerated, and at that time she had stood there and _seen_ it happen. Now, all she had was the word of a man she clearly didn't trust. Yet he knew she _would_ trust him as he explained, even if she didn't remember the basis for that trust. This was the strength of their love. In this moment of uncertainty for everyone, that was his anchor.

"Rose, the reason you don't think that I'm the Doctor is because you still haven't regained all of your memories. You think you have, but some are still missing – specifically your memories of _this_ me. I am the Doctor, just not as you remember." Rose remained silent, watching him like a hawk. "It's a difficult thing to simply explain and it's going to sound very hard to imagine, but Time Lords have a way of cheating death, so to speak. When dying, I can change every single cell in my body in order to live again – it's called regenerating – but afterwards, even if the outside has changed, it's still me. And that's what happened to the version of me you remember. I was once dying, so my body changed in order to heal itself and survive, and that's when I took on this form. You were even there when it happened, Rose, you just don't remember it."

Rose was trying desperately to process this, to rationalize it, to weigh the truth. "H-how can I believe that?" she finally asked, her voice having quieted, yet she was left sounding lost, unsure of where to turn when all she'd known was being tested and shaken.

The Doctor took a few slow steps closer, reaching the halfway point between them. "Because in spite of all the confusion you're feeling right now, in your heart, you trust me. Even if you don't remember knowing these things, deep inside you still know _me_. And you know I would never do anything to harm you, Rose. Never."

Rose believed that the Doctor was a man who could do absolutely _anything_; maybe even change his entire body if he told her he could. But _he_ wasn't the one telling her this. Not the man she knew. She had not heard it from the man she trusted with her life.

And yet, the more this man standing in front of her talked, the longer his soulful eyes penetrated hers, the more the fear she had been feeling began to loosen its grip on her. This didn't feel like he was controlling her mind. It felt like he was speaking the truth. Yet if this man who claimed to have taken the Doctor's place actually _was_ telling the truth, then the implications of what that would mean hit her like a forceful blow. It would mean her Doctor was gone. Rose tried to pull air into her lungs as hot tears stung her eyes. "If what you're saying is really true, then you're telling me he's dead?"

The Doctor's face shifted from caution to one of certainty. His hand lifted and came to rest over the right side of his chest, then moved to the left. "Still beating. He's not dead, Rose. And you trust me. I know you do." He spoke without a trace of doubt.

What began frightening Rose now was that his words rang true. Her head told her she should not trust this man claiming to now be the Doctor, yet her heart told her she should. She should be running from him, yet she had an alarmingly strong urge to run _to_ him and cling to him. That was the feeling that had grown steadily within her every time she'd been around him this past week and a half. But surely that was wrong, wasn't it? Could trusting him really be that simple? It would mean letting go of the Doctor she had known.

Or maybe it would mean finding him again.

"How..." Rose briefly closed her eyes, trying to steady her voice along with her emotions. "How can I give up on him by just accepting this?" Her question came out as a whisper as she looked back into the brown eyes that should be blue, yet were hauntingly familiar.

The Doctor answered gently. "Accepting this doesn't mean giving up on him, because I _am_ him. He's still a part of me, Rose." He moved a little closer, speaking his next words with such depth that her breath caught in her throat. "And I love you."

The tears that had been threatening to fall welled in her eyes until her vision was blurred. So many times she had dreamed of one day hearing those words from her Doctor, thinking they would never go beyond the realm of her fantasies. Now, here they were, given freely, but spoken from a man who was not _him_; or was he? Yet somehow, despite the dichotomy of her thoughts, all that he was saying to her didn't feel wrong. It felt right. So right. She _wanted_ to believe it, but could she really?

She wiped at a tear that had escaped her brimming eyes as she whispered in reply. "That's something he never said."

The Doctor's eyes reflected a touch of remorse, thinking of time spent when those words remained unspoken in the past, yet they also reflected hopefulness for the present. "But it's something I always felt, even if I didn't say. It took me a long time to finally say it, and those words didn't come easily. But they always have been and always will be true."

Rose drew an unsteady breath as her hands continued to grip the back of the jump seat tightly. At this point her white-knuckled grip was less about fear and more out of sheer necessity to keep her upright and on her feet. Overwhelming didn't even begin to serve as an accurate title for all of this. If he _really_ was the Doctor, if all that he had said was really true, then...

Rose swallowed down hard. One hand loosened its grip and moved, shakily, to cover her abdomen as her eyes lowered. "What I heard you say to Paul – that I was your..." Her words were spoken haltingly, unable to complete them. "And that I'm...I'm..."

The Doctor was now close enough to touch her, to reach out and settle his hand over hers where it rested on the back of the jump seat. Her eyes shot up to his, but she didn't pull away. "I said that you're my wife, and you're carrying my child."

Rose's first reaction should be utter denial at the very possibility. And yet, somehow deep within, she began to feel it was true. Now that she was consciously aware of it, she could _feel_ it – feel the life inside of her. That didn't make it any easier to comprehend, though. Even in her wildest fantasies, she'd never once imagined she and the Doctor could reach such a point and have this much together. Then again, who else would she have _ever_ had this with but him alone?

She couldn't stop long enough to ponder this ground-shaking revelation just yet, though. Too many thoughts were still swirling through her mind. With this sliver of acceptance came dismay. How could she have been kept from the knowledge of something like this? That was the next question rising up and needing some sort of an answer. "And yet you kept something like _this_ from me. How could you do that? You _and_ my mum?" She didn't understand why, and she now felt deceived.

She didn't see deception lurking in his eyes, though; only open honesty being conveyed as he answered her. "I didn't want to, Rose. Believe me, I didn't; but I had to do what I thought was best, what I thought was safest for you, and your mum agreed. I would have told you in time, of course, and was already thinking of ways to go about doing that. I just never planned on it being this way. I was afraid that finding out about everything at once would have been too much, too dangerous. As it was, the shock triggered this flood of memories to surface, but it could have been far worse. After what you had already come through, I couldn't risk further neurological damage being done. You are amazing me with how well you're processing this right now, but that was _not_ a gamble I was going to take. Not with you."

Rose still needed time to come to grips with just that single element in all this, but the conviction of his words and the apparent depth of his care that drove his decision lessened her feelings of deception over having this withheld from her. It did lead to the next question on her mind, though. She was still unclear on how her memory loss had been caused in the first place. "How did this really happen then – my memory loss?"

His gaze momentarily slipped down to her other hand, the one that still rested over her abdomen, then back up to her eyes. "It was a complication of the pregnancy. As you might imagine, a human/Time Lord pregnancy is not a usual one. For one thing, since the baby is part Gallifreyan it began developing a telepathic link to you, and in doing so, it merged with and magnified the link you and I shared."

"We...we had some sort of...link?" Rose was trying her level best to take all this in and keep her head above water, but it was all so overwhelming.

The Doctor swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing visibly. "Yes. A bond. A Marriage Bond. And before I bonded myself to you, Rose, I told you that it would be for life – for as long as both of us were living. It can never be completely broken once formed, but I had to sever it partially, reduce it as much as was possible when your neural pathways began to be overloaded. I've never been able to open my mind fully to yours because you couldn't handle the magnitude of that – you would burn. But when the baby tapped into and heightened our link, that's what began to happen, causing the brain damage and memory loss."

One of the pieces began to fall into place as Rose made a connection. "So is that how you were able to go into my thoughts like you did? Because of the link – or partial link?"

"It made it easier, yes. But since I have telepathic abilities, it's something I'm able to do with others as well." His face was equal parts remorse and sheepishness as he continued. "But the small thread of our remaining bond gave me the ability to project to your mind and sense your current state earlier. I'm sorry, Rose. I didn't mean to frighten you in doing that. I didn't even know you would be aware of it. I was just concerned for you and needed to know if you were alright."

She just nodded. Rose concentrated on simply breathing in and out as she sought to assimilate all of this.

As more began to sink in, Rose suddenly felt as if she were standing completely bare before him. He knew everything about her – more than she even knew herself – even her inner thoughts. He told her he was her husband and fathered the child now within her. By contrast, Rose knew that her knowledge of him didn't even scratch the surface compared to his intimate knowledge of her. Obviously, he had opened himself up to her during the time that was still missing from her memories, but one of the things she remembered of her Doctor was how closed off he could sometimes be regarding his deepest inner feelings. She was far removed from knowing him on the level he knew her.

To say she felt uncomfortable learning they had this deep intimacy that she knew nothing about, yet he had full knowledge of, didn't even come close to covering how she felt right at this moment. He knew her completely, on every level imaginable. He had seen every part of her mind and soul. She might as well be standing naked before him. Rose blushed furiously as she realized he'd no doubt seen that, too. With his hand still upon hers, she was pretty sure he could feel her temperature spike several degrees.

Her eyes dipped and focused somewhere in the region of his necktie as she spoke. "How much–" Her voice cracked so she cleared her throat and tried again. "How much am I still missing? How long have we been...together since you became_...this_ you?"

"A little over two years since I regenerated, and just over a year since we became bonded. But I can tell you about those times, Rose. I can share with you every detail of the time that you're missing." Pain tinged his voice as he spoke. Even if he were to recount to her each moment of their time together, how could words describe what far exceeded the scope of language? He hoped with every fiber of his being that those memories would return to her as well, and they had not been permanently damaged in the midst of the sudden deluge of thoughts that had rushed into her still-fragile mind.

Timidly, she brought her eyes back to his in reply to his offer. "Not...not yet. It's just...so much so soon and I don't think I'm ready for more – not right now." Rose needed time to absorb the flood of information she already had before she took on anything more.

He nodded. "Of course. I understand. But whenever you're ready, I promise I'll share everything with you, Rose. No holding back."

_No holding back_. His last statement repeated in Rose's mind like a reverberating echo. The weight encompassing those words simultaneously thrilled her and scared her to death.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N **Rose still struggles to grasp it all, while the Doctor gives her some needed space along with one more revelation.

Happy New Year to all!

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 26<span>**

Despite the doubt, confusion, and initially even fear that had clouded Rose's features throughout their conversation, she hadn't run away. The Doctor took relief just in the fact that she'd stayed to let him explain.

The Doctor now held his breath, his respiratory bypass kicking in as he asked his next question. How their lives would proceed from here forward hinged on her reply. "Do you believe what I've told you, Rose?"

Rose stood silent for a few seconds as she thought about her reply. She didn't think she'd ever been more disarrayed and overwhelmed at any point in her life than right in this moment. Simply processing all of this felt like it was going to be a nearly-insurmountable task. Yet in spite of that, when she listened to his words, when she looked into his eyes, she felt trust. Rose believed him. "I can't believe I'm really saying it, but I...I think I do."

The Doctor released the breath of apprehension he'd been holding back as he visibly relaxed. One major hurdle down, at least.

"But I still just feel so mixed up about...everything, all of this. It's just so..._much_," Rose added, sounding overwrought. Believing him when he said he was the Doctor, her husband, and the father of the child she learned she was now carrying didn't mean she had sudden clarity – it meant she was left reeling from it all.

The truth of the matter was she now felt incredibly nervous and uncertain just being around him. She didn't even know what to say to him now. Yes, she had been undeniably drawn to him this past week and a half, which now made sense. She'd _always_ felt that way about the Doctor, apparently regardless of the face he wore. During this time of not consciously realizing who he really was, she'd also had some _very_ pleasant and blush-inducing daydreams concerning him; but this, _THIS_ was plunging with both feet into something Rose didn't feel anywhere near ready for. The TARDIS might be considerably bigger on the inside, but right now, as they stood here with little distance between the two of them, it suddenly felt very constricting, if not a few degrees warmer.

The Doctor nodded his head in understanding to her admission of feeling confused. "I can only imagine how you must feel trying to process all of this. Feeling mixed up is certainly a normal reaction in such a situation, so don't feel wrong because of that, Rose."

Rose gave a small, grateful smile, momentarily dropping her glance down to his hand that still rested over hers as he gave a gentle squeeze.

She knew there was a multitude of things still left to discuss, and her mind would no doubt come up with a plethora of questions once she'd had a chance to fully process all of this; but for now, Rose needed space. She needed to find her breath. If nothing else, she needed the familiarity, security and guidance of her mum.

Almost shyly, Rose lifted her eyes and looked back into his face. "I know we still have so much to talk about, but right now I think I just...I just want to go back and see my mum again. Is that alright?"

The Doctor tried to curtail any feelings of disappointment. He certainly didn't expect her to suddenly just resume their current life together – she didn't really even know just what that was. She needed time, and that was the one thing he could give her. "Of course it's alright, Rose. I understand wanting to talk to your mum about all of this."

This quickly brought up yet another issue to the Doctor's mind. He knew there was still something else she needed to know very soon, and after all of this, what was one more revelation? As astounding as this would undoubtedly be to her, Rose now at least remembered time travel and aliens and other such previously unimaginable experiences. Now, she was in a better frame of mind to handle this news, and he knew this was a time when Rose was going to need as much reassurance as possible from those who loved her.

The Doctor lifted his hand off hers and raised it to rub the back of his neck. Just how should he go about explaining this one? He cleared his throat. "There's at least one more thing you should know, Rose, and I suppose I should tell you this now."

Rose looked at him warily. How many more revelations could there be?

The Doctor ventured further, cautiously gauging her response. "If you'd like, I can take you to talk to your mum _and_ your dad."

Her brow furrowed deeply. They'd been down this road once before and it had involved Reapers, an experience she didn't care to repeat. "What'd you mean?" she asked hesitantly.

He blew out a breath. "Well, it's all a rather long story. But the short of it is, Pete Tyler from a parallel universe – a universe we once traveled to – is now living here...and is married to your mum."

Rose opened her mouth to speak, closed it, then opened it again to let a bewildered laugh escape that had risen up in her throat. "A...a parallel version of my dad?" she murmured. "After everything else, should I even be surprised?" The Doctor let out a relieved chuckle as Rose slowly shook her head in bewilderment. "How...how long has he been here? I suppose I can guess why I haven't seen him yet, but where is he now?"

"He's been here just over a year – starting the Vitex Corporation again in this universe. He was actually scheduled to go away on business right when this happened, so he left as planned because as you can imagine, his presence here would have been very hard to explain to you otherwise – especially when your mind was so fragile right after the injury. But he's coming back the beginning of next week, just a few days from now. I understand if this, on top of everything else, is just too much right now, Rose; but if you'd like, we can travel ahead just a bit and you can see them both."

Rose considered it for a minute, nervously chewing her lip. This was yet another enormous matter to try and wrap her head around. Story of her life at the moment. She'd now learned the Doctor had become a new man, who incidentally was now her husband through some sort of bond, was pregnant with their child, and _now_ learned she had a parallel father, too. Enormous, yes. But in a negative way? Maybe not, once she'd actually had a chance to begin catching her breath in all this. She needed familiarity right now, but Rose also found herself craving to meet this man, the father she'd never been able to have but wanted all her life. "I...I think I'd like that. Yeah. Yeah, I want to see him." She gave the Doctor a small smile. "And...thank you."

He returned her smile and made her flush with his reply. "Anything for you, Rose."

The Doctor turned and walked down the ramp, closing the door that had been left open while gaining her trust, then went to the controls to take her to the designated day. Despite the added enormity of this for Rose, he knew she needed reassurance from as many as possible right now, especially her family. And the Doctor knew Pete Tyler was a man who could help give her just that. He only hoped that in time Rose would feel comfortable enough to talk to him and seek his support as well. For now, he'd at least take her to the ones she _did_ feel she could talk to.

Still outside the Powell Estate but now three days ahead, the Doctor stepped around from the console and nodded to Rose. "Here we are, then. Earth. London. The Powell Estate. _Weeell_, I suppose that's nothing new, really. Especially considering that's where we were already parked. But you now have a mum _and_ a dad waiting just beyond those doors."

Rose smiled faintly at this Doctor having done what her Doctor always did best: taking her to destinations she never could have imagined.

Rose moved back around from behind the jump seat and came to stand near him.

The Doctor's hands slipped to the pockets of his trousers as he lapsed into a moment of uncertain silence, then spoke up again. "I'll just...wait here, then." He inclined his head towards the console. "Maybe flush out the transducer cells and realign the maxivectormeter. Been neglecting that." He looked back towards her. "Take all the time with them you'd like, Rose." The Doctor honestly didn't want to even let Rose out of his sight, but he knew he had to give her some space right now and let her take this one step at a time.

Rose wasn't really sure what more to say just then. She'd already thanked him, and she didn't feel right making a big show of 'goodbye,' so she simply nodded and walked down the ramp and opened the door. But then she turned back to look at him, her expression full of uncertainty – uncertain of both what stood inside the doors of this ship _and_ what lay beyond them.

The Doctor smiled reassuringly. "They'll _both_ be glad to see you. And I'll be waiting for you, Rose," he promised. "However much time you need and however long it takes, I'll still be right here."

Rose held his eyes for a moment before smiling back slightly, then slipped out the door.

The smile slid from his face as he watched her walk away. The Doctor released a long breath and murmured, "However long it takes."

Upon reaching the door of the flat, Rose suddenly began questioning if having the Doctor bring her a few days ahead so she could meet this version of her dad was really such a good idea after all. She needed the reassuring familiarity of her mum, yet she was about to meet with more newness and uncertainty.

Taking in a deep, strengthening breath, she turned the handle and opened the door, catching the two occupants inside by surprise as she stepped in.

For a second, Jackie wasn't even thinking about Rose seeing Pete; she was too focused on seeing her daughter again. She rushed forward, enveloping Rose in a hug and voicing the worry she'd been feeling as Pete hung back from the two, watching Rose with caution. She'd seen him now, but she wasn't flipping out. At least that was one good sign.

"Oh, that man! '_Don't worry_,' he said. '_I'll sort this_,' he said. Then the TARDIS disappears and doesn't come back for three bloody days! I've been worried half sick!"

Rose held her tightly. It felt so good to be in her arms. "I'm sorry, Mum. I didn't mean to worry you. It hasn't been long for me, though. Not long at all. After telling me about...everything, the Doctor brought me ahead a few days so I could see you...both, at the same time."

Jackie eased her hold on Rose as Pete moved forward, his concerned eyes meeting hers. If the Doctor purposely brought her here, then hopefully that meant she was at least well enough to handle seeing him. Jackie had filled him in on all that had happened. He wondered if she had now regained any more of her memories. Rose's watchful expression told him she probably still didn't remember knowing him, though.

Well, there was one way to remedy that. He closed the distance between them as Jackie stepped aside. "Hello, sweetheart," he greeted as he stroked his hand across her cheek, then drew her into his arms.

Her guard came down as he held her. The doubts Rose had been having about seeing him were instantly squelched the minute she found herself in Pete Tyler's embrace. This felt _right_, and Rose found herself willingly returning his comforting hug. He was here, alive. He wasn't dead, lying in the street amidst the remains of a shattered vase. Even if this was a parallel version and not her biological father, that didn't make him feel any less like her dad in this moment. "_Dad_," Rose whispered, holding on a little tighter.

"Oh, I've been so worried about you, love. Your mum's phoned me every day to let me know how you were getting on. I didn't want to leave, but, well...at the time we all thought it was for the best."

"I know," she spoke into his shoulder, his arms around her comforting and somehow familiar. "If I'd seen you here right after it happened when I first woke up, I would have thought I'd properly lost it." They both chuckled as they eased back.

Rose gazed into his eyes with a look of wonder. "I...have a dad," she murmured, as much to herself than anyone.

He smiled, his eyes soft as he reached up to stroke her cheek again. "Yes, you do."

"From a parallel universe," she continued with a soft, breathy laugh of bemusement.

"That too," he chuckled. "Though to me, _this_ is the parallel universe."

She smiled a little wider. "S'pose it is, yeah." For anyone else's family this would be insane. But for her, she supposed it was simply typical.

Jackie moved closer again, reaching for Rose's hand and giving it a squeeze. "And how are you feeling now, sweetheart?" she asked, hopeful.

Rose was brought back to everything else she was currently facing. She shook her head slightly. "Honestly? I really don't know, Mum. I don't even know what to think about all this right now. It's just...overwhelming." She began to have those same thoughts of feeling misled over being kept in the dark about all of this, even though she knew they were only trying to do what was best for her in doing so. Rose couldn't help but voice those thoughts, though. Not in angry accusation, just honesty over her feelings. "I just wish you could have said_...something_ about all of this to me. Finding out like this is so hard, Mum."

Jackie held her hand a little tighter. "I know. And I'm sorry, Rose. But all we've been tryin' to do in all this is what we thought was best for you. And we _were_ going to begin telling you gradually. No one meant for it to be this way."

Rose nodded. "I know. I just..." She blew out a puff of air. "I guess this hasn't exactly been easy for anyone."

"C'mon, loves. Let's all just sit down." Pete suggested.

Rose couldn't quite take her eyes off him, still awed by his existence.

"Where's the Doctor now?" Jackie queried as they made their way to the couch, Pete settling in the chair next to them.

Rose had to pull her thoughts off the man in leather and replace the image with pinstripes as she answered. "Outside, in the TARDIS. He said he'd wait for me while we talked. I just needed...some time."

"And has he told you about..._everything_?" Pete asked.

Rose's hand unconsciously came up to rest over her abdomen. "Yeah," she answered softly, her gaze falling distant. "Not all the details just yet, but the...the main ones." She exhaled slowly. "And I just don't know what to do now. Where do I go from here? What do I..._do_?"

Jackie reached for Rose's left hand that rested on her knee. "You don't have to _do_ anything, sweetheart. Just take your time. Let all this settle in first before even thinkin' about anything more."

Rose looked between her mum and Pete, pausing before asking her next question, her eyes wide and brimming with uncertainty. "But what about me an'...him?"

Pete smiled gently, leaning forward. "You get to know him all over again." His gaze flicked to Jackie. "Your mum and I know a little something about doing that. The situation is bound to feel uneasy to you right now, but in time, being with him will feel as natural to you as breathing. You might feel uncertain now, but I promise you that will change."

Rose nodded, simply hoping it was true. "I believe what he's told me. But even if he's still the Doctor, I don't feel like I know him – not really. Not like the _other_ him. He's just so...different."

"In some ways," Jackie agreed. "But I can tell you one thing, Rose: he adores you. As much as he might deserve a good slap sometimes, I can't deny that the man is completely mad for you."

Rose smiled shyly. There was so much about this Doctor she didn't know, but she wanted to learn. From the minute she'd 'met' him a week and a half ago and he had begun caring for her, Rose felt a connection to him that defied explanation. Rose realized that's what she had always felt with the Doctor, right from the word 'run.' Maybe this man wasn't such a stranger to her after all.

She just needed to catch her breath while catching up to all that had taken place in their lives during the time she couldn't recall – which was _huge_, she knew. She had to learn the similarities and differences between the man he was now and the man she once knew, while at the same time wrapping her head around the enormous fact that she was now carrying his child, and that their relationship had progressed to a point she once thought it never possibly could. Not a tall order, then, she thought wryly, releasing a sigh.

-:-:-:-

Rose spent over an hour with Jackie and Pete, getting to know the father she now had in her life while also receiving their support and reassurance. Rose felt a little more clear-headed and less panicked about the entire situation. She now needed to talk to the man at the center of it all.

Rose had wandered over to the window. She peered outside and saw the TARDIS below, waiting silent and steadfast, just as he'd promised. Jackie came over to stand beside her.

"He's still there, waiting for me," Rose spoke, relief and simultaneous nervousness coalescing in her voice. Despite the lingering chill she'd been feeling all day, the sight sent an inexplicable warmth through her.

Jackie placed a hand on Rose's back. "You could decide to wait twenty years before goin' to him, and I promise he'd still be right there waiting for you." Jackie's initial doubts about the Doctor's commitment to Rose and the baby when he'd first found out about the pregnancy and reacted so negatively had been dispelled as she'd witnessed his level of utter devotion to Rose during this time.

Pete walked over to join them. "Do you feel ready to talk to him?"

Rose turned, looking between them both. "What do I say to him? Where do I even begin?"

"Why don't you start with 'hello,'" Jackie suggested. "Knowin' his gob, he'll take it from there and won't stop for hours."

"There's nothing to be nervous about, Rose," Pete reassured her. "He loves you."

She breathed out a strangled laugh. "That's what makes me nervous. He _loves_ me, and in so many ways I don't even know him. Not _really_."

Jackie inclined her head towards the window. "Well, I know how to fix that. You get to know who he is all over again. But no one's pushing you into anything, Rose. Take however much time you need with this. Like I said, he'll wait for you."

Rose looked towards the window once more. Despite her nerves, she felt drawn to the TARDIS and the man within it like she was being led by a homing beacon. That's where she belonged. "No, I...I think I'm ready. At least to talk. If I have to get to know him all over again then I best start, yeah?" Rose turned and hugged Jackie, then Pete. "Thank you," she whispered to both.

Pete smiled. "We love you and are here for you, Rose. The both of you. _Well_, the _three_ of you."

_The three of us, _Rose thought to herself, still utterly gob smacked by the very idea. She was having the _Doctor's_ baby. Blimey.

Rose turned and made her way to the door, and Jackie called out to her upon opening it. "Just be sure to tell himself out there not to keep you away too long. I know his drivin' skills, and I don't want the next time you show up to be by the time the baby's already walking!"

Rose laughed softly as she slipped out the door, remembering her Doctor's less-than-accurately-timed arrivals. Maybe he really _hadn't_ changed all that much from the Doctor she knew. Prepared for this or not, she would soon begin to find out.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N **Rose takes the first steps of getting to know the Doctor and their relationship anew and asks a few more of the many questions still to learn. And Ten being, well..._Ten_, a little shameless flirting is inevitable. ;)

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 27<span>**

Despite the Doctor's casual statement of saying he'd be spending his time in the TARDIS performing a few maintenance repairs, all he'd actually managed to accomplish was to make countless laps through the console room as he paced anxiously for the duration of the time Rose was away. He had told her to take as much time as she needed. What if it ended up being days or even weeks? A grim thought briefly entered his mind. What if she decided not to come back at all? That unthinkable possibility met with a quick end. He knew better than to doubt Rose like that – even if he _was_ a new, new Doctor to her all over again. This version of himself had won her over once before with a sword and a satsuma; if he had to, he'd do it all again.

As time continued its slow-ticking progression, his thoughts strayed to the possibility that maybe Rose's condition had taken a sudden turn for the worse and that's why she'd yet to come back. The Doctor reasoned to himself that Jackie or Pete would have summoned him if that had been the case, though. He'd learned the hard way not to probe her mind unexpectedly or uninvited, and he wasn't going to repeat that mistake by checking to see. He would just have to quell his worry for now and trust that Rose was alright. But still, all worry was not completely unfounded, and he really needed to give her a thorough exam soon. As it was, it had been too long for his liking since he'd been able to do so, and it was vital to keep her condition closely monitored. Would Rose be comfortable enough with him to let him do that? There really weren't any other options. Considering the _uniqueness_ of her pregnancy, it didn't exactly allow for her to be seen or treated by anyone else.

As the Doctor's rushing stream of thoughts continued to flow, his mind kept circling back to the possible reason for Rose regaining all of her memories _except_ for the ones of who he was now. The dark possibility once again came to him that maybe it was because she didn't _want_ to remember. Maybe it was her mind's way of protecting her from the pain he'd put her through just before those memories had been lost.

The Doctor walked over to the jump seat and sank down heavily into the worn chair as feelings of guilt swamped over him yet again. He'd never even had the chance to try and make that up to Rose and let her see he didn't regret having this child with her – far from it. He'd just been terrified at the time and reacted out of fear. He still feared for the safety of them both, but he did _not_ resent this baby. This child was their gift, their miracle; and if he were allowed, he would show Rose how he adored her for it. He hoped in time he would have that privilege.

Meanwhile, the sole focus of his thoughts was currently approaching the TARDIS. With each step nearer Rose tried to suppress her nervousness, and with each step it only grew. She tried to tell herself there was nothing to be nervous about. He wasn't exactly a stranger to her. Rose was continually having to remind herself that he was still the Doctor, even if he'd changed. She had also spent this past week and a half with him. Now knowing the truth and the depth of their relationship, however, put things between them on a different level entirely. Being the Doctor's companion was a role she was familiar with, one she could play; but suddenly learning of having this deep intimacy and being the mother of his unborn child – that was a _completely_ different matter altogether. Considering she'd never let herself even dream of such possibilities, it was going to take some time to simply wrap her head around the enormity of it all.

Rose came to a stop outside the familiar blue door of the TARDIS and paused. She drew a long breath and gathered her resolve before reaching forward and opening the door. As the door creaked open and she stepped inside, the Doctor quickly sprang up from his sitting position on the jump seat in response.

She was back! His initial gut instinct was to run to Rose and sweep her into his arms, but considering she'd only just worked up the courage to come back to him, he didn't want to scare her off with his over-exuberance, so he stopped after a few hasty forward steps and forced his hands, which sought to reach and embrace her, into the pockets of his trousers where he could keep them confined and subdued.

Two sets of emotional eyes met in silence, and Rose's earlier question of 'what do I say to him?' returned. She took her mum's advice and started with "Hello," spoken softly.

The Doctor smiled slowly, and she nearly melted. Oh, he really _was_ gorgeous when he did that. "Hello," he echoed back, equally soft.

Well, so much for his gob taking it from there. It seemed his power of speech had momentarily taken flight. Just as Rose had finished that thought, she was proven wrong.

"A lovely evening out," he chirped up. "Though a bit warm for this time of year." Oh, for Rassilon's sake – he was talking about the _weather_! The Doctor mentally kicked himself. Surely he could do better than _that_. Though once it started, it seemed this one-way meteorological jabber was intent on going all the way, and at rapid speed.

"Although, saying 'a bit warm' is always relative to the location. Now on Jixtoon, where the population is somewhat like walking bits of molten lava – never shake hands with them, by the way. Very bad for the dermal layers, that. Not that many could survive the climate long enough in the first place to even consider shaking their hands, mind you. But as I was saying...what was I saying? Ah, yes, for the people of Jixtoon, this weather would be deathly frigid." The Doctor's hands had broken free from their pocketed confinement and were gesticulating through the air in front of him. "With temperatures like this, their internal smolder would be snuffed out in 23.84 seconds. Very bad, indeed. For them, that is. Now, if we're talking in comparison to Woman Wept, these temperatures would be scorching – enough to turn the frozen sea into a boiling cauldron. Well, perhaps not _boiling_. That would require a temperature gradient of..."

The Doctor's babbling finally halted as he noticed Rose's look of bemusement shift to amusement.

It might have been at his expense, but at least Rose was smiling. An open, genuine smile that caused a feeling of spreading warmth to suffuse through his hearts, and it had nothing to do with the outside temperature he'd been randomly prattling on about seconds ago.

The Doctor cleared his throat and slowed his verbal speed. "But as I was initially saying, lovely evening out."

"Relatively speaking," Rose replied, a faint smile lingering.

"Exactly!" he beamed, his hands finding their way into his pockets once more.

Silence returned, but only for a minute. It was now Rose's turn for a sudden flow of words as the thoughts she was thinking made their escape before she had a chance to stop them. It could have seemed like an abrupt change in subject, considering it had nothing to do with the previous topic, but it had everything to do with the only matter that was currently on both their minds. "I...I still can't really even believe all of this." The Doctor stood and listened quietly, letting her continue as far as she was comfortable going. She paused, her thoughts trailing back to her memories of the past. "I'm having such a hard time getting my head around realizing that all this even happened...y-you and me, that is." She shook her head slowly. "I mean, before, you were sometimes so...closed off. You didn't really open up very much. You wouldn't even consider _ever_ having tea with my mum, and you swore you didn't do domestic..."

"I still don't do domestic," he insisted with a slight frown, and Rose swore she heard a slight bit of Northern creep into his voice. "We live in the TARDIS, same as ever." He shuddered slightly. "Catch me living in a house with doors and carpets..."

Rose couldn't help but chuckle, feeling just a little more comfortable. Maybe not so different, then. "Okay, so you _still_ don't do domestic. I guess that means in some ways it's the same as ever for us. _Well_, obviously except for the occasional se–" Rose stopped herself abruptly before the word she was thinking had completely escaped and been said out loud. She promptly closed her mouth as her face turned bright crimson.

Rose felt her cheeks burn all the hotter as the Doctor gazed at her intently, his eyes positively searing and his voice lower than she'd ever recalled hearing. He knew _exactly_ what she'd been about to say, and apparently he wasn't letting that near-slip skate by as he replied to it with boldness. "Oh, it's more than occasional, Rose. Our relationship is quite..._physical_." He had the sudden urge to take it even further and boast of his No Refractory Period, but Rose seemed to be blushing intensely enough as it was.

And just how was she supposed to reply to _that_? Rose swallowed, bringing some moisture to her throat which had momentarily gone dry. She decided simply to reply with the next question that statement led her to, one that had been somewhere in the back of her mind each time she caught him looking at her with what could only be described as unveiled desire. Rose hadn't planned to _ever_ bring this up again, considering her embarrassment over the incident. But the rules of this game had since changed considerably, so she decided it was best to just say it, although her eyes couldn't quite focus on his when she did, shifting a little on her feet. "Then...why did you stop when I almost...kissed you before?"

She'd said it. Now if she could just manage to breathe normally.

The Doctor took a few more steps closer to her, his voice almost raspy as he recalled just how painful it had been for him to hold back. "Not because I didn't want to, Rose, but because of how much I _did_. Because I was afraid it would be too much – for both of us. Our bond, even though it has been partially severed, is still _very_ strong between us. My reaction to you wouldn't be anything less than powerful. There was no way you wouldn't feel that, and I was afraid it would complicate things further for you." He moved even closer, and Rose wondered if he could hear the sound of her heart galloping from where he stood. "But just for the record, if you ever decide you'd like to do it again, I won't stop you."

There went the moisture in her throat again. Rose had been avoiding his eyes, but she could no longer stop herself from looking into them. Instead of the dark passion she'd seen a moment earlier when he'd spoken of their relationship's _physical_ nature, she now saw unbridled, consuming love. It pulled the air from her lungs.

Compelling herself to breathe while still looking at the intensity in his eyes – which was no small feat – she forced herself to reply. "I...I'll keep that in mind."

She dropped his gaze again, and Rose now found a vital question beginning to form in her thoughts. If she never regained her memories of their love, could she still come to the place of loving him all over again? Rose already knew the answer to that question and it frightened her just a little. What frightened her was the intensity behind the resounding 'Yes.' Before the word 'love' had even been allowed into her thoughts, Rose had already known she was attracted to him beyond reason, but that somehow made her all the more nervous around him now. How do you behave objectively and have a rational conversation when your thoughts stray to things involving decidedly less talk? Things she was nowhere near ready for emotionally.

As if sensing her thoughts (something he apparently had an unnerving talent for), the Doctor sought to put Rose at ease. "I'm not going to try to rush or push you into anything, Rose. I just want to have you near me and I want to be able to care for you. Whatever may or may not develop between us in the meantime is all _your_ decision. But I will always be here for you throughout, no matter what develops with _us_."

Rose wasn't sure just what to say, so she simply nodded. She still had so many unanswered questions. After a pause, she spoke up to ask the next question that had been persistent in her thoughts. "Do you think I'll ever remember everything? When so many of my memories came back, why didn't I get all of them?"

The Doctor paused, weighing his words. "I think there's a good chance the rest of your memories will eventually return. I don't want to resume our efforts to try and retrieve them for at least a few days, though. Your mind has been through enough already and you just need some time to rest and process this." Sorrow clouded the Doctor's eyes, pulling his gaze away from hers. He didn't want to have to say this to her, but he knew he needed to be honest with Rose, so he pressed on. "There's also a chance they didn't return because subconsciously, you...you didn't want them to."

Rose shook her head slightly in confusion. "What'd you mean? Why would I _not_ want those memories back?"

He lifted his eyes back to hers, guilt swirling in their depths as he answered, his voice quiet. "Because I hurt you, Rose." He could sense Rose recoil inwardly as she drew a sharp breath. "Not physically. I would never..." He swallowed down hard. "But emotionally...I caused you pain."

Rose's arms came up reflexively, wrapping around herself to stave off the chill she was still feeling – now inwardly _and_ outwardly. "How?"

His throat was tight and the effort to put a voice to his words was strained. "When I first found out about the pregnancy, I was afraid. And that fear caused me to say things I regret; things that made you think I didn't want this child at all."

She was half afraid to ask, but this was something Rose _had_ to know for the sake of her child as she questioned quietly. "And do you want it now?"

"Yes," he answered with conviction. "I was so afraid of losing you both, Rose. I still have that fear. The child is part human, which means it will have a lifespan like yours and one day I'll be without both of you. But that is _not_ going to make me regret having you both in my life while I can. I will cherish each and every day that we have together."

In the midst of all that Rose had been trying to process, she hadn't yet considered the issue of their mismatched lifespans also thrown into this mix. She could understand why the thought of inevitably losing both of those he loved would have caused him to react out of fear and pain. "I'm sorry," she said, her eyes lowering and her voice little more than a whisper.

The Doctor moved close enough to place his hands on both her shoulders as he spoke firmly. "No, Rose. Don't_ ever_ say you're sorry for carrying my child. Not ever. Because that is something I could _never_ be sorry for."

Rose looked back up into his eyes, nodding silently.

The Doctor decided that telling her the details of just how the pregnancy had been made possible could wait until another time. Rose already had enough information to content with for one day.

Rose watched his dark brown eyes soften to infinite tenderness as he spoke gently, his hands sliding off her shoulders and fingers lightly skimming her upper arms on their way down. "How are you feeling right now, Rose...about everything? Emotionally, physically – are you feeling alright?"

She smiled faintly, his gentle concern touching something deep within. "'M fine. Really. It's...a _lot_ to take in, but I'm okay. Physically? I s'pose I'm a little tired, and...," her arms tightened their hold around her, "...I'm a little cold, too."

"You're cold?"

She nodded. "Yeah, been cold all day."

He frowned, his hand coming up to press to her cheek. "You _are_ cold. And it's warm out, too."

"Not warm for Jixtoon," she said with a touch of mirth.

He chuckled slightly. "No, not warm for Jixtoon. But you shouldn't be cold." The Doctor's mind was already going over scenarios of what this could mean, and most of them not good. He wasn't going to alarm her, though. It was possible this was nothing to be concerned about. But this did bring up a standing issue that had been weighing on his mind. "Rose, would you let me check you over in the infirmary? I need to keep you closely monitored, and it's been much longer than I'd like since I've given you a full exam."

Her cheeks colored at the phrasing of him giving her a 'full exam,' but Rose told herself to get a grip on her straying thoughts. That _wasn't_ what he meant. At least not in the way she inadvertently found herself picturing. "Time for you to be the doctor, then?" she responded lightly, hoping her blush didn't show.

He grinned. "Yep, that's me." He held out his hand to her and wiggled his fingers.

Rose took his hand, something that still felt so natural. A perfect fit that hadn't changed. She began walking with him towards the corridor leading to the infirmary, but nearly tripped when the Doctor turned his head to her, giving a wink and adding in a husky tone, "And I think you'll find I have an _excellent_ bedside manner."


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N **Rose learns more about her baby _and_ its father, while the Doctor learns that keeping his desires in check for the time being might not be so easy.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 28<span>**

Upon reaching the infirmary, the Doctor had Rose get situated on the exam bed, raising the upper half into a semi-sitting position and having her ease back to get comfortable. She watched as he pulled a scanning device over her from up above, aiming it down towards her, then turned and began gathering other instruments and equipment. The Doctor then moved back over to her with some items in hand. She met his eyes briefly and they shared a smile as he brushed her hair to one side, attaching an electrode to the side of her neck and then one to her inner wrist, the leads connecting to a monitoring device nearby. Rose was beginning to feel like the object of a science experiment, but she also felt her heart flip flop just a little at the level of care and attention he was devoting to her and their child. Never let it be said he didn't live up to his name.

Rose followed with her eyes and studied him carefully as he moved about the room. She had known him these near two weeks as the doctor, not knowing he was _The_ Doctor. As she observed him with that knowledge, Rose found herself cataloging the differences between the man he was now and the man she had once known, the man who still occupied her memories.

Rose was unable to deny that she missed her first Doctor. When she allowed herself to dwell on the thought, it felt like an ache settling deep in her heart. She would never see that man again. The accent had gone from North to South, the battered leather had been exchanged for tailored pinstripes, and the quiet brooding had been replaced with manic exuberance. Although, Rose sensed this Doctor could have a dark and brooding side as well – perhaps just a little more hidden, buried deeper beneath a new exterior; but she could see its simmering potential just below the surface, shielded behind his beaming smile. She might be learning anew about things like regeneration, but Rose knew the burdens of a Time Lord were not the sort of things that could be exchanged, even if other things about him had.

For all of its splendor, life with the Doctor was never without its trials and complications, and Rose knew that accepting this change was a part of that. Apparently accepting this changed man was something she had already come to do once before, and quite well if her current state of being pregnant with said man's child was any indication. And beneath it all he _was_ still the same man, wasn't he? That single truth settling in to her thoughts soothed over her feeling of loss. Piercing blue eyes were now an intense, deep brown, but beneath them, she could see the same man, her Doctor, gazing back at her from deep within.

Rose certainly couldn't deny her attraction to him – then _or_ now; that had remained constant. He was a bit thinner now, though not at all in an undesirable way. In fact, as he turned his back to her to fiddle with some sort of instrument, she couldn't help but admire the way his tailored trousers fit snugly over his firm bum. Rose quickly averted her eyes from their southward gaze as he turned back. Rose smiled inwardly as her eyes flicked back over to him and continued their appreciative sweep. She could just imagine his other self referring to this version of him as a 'pretty boy.' Rose wasn't complaining, though.

The Doctor reached in his jacket and pulled out a pair of glasses, perching them on the end of his nose as he peered at the readings displayed on a monitor in front of him. Rose swallowed. She'd never seen the other him wear glasses. With his tousled fringe edging the border of the dark rims and his framed eyes focused in studious intent, Rose unquestionably found herself quite partial to this look. _Yes_, very partial, indeed. Then there was the hair. There was simply no denying he had _really_ great hair. She'd noted that straight away before, and once again found her thoughts drifting to what it would feel like to glide her fingers through his thick, soft, perfectly-disheveled locks. Maybe in time she'd live out that particular fantasy. That familiar burning in her cheeks began to return as her thoughts inevitably strayed of their own accord to deliciously-wicked territory.

The Doctor swiftly straightened and turned from the monitor back towards her, sounding concerned. "Rose, are you feeling okay?"

She quickly nodded, shaking herself out of her previous thoughts. "M'fine."

He didn't look convinced. "Your sympathetic nerve fibers have released an excess of norepinephrine at their cardiac synapses, and your sinoatrial node is firing rapidly." Rose drew her brows together in confusion. "Your heart rate has increased," he clarified.

_No doubt,_ Rose thought to herself. It seemed nothing escaped his notice. She would have to keep her thoughts in check while he had her under such scrutiny, otherwise this could get very embarrassing. "Really, I'm fine," she again assured him, clearing her throat and lifting one shoulder in a shrug. "Just thinking about...a lot of things – everything. It's still a lot to take in, yeah?"

The Doctor pulled off his glasses and tucked them away. He moved towards her and reached out, taking both her hands in his. The scans were momentarily put on hold as he went from the studious physician caring for her to the attentive man who loved her. His thumbs traced soothing circles on the tops of her hands. "Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking."

Rose didn't think she was ready to tell him _everything_ she was thinking. Again, considering her most recent thoughts, that could get rather embarrassing. But she could at least open up about some things. "It's just...you. _This_ you. You're so...different."

The faintest of smiles tugged his lips upward. "Good different or bad different?"

He already knew the answer to this question, and it hadn't changed. "Just...different." Rose's voice was a mixture of pain and frustration as she went on. "I just wish I could remember my time with you. All the places we've been, all the things we've done..."

The Doctor tilted his head upward in thought, pressing his tongue to the back of his upper teeth, before lowering his eyes back to hers. "Tell you what, these tests are going to take a little while to complete, so why don't I tell you a few stories in the process. The Grand Adventures of the Doctor and Rose. Otherwise known as The Stuff of Legends. How does that sound?"

She grinned with delight. "Oh, I'd love that."

He smiled back, giving her hands a reassuring squeeze before turning again to the monitor he'd been studying as he began recounting some of the highlights for her while he worked. He cleared his throat and spoke with grand effect. "It all began with a sword and a satsuma..."

-:-:-:-

By the time Rose's exam was complete, she'd learned of encounters with cat-Nuns and werewolves, Cybermen and Satan. As the Doctor spoke, Rose also learned something else vitally important: she was falling in love with him in the process. That wasn't quite accurate, though; she was beginning to see this was something that had never really been lost, even if her memories had. Whether she was ready to be his wife, in every sense of the word, was still another issue, however. Despite her undeniable feelings for him, Rose knew she wasn't ready to just jump fully into where their relationship had been before her memories were lost. That was going to take more time, and she still felt like she was just getting to know him again, though she clearly knew him just a little more now.

With the thorough set of scans and tests complete, the Doctor now stood scrutinizing the data as Rose again sat up fully on the exam bed. Despite everything she'd been re-learning, Rose realized there was still so much about this pregnancy she didn't know. She wasn't even sure how far along she was. Rose decided to start with the simple questions, then move on to the ones that were unnerving – like other complications she might encounter carrying a part-alien child.

"So...how far along am I, then?" Rose asked, her hand finding a natural resting place over her belly where the tiny life was sheltered.

The Doctor looked up from the streams of data he was analyzing. He felt a flash of guilt realizing he hadn't even told her that much yet. There was so much to cover. He also felt a wave of sadness over the fact that this was something else she no longer knew. Rose had lost those first few days of her pregnancy. But considering they weren't exactly a delightful couple of days, maybe she was fortunate to have forgotten that part, anyway. The conception, however, was a different story entirely. It pained him to think that beautiful memory was yet another one now lost to her.

"I'm sorry. I should have said."

She smiled. "'S okay. We haven't really had much time yet, and you've been busy telling me of our adventures."

His eyes drifted to her belly and lingered. "You're nearly three weeks along. Early to be having any symptoms for a human pregnancy, but certain aspects of Gallifreyan development occur more rapidly in the initial stages."

The Doctor's eyes lifted to hers and held them as he came closer. This was a significant question, but one that also thrilled him. "Rose, do you...want to see the baby?"

Her voice was both nervous and edged with excitement. "We...we can see it this soon?"

A slow smile lit his features, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. "We can. And we can do more than that..." He dimmed the lights in the room, then switched on the scanning device that was still in position overhead.

A single beam of light shown down upon her, and Rose moved her hands away from her middle, watching as it centered on her belly. The light refracted, and in seconds an image projected upwards, suspended in the air a few feet in front of her. There was a minuscule dot in the midpoint of the lighted image, and at its very center was a faint but undeniable pulsing.

"Listen," the Doctor whispered, lifting his hand to the scanning device and turning a dial. It began so softly that it was barely audible, then he turned the dial a little more, amplifying the unmistakable sound.

With each rapidly-swishing beat Rose felt an overwhelming rush of love washing over her. "A heartbeat," she breathed in awe.

The Doctor swallowed thickly, his eyes riveted on the flickering pinprick. There was a time when hearing that single rather than double heartbeat might have broken him, but now far from it. Now it healed something deep within him. This child's physiology might be part-human, but it was fully his and it was fully loved.

He gazed down at Rose and saw a glistening tear trail down her cheek. Reaching out, he caught the tear with his thumb, his own eyes misting over. She turned her face to him with a watery smile. His fingers drifted down her cheek before falling away, then he reached back up and turned off the device, the lights in the room rising again.

"T-that was amazing," Rose managed, her voice barely a whisper. "And to hear it this soon..."

The Doctor swallowed down hard just to be able to speak. "A human embryo's heart begins beating by the twenty-second day, but a Gallifreyan's cardiovascular system – even if only part Gallifreyan – begins development just a little sooner." Pride and awe filled his voice. "And _yes_, that was amazing."

Rose nodded numbly, still awestruck. "D-do we know what it is yet...a boy or a girl? Or is it too soon?"

The Doctor drew in a breath and rubbed the back of his neck. "I could very easily find out with a quick look at certain chromosomes, but that's the _one_ thing I haven't looked at yet. We had only just found out about the baby when you lost your memory, so there hadn't been time to discuss it. I didn't know if you would want to find out early or not, so I've waited. Do you want to know, Rose?"

She worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she considered the question. She was still just trying to come to terms with the fact that she was carrying a baby. She was now even more overwhelmed and awed after having _heard_ the evidence of its existence. Knowing with certainty whether it was a boy or girl – a son or a daughter – would make it even more profound in this moment. A part of her was anxious to know, but another part needed just a little more time to adapt to this and let it settle in. "I...I don't think I'm ready to know. Not just yet."

The Doctor nodded in understanding.

Rose tried to push aside the nervousness in her voice as she asked her next question, one she needed to know but was a little frightened of. "You said you needed to keep me closely monitored. Apart from what already happened, do you think there could be more complications?"

The Doctor paused before answering. He wasn't going to be anything less than honest with her. "Truthfully? I just don't know, Rose. There is so much about this that is atypical, and I'm not entirely sure what to expect. I know the demands on your body are going to be greater, and if my projections are correct, the gestation period will be longer – twelve months, likely."

Okay, that was scary. Rose's eyes got a little rounder as an alarming thought occurred to her. "How big will I get?"

He smiled reassuringly. "The baby won't grow beyond normal size within you, but some of its intricate systems will take longer to fully form. You'll actually be smaller in size early on and take longer to show."

Rose relaxed a little. There was still another issue, though; one that seemed to concern him earlier when she'd mentioned it. "What about how I've been feeling lately...being cold? Is that somehow because of the pregnancy?"

The Doctor glanced over at the data readings on the monitor. This was the one thing concerning him most at the moment. He didn't want to alarm her with this, however, and though honest, he tried to phrase it in a way that would not sound overly serious. "It is due to the pregnancy," he confirmed, then went on to explain. "Gallifreyans have a lower body temperature than humans, and it seems the baby requires a lower temperature as well. Not as low as if it were fully Gallifreyan, but still lower than yours. Apparently it's now caused your body's temperature to drop in order to accommodate the baby's needs. The decrease hasn't been significant enough to be a concern for you though, and your body's now trying to compensate, but I'm going to monitor this to be sure it stays within safe parameters for you both."

The Doctor kept from saying it in such a way as to tell Rose that her body's homeostatic controls were essentially warring with that of the developing embryo. With careful regulation, he should be able to prevent it from becoming a danger. But this was yet another reminder that there were differences between the two physiologies, and a cross-species pregnancy was not without its own set of risks.

Rose reflexively ran her hands up and down her chilly arms. "Well, I suppose I'll just have to start wearing more layers." She frowned. "For the next year."

Another pregnancy-related thought then came to her as a smile of realization found its way to her face. "This is why I've been craving bananas day and night, isn't it? Your obsession has been transferred to me through the baby." She knew his past self was quite partial to that particular fruit, and from what he had also said as he'd shared more than one with her, that apparently hadn't changed.

The Doctor pursed his lips in thought. "Well, I don't know if you could strictly say _I'm_ responsible. Bananas are an excellent source of potassium, after all. And as it happens, you've been needing extra amounts of that particular nutrient. Your body's just clever and knows a good thing when it sees it."

Rose chuckled. "I'm still blaming you. And I think I'm within my rights to do so since I'm pregnant in the first place because of y..." Rose trailed off as a blush tinged her cheeks, something that was becoming a regular occurrence around him.

The Doctor gave her a look both intense and sultry as he enunciated each word _very_ slowly. "I wasn't exactly dancing without a partner."

Rose's eyes focused on anything but his. "S'pose not," she murmured.

The Doctor moved closer to her. There were moments when the sudden intensity of his feelings left him breathless, this being one of them. Feeling the irrepressible need to simply make contact with her, he tucked a silky strand of hair behind her ear before settling his palm on the side of her cheek, stroking lightly with his thumb. Rose felt a shiver run through her, but it wasn't from being cold – suddenly just the opposite. "Do you know just how remarkable you are, Rose?" His other hand slowly reached out and came to rest on her belly, long fingers splaying protectively over the life within. "What you're doing, right now inside of you, it's incredible. _You're_ incredible."

Rose swallowed past the emotions that welled up in her throat as she lifted her eyes to his. There had certainly been times when she'd made the conscious decision to do something that called for bravery, such as telling the Doctor to save the world even if it meant losing her by firing off missiles at their own location. But with this, there was really no choice in the matter. All she could do was hold on tight come what may. "I...I'm not...doing anything remarkable. It's all happening on its own, and I'm just trying to go along with it and not be too scared as it happens."

He smiled tenderly. "It's alright to be scared. I am, too. But we're in this together, you and me, whatever comes, okay?"

Rose nodded, her eyes still fixed on his. His words calmed and also exhilarated her. She wanted nothing more in this moment than to regain every precious memory of this man.

_Maybe it's time to start making new memories, _a voice spoke to Rose from within. A step at a time, though, she told herself, even as his hand slowly left her face and the other withdrew from her belly, leaving her instantly missing his touch. She wanted him closer, yet the intensity between them was a little frightening. Rose knew she just wasn't ready for more. Not yet.

The Doctor knew that too, and he would let her have control of this. Despite how much he needed her, how much he _craved_ her, whatever happened between them would happen at her own pace. That didn't make holding his feelings in check any easier, though. After sharing the sacred moment of hearing the life the two of them had created together, a swell of powerful emotions were surging through him and threatening to spill over. He wanted so strongly to take her in his arms and celebrate the love that had created this. Every ounce of his restraint was currently being put to the ultimate test.

The Doctor turned and began putting away some of the instruments, but he couldn't help flashing his eyes back over to Rose where she sat. Her hands crept to the hem of her shirt and tugged it up a little, one hand stroking over her smooth skin as a ghost of a smile graced her lips. He suddenly had a very powerful urge to plant a trail of kisses all along the bared flesh that covered something so sacred, and then not stop until every last voluptuous inch of Rose had been adequately adored with his lips, his fingers, his eyes, his...

The Doctor swallowed, forcing his eyes off the creamy expanse of skin stirring such taunting thoughts. It was quite possible holding himself back was going to slowly drive him insane.

Rose began asking him a string of other pregnancy related questions as he finished putting things back in place. How long would morning sickness last? Did all women experience heartburn in the later stages? Would her ankles unavoidably swell? And would her banana craving last a full year?

The Doctor was answering her queries as best he could, considering his arrested focus was on the rising desire he had for the woman who currently seemed oblivious to the strong affect her simple presence in the room was having on him. The sight of her, exuding an inner radiance as her body nurtured their developing child, the cocktail of potent hormones emanating from her, broadcasting that she was carrying a part of himself inside her and quite effectively driving him mad with how that attracted him; she was assaulting every one of his senses, and it was torturous bliss.

All he could think was that surely there were words to describe exactly what he felt for this marvelous being who held his love and now carried his child; words that were brilliant and beautiful and beguiling and a host of other adjectives beginning with B, but he couldn't think of a single one because half of his brain seemed to have rapidly shorted out from escalating desire, and..."

"Doctor?"

He managed to compose himself. He was, after all, a superior Time Lord and unlike lesser men perfectly capable of maintaining control. "Yes, Rose?"

"Is it normal for my...well...for my boobs to already be getting a little bigger this soon, too?"

There went the other half of his superior brain.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N **Rose receives a little extra reassurance as she and the Doctor pay a visit to a special friend.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 29<span>**

Rose's exam was now complete, and the Doctor had somehow managed to recover his mental faculties and survive answering her questions about mammary glands, lactation and other such pregnancy-related changes experienced by females, while fighting down his surging desire to do so much more than simply _talk_ about her body. While giving Rose a personal biology lesson when trying to rein in his intense desire for her might have taken supreme effort, he was at least glad she wasn't too shy to discuss such things with him.

He now just wished Rose would lose some of the reticence he could see in her eyes whenever their conversations fell to the topic of their past intimacy. He meant what he had said to Rose, though; he would not push her for more between them, no matter how much he craved it. And he knew their relationship well enough as to have no doubts that more would certainly come for them with time. He just had to survive these moments alone with her long enough to reach that point.

As for Rose, despite the stories the Doctor had now shared with her about some of their adventures together and all the questions he had been answering for her, there was still one more unanswered question on her mind.

He had been open with her to this point, so Rose felt no hesitation asking him this. As the two began making their way out of the infirmary together, she brought up her next question. "There's something else I still don't know...something else I've been wondering about that I can't remember." The Doctor nodded encouragingly for her to continue. "Where's Jack?"

"Jack?" the Doctor repeated. Then it dawned on him why she would ask. "Oh, yes, of course. The last you remember he was still traveling with us."

"Yeah," she answered quietly. Rose hated having these missing gaps in her life. "Where is he now?"

The Doctor had already been through one uncomfortable conversation with her about Jack in the past. With all the information she was currently trying to come to terms with, the last thing she needed to try and deal with at the moment was learning again the details of Bad Wolf and Jack's immortality. He decided it was best not to go into all of that now, but that didn't mean he couldn't answer her question. "He's on Earth, actually. Your current timeline. I suppose you could say he's busy defending Sol Three with this...well…he has this team. Torchwood, they're called. And rather brilliant, at times," he had to admit.

"Torchwood," Rose repeated, the name striking a recent familiarity. "Like...like the name of the house in Scotland with the werewolf you were telling me about?"

He nodded. "After our encounter there, Queen Victoria founded the original Institute with the intention of 'fighting the alien horde'." A cold chill ran down his spine and his expression darkened. "That regime was destroyed in a battle...which...is a very long and unpleasant story. But afterward Jack rebuilt the organization – changed it. It's no longer the same as it once was. For one thing, I'm not considered an Enemy of the Crown by them," he added as an aside.

Rose took a minute to ponder what he'd told her. "Sounds like he's keepin' busy, then," she replied wistfully.

"Oh yes. Quite." It was then the Doctor had an idea. If there was one thing Rose was in need of right now it was familiar faces. It pained the Doctor that he wasn't one of them, but he could take Rose to visit someone who was.

He stopped walking and turned to her. "Would you like to go see him, Rose?"

Her face lit up at the offer. "Can we?"

"'Course we can. And I suppose...," his eyes gravitated to her belly, "we have some news to share with him, don't we?"

Rose half-smiled, her eyes ducking. She briefly wondered what Jack would think of hearing about this, but she had a hard time being able to put too much thought into what others would think considering she was still trying to figure out what to make of all this herself.

The Doctor and Rose reached the console room, and after a brief punching of buttons, pulling of levers and whacks with the mallet, the coordinates were set for Torchwood Three. Not only would seeing Jack do Rose some good, but the Doctor could use the backing of a friend himself about now. Very rarely did he ever find himself at a loss in a situation, but he was still grappling with how to best proceed in all this. Jack was in the unique position of being someone who understood the two of them, had even watched over Rose growing up and was the one to bring her back to the Doctor when two universes had torn them apart.

With that in mind, the Doctor spoke up just as they arrived at their designated location, wanting to fill her in on at least that one significant detail concerning Jack.

"There's something else you should know, Rose," he said, engaging the handbrake and stepping away from the console to come near to where she stood. "You remember the battle I mentioned?"

She nodded. "The one that you said destroyed the original Torchwood?"

He swallowed with effort. "Yes. And in that battle I...I lost you. The opening of a breach between two worlds led to the battle, and we became separated by that breach, with you trapped on the other side in a parallel universe. The same universe Pete came from. The walls between worlds then closed and I couldn't reach you." The Doctor's chest constricted as he relived the raw memory of that day.

She looked searchingly in his eyes. "Then how...?"

"Jack. He decided to be cavalier with the Laws of Time." His lips quirked into a smile. "And that is something I will always be grateful to him for. He traveled back to before the walls had closed, crossed over and brought you back to me."

Rose stood still for a moment, then released a laugh in near-disbelief. "Well, I s'pose that's Jack for you."

It was at that moment the door to the TARDIS opened and they were met with the familiar voice of the man in question. "Are you two planning on actually coming out, or are you just using my hub as a parking space for the day?"

Rose spun around towards him and, without further hesitation, ran forward into his arms. "Jack!"

He stumbled back slightly at the force of the enthusiastic impact, suddenly finding himself with an armful of Rose. "Whoa!" he chuckled. "Now I could really begin getting used to this kind of greeting." They pulled back slightly, his arms still around her as his blue eyes twinkled. "Although if you _really_ wanted to be friendly..."

"Stop it," the Doctor warned the lustful Captain.

Jack loosened his hold on her with a sigh. "Doctor," he greeted. "Nice to see you haven't changed a bit."

Something akin to a dark cloud crossed Rose's face, and Jack couldn't help but notice. He took a step back, folding his arms.

"Okay. I know you both well enough to know that these faces," he gestured at the two of them, "mean something. So tell me. Are we about to be invaded?" He sighed. "And just when I thought it might actually be a quiet day for once."

"No alien invasion," the Doctor assured him. "Weeell, unless I count." His voice sobered as he looked at Rose. "There has been quite a lot happening recently, though." He was now at a bit of a loss where to even begin.

Rose spared him the effort as she spoke up, spilling out the words she was still trying to get her own head around. "I...I'm gonna have a baby."

Despite the circumstances, the Doctor couldn't keep the gleam of joy and pride off his face at her words. Jack's mouth fell open, then nearly split in two from dimple to dimple as his face broke into a broad grin. He knew the Doctor and Rose were now together, in every sense of the word, but he'd honestly never quite expected this news from them.

"A _baby_? Really? Ha! Oh, that's...that is just BRILLIANT!" He scooped Rose up into another hug before setting her down and giving a visual appraisal. "And just look at you! Oh, I knew you looked more gorgeous than ever. You are gonna be one hot babe with a Time Tot in the oven." He gave her a wink then nodded towards the Doctor. "He won't be able to keep his hands off you, not that I could blame him. Though I suppose that's what got you here in the first place, right?"

Rose flushed, and the Doctor, knowing she was still a little uncomfortable with this topic, saved her further awkwardness by moving ahead and bringing up the next issue. "There have been some complications, though."

Jack's grin slid from his face. "Complications? Are you alright, Rose? What's happened?"

She looked to the Doctor, a trace of sadness and lingering confusing showing through her eyes. "I've lost part of my memory," she replied quietly. "I can't even remember..." Rose trailed off, unable to finish.

Jack reached forward and tilted her chin up to meet his eyes. "Hey, now. Everything's alright. Look at you – you're strong, you're healthy, and that's what matters." He wrapped her in a hug as he looked over her shoulder at the Doctor with concern. Why didn't things _ever_ go smoothly for these two?

"How did it happen?" Jack asked him.

The Doctor drew a deep breath. "The baby began forming a telepathic link to Rose, and when it did, it joined with the bond she and I shared, magnifying it beyond what her mind could withstand. I had to partially sever our link, but the damage already done caused her memory loss."

Rose pulled back from their embrace. "I've remembered some things, just not the most recent. I don't remember..." Rose dropped her eyes downward.

"Me," the Doctor finished for her. "_This_ me. She doesn't remember my regeneration or anything after. She's just found out today about the pregnancy and...us."

Talk about a lot to contend with in a day, Jack thought to himself.

"Well, if there's one thing I can relate to, it's memory loss," he replied in empathy. "Although I've never woken up and found myself to be missing memories _and_ pregnant." He paused. "Well...not both at the same time, anyway."

That got a small, watery laugh out of Rose. The Doctor came nearer to the two of them. "Considering all the newness she's been coping with, I thought Rose could do with seeing a few familiar faces."

Jack gave her a beaming smile and a wink, lifting her spirits a little higher. "Familiar _and_ gorgeous. Just what the Doctor ordered."

"Oh, it's so good to see you, Jack!" Rose said as she put her arms around him once more.

The Doctor fought the small emotion of jealously that was trying to work its way to the surface as he regarded the two of them. He wasn't jealous of Jack in the sense of a rival at this point – their friendship was too strong for that. Despite his flirtatious air, Jack respected and would never try to compromise the Doctor and Rose's relationship. No, the Doctor felt jealous because he envied Jack being held within Rose's memories while a part of himself had been lost. Rose was genuinely smiling just seeing Jack, though; and that alone was enough to bring a smile to the Doctor's face, too.

The Doctor suspected Rose might want some time alone to talk to Jack, so he gave her that chance by excusing himself. "Tell you what, while you two do some catching up, I think I'll go say hello to that team of yours, have a look about, maybe...chat up a Weevil," he said with a small grin as he slipped on his long coat and moved to the door.

"Just don't go stirring up any trouble out there. We usually have plenty to go around as it is," Jack called after him, humor lacing his tone.

"Now how can trouble be stirred up out there when _you're_ in here?" the Doctor retorted as he stepped out.

Jack laughed and gave a small shake of his head as he looked back at Rose. His face softened. "So...how are you feeling, sweetheart? Really. Everything else aside."

Rose released a small laugh. "If I could put everything else aside I s'pose I'd say I was feeling fine." She drew her brows together as she stared off past him, her voice sounding lost. "I can't though. And I just...don't really even know what to do from here."

He placed a hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to _do_ anything, Rose. This doesn't have to be harder than it already is. Just take things a step at a time as they come."

"You sound like my mum," she chuckled.

"And to think just a minute ago I'd been happy to see you," he replied in mock offense.

She smiled slightly and lifted her eyes to his. "It's just..._so_ much to take in, and I feel so lost in all this."

"Of course you do. That's only natural. It's been...what? A day since you found out? Not enough time to adjust to a life you don't remember. But you're not lost, Rose. You've got your friends, your family. You've got the Doctor...even if he's a little different right now from who you remember."

Rose bit down on her lip. "I know he's still the Doctor. I get that now. S'just...the Doctor we knew is gone, Jack. An' I miss him," she quietly admitted. A small, breathless laugh worked its way free. "And _this_ one...he's just so..."

"Gorgeous? Cheeky? A little bit infuriating and sometimes more than a little confusing?"

"Pretty much, yeah," she laughed in bemusement of it all.

"He's also still the same," he gently assured her. "Some things about him might have changed, but other things never will. Like the way he feels about you. That Time Lord is crazy about you, Rose. That much I can assure you."

Rose softly shook her head. "That's another thing that's so hard to wrap my head around, though. The other Doctor, he never felt that way. Never said..."

"Oh, now there's where you're wrong. It might have taken him awhile to admit how he felt, but it was _always_ there and so blatantly obvious from the day I met you two."

"You really think so?" she asked, wanting so much for it to be true. This Doctor had said so, but she never got to hear it from the _other_ him.

"You really have to ask?" he said with a grin. "I mean, come on. I said it that first day. You two were so lost in each other's arms you didn't even notice you'd been teleported. Adorable."

Rose recalled the memory. A memory she _did_ have and clung to tightly.

"He's the same in all the ways that matter most, Rose," he reiterated gently. "And I think you can feel that, can't you? What's your heart telling you?"

Rose blew out a breath. "Things that are a little scary. Because my head tells me I barely know him, and yet every time I just look at him, I feel _so_..." She cleared her throat. "But to just jump into all this. How do I learn to be his...his wife again? His..."

Jack grinned slowly. "Something tells me you'll be a _very_ quick learner in that department."

Rose flushed hotly and swatted his shoulder. "Shut up."

"But if you need some personal pointers...," he continued, his grin widening.

The more they talked the more at ease Rose began to feel. This familiarity and reassurance was just what she'd needed.

The Doctor peeked his head through the TARDIS door sometime later, spotting the two on the jump seat, laughing together over a past story.

"Ah, there you two are!" he called cheerily. "We've struck up a bit of a party out here and thought you might like to join us. Ianto's even ordered pizza."

"What, again?" Jack groused good-naturedly. "Don't they ever learn variety? Still, knowing their appetites we best get some before it's gone. What'd you say, Rose? Feel up to some pizza?"

Rose thought back to her last attempt at eating pizza and didn't think at the time she'd want to face more anytime soon, but the more she thought about eating the hungrier she realized she'd become. "Yeah, that sounds good, actually," Rose replied. She was also anxious to greet Jack's team, too. Maybe she'd skip chatting up a Weevil, but she wouldn't mind having a look around.

The Doctor held the door open for her as she passed him with a brief smile. Once she'd stepped out, the Doctor lingered inside. He too wanted a chance to talk for a minute with Jack.

Jack stood back and eyed the Doctor with a look of thoughtful curiosity.

"What?" the Doctor queried.

Jack shrugged. "Just...trying to picture you with a kid, is all."

For the briefest moment, the Doctor looked all of his nine-hundred-plus years as something ancient passed within his eyes. "I've been a father before, Jack."

Jack sobered. Both men had lived through the ravages of Time and understood how its passage etched itself upon the soul. A person carried so much more within their being than what you saw to them in a single moment. "Well from where I stand, I think it'll be fantastic. You, Rose, and the start of a brand new race?" A slow smile grew. "Yeah, I can picture it all, and it's gonna be epic."

The Doctor's eyes were distant. "Yeah," he breathed, his quiet reply sounding something close to awe.

The Doctor's gaze flicked downward again as he stood silent.

Jack took a few steps closer and waited. He knew the Doctor wanted to talk over what he and Rose were currently facing. It was obvious that's what was weighing on his mind but wasn't sure just where to begin. Jack knew the Doctor well enough to know he'd never been adept at opening up about private issues concerning himself, so Jack gave him a moment to work up what he wanted to say.

"So...," the Doctor finally began, scratching at the back of his neck in that awkward way. "How does she seem to you? I mean...do you think she's coping with...all of this alright?"

Jack offered a slight smile. "She seems like she's handling it about as well as you. You're both a little out of your depth with all this and both seem as nervous with each other as two teenagers on their first date. _Well_, not that _I_ was ever like that as a teenager, but you get the point."

The Doctor blew out a rush of air as he leaned back against the railing of the ramp. "I'm just not sure of the best way to proceed from here, Jack," he confessed in a rare moment of personal candor. "I don't want to do anything that would push her too far or make her any more uncomfortable than she already is, but I don't want to stand so far back that she gets the feeling of indifference, either."

Jack clapped him on the shoulder. "Just don't try too hard either way. Just be yourself with Rose. That was obviously enough for her the first time."

The Doctor grunted. "And that's the other issue. I can be myself, but Rose doesn't feel like she even knows who that is right now. It was hard enough for her to come to terms with my regeneration the first time when she was there to see it happen. _This_ situation has thrown it at her in a whole other way."

"Just give it time, Doc. That's something you have plenty of, right? Rose just needs time for all of this to settle in." Jack gave him a cheeky grin, lightening the mood. "And incidentally, it's about time you came to me realizing I'm an authority on this type of thing. Any time you need advice, tips, or detailed _demonstrations_, just remember Mr. Love is ready and waiting."

The Doctor snorted and shook his head as the two stepped out into the hub. "I will try very hard _not_ to keep that in mind."

-:-:-:-

The Doctor and Rose felt a little of the mutual tension ease as they spent some time in the sociable atmosphere with the five-member team, but they couldn't keep that buffer between them permanently, and it was eventually time for the two of them to return to the TARDIS.

Jack knew the Doctor and Rose would be alright as he watched them go. He had no doubts those two could make it through anything the universe threw their way, as it so often seemed to take delight in doing. After a parting goodbye, the Doctor walked with Rose back into the TARDIS, a little of that uncertainty and tension returning now that they were once again alone. They stopped at the console as the Doctor put them adrift into the Vortex. He then turned to Rose and offered a soft smile.

"Now as your doctor," he said warmly, "I think it's time you get some rest. It's been an eventful day for you all around, to say the least."

Had it really just been a day since she'd learned of all this? Rose thought to herself. No wonder her head was still spinning. And maybe it was the power of suggestion, but somehow hearing the Doctor mention rest made Rose suddenly aware of just how tired she really was.

"I am knackered," she admitted.

This did, however, raise yet another question for both of them. Where would she choose to sleep?

Technically, Rose had already said her goodbyes to Jackie and Pete, but she could easily return to the flat to sleep in her old room. Rose wanted to be on the TARDIS, though. This was home. She knew that she and the Doctor undoubtedly shared a bedroom now, but not only would that be unfamiliar to her, but it had high potential to create more awkwardness.

"Your room here is still as you remember it, if you want to sleep there...for now," he said, offering her the choice, even though the thought of her not choosing _their_ room pained him somewhat, but he understood. "But I'm sure you'd be quite comfortable in...our room, too. It's up to you, Rose."

Rose was about to make the uncomplicated choice and tell him she'd just take her old room, the one she was familiar with, so the words she spoke came as a surprise to her. "Could I just...see the other room? I don't remember it, but that's part of the problem, yeah? Maybe seeing it will...I dunno...bring something back." She shifted on her feet a little as she looked at him.

The Doctor tried to keep his enthusiasm in check and not grin like a loon. _Tried_, at least. "Of course. I'll show you the way."


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N** The Doctor gives Rose a tour of their room...as only he can.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 30<span>**

Rose followed a few steps behind the Doctor as they left the console room and journeyed down the corridor towards their bedroom. Rose's heart began beating that little bit faster as she imagined times the two of them might have made this trek in the heat of passion, while the Doctor's hearts sped their rhythm remembering all the times they _had_. Sometimes they wouldn't quite make it all the way into the room before they could go no further, the doorway having to suffice.

The Doctor took in a steadying breath as he felt his body reacting to the fiery memories. They hadn't even made it to the bedroom yet! Just _what_ had become of his control lately? He put all of his superior effort into taming his, as of late, irrepressible bodily response. It was a little unnerving. In the past he had been adept at repressing his desires, having never crossed that line with Rose to know the full extent of what he was fighting against. Once they had given themselves fully to each other, that was the end of ever having to hold back. That was the end of being able to hold back. Never had he been faced with knowing _exactly_ what they were capable of together while not being able to act.

If this distance between them remained for much longer, his death was going to be a slow and painful one.

"Here we are, then," he spoke up, managing to at least _sound_ in control as they slowed to a stop outside a room Rose both was and was not familiar with. It was the room she knew as the Doctor's but one she had never been in; or didn't _remember_ having been in, at least. He opened the door for her and moved aside so she could pass through, wondering if she could hear his breath hitch in his throat as she lightly brushed against him in the process. Catching his breath remained elusive as he watched Rose step in. She was in _their_ room again, and things seemed that one step closer to being as they should be. He couldn't hide the budding smile lighting his face as he watched her.

Rose moved a few feet inside, her roving eyes taking in the surroundings. "S'beautiful," she softly murmured in first reaction. It really _was_ a beautiful room – so warm and inviting. Unlike her room, which almost mirrored her bedroom at her mum's flat with its copious amount of pink dominating the decor, this room looked more like a natural part of the TARDIS. The familiar coral structure carried in to here, twining about the walls and stretching to the lofty ceiling, though in a more slender, winding array, giving the room a soft, organic feel. To her left stood the bed. Her eyes moved from the rich, dark wood of the sizable curved headboard bearing the intricate carvings of Gallifreyan script, to the sumptuous, deep blue duvet draping the bed and nearly touching the floor on each side. Rose tried not to let her eyes linger too noticeably long on that bed, but it wasn't easy, as it drew her first attention.

She peeled her eyes away, scanning the rest of the space. Directly in front of her stood a large wardrobe of the same wood as the bed, its double doors displaying similar spiral etchings, with a smaller bureau beside it. A few feet down from that on the same wall and between two towering coral columns was another door, partially open and leading into the en-suite.

The far right of the room boasted a lofty bookcase, with a large desk and leather armchair arranged catty-cornered to its left.

The Doctor, still feeling rather giddy that she'd chosen to at least see this room, bound over to the wardrobe and opened the double doors, revealing it to her.

"Most of your clothes are in here," he said. "From jeans and jumpers to period gowns. Not quite as large as the wardrobe _room,_ but still, an outfit for any occasion for nearly as far as the eye can see. Don't let the size fool you," his muffled voice echoed back as he stuck his head inside, "it's bigger on the inside!" He pulled back out, still grinning, then swiftly moved to the bureau and opened a few drawers, exhibiting their contents with his typical flair. "And here are your socks and bras and knickers..." He held up a bra in one hand and a pair of lacy knickers in the other. His manic grin slowly faded as he looked at the garments, then at Rose's rapidly-blushing face, then back at the underwear. He coughed. "Yes. Well. Everything else you need, right here. Quite handy, that. All in one place. Neatly organized. _And_ sturdy." He toed the base with a trainer-clad foot. "Quite important to have durability for those _extremely_ seldom but slightly less than superb landings. I always have respect for a well-crafted piece of furniture. Indeed, the bureau is a wonderful invention. Oooh, I'll have to take you to meet its original creator some time. Lovely chap! Bit boring, though. Still, they can't all be charming and charismatic, I suppose. Not everyone can be, well, _me_!"

The Doctor soon realized his nonsensical chatter was doing absolutely nothing to cover the awkwardness of the moment and was actually making it worse, considering he still held the bra and knickers, and his hands, which never seemed to be able to remain still when his gob ran free, were now waving the items animatedly through the air as he spoke.

Chucking the undergarments back in the drawer a little too late, he turned back to Rose.

"Um, thank you," she replied, and tried to keep her inflection from sounding like a question. Because really, _should_ she thank him for such a thoroughly embarrassing display? At least this time she wasn't the only one blushing as she noticed a definite rosy hue highlighting his pale cheeks and the tips of his ears. He was actually quite adorable when he looked embarrassed, Rose decided.

Confining his traitorous hands to his pockets, the Doctor walked back over to her, wondering if she was now regretting even coming in here. He had _wanted_ to make her feel comfortable here. After Rose's absence from the TARDIS, his desire was strong to have her back in this room, sleeping again in his bed, even if he wasn't sharing it with her yet.

He swallowed down disappointment, prepared that she would decide against sleeping in here. He cast a brief glance over at the bed before settling his eyes back on her. "So...you think you could be comfortable in here?" he asked tentatively. "You don't have to stay in here...if you'd rather just take some of your things and go to your old room."

Rose chewed her lip as she turned her head and swept her gaze once more around the room, finally settling on the enticing, welcoming bed, not hiding that it had her attention despite what it signified between them. Maybe it should feel awkward to think of sleeping in here, but she found it didn't. Then again, maybe it was _right_ for her to feel that way. The truth was, Rose didn't know what she _should_ feel; she only knew that she wanted to stay. Being here just felt right. Soothing. Much like the Doctor's presence with her.

Rose released her bottom lip from between her teeth. "I...I think I'd like to stay." She felt equal parts relieved and nervous at the declaration.

The Doctor, however, felt 100% relief. It showed instantly in his eyes as a little of the weight lifted. "Good. Good, that's...I'm glad you feel comfortable here. That's what I want, Rose. In all of this. I want you to be comfortable with it."

Rose smiled almost shyly, her eyes falling to study the tops of her shoes before lifting to meet his once more. The Doctor's hand came up to tug at his ear as he cleared his throat. "Well, I'll just...be out here." He turned a little, twisting at the waist and pointing back out the door.

Rose once again felt her emotions in conflict. She wasn't sure if she was ready to share a bed with him yet, even _just_ for sleeping, but she also didn't want to run him out of his own room. "You don't have to go," she said quietly, not quite meeting his eyes. "I mean, this is your room, and–"

"It's your room, too," he gently broke in. The Doctor could sense her hesitation, despite her offer. The last thing he wanted to do was push her into an uncomfortable situation – _more _uncomfortable than what she was already feeling in all this. She'd had plenty of that for one day. The Doctor continued. "Besides, don't need much sleep, me. You do, though; and you really need to get some rest. And I need to go back to the infirmary and finish analyzing those scans. There are still a few more things I'd like to examine with them."

Rose gave him a genuine, grateful smile, hoping he knew just how much everything he had done, and was continuing to do for her really meant. Not only was he dedicating so much attention to her health and well-being, but he was being so gentle with her, so patient. None of this could be easy for him, either. Though her mind was still a whirlwind trying to process this life that was now hers, her thoughts were beginning to clear enough to see just why she loved him, leather _or_ pinstripes. "Thank you. For...well, _everything_."

The Doctor smiled softly, sighing her name inwardly. Didn't she know he would conquer the world for her? Anything he might have done up till now held no comparison to things he was willing to do for her. He pulled his right hand out of his pocket and moved it towards her, ghosting the tips of his fingers down her cheek, his thumb brushing the corner of her lips, following the path with his eyes as her lids fluttered and her breath caught, before gathering enough resolve to withdraw his hand and step back.

He turned and moved towards the door, but then stopped in the doorway and turned back to her. "I won't be far, Rose. If you need me for anything, or just don't want to be alone, call out for me and I'll come sleep with you."

Rose muffled a surprised squeak in her throat but couldn't hide the widening of her eyes.

The Doctor's eyebrows shot up as he realized how that sounded. "To _sleep_, that is. I didn't mean anything more. That's not to say I don't _want_ more. You have _no idea_ how much I want more, and...oh, that came out wrong...or...right. But what I meant was, even when we weren't, well...," he gestured vaguely between them, "you know...doing _more_, you still often wanted me to just stay with you while you slept. Which is what I meant."

Rose nodded quickly. "I...I think I'll be fine. But if I do need– Well...thank you."

Deciding he'd already said and done quite enough for one evening, the Doctor finally turned and left the room, giving her some space to begin adjusting.

Rose turned away from the door and took a few steps around, familiarizing herself a little more with the room. She moved towards the desk situated on the right side of the room across from the bed. Rose came closer, running her fingers over the smooth, dark wood. On it was stacked several large books, Gallifreyan symbols etched into the deep red cover of the one on top. Below it was one in English. Rose read the spine and saw it was a book on pregnancy. She smiled softly. His every thought was on her and the baby. She could picture him spending long nights here pouring over his reading these past weeks in between the times he would come visit her at her mum's flat.

Scattered about the desk were notes the Doctor had scrawled in that familiar, circular script. She glanced closer at one of the notes, tracing a finger over the beautiful, mysterious symbols. Would their baby learn this language? A feeling of immense responsibility settled upon her. This child was the offspring of the last of the Doctor's kind. Though mingled with human genetics, this was essentially the continuation of a race all but extinct, while at the same time something completely new. Dwelling on that fact only added to the vastness of it all in her mind.

Breathing in deeply, Rose moved on. She walked a little further and peered into the spacious en-suite. The warm tones of the floor and walls, a type of smooth stone, were the same color as the TARDIS coral. Beside the glass-encased shower was a sizable, deep round tub. Rose felt her body temperature momentarily rise as she thought of it accommodating two.

Completing her circuit through the room, Rose then made her way to the bureau the Doctor had so helpfully shown her and opened a few drawers, looking for some pajamas to put on and settling on a pale pink cotton nightshirt that came about mid-thigh. Curiously inspecting the other drawers, Rose found the third one from the top to have a few garments intended to be worn to bed, but most definitely not for sleeping. She felt a rush of heat to her face as she lifted what was little more than a scrap of sheer black lace. Her pulse quickened as the Doctor's earlier words echoed back, low and smooth:

"_Our relationship is quite...physical." _

Well, at least he had stopped short of pulling this little number out and waving it around the room like a flag. Rose tucked it back in the drawer and went about getting undressed, changing into the nightshirt.

Rose was starting to wish she'd found something to wear in heavy flannel as she rubbed her hands up and down her chilly arms. She couldn't wait to snuggle up under the warm covers. She paused at the edge of the bed before climbing in. It was then the thought fully struck her. She was getting in the _Doctor's_ bed. It was now hers, too. A feeling of intense longing found its way into her heart and settled heavily there. She _desperately_ wanted to remember this life; a life she never could have imagined would be hers.

She peeled back the deep blue duvet and slipped beneath, drawing the covers up just below her chin as her tired body sank into the plush mattress. As her eyes drifted shut, she hoped the dreams that would fill her sleep would be of the memories that were still clouded, hidden somewhere within the deep recesses of her mind.

-:-:-:-

After finishing his exhaustive analysis of the numerous scans and tests he'd run on Rose, the Doctor went back to their room and slipped quietly in to check on her. The soft glow from the corridor fell across the room through the open door. The Doctor could see the sleeping form of Rose, lying on her side in the bed. He silently pulled out the sonic and switched it on, checking her temperature. It had only dropped 0.9°C and was holding steady, but still, the human temperature was maintained within such narrow margins and anything between just a 1-2°C drop would mean the beginnings of hypothermia. He came fully into the room and padded softly to the low chest at the foot of the bed, taking out an extra blanket. He then moved to the side of the bed and gently spread the blanket over Rose, giving her a little extra warmth.

He lingered over her, gazing down at his Rose, so deep in sleep. She was no doubt exhausted after such a day. He couldn't stop himself from placing a whisper-soft touch to her cheek with tips of his fingers, fighting the instinctual urge to move to her temple, slipping into her dreams, connecting his mind with hers again. Beneath his fingers he could almost feel her life force – the blood coursing steadily through her body, from her lungs, to her heart, through the systemic circuit of her body and back to her heart again – so vibrant, thriving and very, very fragile. It was in quiet, reflective moments like this when a feeling of panic would begin to rise within him. What would he ever do without her?

Rose was the reason he was sane. She had taken the broken, battered soldier he had been – a man who took her to watch her own planet burn on their first trip, showing her the harsh reality that everything ended, while she in turn showed him that life endured and gave him a reason to continue on – and she had changed him. Little by little she had broken through the walls he had built around his fragmented hearts, using the most powerful yet gentle force in existence: love. She had dissolved his defenses, seen the things within him he didn't even want to see himself, yet she didn't run from it. She healed his brokenness and taught him it was safe to love again. The risk was great, but the reward was greater. What they now shared, however long it lasted, would be with him always.

The Doctor wanted to do for Rose what she had done for him. He wanted to show her it was safe to love. He needed her desperately – body, mind and soul. The loss of their mental connection felt like the loss of a limb. He had almost forgotten the depth of the haunting emptiness that had taken residence in his mind before Rose had filled that place within him with her consuming love. He wanted, _needed_ their bond fully re-established. And though her mind had now recovered enough for that joining and he was now aware to put certain barriers in place around the baby's link so that what happened before would not happen again, it was now a matter of Rose being ready to accept it. His body ached for her. He longed to take her in his arms and _show_ her his love – not to fulfill the most primitive of desires, but the most superlative. Yet this wasn't about _his_ needs. His focus was on Rose.

An idea began to take shape in the Doctor's mind and he then knew exactly what he wanted to do for her. Lowering to brush his lips across the crown of her head, he then eased back and smiled down at her softly. Tomorrow was going to be a _very_ good day.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N **The Doctor keeps a promise made to Rose on the last day of their "honeymoon" in _Falling Slowly._

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 31<span>**

Rose was suspended in that blissful moment between sleep and waking when your body is still completely at rest but with just enough awareness to enjoy it. She was cocooned in warmth, nestled in the plush mattress and surrounded by the scent she now knew as the Doctor's alone. She inhaled deeply as she turned from her side onto her back, stretching out her legs and flexing her toes. As her senses came to full wakefulness, Rose's thoughts seemed to naturally settle on the Doctor as her eyes slowly fluttered open. Her vision was then filled with the sight of the man at the center of her thoughts as her sleepy eyes focused upon him to her right.

He had moved the leather armchair from the desk over beside the bed and sat there now, reading. The large Gallifreyan book she had seen on the desk the night before was propped open in his lap and supported with both hands as he studied the pages, peering down at them through dark-rimmed glasses. His jacket was off, slung over the back of the chair, and his dark brown tie with the small blue circular pattern hung loose at his neck, the first few buttons at the collar of his light blue Oxford open. Rose could feel her heart begin beating a bit faster in her chest just looking at him. He really was _gorgeous_. She wondered what he would look like waking beside her _in_ the bed, perhaps shirtless and hair even more gloriously disheveled. That was a sight she definitely wanted to move beyond just imagining.

Dark brown eyes lifted from the ancient page and came to rest on hers. A slow, easy smile curved his lips. "Morning," he softly greeted.

As natural as breathing, Rose returned his smile, her voice thick from sleep. "Hi."

Rose pulled herself up into a sitting position against the headboard, the covers slipping down and gathering around her waist. Her loose-fitting nightshirt slid down her right arm, revealing her shoulder and top swell of her breast. She saw the Doctor's vision follow its path, settling on her bare skin as his eyes became something more intense. Rose could almost feel heat on her skin under his gaze. Self-consciously, she tugged the garment back up her shoulder. It was silly, really. It certainly wasn't anything he hadn't already seen before, but the passionate look in his dark eyes made her stomach flip flop and her slight nervousness return. Everyone kept telling her to take things a step at a time, but if he kept looking at her like this that plan might go out the proverbial window.

And would that necessarily be a bad thing?

Rose didn't have the chance to follow that thought further because moments later her stomach was doing a different kind of churning, and this time it wasn't from his heated gaze. The Doctor recognized the signs as her face drained of color. He was at her side in an instant, producing a cup of tea that had been sitting beside the bed.

He knelt beside her on the mattress, one hand resting on her back as he offered the beverage with the other. "Here. I know you probably don't feel like swallowing anything right now, but try to take a few sips of this, and I promise you'll feel better."

Rose took the cup from his hands and forced herself to take a few hesitant sips. Gradually, the nausea eased.

"Thanks," she managed, her stomach slowly beginning to settle back down. Rose peered at the contents in her mug and lifted it to her nose, taking a whiff. "This is the same tea you'd been giving me at Mum's," she noted, remembering the times when 'Dr. Smith' had prepared it for her.

"I've infused it with something to help with the morning sickness; or...whenever the nausea decides to strike. I knew you'd be waking up soon, so I thought I'd have some ready for you, just in case." He eased back a little, one knee still bent and resting on the bed beside her. "Better?"

Rose nodded. "Yeah. Thank you."

The Doctor sat back in the chair as Rose cradled the mug in her hands. She cut her eyes back over to him, wondering just how long he'd been there before she woke. "I didn't mean for you to have to sit up in a chair all night," she said somewhat guiltily as she reclined in the middle of this large, comfortable bed, thinking now that she _really_ wouldn't have minded if he'd slipped in with her.

"Oh, I didn't mind. It gave me a chance to catch up on some reading." That slow, sexy smile returned. "And sitting here like this put me at the perfect vantage point for doing one of the things I love best – watching you as you sleep. You're gorgeous."

Rose hid her creeping blush behind her mug as she lifted it to take another sip. She felt a little self-conscious at the thought of him watching her sleep, but she also found that a part of her very much liked it that he had. As Rose glanced down, she noticed the extra blanket that had covered her. Maybe it was a small gesture, but Rose felt her heart swell just a little more. Was this incredible man really hers?

"How are you feeling?" he asked, leaning forward on his elbows.

Between his blanket, his tea, and his presence in the room, it was certainly hard to feel cold. The nausea had passed, too, and the exhaustion of the night before had been solved by a good night's sleep. "Good. Not quite as cold as last night, but I guess being under the blankets has something to do with that. I'm not feeling tired either. I slept well."

A familiar buzzing sound filled the room as the Doctor produced the sonic screwdriver, giving her a scan to confirm her assessment. Rose smiled inwardly. She was probably going to have to get very used to being on the receiving end of sonic scans for the foreseeable future.

The Doctor tucked away the sonic, satisfied for now with the results. There was an excitement in his eyes as he looked back to her. He'd been anxious to tell her this. "Well, if you're feeling up to it, I have a surprise for you today. Outside the doors of the TARDIS awaits a destination I think you'll enjoy." Uncertainty crept into his voice as he tugged on his earlobe. "That is...if you want to. If you're not ready to travel yet, with me, that's fine. I understand. I know you decided to come back to the TARDIS, but maybe I shouldn't have presumed..."

His uncertainty was chased away by Rose's beaming smile and enthusiastic reply. Anything else momentarily dissipated amidst her excitement of traveling with the Doctor. This, at least, was familiar to her. "_Of course_ I'd love to! Where are we?"

A grin of happiness and relief came to his face. "_That_, Rose Tyler, is a surprise. Why don't you get dressed and I'll meet you in the galley for some breakfast. Then I'll show you just where we are."

The Doctor stood, picking up his jacket off the back of the chair. Before leaving the room, he turned back to add, "No need to dress in too many layers. I think you'll find the warm climate to be just what you need."

-:-:-:-

After showering, getting dressed and having a light breakfast, Rose stood with the Doctor at the door of the TARDIS, eager to see where he had taken her. She could spend a lifetime traveling in this ship, yet these were moments that would never lose their thrill. She felt so much like herself again, finally regaining some of her equilibrium after being knocked off her feet the day before. This was them, the Doctor and Rose. Even if there had been some _significant_ changes to what used to define them, this was one thing that remained unchanged.

He opened the door, bright sunlight falling across them as he made a sweeping gesture with his arm to the outside. "After you, m'lady."

Grinning broadly, Rose stepped outside and gazed around, her eyes flitting to and fro trying to take in the panorama at once, with so much beauty to see in all directions. "This is...oh, this is _beautiful_. Are we still on Earth?"

The Doctor strode up beside her, hands in his pockets. "The one and only. _This_ is Antigua. The eastern Caribbean, island paradise."

Rose swept her gaze around the tropical vista stretched out before her, admiring the clear blue water, sparkling beneath the bright sun like sapphires scattered across its surface, and the beach with its gleaming white sand, before setting her eyes on the thatched-roof bungalow which stood situated off the beach amidst a group of tall, swaying palm trees.

The Doctor turned to face her, his eyes soulful and his voice low. "This is a special place for us, Rose. I took you here once before. And on our final day here together, we stood and watched the sunrise just over there." He pointed with an extended arm to the bungalow's veranda overlooking the ocean. "And I promised then that I would take you back here someday. So this is me, keeping that promise."

Rose looked up at him. "We've been here before?"

Her question very nearly broke his hearts. He swallowed heavily. "Yeah. Yeah, we've been here before."

He had been fighting so hard to keep his own pain masked in this, instead focusing only on her; but Rose could see the repressed sorrow in his eyes break the surface. She wished she could ease that for him. It pained her that she couldn't remember, but she knew it hurt him, too. She wanted to be able to share the memory of their time here, a place that clearly held significance. She might not know now, but she could learn again. "Tell me about this place," she asked softly.

The Doctor's eyes looked deeply into hers. He extended his hand to her. "Come with me."

Rose slipped her hand into his as he led her down the secluded beach to the edge of the water. He guided her to sit beside him in the warm, powdery sand as they gazed out across the seemingly-boundless ocean. They sat in silence for a minute, the only sound that of the surf crashing gently against the shore. Rose turned her head to look at the Doctor. Although he was looking out across the water, she could sense the view in front of them wasn't what he was seeing before his distant eyes. He was seeing a past memory – a memory that was now lost to her.

The Doctor turned his eyes back to hers, his voice quiet, contemplative, yet intense. "This is where I showed myself to you, Rose. All of me. Even the things I didn't want anyone to see. The things I wanted to forget, but the things I _never_ could, never will. You had to know, Rose. You had to know just who I was. I showed you the things I thought would make you turn away, and rightfully so, but you didn't. Instead, you saw the darkness, the things I'd done, The Destroyer of Worlds, The..." His voice was rough with emotion. "The Killer of His Own Kind. You saw all that, Rose, and offered forgiveness I didn't deserve. You gave me love." He drew in a long, shuddering breath. Talking about these things wasn't easy for him, even now. He wasn't one to wear his hearts on his sleeve, but Rose always seemed to have that way of getting him to open himself deeper. "And this is where I finally told you how I felt. How I had _always_ felt. This is where I told you I loved you, and where I showed you that love without holding back. This is where I bonded myself to you and we became one."

Rose felt the sting of tears begin to prick her eyes. Never had she longed for those memories than in this moment. "I _want_ to remember," she whispered, her voice almost breaking.

He gave her a quivering smile, his own eyes shining. "I know. But I promise to remember for both of us. What we had has _not_ been lost, Rose." He brought his hand forward, lifting it to her face and tracing fingertips down her cheek, across her jaw. "And we are going to make new, glorious memories, Rose. Trust me."

Rose captured his hand and held it between both of hers, just beneath her chin. "I do trust you," she breathed, the full meaning of her words clear as her eyes held his. She brushed her lips in a whispered-touch over his knuckles, and he wondered if she could feel the sparks become fire. Their bond was just waiting to ignite.

The Doctor wanted nothing more in this moment than to pull her to him, bring his lips to hers, lay her down beneath him and show her his love, slowly and fervently until the sun above them became stars in the sky.

But they had taken this slow the first time this journey had been made. Some things were worth the wait. Rose had given him the time he needed to come to terms with his feelings and overcome his fears. Now he would do the same thing for her, even though he could see in her eyes that something was shifting. There was a definite sureness that had not been there the day before when all of this had crashed over Rose and left her reeling. He felt the heaviness in his own chest begin to lighten. They _would_ make new, glorious memories together.

He smiled, growing ever brighter as he laced his fingers through hers and pulled her with him to stand. "And now, Rose Tyler, I'm going to give you the grand tour."

The tropical sun wasn't the only cause of Rose's growing warmth as he led her by the hand towards their private bungalow.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N **At last, some significant progress is made in more ways than one.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 32<span>**

The Doctor showed Rose around the inside of the bungalow, re-familiarizing her with this place he once never thought would have ever been forgotten.

For Rose, just knowing this was where they essentially spent their honeymoon made her see the space with an even greater sense of wonder. The bedroom, open to the veranda facing the ocean, with its gorgeous four-poster mahogany bed and white gauze canopy fluttering softly in the breeze was the picture of romance, but in all truth Rose would have been swept away by a bare room with nothing more than a mat on the floor. Just knowing this was a place that held such significance for them took her breath away every bit as much as the visual beauty.

After showing Rose the interior, pleased once again to find that she _very_ much approved of this place, they stepped out onto the veranda together. The Doctor then made a suggestion of an activity for the day. He didn't want her to be feeling glum over still not remembering. He wanted this to be a good day.

"How about a picnic, Rose?" he asked. "It's a perfect day for it, and I know just the place. Green Island, off the eastern coast. It's uninhabited – the ideal place for a bit of exploring," he waggled an adventurous brow. "And perfect for a picnic, too. We can pop down east in the TARDIS and then, to get the full experience, rent a boat from there to take us to the island. How does that sound?"

"Oh, that sounds lovely!" Rose beamed happily in reply.

With the psychic paper acting as the Doctor's license, they rented a small runabout and set out on the clear blue water, glittering brightly in the midday sun. Fortunately for Rose, her stomach cooperated for the boat ride, and she had even worked up quite an appetite by the time they reached the small island and took an exploratory walk together, the Doctor enthusiastically lecturing on any and all local flora and fauna they came upon. He could make every moment feel like an adventure. Rose loved each minute of it, just being with him like this. Afterwards they set up their picnic on the beach at the water's edge, the Doctor's long brown coat spread out for them to sit on. A sampling of delicious sandwiches was shared between them, and Rose wasn't sure if she had the Doctor or the TARDIS to thank for preparing their delectable fare (though she suspected the latter), but it was thoroughly enjoyed either way.

Rose had taken off her shoes, and she sat with her feet stretched out off the Doctor's coat they reclined upon, curling her toes into the warm sand. The bright sun felt divine, chasing away the chill she'd been feeling since the day before. Rose closed her eyes and inhaled deeply through her nose. Mingled with the fresh scent of the ocean, she could almost detect something more...like..._apple grass_.

The Doctor's head snapped around to look at her. "What did you say, Rose?"

She opened her eyes. Had she said that out loud? Where had that thought even come from? "I...guess I said something about apple grass," she shrugged.

The Doctor gaped at her for several seconds. "New Earth," he murmured.

"The place with cat-Nuns and Cassandra you told me about?" she asked.

He quickly nodded his head, eyes fixed on hers and a smile coming to his face that could only be described as huge. "Cat-Nuns, Cassandra, _and_ apple grass. But I didn't mention the apple grass."

Rose racked her mind trying to recall the specific memory. She couldn't quite place it, but some part of it was undeniably still there, trying to break the surface. The entire day was that much brighter for them just knowing she was still making progress.

As the two ate their lunch together, the Doctor had been telling Rose more tales of their travels hoping to spark more memories, but there was one story in particular she wanted to hear more than any other. During a brief lull in the conversation, Rose took the opportunity to ask what had been on her mind, nearly from the moment she learned of the life she now shared with the Doctor. He had offered to tell her this before when she was first learning of everything, but she wasn't ready. Now she was.

Taking a sip from her thermos of water, she then flipped the cap closed and sat it down, turning towards the Doctor as he finished off the last of his sandwich, licking a bit of mustard off his thumb. "I want to know more about...us," she began, gaining his full attention as his eyes found and settled on hers. "How did this happen? I mean, how did we get to this point together? It's just...something I didn't think would ever happen for us – for a lot of reasons," she admitted. The Doctor she had known had been so guarded with his feelings and that wasn't something she could see changing easily, even with a new regeneration. How had those walls come down?

The Doctor curled his hands on the fabric of his trousers as he knelt beside her, contemplating her question, his mind falling back to how things had developed to this point between them. "It didn't come easily," he confessed. "You could say it was a slow fall. I suppose it all started when we temporarily lost the TARDIS." The Doctor smiled and shook his head slightly as he corrected himself. "No. It started in a shop basement when I told you to run." Rose felt her heart skip a beat at his words. "But I suppose losing the TARDIS was the catalyst that sped the inevitable, because the truth of it is we were always destined for this, you and me. I couldn't have resisted it if I tried – and I _did_ try," he said regretfully. "Oh, there were so many reasons why I thought we couldn't be together. I didn't think I deserved you – I'm still not convinced on that point – and I didn't think you would want to be with someone like me once you truly knew me. I had so much darkness within, Rose. That is something that I will never fully escape, but you have made me so much better."

Rose felt a little overwhelmed by his words and undeserving of such veneration. What could she, a shop girl, have done to ease the unimaginable burdens of such an ancient being? "But I've never done anything...remarkable. I don't see how I could–"

"By being you," he interjected. "Just you. You have taught me so much about life and love and forgiveness, Rose. You stood between me and a Dalek and made me put down my weapon and let go of hatred. When I trapped you on an impossible planet you didn't blame me for it, and you were the strong one who came up with a plan for what to do next if I hadn't been able to bring you back home. You saved me when I was trapped within a drawing by a creature harnessing ionic energy because you recognized the sheer power of love." He smiled slowly, his eyes sparkling in the sun. "And you stood up on a stage, looked me in the eyes, and sang to me from your soul of the love you felt inside. That's when I knew I didn't stand a chance. What man or Time Lord could?"

Rose was bemused. "I...hold on, what?"

"It was during the time I mentioned when we were separated from the TARDIS. We were sent four months into the past by a temporal displacement wave, and we had to spend that time living together on Earth, waiting for the point in time when we could return to where the TARDIS had been. We shared a flat. A very _small_ flat..." His voice dropped a deliberate note lower with those words. "And we both found jobs. I took a position teaching and you found work singing at a local club."

A troubled look crossed Rose's face as the name 'Jimmy Stone' invaded her thoughts, but the Doctor placed his hand on her shoulder in reassurance. "It's okay, Rose. You told me about the past. And I was so proud of how you overcame that and didn't let those painful memories stop you from singing again." Rose smiled tentatively as he continued. "Day after day I found myself wanting you – _needing_ you all the more, but I was afraid. I was afraid of letting go only to lose you. But then something happened that made me realize just how easily I could have lost you, and I knew then that having you completely, come what may, was infinitely better than holding back and forever regretting what I never let us have, never let us become." He paused, taking a deep breath. "So I brought you here, to this place, and gave myself fully to you."

Rose struggled to find the words to say in response. She was caught between wanting to fully let go, yet still fighting past lingering feelings of insecurity. In some ways she had loved the Doctor and wanted him for _so_ long, but in other ways she was just getting to know who he truly was – had just learned who he was now and of their life together the day before.

The Doctor could see the struggle within her anxious eyes. That fear of fully letting go was something he was all too familiar with. Gently, he took her hand, curling his fingers around hers. "You once told me that I made simple things too complicated, and that, Rose, was an understatement. I know this isn't exactly a simple situation for you to suddenly find yourself in, but it doesn't have to be unduly complicated, either. I don't want you to feel pressure to fit into a life you don't remember. Just be you and I'll be me, and the rest will come, I promise. What I said to you yesterday will always be true: I will wait for you, Rose, for as long as it takes."

Rose dipped her head, then turned, her eyes drifting out across the water as his words settled within her, soothing her, healing her. When she turned back to face the Doctor, tears were brimming in her eyes and began tracking down her face. Her swelling love for him in this moment felt like it might overtake her, and any last remaining uncertainty of feeling as if she didn't fully know him began to vaporize. She _did_ know him, in her very soul. Her tear-filled eyes were locked on his, transfixed. She couldn't turn away. The Doctor reached forward, cupping her face in his hands and wiping her falling tears with his thumbs. As his hands made contact with her skin, her heart felt as if it was going to pound out of her chest, blood rushing in her ears. Rose drew a sudden, sharp breath, her eyes squeezing shut as something powerful began crashing over her, uncontrolled, surging. It felt like release.

The Doctor's hands moved to her shoulders, gripping firmly. "Rose, what is it? What's wrong – are you alright?" His words were spoken quickly in concern, and the sound of him only amplified what was taking place. She _knew_ that voice; and not as a voice she'd just heard for the first time mere weeks ago.

Her breathing was rapid, her chest heaving, and several moments passed before she was able to even reply as previously-distorted images of her life began to become clear. Slowly, she opened her eyes again and focused on him. As she took several deep gulps of air and her rate of breathing slowed, the look in her eyes had changed. There was clarity. This time, she was seeing _him_. She had been trying so hard to force it, yet it began to come once she simply let go.

"I remember," she whispered, the words trembling on her lips. She then repeated it, her voice rising louder. "I remember _you_. My Doctor." She gulped in one more breath, and her grin nearly split her face in two as a watery laugh burst forth along with the words. "You're rude and not ginger with a gob that never stops, you love the Muppet Movie and edible ball bearings, you have a mole between your shoulder blades, a slight weakness in the dorsal tubercle, you need a hand to hold to get across the universe, you never stop running, and trouble is just the bits in between!" She finished with a gleeful shout.

The Doctor's eyes were as wide as his open mouth. "Rose, do you...do you remember it all? Everything?"

Rose shook her head, her smile slightly faltering but still in place. "Not everything, but I _know_ I will. I don't remember us getting to the point we're at now. But I remember us from before, you and me, the Stuff of Legends. The trips you were telling me of – I _remember_ them." Rose laughed breathlessly to herself as she stared off, reveling in being able to remember those times together. She frowned momentarily, then looked at him with a raised brow. "And you conveniently left out Reinette. But I'll let you pass this time." Her smile grew wide once more. "I remember you!" Rose launched herself towards him and into his open arms. "I remember you," she repeated into the side of his neck.

The Doctor tightened his grip around her. "Rose. Oh, Rose, you never stop amazing me."

-:-:-:-

The Doctor and Rose returned to the bungalow that evening, each one feeling like a thousand pound weight had lifted. Rose still had the most recent memories that were missing, but both were certain it would just be a matter of time before they returned. _Surely_. Rose no longer felt torn trying to accept him as the Doctor and reconcile two men in her mind. She _knew_ him as the Doctor – her pinstriped Doctor. The man she loved.

And _oh_ how she loved him. The feeling of being overwhelmed by it all continued, but now it was for quite a different reason. It was almost beyond her comprehension to know that her deepest desire, her most intense longing, had come true. The Doctor, _this_ Doctor, loved her in the same way she loved him, and he had been able to open himself to her and share that love in a way she thought would never happen. It was astounding. And she was having his baby. Never – even in her fantasies – had she allowed herself to even dream of _that_ possibility.

Rose wanted the return of every single memory of her time with him now more than ever. But she didn't need to remember loving him in the past in order to love him in the present. She already knew how it felt to be in love with him, with _this_ version of him; what she still longed to know, however, was how it felt to be loved _by_ him, completely, without restraint. Knowing that this was something he would not withhold from her made Rose almost lightheaded at the thought. He had said he would wait for her. Rose no longer wanted to wait.

She wasn't sure how far he would allow himself to take things with her right away. He had been so restrained, not even coming _close_ to doing anything he thought she might not be comfortable with. She needed him to know she felt no more hesitation. Well, in truth she still felt more than a little overwhelmed at the thought, but she wanted more of him. Even if it was just a press of his lips to hers, a touch of that fire, she craved it. She needed him as much as he needed her.

Rose decided she wanted to sleep in the bungalow tonight. The balmy air sweeping from the veranda into the bedroom felt blissful. She had retrieved a pair of pajamas from the TARDIS and brought them into the bungalow's bedroom to change. Rose didn't know just how much would happen between the two of them _tonight_, but she did know without a doubt she wanted the Doctor beside her as she slept. He had offered the night before to sleep with her, causing Rose to flush at the memory and unwitting connotation, so she knew he would accept if she requested this of him. Once she had changed for the night, Rose settled in her mind that she would go find him in the TARDIS and ask him. He was still being the utmost gentlemen, giving her as much space as she needed. She was steadily beginning to want _less_ space.

Rose had already removed her shoes and pulled off her jumper, but paused at her waist as her fingers went to the button of her jeans. She walked over to the floor-length mirror in the room and stood in front of it, gazing at her reflection. Her hands moved down to rest over her smooth, flat stomach, imagining the changes that would take place in her as their baby grew. She was again filled with awe in knowing that a new life was now growing inside her – a life she and the Doctor created.

She heard quiet movement behind her. Rose lifted her eyes from her belly, and in the mirror caught sight of the Doctor standing in the doorway. Her heart immediately began thudding hard in her chest. His dark eyes gazed at her with a look of passion so intense it made her breath catch on its way up her throat. She wondered what it would be like to have him look at her like that without holding himself back.

She was still wearing her jeans and bra, but Rose felt completely unclothed before him as he took her in, as if his eyes penetrated not only through cloth, but through to her soul. Something passed over his heated countenance and he snapped himself to attention, standing more rigid. His eyes that had swept over her body found hers and looked apologetic and hesitant.

His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed heavily and spoke. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...I just...I was just checking on you to see if you needed anything." His eyes darted away, settling on anything but her half-clothed form. "I'll just...be back out here if..." His words trailed off as he retreated out of the room.

Rose's heart was still pounding, but that rush of adrenaline gave her the boldness to do what she did next. "Doctor?" she called, somehow managing to find her voice. She wondered if it was possible to die from wanting someone so much in a single moment.

The sound of his trainers squeaking on the smooth wood floors stopped, then slowly grew near. He reappeared in the doorway, his face questioning.

"I...I do need something."

He nodded. "Anything, Rose. What is it?"

"I need you."


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N **Rose is finally remembering her Doctor, but there's still a little more rediscovering to do, and they get a decent start on it here. ;)

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 33<span>**

_"I...I do need something." _

_He nodded. "Anything, Rose. What is it?" _

_"I need you."_

The air in the space between them was electric, crackling with tension and potent potential as both stood silent, eyes locked. The Doctor took three slow steps closer.

"You have me, Rose," he replied in a soft, gentle voice, yet with a slight strain on those last words that showed the intensity he felt within was just barely contained.

Her rush of boldness temporarily fled beneath the power of this force suddenly between them that stole her ability to breathe. Rose found herself ducking her eyes from ones that were almost burning into hers, then turned back towards the mirror, her arms crossing over her exposed midsection. "I...I was just wondering if you would stay with me tonight...as I slept."

Rose heard his footsteps draw nearer from behind, then quivered with a small start as his hands came to rest gently on her bare shoulders, thumbs softly stroking. She lifted her eyes to meet his deep, intense gaze in the mirror as he stood behind her, so close his body was now brushing against hers. The wool of his suit created delicious friction across her back as he leaned in closer.

A shiver ran down her spine as his hot breath danced across her ear. "Always," he whispered. "Tonight and every night for as long as you'll have me, Rose. Never doubt that."

Rose tried to form a reply, but then his hands began traveling over her skin and any words she had vanished, lost to his touch.

His open palms slowly moved from her shoulders, smoothed down her upper arms, to her elbows, then back up to rest on her shoulders. Rose had never quite thought of her arms as erogenous zones, but she imagined there wasn't a place on her body he could touch without creating a fire inside her. His voice was low, still hovering near her ear. "You're shivering. You should finish getting undressed and then put on something warm."

With his firm body pressed against hers and his hands on her skin, being cold was suddenly _not_ an issue. Rose managed to speak, despite the blood now rushing in her ears. "I'm not shivering from being cold."

This time it wasn't just his breath that ghosted across her ear, but his lips, his voice the caress of a lover. "From this, Rose?" His hands followed the same path down again, then slowly back up with just the tips of his fingers. "From _me_?"

Rose nodded, her hair brushing the side of his face, her reply breathless. "Yes."

"Is it okay that I touch you?" His voice rumbled low in his chest, but his words were infinitely gentle.

_Oh, yes! _Rose inwardly cried, but her voice had momentarily fled. Inhaling deeply, her words managed to come out as she then released her breath. "I want you to touch me."

She could feel his lips curve into a smile against her ear. She dared to meet his eyes again in the mirror, and he was indeed smiling faintly, though it wasn't smug, but brimming with love.

The Doctor closed his eyes briefly. He wasn't trying to seduce her. If all Rose wanted from him tonight was for him to hold her as she slept then he was more than happy to again have that bit of intimacy between them, but he couldn't stop from voicing his honesty over how just this alone made him feel. "Ohhh, and I want to touch you, Rose. So, so much. You don't know how I've missed you...missed feeling your skin beneath mine like this."

She bit her lip to hold back a whimper as her head slightly tipped to the side against his. His smooth palms roamed once again down her arms until he met her hands that were crossed over her elbows. She still held her arms wrapped around herself in absent covering, more now to steady herself by gripping _something_ than to close herself off from him.

Lacing his fingers through hers, he gently lifted her hands away, uncrossing her arms. He brought her hands up to his lips, brushed a kiss across the knuckles of each, then gently placed them down at her sides. His lips then pressed to her shoulder, cool and scorching at the same time. Rose shuddered from the feel of his moist lips on her flesh, barely swallowing down a moan in response. With his left hand trailing up and cupping her shoulder, Rose felt her skin tingle beneath his fingers as his right hand then stroked down the plane of her belly. Their eyes locked in the mirror. He inched his hand lower and caressed back and forth below her navel, his smallest finger grazing just below the edge of her waistband as goosebumps rose and scattered across her rapidly-heating flesh. His hand stilled, long fingers splaying wide.

"Right here," he whispered in reverence, "is our miracle."

Rose lifted her right hand to cover his. Her voice was hushed, filled with awe. "We created this."

His tone was thick with emotion. "Yes, we did."

Seeing his reflection was no longer enough. She needed to see directly into those eyes. Rose turned in his arms, her hands floating up to rest on his chest as his settled on the small of her back, cradling her body to his. She thought back to the conversation of their near-kiss. His words, "_If you ever decide you'd like to do it again, I won't stop you_,_" _were repeating through her mind until they were all she could hear.

Her eyes fell to his lips and lingered, but then roved the features of his face, taking him in. Rose lifted her hand, and with a single finger traced his features, recommitting him to memory. She now remembered his face, but she was relearning how it felt to touch him, to be allowed this. Rose wanted to touch, to feel _all_ of him. But this gorgeous face she adored was a welcome starting point. She swept across his forehead, down the bridge of his nose, followed a scattering of freckles on the pale skin of his cheek, over to his left sideburn, then scratched lightly across the slight stubble of his jaw. This time it was the Doctor's turn to shiver as his eyes momentarily fell shut. Finally, Rose's fingers found his mouth, her thumb following the pink curve of his bottom lip.

The Doctor's eyes opened and fixed on hers. Rose leaned in closer, and true to his word the Doctor didn't stop her, would have been _incapable_ of stopping her as he whispered her name in the space between them, dipped his head and met her halfway. Their lips melded as perfectly together as Rose had always imagined they would. Rose nearly forgot how to breathe as his tongue slipped out to test the seal of her lips and his arms drew her flush against him. She opened to him as he swallowed her moan that followed. As the kiss deepened, it was a level of perfection she had never known, yet at the same time never lost. The memories of their love may have been hidden but never wiped away.

Her tongue met his as they drank each other in. Anchoring her to him with one hand pressed to her back, the other came up to her hair, his fingers sweeping through the silken strands and grasping the back of her head. The Doctor had told Rose he held back from allowing himself to kiss her before because the remnant of their bond would be difficult to suppress. That became vibrantly true now as their shared passion caused their all but severed link to pulse and flare into life.

Managing to hold on to some form of coherence before he lost himself completely, the Doctor focused down their rapidly-surging link, and through that touch with Rose's mind he sought their child's essence, protectively shielding the baby's link to Rose while placing boundaries around the bond he and Rose shared. With the safety measures in place he was unable to refrain from intensifying their connection, driven by instinct. Rose gasped into the kiss as the power between them surged, but he didn't let up, only grew more intense and urgent.

Rose could _feel_ his love for her and it was nearly overwhelming. She finally broke free for half a second to pull in air before his mouth was on hers again, reclaiming his bond mate with an almost feral growl. Rose's hands went to his head, threading through his hair and tugging as their tongues stroked, tasted and rediscovered, the flame within burning hotter and all-consuming.

Finally, they withdrew simply to pull oxygen into their burning, deprived lungs, the Doctor having lost control of his respiratory bypass. Rose had never seen anything more gorgeous than the Doctor as she opened her eyes and took in the sight of him. His glistening lips were parted and swollen, his breathing erratic, darkened eyes half-closed, and his hair even more sexily mussed than usual from her untamed, exploratory fingers. She decided he should always look like this.

Oh, how she loved him. She needed him to know. He did, but she needed to say it – needed to hear herself as the words were spoken to him. Rose stroked down his cheek with her fingers as she gazed into his deep, fathomless eyes, her own beginning to shine as crystal tears gathered on her lashes. "I love you, Doctor. I love you so much. Even when I woke up and didn't know who you were, I could _feel_ it. Even when I thought you were just a doctor and I was just your patient, I could feel that love – so strong it sometimes scared me. I still can hardly believe that I'm able to say this to you now, but I have _always_ loved you, and I always will."

He let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob as he drew her against his chest and held her tight. "I wish I had the words, Rose," he spoke against the top of her head. "I wish there was a way for me to say exactly what you are to me, but I just..." He shook his head slightly.

Rose pulled back enough to look up into his eyes. The Doctor raked one hand roughly through his hair and growled in frustration. "Words are usually so easy for me. I can talk my way out of a life or death situation, or talk myself _into_ one, and even talk the spots off a Lixiform. But when it comes to saying how I feel about you, Rose, I don't say it enough because the words often just...fail me. Words just aren't enough."

Rose linked her hands together behind his neck. "I already know. I know because you _have_ told me." A slow smile began to curve her lips. "But you're more a man of action, yeah? More about showing."

His eyes darkened noticeably. "Yes."

Rose leaned closer to whisper in his ear. "Then show me."

A low groan rumbled through his chest, the sound tugging deep within her as he took her face in his hands and brought his lips to hers once more. This time it was even more raw and hungry, filled with pent-up emotions that came rushing out like the breaking of a dam, teeth clacking and tongues battling as the pain, conflict, fear and joy of the past tumultuous weeks broke free and found release.

Their pace gradually slowed and mouths finally separated a fraction. The Doctor pressed his forehead to hers, their breath mingling in the intimate space between them as he spoke. "Rose, if I don't stop now..."

Rose cut short his words, pressing her open mouth to his. She pulled back long enough to whisper. "Don't stop. Don't ever stop." Half-lidded eyes rose to his, her voice barely perceivable over the sound of their heavy breathing combined with the ocean's surf echoing through the room. "I know you'd wait a lifetime for me, but I don't want us to wait any longer. It's been too long already. Make love to me, Doctor."

The intensity in his dark and dilated eyes pulled the breath right out of her lungs. Yet when he dipped his head and kissed her, it was so tender, filled with such engulfing love that it brought fresh tears to her eyes. He whispered into her mouth between kisses. "Our bond...if we give ourselves over to each other like this...completely...," his mouth descended to her neck as his hands skimmed up her ribcage and she trembled, "it will be fully re-established. I wouldn't be able to stop it."

Rose's hands went to his head to hold him in place as he sucked at her pulse point. "Is it dangerous?" she asked breathily, her voice catching as he laved the flesh he'd been suckling with his tongue.

He pulled back just enough to lock his eyes onto hers, his voice low. "It's very dangerous. It's always been dangerous." His open palms rose higher and skimmed up over her chest, the only barrier between them a scrap of white satin and lace, and Rose felt her legs quiver as a shot of electricity pulsed through her body. His hands moved up to frame her face. "It means you own a part of my soul."

"Just as you own mine," Rose rasped, drawing his head down and crashing her lips to his.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N **Like chapter 8, I've written two versions of this chapter to give the option of more or less detail depending on preference. I've edited this one down substantially, and though it's not explicit it's still bordering on M, so I've upped the story rating to be safe. The complete unedited version can again be found on the site _A Teaspoon and an Open Mind_ for those who prefer to read the full chapter.

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><p><strong>Chapter 34 <strong>

Silver moonlight cast long shadows across the airy bedroom and illuminated the couple within in a muted glow. A symphony of soft sounds carried through the room and blended into a single sensual rhythm: the cadenced crash of the ocean waves breaking on the shore just beyond the open veranda, the soft, wordless sighs of pleasure passing between the two lovers lost in each other, and the accompanying sensual sound of lips joining and separating and joining again and again on a journey of rediscovery.

The Doctor finally broke free from the kiss that was rapidly consuming them both just long enough for each to breathe. He never ceased to be amazed at how Rose could drive him to such loss of control as he sought to pull air into his oxygen-starved lungs, his respiratory bypass having abandoned him the moment their lips met – such was the case whenever he let his desire for Rose overtake him. It was all-consuming; and he wouldn't want it any other way.

He pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes closed and his breath coming out in a ragged rhythm. It was impossible to hold anything back any longer. This needed full release. "I _need_ you, Rose. So much. All of you."

"_Yes_," she both consented and pleaded, sharing the same desperate need. Driven instinctively, her fingers left their resting place in the thick softness of his hair and slipped down to his temples. For a telepath, the sensitivity here was amplified, and his knees nearly weakened from Rose being the one to initiate that touch. He groaned at the contact, her fingers like conductors of electricity that sent the current rushing through every synapse. The joining each craved went beyond the physical. They needed once again the connection of their minds at the level they had once shared.

The Doctor let the last vestige of his control disintegrate into nothingness as the barriers between them were lowered, the innermost parts of himself offered up to her. He would not pour his mind into hers beyond what she could withstand, but she could now join with his once again and fill him to completion. The focus of their love for each other pouring forth and traveling between them was rapidly rekindling the essence of their bond. What Rose now felt in this moment of merging transcended any experience of having him in her mind previously these past weeks when he had been forced to hold back. Now, their link was reestablishing itself to the fullness they had once known; the fullness neither one could imagine in this moment how they had ever lived without for even a second.

Rose could see him now with the eye of her mind, could _feel_ him more powerfully than ever before. She focused on drawing closer to his radiant essence, pulled as if by a force of magnetism. As Rose's own essence drew closer to the fire and ice of his presence, she could sense a power, like a storm whirling on the surface of the ocean; yet she wasn't repelled by fear but wanted to run into the very eye of the storm where she instinctively knew there was protection.

The Doctor sensed her seeking to merge herself with him. He felt a desperation to draw her in and never separate as his presence sought to become one with hers.

Two souls melded in a brilliant burst of radiance as Rose gasped outwardly, and the Doctor pulled her closer, both within and without, murmuring against her temple in an ancient, melodious language that struck something deep inside her and resonated through her entire being. Bond mates were reunited, as they had once been, as they were meant to be.

Within Rose's mind, his own was suffusing through her like a soothing balm. The force of his mind unrestrained had broken her. The force of his love unrestrained was healing her. What was once shattered was beginning to mend. What had been lost was soon to be reclaimed.

Suddenly any distance at all between them was unbearable, almost painful. The Doctor needed to be connected to Rose in every way, nothing between them, flesh to flesh and soul to soul.

He could feel and see Rose's own desire for him flare, a surge of golden fire in his mind. An erotic groan left his throat and passed into hers, and Rose could feel his own powerful need for her pulse through her psyche.

It was so strong, so consuming that for a moment Rose had to struggle just to breathe. She turned her head to gulp in air as his lips dove to the side of her neck. The love, desire and fervency between them was dizzying. Rose wanted to slow it all down for a few seconds and just take in this moment. She pushed back lightly on the Doctor's chest, slowing his driven urgency. "Just...just slow down a second, yeah?" she murmured, pulling back as he followed, again pursuing her mouth, but she brought her hand up between their lips.

"Rose?" he questioned, his eyes opening halfway. It was so rare to hear him sound breathless and she relished it.

Rose stepped back just out of arm's reach. "I just...want to look at you like this." He briefly looked down at his disheveled self, then back up at her, the most adorable, dazed and blank expression on his face. His moment of cluelessness just made him that much sexier. He didn't even realize just how gorgeous he was like this. She raked her eyes up and down him. His hair was sticking up at gravity-defying angles, his skin was flushed, his tie askew and nearly undone, and his shirttails untucked. "You're just so_...gorgeous_," she breathed out.

As if to accentuate that statement, he lifted a brow as a slow, sexy smile stole across his lips. His dark eyes took an appreciative journey of their own down her body and his voice dropped to that low, husky timbre. "I think I'm meant to be telling _you_ that. Now come 'ere."

She squeaked in surprise as he swooped in on her in a flash, drawing her against him and catching her open mouth with his, but she eagerly caught back up with him to where they'd been seconds before.

As the passion escalated, what had begun taking place in Rose's mind as their bond reestablished was now intensifying. Rose began to see a blending of scenes playing out, both before her eyes and within her mind. Memories of their first time making love in this very place began to coalesce with this moment. That memory drove her desperate need for more. Rose was so consumed by him on every level that she didn't know if she was seeing his memory or her own.

Rose nearly drove him over the brink, but he managed enough control to lift her in his arms and carry her to the bed.

He placed Rose down as he sank with her into the mattress, lips never leaving hers. Simply kissing him, Rose decided as her tongue danced along his, was something she could do for a lifetime. His mouth was deliciously cool against her feverish tongue, his heady taste like spiced honey. Rose briefly wondered if he always possessed such an ability to set her ablaze. Then a fiery memory of their passion again flashed through her mind. _Yes_, he did.

It was almost too much. This, coupled with the past memories of their passion now playing out before her felt like a double inferno coursing through her veins. It was as if he was everywhere at once – touching every part of her body and mind.

"Is...is that you?" she broke the kiss long enough to gasp. The memories became starkly-vivid and almost overwhelming, her whole body shuddering with a crashing wave of love and desire. "Are you showing me?"

He kissed her soundly, and with a final, long, looping sweep of his tongue, he pulled back, breathing hard, his chest heaving as he spoke. "No, Rose. You're showing me."

"I'm remembering...," she whispered breathily as the realization of what was happening became vibrantly clear. It wasn't just a flash here and there as it was moments before; entire events were now returning to her. Rose could see the two of them both kneeling face to face in the fading glow of sunset on the beach just beyond this room as the scene played out in her mind:

_The Doctor's eyes were intense, burning into hers, as at last he spoke the words he had brought her here to ask. "Rose, would you accept me as your Bond Mate?"_

"_This is the Time Lord equivalent of a proposal, isn't it?" she asked breathlessly._

_His voice was solemn. "Yes." _

She could hear and see him pledging his love, giving her his soul. "...I'm remembering _us_."

The Doctor stole the last of her words with his lips. He wanted to cry and simultaneously shout. Rose had come back to him. He couldn't hold himself back. He felt like a starving man finally given sustenance. His mind had once again become one with hers as their bodies were following suit. He broke free from her mouth, whispering her name in English then Gallifreyan as he lapsed into his native tongue while descending down her body, his lips setting each nerve ending on fire. He didn't stop until he reached her womb. He slowed then, and showered attention on the place where their child lay within, brushing feather-light kisses across the soft skin of her belly.

"I love you," he whispered into her skin. "So much. Both of you."

Rose nearly wept. She loved him beyond expression, and she _remembered_ that love. Rose stroked her fingers through his hair, then clutched tightly as his lips dipped lower. She was beyond caring if she sounded desperate. Foreplay had its merits, but right now she just _needed_ him. "Please. I...I need you...now. Right now."

The Doctor groaned at her words. Barring extreme circumstances like the ones of these past few weeks, the Doctor made a mental note somewhere in his currently-muddled brain _never_ again to go this long without making love to his wife. The distance between them had nearly been his undoing.

Her eyes had squeezed shut but she forced them back open, and found his were so intense, so searing that Rose thought she might lose all control then and there simply from his scorching gaze.

And she remembered. She remembered all the times he looked at her with such indescribable passion, made love to her in rapturous ecstasy. What had been steadily building reached the breaking point. The final memories returned and she knew it all.

In that moment Rose looked into his eyes and knew it all. Janyeer, the night the baby was conceived, the explosive moment they found out, the hurt that followed, how he drove her to tears of despair and to question his very love. She remembered. It all came washing over her in one final surge.

The Doctor could feel it, could see it in her eyes and within her mind. She knew. She knew it all and he felt shame.

Words of anger, spoken in fear and pain came resonating back like rolling thunder.

"_You believe that if Rose is physically alright then us having a child together could actually be something __**good?**__"_

"_I've been working to save lives while you have been working to __**destroy**__ mine."_

And Rose's question to him in the midst of it that choked the air out of his throat every time he allowed himself to remember:

"_Would you be happier if I lost this baby?" _

He clenched his eyes shut and buried his face in the side of her neck. "I'm sorry," he repeated over and over again in a broken voice. "I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry."

"Shhh," she soothed him, stroking up his back and across his shoulders. She had no doubts of his love – for her or their child. "That's past now. That's over. What matters is _now_." Rose took his head in her hands and lifted his face to look at her. "I love you."

Tears brimmed in the Doctor's eyes as he exhaled shakily. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve this. "Rose, I...I can't. I d-don't..."

He moved away but Rose rolled to his side, shushing him with her fingers on his lips, then cupped his jaw. "Do you believe I love you?"

He might not feel he deserved it in this moment, but he believed it. His shining, sorrowful eyes locked on hers as he whispered. "Yes."

"Loving someone _only_ if they never make mistakes, never get scared, never do things they regret – that isn't love at all. Love is unconditional and it forgives," she answered with finality.

Any further refute he might have had was silenced with a searing kiss. "I love you," she whispered once more as her lips brushed his jaw, his neck, down his chest, across his abdomen. "I love you."

He wasn't about to let this just be about him. Any pleasure she gave him would be returned in equal measure as his hands went about caressing every inch of flesh he could reach and he repeated his love for her again and again. Now that he was able to speak the words again, knowing without any doubt she felt it too, he couldn't stop. Those words had been absent from his tongue for far too long.

The moment their bodies and souls melded as one, wordless declarations of love, apology and forgiveness were given and received as they reclaimed what had been lost. It was beautiful and heartbreaking and glorious and everything love should be.

-:-:-:-

Both utterly sated, Rose lay with her head pillowed against the Doctor, lazily swirling her fingers through the soft hair of his chest as she dipped her face down, placing a light kiss over his right heart, still thrumming hard. The Doctor tilted her chin with his hand to look up into his eyes.

"I missed you," he whispered, feeling a peace within his mind that had been absent. "I missed you so, so much. And Rose, I...I'm s–"

Rose placed her fingers over his lips. "No more apologies," she gently admonished. "There's nothing more to forgive."

He smiled, so gently that her heart melted. "I love you, Rose."

She kissed his shoulder, up to his jaw, then his lips. "I love you," she whispered back, then cuddled into his side, drawing a knee up over his waist.

They lay in silence for several minutes, their hearts beating in harmony. The Doctor held her close with one arm while the other hand stroked languidly down her back, then up, repeating the sensual rhythm.

The Doctor's mind was journeying to thoughts he once never imagined would have been his.

His low, gravelly voice rumbling in his chest beneath her ear broke the dreamy silence. "Do you think..." He paused and drew a breath, startling his own self with what he was about to say. "Do you think you might want to do this again sometime?"

Rose tilted her head to look at him, resting her chin on his chest. She lifted a seductive brow. "Sex with you? I think that is highly within the realm of possibility," she purred.

He let out a small laugh, jiggling her. "That's not exactly what I meant. Though happily it _does_ involve that, too." His eyes were suddenly more vulnerable and stripped bare than perhaps she had ever seen them. He lifted his hand and brushed his fingers through her hair again and again because he was too anxious to keep still. Some part of him had to be moving. If he were vertical he would have been pacing. The vulnerability in his voice matched that within his eyes. "Would you ever want to have another baby with me again?"

Rose stared at him, stunned. This was the last thing she ever expected to hear. She knew he had come to terms with this pregnancy, and she also knew with her reproductive physiology having been altered on Janyeer that more children were theoretically possible for them, but she never expected it to be something he would willingly desire again.

"Of course, there's plenty of time to think about it," he added, taking up the silence and falling into that nervous babbling mode. "It'll be a year before this little one's even ready for the world. And then I'm sure you'd want some time...between...if you even wanted at all, that is...and..."

"You would really want that?" Her voice was barely a whisper, but enough to gain his full attention.

He swallowed hard and nodded. "Creating life with you, Rose...there's nothing more incredible in the entire universe."

She shook her head slightly as if to clear it and laughed in astonishment. "I didn't think you'd ever..." She closed her eyes and inhaled slowly before looking back up at him and breathing out. "Yeah. I think I might want to do this again."

They both just stared at each other before simultaneously breaking out into laughter. The Doctor drew her up to him for a thorough kiss.

Rose snuggled back into his chest. "Though I might change my mind once I reach somewhere around the eleven-month mark when I haven't even been able to see my feet for an eternity," she added lightly. "Best not bring it up again at that point, yeah?"

His chest vibrated as he chuckled, overflowing freely with joy and love. He drew Rose closer to him, never wanting to let go. And he never would. Whether he was holding her in his arms tonight or holding her in his hearts a thousand years from this night one thing was certain: throughout all of Time he would never let her go.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N **Apologies in advance for MORE angst being thrown at these two. It's a short chapter, but I really didn't want to make this one any longer than it is. :/ It's necessary for what comes next, though.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Chapter 35<span>**

Rose lay awake in the stillness of the predawn hours, silent tears streaming down her cheeks as a dark thought assaulted her mind: This night would be one to forever haunt their lives. The unthinkable was both sudden and agonizingly slow as it stole from them that which was most precious. Why couldn't this have happened sooner, within the first days of conception, if it had to happen at all? she agonized. Maybe if neither had been given the chance to even know there had been a precious life inside of her then death would not have been able to shred their hearts in such a way.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed – maybe two hours since this nightmare slowly began. The first sign was that she had felt restless and unable to sleep. Something had been off. Something had been wrong, and just when everything should _finally_ be feeling right. She had gone from feeling cold, to feeling clammy, and now her temperature had suddenly spiked and was steadily increasing. A slight feeling of nausea had taken hold, but not the usual feeling that would come on strong and then pass. This was different. Following the nausea came the pain. A pain she had tried to ignore, but it increased to the point that it could not be denied. It was an intense dragging pain, low and deep in her womb.

Rose had never been pregnant before, and thus never had a miscarriage before to experience the signs; but she knew exactly what this was no matter how hard her body might be trying to fight it.

She was losing the baby.

For the first time in her life Rose wanted to die. She wanted endless sleep to claim her so she wouldn't have to look into the eyes of the Doctor as he shattered. This would break him, as it was breaking her. She would need to be strong for him, though; just as she knew he would be for her. Together they _would_ make it through this, but why must this be something they should even have to endure? Hadn't they been through enough?

For a few brief moments of time it had been perfect. Maybe that just made this all the more cruel. For a moment there had been peace for them after such struggle. This night had begun as one filled with such love and joy – a time of regaining, not losing. The Doctor had gotten out of bed that night long enough to slip on a pair of pajama bottoms and dress Rose in something warm as well. With the heat of their passion having faded to sated tranquility, the Doctor didn't want her getting chilled again. After tenderly dressing her and making her feel as adored in the process as much as he had when the task was reversed, he then climbed back into bed and spooned behind her, holding her protectively, lovingly to his chest. If they could have simply lived in that moment and not gone forward this end would not have come. Such were the thoughts tormenting Rose on this night.

The black thoughts ceaselessly tortured her soul as Rose lay there now, the Doctor's front molded to her back with his arm draped over her waist and his hand resting protectively on her belly, as if shielding their child from all harm, yet Rose knew even he couldn't stop this. She could tell he was asleep by his slow, rhythmic breaths puffing gently against the back of her neck. Rose had wondered how much sleep he'd gotten through all this and imagined this was probably the first night of soothing rest he'd had in quite some time. But as this night crept on and he slumbered in peace, loss was sweeping in on them.

As her symptoms escalated and the reality of what was happening became painfully clear, Rose knew she should wake the Doctor, but she just could not. An irrational and fearful thought told her that if she said nothing and didn't voice this then it wouldn't be true. If she lay here like this in silence, she was still pregnant. If she acknowledged this then the loss would become real.

She didn't want the Doctor to experience even a fraction of this pain with her because she knew he would relive it for an eternity. Focusing on her love for him and channeling it between them so that in his dreams he would be at peace, she had then shut her own agony away behind mental doors, anguishing alone. She could do that much for him at least. Give him a few more brief moments of peace before that was taken from him, too.

Hot, cruel tears stung her eyes and Rose choked back a sob. They both knew this was a very real risk. The Doctor had cautioned right at the beginning that her body might not be able to sustain this pregnancy. But he had been keeping her so closely monitored, and aside from the battling of internal temperature differences there had been no sign that her body was rejecting the baby. That _was_ the sign, though. That was the beginning of this struggle she was now losing. Her body simply couldn't cope with the differences.

Rose felt as if she had failed. She had failed the Doctor and failed their child. Maybe if she had been stronger or confined herself to bed or let the Doctor keep her in the infirmary 24/7. The if-only's pummeled her mind, but nothing could reverse what was happening now.

Sorrow consumed her and crushed in so heavily until it was a struggle to even breathe. The Doctor was still asleep behind her, and thinking of what this loss would mean to him shattered her heart. He had gone to sleep so full of happiness and contentment for once in his long life. He had experienced so much loss and grief, and Rose _never_ wanted to be a source of more grief for him. Not ever. Yet she was. Another sob bubbled up in her constricted throat as she thought of his now-heartrending confession of wanting more children with her. She could never give him that.

The dull, foreboding ache became a sharp pain, and Rose gasped, rolling clear of the Doctor's slumbering embrace.

He stirred, and Rose could no longer deny this. The Doctor opened his eyes, bleary only for a second as he quickly adjusted to the dim light. He sat up an instant later as he saw Rose doubled over on the bed, rocking slightly as she clutched her middle.

Strong arms encircled her from behind. "Rose, love, what's wrong? What is it?"

Rose shook her head side to side, her face contorted in pain and tears streaking down her cheeks. "The baby," she gasped sharply, her breath hitching in pain – both in her body and in her soul. "I...I'm sorry...I'm sorry!"

In that instant, the Doctor felt the double-edged blade of terror mingled with grief slice coldly through his hearts. This could not be happening. "Shhh, shhh, shhh. It's okay, Rose. You're going to be alright." His words did nothing to reassure either of them. Both knew what this meant. The Doctor felt a piece of his soul being wrenched from him. He stumbled from the bed to find the sonic. He tore it out of the pocket of his discarded jacket still lying on the floor and spun back towards Rose. He scanned her, the air leaving his lungs in a rush as he read the results. He moved back onto the bed and his arms were back around her in an instant, cradling her against him. The scan confirmed the worst. She was losing the baby. Its life signs were weak, already fading.

Rose was now drenched in sweat, beads of perspiration glistening on her face in the moonlight. Her skin was flushed and the sheet beneath her now stained crimson with the seeping of blood. The image singed into his mind and screamed of death. "You're burning up," he murmured hoarsely, sweeping damp tendrils of hair from her face. "Rose, I need to get you into the TARDIS. I need to move you, now. Right now."

Rose convulsed in pain, curling into a tight ball and rolling free of his embrace, clutching her knees to her chest. "Th-there's nothing you can do!"

His voice was strained, his jaw clenched as painfully tight as his hearts. He didn't want her to hear his terror, but it was there, cracking through his voice. "Yes, there is. Just let me lift you so I can get you there. Please, Rose! Right now." In the position Rose was in he couldn't move her without dragging her.

Rose shook her head rapidly, speaking the dark truth neither wanted to acknowledge. "You c-can't save the baby."

"But I can save you!" he cried, his own voice shattering as tears of desperation broke free.

"'M sorry," Rose murmured again, glassy eyes falling shut as she came closer to losing coherency.

"No. Don't say that! You have _nothing_ to be sorry for, Rose. This isn't your fault." The Doctor's mind was racing. This was not a typical miscarriage any more than this had been a typical pregnancy. Her body was fighting a war and the battle was claiming her, too. The Doctor lunged forward to lift her any way that he could, but Rose stopped him with a sudden burst of strength.

"No! G-get back! Just stay back!" she entreated desperately, pushing against his chest with her palms. She didn't understand it, but something within instinctively said he needed to be clear of her.

He stumbled back only briefly before scooting closer again and reaching for her. "Rose, please! I have to–"

His words stopped short as Rose fell onto her back, her body going rigid. Her teeth were clenched and her eyes squeezed shut in pain as a faint golden glow began to emanate from within her womb and spread outward. It intensified until the Doctor had to shield his eyes, turning his head as Rose screamed and her body ignited and burned, golden fire enveloping her.

Then it faded, and the only light to be seen was that of the moon filtering in through the shadowy room. The Doctor lowered his arm from his eyes and looked down at Rose, unconscious on the bed. He staggered forward across the bed on his knees. With a shaking hand he reached for the side of her neck and felt for a pulse of life. It was faint but there. With his hearts in his throat and his mind a whirlwind, he lifted Rose in his arms and carried her to the TARDIS.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N **And here it is. This was alluded to in chapters 25 & 28 of _Falling Slowly_ and the follow-up one-shot _Impossible Things_, so after all of the hinting/teasing I'm finally making good on the follow-through. We're nearly there now! Just one chapter remaining.

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><p><strong><span>Chapter 36<span>**

When Rose finally stirred and began to wake, awareness of her surroundings came slowly. She was left feeling groggy and disoriented. Her dry tongue felt like it was stuck to the roof of her mouth and she was so weak it took effort just to open her eyes. As she did, the Doctor's face came into blurry focus. Rose blinked several times in an attempt to clear the haze. She was back in their bedroom on the TARDIS, and the Doctor sat beside her on the bed. One hand was cradling hers and the other was stroking her hair.

"Hello," he whispered gently.

A heavy cloud of confusion still had her thoughts in disarray. Rose opened her mouth and tried to speak but couldn't. The Doctor released her hand and reached for a cup of water beside the bed, then brought it to her lips, his other hand going behind her head to help lift it. Rose wanted to down the whole glass in one sip. "Easy, easy. Just small sips," he advised as she slowed her pace. "That's it."

He pulled the glass back and eased her head back down, then took her hand again in his. Questioning eyes were intently studying hers. "How are you feeling?"

"I..." Suddenly, the horrible, crushing memory came flooding back as her hand pulled from his and went to her abdomen. "The baby! Is t-the baby...?" Her eyes on his were frantic and quickly filling with tears.

The Doctor placed both his hands over hers as he spoke in a soothing tone. "The baby is fine, Rose. Just fine. You both are. I promise."

"No," she nearly choked. "It can't be. I..."

The Doctor briefly squeezed his eyes shut. The image of Rose convulsing in pain, already losing blood as their child was mere seconds from death was not something he could easily block from his memory. Maybe neither of them ever could. But the Doctor had also known even in the midst of it that whatever came, he and Rose would somehow make it through it together, as they had through any challenge or trial they'd faced. What he'd never imagined, though, was the outcome in all this that left him currently and quite thoroughly astounded.

The Doctor wondered if Rose even remembered those last few moments before she'd lost consciousness. "Do you remember what happened?" he asked softly, his thumbs stroking across the tops of her hands.

Rose remembered what she desperately wished she could forget. But all she remembered at the end was feeling like she was burning alive from the inside out. She shook her head weakly. "What happened?"

The Doctor drew a shaky breath, then exhaled something like a sob or a laugh – maybe both. "The baby. The baby, it...it regenerated inside you, Rose."

Rose's tear-filled eyes went wide with disbelief. "But...how? How could that even...? I thought that being part human, that wasn't even _possible_."

"I didn't think it _was_ possible. But apparently I forgot to tell that to our child." This time there was a definite laugh in his voice, but tears in his eyes to accompany it as he then went on to explain. "The contrasting human and Time Lord DNA were literally warring against each other inside you, but it seems the Time Lord physiology won out. It was the only way the baby could survive, and it was catalyzed, as all regenerations are, as...death became imminent."

A chill ran through her as Rose thought of how close she'd come to losing their child, but she was left in utter astonishment at what this meant. She'd just gone from one extreme to the next in emotion. "So the baby is...is _okay_. And...fully Time Lord now?"

His eyes momentarily lingered on her belly. "The baby is still part human, but the Time Lord genes are dominant now." The Doctor placed one hand on the side of her face and gazed intently into her eyes. "That's not all that happened, Rose." He squeezed her other hand with his. He was still trying to wrap his own spinning head around this. "You've been changed by this as well."

Rose was silent for a moment, her voice a little unsteady when she finally did speak. "H-how do you mean?"

"The connection between a mother and child during pregnancy is the closest link two living beings can possibly share. During pregnancy you and the baby share everything. Nutrients, blood supply, oxygen – what affects you affects the baby, and vice versa. The two of you are connected on every physical level, and the baby's Time Lord DNA within you had been affecting you, changing you, like what happened with your drop in temperature to accommodate the baby's needs. Those contrasting genetics were warring against yours, but not to harm you. It was to adapt the baby's environment in order to keep it safe. And then, with the regeneration process taking place _inside_ you, with the two of you sharing that connection, it affected you both. It not only stabilized the baby but stabilized its environment, making you compatible for carrying this child."

Rose took several moments to process what he was saying. "Compatible. So...so does that mean...I'll have some sort of altered Time Lord traits until I give birth? Like...my temperature will just naturally be lower until the baby's born without it being a problem?"

He smiled slowly, but the movement was unsteady as his chin quivered with emotion. Every test and scan he'd performed since carrying Rose back into the TARDIS had confirmed this, but he could still scarcely believe it. "Yes and no. You have undergone some biological alterations, but those changes in you won't simply disappear once the baby has been born. The changes that have taken place are permanent."

"What...what kind of changes exactly?" Rose stammered, trying to grasp just what this could mean.

"You're still human," he assured her. "But with distinct alterations to your cellular structure." He spoke slowly, measuring her reaction within her eyes as he grasped both her hands. "Rose, do you remember how I once told you that I don't age?"

Rose swallowed, her disbelief mounting. "Are you trying to say I _won't_ age?"

He squeezed her hands. "You will, but in analyzing your cellular structure now, it's clear the process has been markedly slowed, much the same way the baby's will be once our child reaches adulthood."

"H-how long?" she asked haltingly, her mind desperately trying to catch up and process this.

He swallowed hard, still grappling with the truth of this himself. "Many more decades than you would have otherwise had. Or...perhaps longer than decades. Perhaps even about as long as I might have left."

Rose opened her mouth to respond, but nothing managed to come so she closed it then attempted again. "Oh, p-perhaps is good. Very good. Perhaps is...is–"

"Perhaps is _brilliant_!" the Doctor cut in, no longer able to hold back as he dipped his head to press his lips to hers.

Rose thought her heart might burst from the sheer magnitude of _joy_ suddenly overtaking her. A dull, perpetual ache had taken up residence in her chest and was one she'd simply learned to live with. It was a pain that throbbed every time she thought ahead to the day the Doctor would have to carry on alone, as he always eventually did. She died for him a little inside each time she would catch a glimpse of that haunting look of loss in his eyes. There were times he would look at her and Rose knew he was numbering their days, seeing the hands on the clock winding down; times when he would touch her and Rose knew he was cataloging every facet of her being, committing to memory what one day would only live in remembrance. But that pain she felt associated with those moments was melting away, and the joy filling its place was telling her that the pain was never meant to be permanent. If they had the courage to love no matter the sacrifice then it would also bring reward. Each second they had together was their reward, and now one that would endure.

Rose could taste the saltiness of his tears mingled in the kiss, and it was the most beautiful kiss they'd yet shared. For once in the Doctor's life his tears were not of heartbreak. This was joy set free. She clung to him and pulled him closer, her own tears cascading down her cheeks.

The Doctor had seen this – at least a glimpse of this possibility – starting the night he first bonded with Rose and gave himself fully to her. He had seen the faintest hint of a timeline – a timeline which showed Rose at his side throughout his life. But he had scarcely let himself hold to the hope that it could be true. He hadn't known how it could _possibly_ be true, so refusing to believe at all was easier than losing that hope.

Rose had seen glimpses of that timeline, too. She didn't understand it, and like him, didn't know how it could be possible. She thought it must simply be a deep longing they both had that manifested itself through their shared bond. Neither had once spoken of it to the other because neither wanted to stir up the pain associated with its false truth. Now that seemingly unattainable possibility was before them as reality.

Past words spoken from a broken soul had now been abolished.

"_You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone. That's the curse of the Time Lords."_

This impossible miracle, their blessing, had broken the curse.

The Doctor held Rose tightly, both trying to grasp this and let it somehow settle in. It would undoubtedly take some time to even fully begin to realize it was actually true; yet somehow, accepting this also felt as natural as breathing air into their lungs, like the progression of where they had always been heading when the question of "_How long are you going to stay with me?" _and the answer of "_Forever" _had been spoken as fact. Their forever was a fact.

The Doctor gazed down at Rose in his arms, a soft, joyous smile crossing his face that quite possibly might become permanent. "What are you thinking?" he murmured against her cheek.

She pulled back enough to lift her eyes to his. "I...I don't even know quite what to think yet. It's just so..." She shook her head, laughing softly.

"Yeah," he agreed breathlessly, pulling her closer. "It is."

Rose's mind was still rushing trying to comprehend this turn of events when just the night before she thought their future held death. She had lived the anguish of thinking their child's life was ending. After a moment Rose tensed in his arms, reliving the dark moments when death had come so close to stealing their child. "And you're _sure_ the baby is okay? Perfectly okay?"

He placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her head to look at him. "Rose, our baby is perfect. I promise you." An idea came to him then as he softly stroked her cheek. "Do you want to see just how perfect our child is?"

She scooted around in his arms to face him. "Should we go to the infirmary and you can scan and–"

"No, I don't mean the infirmary," he corrected, smiling softly. "I was thinking of something else. I can show you..._here_." The Doctor brushed his fingers across her temple.

"In my mind?" she whispered.

He nodded. "Let me show you." The Doctor closed his eyes, and her own fell shut as she felt his gentle connection to her mind intensify. He was there, consciously within her, and then moving with purpose to an area so deep within that it normally lay outside her realm of awareness. He drew her with him as they delved deeper in and approached a tiny tendril of light. Still just a spark, but so vibrant, so thriving, so _alive_.

"_Can you feel it, Rose?" _his encompassing voice echoed around her.

Rose drew closer, moved deeper, and suddenly she _could_ feel it. The intricacy of every cell developing, every molecule engaged in creating life. Cells dividing again and again at a rapid pace, primary tissues being laid down that would give rise to all other organs, ectoderm fashioning what would become a perfect covering of skin – _everything_, down to a single eyelash was set to take perfect shape. A life was growing and thriving. The ordered precision of it all was astounding, miraculous. There were no words.

Neither was sure how much time passed as they remained enraptured in that moment before they both slowly withdrew, the miracle of life steadily carrying on within.

It took Rose a minute to open her eyes and look into the Doctor's, shining and focused deeply on hers. It took her several more seconds just to form words, but there was no way to articulate this. "That's...that's just..."

The Doctor's arms came around her and hugged her fiercely, his own voice nearly faltering but his words strong. "That's _life_, Rose. That's _our_ child. Alive and so, so perfect."

-:-:-:-

The sun was dipping low in the sky and casting a golden radiance across the shimmering ocean. Rose sat on a blanket spread out beneath her on the beach, her legs stretched out on the white powdery sand in front of her and her back leaning against the Doctor's chest as he cradled her from behind. His arms were twined around her waist, his hands protectively covering the tiny, miraculous life within.

It had been nearly twenty-four hours since the life-changing events of the day before, and the Doctor had finally agreed to let Rose leave the bed, though he insisted on carrying her down to the beach. Despite the changes that had taken place in her, he apparently was still not easing up in his protective concern for her or the baby. Rose didn't mind. She just loved him all the more for it.

Rose lifted her hands to rest over his, lightly tracing the length of his fingers with hers. Both were lost in thought and picturing their future. A future that stretched beyond what they once never would have let themselves imagine.

She suspected that future was something the Doctor could picture just a little more clearly because there was something he now knew that she didn't. Rose tilted her face up to look at him as he dipped his head and met her gaze.

"I think you have a confession to make," she stated in a mock-serious tone, but there was a sparkle in her eyes. "You're keeping something from me."

He frowned, then lifted his eyebrows in innocence. "Rose, I don't know what you–"

"You peeked," she said with a smirk. "I know you did. I can just tell."

He drew his brows together again, trying to work out her meaning. Then it dawned on him just what she was referring to.

He cleared his throat. "Ah."

"Yes. '_Ah.'_"

The Doctor looked sheepish as he shifted a little behind her. "I didn't intend to. Honestly. Not entirely. Well, I suppose it was somewhat purposeful. But I needed to check everything. _Everything_. Down to the last chromosome. I needed to be sure you and the baby were both absolutely, 100% alright."

Rose grinned slowly. "S'okay, Doctor. I wanted to find out early. I really did. _So_...?" she asked with enthusiasm, holding her breath in anticipation.

His eyes danced, a smile spreading from one side of his face to the other, crinkling his eyes at the corners. "It's a boy."

Rose felt her heart take a giant leap and soar. She honestly didn't have a preference one way or the other. As ridiculously cliché as it sounded she only cared about having a healthy baby, especially after all they'd been through. Now though, she could see it so clearly in her mind, and she utterly adored what she saw. A miniature version of the Doctor, all brown eyes and spiky hair, a penchant for trouble and manic enthusiasm for every facet of life around him.

Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones getting the better of her, but Rose felt like weeping in joy. "A boy," she whispered. "A _son_."

"A son," he repeated, sharing her awe. "_Our_ son."

Rose let her head fall back against his chest as this latest revelation fully sank in. They sat in quiet contemplation for several more minutes before Rose spoke up again.

"Have you thought about any names?" she asked softly, one arm lifting behind her to twine around the back of his neck.

The Doctor chuckled, his breath tickling the top of her head. "I honestly don't have a preference, Rose. I'm so much happier than any man should have a right to be. You could name him...Archibald and I wouldn't care." Rose looked up at him, her lips quirking. "Well, alright. I think I'd have to take exception with Archibald, but anything else is fine with me."

"Jack," she said simply, after a moment.

He looked down at her. "What?"

Rose shrugged. "Well, think about it. It just seems to fit. And not just for the reason you're thinking. We can't easily name him after you because, well, quite honestly your real name is a tongue-twister to pronounce." The Doctor snorted a laugh, then he started to speak up but she cut him off. "And we are _not_ calling him 'Doctor Junior.'" He frowned slightly at that, Rose having curtailed his budding plan, but he let her continue. "But John is the human name you always take when necessary, and we _could_ call him that, but that's just kind of ordinary, isn't it? But Jack can be short for John, so in a way it would still be like naming him after you. And _then_ there's my mum. It could be a male variation of Jackie. She'd just love that! And then of course there's Captain Jack. One of our best friends and someone who we know will always be there for our child." Rose grinned up at him, wide and beaming. "And just like him, this baby is an impossible thing. You always did like impossible."

The Doctor eased her back in his arms and down onto the blanket beneath them. He shook his head as he propped himself up on an elbow. "I don't like impossible." He bent forward and lifted her shirt, placing a soft kiss to her belly. He then leaned back and stretched out beside her on the blanket, moving slowly toward her lips, but paused just before touching to add, "I _love_ impossible."


	37. Epilogue

**A/N **And so we reach the end. I have been completely astounded by the response to this story, and I could never even _begin_ to express my thanks to each and every one who has given their reviews and encouragement throughout, letting me know you're there reading along. You're the ones who keep me writing and inspire me to continue!

Several have asked if there will be more stories set in this series, and while I'm certainly leaving the door open, there are no immediate plans just yet. I have another Ten/Rose story that's been in my head for the longest time and is demanding to finally be written, so that's where my focus will be next, but it's going to be at least a month or two until I have enough down to begin posting.

I hope to see you then!

* * *

><p><strong><span>Epilogue<span>**

_**Fifteen months later**_

_**Location: Janyeer, in the Capital City of Shenreen**_

The TARDIS arrived at its destination with a little more gentleness than had been the usual, previous custom. The Doctor had been practicing smoother materialization sequences now that there was a very special, tiny new passenger on board. The task successfully complete, he moved from the controls and rounded the console, extending his hand to Rose as she stood from the jump seat, cradling three-month-old baby Jack in her arms.

Jack Peter Tyler, or JP as he was sometimes called – a name that represented the four people Rose loved most. He may, in time, also choose a Gallifreyan name, but for now he already went by quite a few. The Oncoming Adorable, Mummy's precious Time Tot, and My Progeny the Prodigy (so called by the Doctor, though Rose promptly nipped that one in the bud. The Doctor had to admit it lacked a certain ring). But whatever his title, this little Human/Time Lord was completely and unequivocally adored.

He was without question an utterly adorable child – not just an opinion of his besotted parents. He had the Doctor's wide, exuberant eyes and Rose's beaming smile. His whisper-soft, light chestnut hair inherently defied gravity in the same way as the Doctor's. He was undeniably his father's son; but like the Doctor, that meant he was also completely enamored with Rose. His face would light up in that same way as the Doctor's each time she would come into his field of vision and his little eyes would settle on her. Rose had never known such a level of all-consuming love. She didn't think it was possible for the love she had for the Doctor to grow any stronger, but this child created between them only magnified the love she had for him ten-fold.

Though the pregnancy had not been an easy one – not only with the complications early on, but the fact that it stretched on for a twelve month duration – the baby was worth every bit of difficulty endured.

He was already such an alert, inquisitive child. It wouldn't have surprised Rose if he began talking in a month or two's time. Actually, the Doctor had predicted as much. He already had a distinctive little personality. For one thing, it was noticed that he was singly fascinated with the sonic screwdriver, his rapt attention upon the whirring device whenever it was in sight. The Doctor already had plans to make him his own once he was old enough. Rose had thus forewarned the Doctor to limit the settings to avoid instances of frequent, unexpected explosions. They would no doubt be having their share of those in time as it was, sonic screwdriver or no. If his father was any indication, this little version of the Doctor was going to be a handful and a half.

He was a joy and the greatest adventure the Doctor and Rose had yet had. He was a contented baby, though he rarely slept for long stretches at night. But then, neither did the Doctor, so father and son made the perfect pair. After feedings, the Doctor would often stay up with their wide-awake son so Rose could finish sleeping, though she would sometimes still wake later in the night to check on her two Time Lords. She would often find them in the console room, the Doctor lying on his back beneath the console, tinkering, with the baby lying contentedly on his chest while he told his son of Gallifrey, The Laws of Time, or how to one day pilot the TARDIS.

Rose had overheard one of their conversations the night before, the Doctor telling their son of the important trip they would be making today. Today was a significant day for all three, and so as this day had begun the baby was dressed in what had become known as his "special outfit," the one with the grinning duck on the front. It was the first purchase ever made for him. He'd just grown into it and so had worn it on the most recent trip to visit his grandparents and now, Uncle Tony. Jackie had become pregnant a month after Rose, and Rose found it terribly unfair that her mum gave birth two months _before_ her. But still, at least that meant the baby's uncle was at least a little bit older than him, by birth date, anyway. The two boys would no doubt be best mates growing up. Some days the Doctor still had to remind himself all this was true, and that his son would grow up having the family the Doctor had so often longed for himself but thought he could never again have.

Visiting his grandparents and uncle wasn't the only time the baby had donned his signature outfit. He'd also worn it on one of their previous visits to see his partial namesake, Uncle Jack. The ex-Time Agent loved the Doctor and Rose's child as much as he would his own son. There was a bond between all that was hard to put into words. He was the one person who the Doctor and Rose knew could literally be there for their son for the rest of his very long life. The visits were always a pleasure for all, even if the Doctor sometimes claimed he was cutting it short because he didn't want Jack corrupting his son. Jack laughingly took it in stride and told him he'd leave the corrupting in the Doctor's capable hands.

And so now the baby wore his special outfit again today. It somehow seemed fitting. This day had been a long time in coming, and it didn't come easily. There were bittersweet memories attached to this place. Bitter, because the Doctor still regretted his initial feelings of anger and pain. His fierce protectiveness of Rose would also keep him from ever fully brushing aside what was done to her against their knowledge – especially if things hadn't turned out as miraculously-well as they had. But he needed to make peace with the past once and for all and move on. That's why they were here today.

The three emerged from the TARDIS into the bright noonday sun of Janyeer, a mild breeze sweeping across the lush landscape. They stood atop the same hill they had arrived upon a little over a year before, overlooking the picturesque city of Shenreen nestled in the valley below.

With Rose cradling the baby in one arm, the Doctor and Rose walked hand-in-hand as they made their way down the hill and eventually through the stone-paved streets of the bustling city, a city now thriving with a population that would endure. They reached a home within Shenreen's central village, much like the villa the Doctor and Rose had occupied during their stay.

They'd contacted the hospital and had sent word ahead, and its occupant was now awaiting their arrival. They walked up the short pebbled path leading to the villa's front door, and a few moments after knocking, the door opened and Professor T'neer welcomed them inside.

Only a little over a year had passed since seeing him last, but for a people whose normal lifespan was markedly shorter than even that of humans, he had aged visibly. The wrinkles were etched a little more deeply, his hair almost completely gray, and his stride a little slower. Seeing the march of Time etched upon him, Rose was once again reminded of the pain the Doctor had felt knowing he would have to watch her age so much more rapidly than she now would. After experiencing so much anguish, life was for once kind to him, and that was a pain now vanquished. No one, of course, knew the number of their days, and neither the Doctor, Rose nor their child was immortal; but being forced to live on alone no longer seemed to be the Doctor's certain curse.

After stepping inside, they made their way into the main sitting room, T'neer bidding them to sit on the couch as he took the chair across from them. The Doctor held the baby for Rose as she sat, cradling him to his chest as the Doctor then took a seat beside her. The baby was blissfully unaware of the tension between the three adults in the room, happily engrossed in his own little world which at the moment consisted of the Doctor's tie. He thrummed one little arm happily against the Doctor's chest as he clutched the tie with his other tiny fist, sucking on the end of the fabric. That seemed to be one of his favorite activities when held in his father's arms, and Rose often teased that his son had inherited the Doctor's oral fixation.

As he sat down across from them, T'neer was feeling both uneasy and extremely relieved. The Doctor and Rose were two people he never expected to see again in his lifetime. Now, here they were with their child. He thought he would go to his grave always wondering, always regretting.

Once everyone was seated, he was the first to speak up and begin the conversation, tense as it might be. "I...I must say that I was very surprised to receive word through the hospital that you were coming. Pleased, though. Very, very pleased."

"And how are your people?" Rose asked.

"Thriving," he answered joyously. "The genetic mutation has been all but eradicated. Thanks, of course, to you, Doctor."

The Doctor simply nodded, rubbing circles on the baby's back as he propped the infant on his shoulder.

T'neer looked back to Rose. He knew this needed to be addressed and felt it was his responsibility to ask. "I see, much to my great happiness, that the child looks well – healthy. And how was...how was the pregnancy? Were there complications?"

"Yes," the Doctor finally spoke, "there were. Rose had numerous difficulties that endangered both her and the baby." The Doctor's voice softened marginally. "But her body adapted. _Changed_. The pregnancy brought about physiological changes to her. She nearly lost our child, but the baby's genetics caused her own to hybridize in order to sustain the pregnancy. Her cellular structure now has some Gallifreyan traits interwoven."

T'neer leaned back, absorbing this information. "I knew, of course, that there could be complications, but I did not expect changes of that nature. The truth is we had simply no idea the extent of the effects this could bring." He looked between the Doctor and Rose, his eyes remorseful. "I am so grateful to now have the chance to at least say how very sorr–"

"The way you carried out doing what you did was wrong," the Doctor cut in. He clutched the baby a little tighter in his arms, drawing a deep breath. "But my son is _not_ wrong. He could never be a mistake or something I regret. Never. Regardless of what happened in the past, I wouldn't trade one day with him for anything in the universe." He paused. "So I just want to...to say..."

"No, Doctor," T'neer implored. "There is no need to say anything. Please. I am just so relieved to know all is well now, for Rose and the child."

The two held each other's gaze for a quiet moment. A measure of peace seemed to be reached for both of them in that moment as the Doctor nodded silently.

Rose spoke up. "We were told by the hospital that Dr. Kedra passed away two months ago. I'm so sorry."

T'neer's voice was contrite. "Yes. It was the mutation. She had a less virulent strain which afforded her a much longer life than most. But still, what she had dedicated her life to fighting claimed her in the end. Yet she lived long enough to see the day of our people freed from its grip."

The Doctor and Rose were both a little taken back by this. They had not been aware that Kedra suffered from the mutation as well. Her focus seemed to only be for her people. She'd made no mention of her own plight. Yet why had she been claimed by a malady for which a cure had been found?

"But what about the cure?" the Doctor questioned, his brow deeply furrowed.

T'neer paused before answering. "She refused to partake of it. She didn't feel she had the right. The cure came from your hand, while what came from ours could have cost Rose her life and destroyed yours."

Rose dipped her eyes, and the Doctor felt as if someone had temporarily knocked the breath from him. His voice was strained as he spoke. "But it didn't."

T'neer sighed heavily, the weariness of life showing in his eyes. "We didn't know that. We had no sure way of knowing just how much danger Rose could have been in. But even if we had known she survived, our actions were still wrong."

The Doctor's jaw clenched tightly as he sat in silence. This had never been an easy issue between right and wrong. Yes, they had been deceptive and violated Rose and put her at great risk. They had also been trying to save lives. Did that justify it? No. Yet in the end, the child he and Rose now had was, as so many had tried to tell the Doctor in the beginning, one of the good things to come out of all this. Kedra and T'neer's deception and the position of risk they had knowingly placed Rose in was wrong. Yet if they had been forthcoming and left the decision in the Doctor and Rose's hands, the Doctor knew he never would have made a choice that involved risking Rose. And their son would not exist.

And so the complex thoughts without simple resolution continued to circle round and round through his mind. There were no perfect, easy answers in any of this, but that was so often the way in life.

T'neer leaned forward, catching the Doctor's unsettled gaze. "All actions have consequences, Doctor. That is a fact that can never be ignored. But her choice gave her peace at the end of her life. She was at peace, Doctor."

Despite T'neer's assurance that Kedra's decision brought her peace, the Doctor's nature led him to feel guilt. If he hadn't reacted as he had initially, would she have felt as guilty for her actions? Yet it was the risk they had placed on Rose's life that had haunted T'neer and Kedra. They would have felt that same guilt over risking her regardless of his reaction.

Whether the Doctor and Rose had come to this planet or not, Kedra would have succumbed to the terminal condition either way. Just as Rose had once told him, he wasn't the one who controlled life and death.

As the Doctor held his son in his arms, he knew Kedra's memory would still live on. Their child would in time come to learn what had taken place here, both the good and the bad. Despite its complexities he would know the full truth.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor and Rose spent the day with T'neer, and they knew when they bid him farewell it was probably the last time they would meet, yet the memory of this day would live on. It had brought needed resolution, understanding and peace to all three.

The Doctor and Rose returned to the TARDIS, leaving Janyeer behind yet always carrying it with them.

Rose sat down on the jump seat and lifted her arms to take the baby as the Doctor gently passed him to her, brushing a kiss to his forehead before placing him in her arms, then lingering to kiss Rose softly on the lips. He gazed down at his family and felt his hearts swell to bursting with love. It was moments like this when the flames of Gallifrey that burned in his soul were soothed just enough that he knew he could still go on. The radiance of love, hope and the continuation of life, even with its imperfections, chased away the darkness that had once consumed him.

The Doctor walked to the controls of the TARDIS, ready to set the coordinates for their next destination, an intrinsic factor of their lives that hadn't changed. Each day, each moment brought something new.

"So, what will it be?" he asked with that spark of life glinting in his eyes. "Forward or backwards?"

Rose smiled softly up at the Time Lord she loved. "Forward. Definitely forward."

_**End**_


End file.
